Today is Sunday, February 17 and there are only 267 days until my birthday, for those of you who are keeping track. Today we remember the birthdays of Arcangelo Corelli, William Cadbury and Zina Bethune. On this day in 1621 Miles Standish was chosen as the first commander of Plymouth colony, in 1817 Baltimore became the first US city to be lit by gas and in 1969 Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash recorded an album which was never released. In Sri Lanka it is Maha Shivaratree and in the US it is National Random Acts of Kindness Day and National Cabbage Day.

As you probably know, tomorrow is Presidents’ Day. Presidents Day is an American holiday celebrated on the third Monday in February. Originally established in 1885 in recognition of President George Washington, the holiday became popularly known as Presidents Day after it was moved as part of 1971’s Uniform Monday Holiday Act, an attempt to create more three-day weekends for the nation’s workers. While several states still have individual holidays honoring the birthdays of Washington, Abraham Lincoln and other figures, Presidents Day is now popularly viewed as a day to celebrate all U.S. presidents, past and present. An interesting note is that, while Lincoln was lumped into Presidents’ Day, many government offices also close for Lincoln’s Birthday. There is not much else I can tell you that I haven’t mentioned in the past, so we will just let it go at this point.

I would like to let you all know that this will be my last posting. I have been posting each week for over six years. In the past couple months it has become more difficult to come up with ideas that do not repeat things I have discussed before. Let’s face it. Commercials continue to be ridiculous, like the one with a turkey sitting by a pool, reading as a way of selling a medication to help you quit smoking. Perfume commercials will never make sense and do not get me going on commercials for insurance. All I can say is that a number of people should be glad that I do not have to approve their ideas before they are made into commercials.

I can only go on so many times about poor drivers before even I get tired of the subject. I have talked about the show on the boardwalks at the Jersey shore, but you really need to see it for yourself to appreciate it. The same goes for the adult women on the beaches who try to get by wearing the bathing suits they wore in the fifth grade. 

By now I think everyone knows where I stand on things. I have always tried to be apolitical and I have tried to avoid commenting on religion and other controversial topics. It has always been my purpose to give you a different view on things and to be entertaining in the process. I hope that I have achieved that goal.

My final fact tells us that over 550 hot dogs are eaten every second in the US. Prove it! These kinds of facts are given to us all the time, but there is no real way to prove the veracity of these statements. I could tell you that the word “like” is used 1789 times a day by the average teenager and most people would nod their heads and say, “Yeah, they use that word, like, a lot.” The point is that I made that up and no one has any way to prove it right or wrong, they just accept it as so. 

I thank those of you who have taken the time to read my offerings. I hope they gave you a chuckle or two. Have a good life!

Today is Sunday, February 10 and there are only 318 days until Christmas. It is never too early to start shopping, just make notes of where you put the stuff you buy. Today we remember the birthdays of Norbert van Flowers, Jimmy Durante and Sharon Stone. On this day in 1535 12 nude Anabaptists ran through Amsterdam streets, in 1863 PT Barnum staged the wedding of Tom Thumb and Mercy Lavinia Warren and in 1961 the Niagara Falls hydroelectric project began producing power. World-wide it is Boy Scout Day and in the US it is National Umbrella Day and National Cream Cheese Brownie Day.

Now, before you get all worked up, I will tell you who the Anabaptists are. Anabaptists believe that baptism is valid only when the candidate confesses his or her faith in Christ and wants to be baptized. This believer’s baptism is opposed to the baptism of infants, who are not able to make a conscious decision to be baptized. Anabaptists are those who are in a traditional line with the early Anabaptists of the 16th century. 

Most Anabaptists were pacifists who opposed war and the use of coercive measures to maintain the social order; they also refused to swear oaths, including those to civil authorities. For their teachings regarding baptism and for the apparent danger they posed to the political order, they were ubiquitously persecuted. They are considered the spiritual ancestors of modern Baptists, Mennonites and Quakers. As a religious sect, the Anabaptists were seen to practice unusual rituals and follow an eccentric set of beliefs. One story, for instance, purports that an Anabaptist prophet, claiming to have visited heaven, persuaded his followers to run naked through the streets of Amsterdam. This is the best I can do to find out why they ran naked. I would have thought that they would have waited until it was warmer, but that’s just me. Just something to talk about at your next church coffee hour.

The other night, I mentioned to Barbara that her hands were cold. I pointed out that the backs of her hands were colder than the palms. This made me wonder. Why is it called the back of your hand? Since that is the part that is seen more often, I would think it would be called the front of your hand. But even if we accept that it is the back of your hand, why isn’t the other side called the front of your hand? And furthermore, why is it called the palm? I am not sure what it should be called, but calling it the palm is odd.

That led me to wonder about another odd thing. You know when you whack your elbow on a door jamb or something, everyone says you hit your funny bone. I always wondered why it was called the funny bone. There is nothing funny about it. In my case it could be called the profanity bone. I thought it had something to do with the fact that it was by the humerus bone (get it?). As it turns out, it is called the funny bone because of the funny feeling you get after you hit it. More interesting is the fact that it is actually the ulnar nerve (not a bone), but runs near the ulna bone. The elbow joint is in relation to that nerve, hence the weird feeling when you whack it. Had enough? Me, too.

