It is Sunday, March 26 and there are only 274 days until Christmas.  It’s time to start watching the seasonal movies that we love so much and never actually watch during the season.  Today we remember the birthdays of Elisabeth of Nassau, Betsy Perk and Curtis Sliwa.  On this day in 1804 the Territory of Orleans was organized into the Louisiana Purchase, in 1886 the first cremation in England was performed and in 1926 the first lip-reading tournament was held in America.  In Bangladesh it is Independence Day, in Lesotho it is Arbor Day, in Alaska it is Seward Day and in the US it is National Nougat Day and National Spinach Day.

I had the opportunity to be out and about this past week and there are several issues I want to address.  One of the things is skinny jeans.  Now understand that this is my opinion, but I do not think that skinny jeans look good on anyone.  If you are skinny enough to actually wear them, they make you look even skinnier and not in a good way.  Again that is just my opinion, but look at some of the people that wear them.   They put the jeans on and all they do is enhance the fact that the person has no legs to speak of.  

Now go to the flip side and put those jeans on someone who is not skinny, like myself.  If I wore skinny jeans there are a number of questions people would ask – is he kidding?  How did he get them on?  Does he have to go into the bathroom every so often to open them and let the blood run down to his feet?  What made him think they looked good?  I think we should stick with original fit or relaxed fit and be happy with that.  Why do we always have to take something and mess with it until we have hit ridiculous?

Another thing I noticed is something I have mentioned before.  Men going out wearing sweatshirts, gloves, caps - and shorts.  I realize that it is, according to the calendar, spring, but when the temperature is 35 and the wind is blowing at 25 to 30 mph, you might want to hold off on jumping into the spring wardrobe.  I saw one guy wearing a heavy jacket, hoodie sweatshirt, shorts and sandals.  Talk about confused!  What made it worse was he had his hair pulled up into a man bun.

And that brings me to my next topic – the man bun.  I have seen a number of men with them and I cannot help but wonder what the deal is.  How does a guy get up in the morning, take his long hair, pull it up into a bun on the top of his head, look at it and think it looks good?  Pull it back into a pony tail if you need to, but not into a ball on the top of your head.  If your hair looks that bad, wash it or cut it.  What makes it look stranger is that, generally, the thing is the size of a golf ball, so it isn’t like it is a long flowing head of hair.  It is just some long hair that could use some shampoo and a brush.  Okay, I have vented on style and am ready to move on.  

You may have guessed that I am not a big fan of many of today’s trends.  I have a hard time understanding why they are necessary.  The other evening I saw one that continues to puzzle me.  It has nothing to do with fashion, but is still strange.  I saw two women out walking and one was pushing a stroller.  They were older and at first I thought they were taking a grandchild for a walk.  As I got closer I realized that they had a dog in the stroller.  This is not the first time I have seen this and I cannot help but wonder what the deal is.

Generally, when you take a dog for a walk, there are only a couple reasons for it.  One reason is that the dog needs to go to the bathroom and rather than having to keep cleaning the rug, you take it out.  The other reason is that the animal has been cooped up in the house all day and you just want to give it some exercise and fresh air.  When you put the dog in a stroller, neither of those things is accomplished.  If you are pushing the dog in a stroller, how does it go to the bathroom?  Does it hold up a paw to let you know it has to go?  Do you hook up a leash, take it out, let it go and then back it goes into the stroller?  It might be getting some fresh air, but no exercise.  

I decided to investigate this a little further and found that there is a huge variety of pet strollers.  They range in price from as low as $20 to over $250.  You can get the All Terrain Extra Wide, the Folding Cart Carrier or one that allows your pet to “enjoy a leisurely promenade or a long hike” or one where “pets get the royal treatment” while you push them around.  They show a number of strollers