Recently we have been having a lot of utility work done in this area. My question is, what is the story with the police cars having to be there? The company doing the work places traffic cones and puts out signs warning you that they are working, so what is the purpose of the police car. There is always a police car there, but the police officer never actually does anything. As an example, they were getting ready to place new utility poles along a stretch of road near us.

 The company had put out signs and placed cones to direct traffic. Because of the work, in some areas, the road was down to one lane.  Cars would come along, but no one knew who was supposed to go and who was supposed to wait. It came down to whoever went first won the contest. What made it more interesting was when a car from both directions decided to go at the same time. A policeman was there watching the confusion, but he never actually did anything to help people understand what was happening. He just stood by his car, lights flashing and watched. I could do that job and I wouldn’t need a fancy uniform or a gun. I could go by the police station in the morning, get a car, go to the site, turn on the flashing lights and then stand around. If anyone needs me for that, let me know.

This week our fact tells us that the armadillo can be housebroken. What I would like to know is why anyone wanted to know if it could. Of course this opens up a whole new line of items to sell. We can have bumper stickers that say “I (heart) my armadillo” or “My armadillo is smarter than your honor student” and other clever things. You could buy an armadillo stick figure to go with your stick family on the back window of your car. The possibilities are endless. Another important issue is does an armadillo use a litter box or does it have to be walked?

Today is Sunday, February 3 and there are only 82 days until Arbor Day, so get ready to, in the words of Lady Bird Johnson, “Beautify America. Plant a tree, a shrub or a bush.” Today we remember the birthdays of Horace Greeley, Gertrude Stein and Nathan Lane. On this day in 1547 Russian czar Ivan IV married Anastasia Romanova, in 1815 the world’s first commercial cheese factory was established, in Switzerland, and in 1913 the 16^th Amendment, federal income tax, was ratified. In Japan it is the Bean Throwing Festival, in Paraguay it is Patron’s Day and in the US it is National Day the Music Died Day and National Carrot Cake Day.

First, some information about the month of February. It is the second and shortest month of the year. It is the first of five months to have a length of less than 31 days (the other four months that fall under this category are: April, June, September, and November), and the only month to have a length of less than 30 days, with the other seven months having 31 days. Historical names for February include the Old English terms Solmonath (mud month) and Kale-monath (named for cabbage). In Finnish, the month is called helmikuu, meaning "month of the pearl"; when snow melts on tree branches, it forms droplets, and as these freeze again, they are like pearls of ice.

The birth flowers for February are the violet, the common primrose and the Iris. The birthstone is the Amethyst. February is American Heart Month, Black History Month and National Bird-Feeding Month. That should give you something to talk about during the Super Bowl halftime today.

Recently, I heard someone use the phrase “to die for.”  I have to say that I am tired of that phrase.  Everything has become so good that it is to die for – dinners, desserts, drinks, clothing and so on.  What is it about us that we hear a phrase and then use it to death.  Another phrase that has become tiresome is when we describe something as being “spot on.”  What does that really mean?  “His use of garlic in that savory ice cream was spot on.”  “That editorial about the governor and his tactics was spot on.”  “I think the use of ruffles on that camo bikini was spot on.”  “Oh look,” said Jane, “I see Spot on the couch.”  If you think someone did something that was really good, why not just say so?  “I think the use of fresh tomato on that pizza was a great choice.”  Same number of syllables, just as easy to say and it actually means something.

Some time ago I took a job managing three inbound sales teams in a large call center.  One of the first things I did when I took over was to bring together my three team leaders to give them an idea of my managing style.  The one thing I stressed more than anything was that I did not want to hear the phrase “on the same page” used.  If we agreed on something then say so.  If we disagreed, we did not say we were on different pages, so let’s drop that phrase from our lexicology. It was just another over-used phrase that we could do without.

A phrase I hear used often is “that is in my wheelhouse.”  When I first heard it I assumed it had something to do with a person’s area of expertise or a particular skill.  I wondered where it came from and looked it up.  It apparently originated in the 1950’s in baseball.  Wheelhouse described a pitch that came across the plate in a spot where a batter could make solid contact.  The interesting part of this is that no one really seems to know why it was called a wheelhouse.  Nowadays it has left the baseball field and become the term for everything.  It is generally used by people who try to build themselves up.  What sounds more impressive – yes I can do that or yes that is in my wheelhouse?  For sure “in my wheelhouse” sounds more pompous.

I think the time has come for us to get back to basics.  Call things what they are.  If the chocolate mousse was delicious and you want to rub it on your body, say so.  Saying it is to die for makes me think you are allergic to chocolate.  If you think that the use of coffee in brownies really enhances the flavor, say so.  Spot on makes me think I splattered the batter on my shirt.  If you know how to do something, say so.  Saying it is in your wheelhouse makes me think you are a tugboat captain.  I hope we are all on the same page with this.

This week’s fact tells us that 1,525,000,000 miles of telephone wire are strung across the US.  Just think, all of that wire for about 150 senior citizens who refuse to get cell phones.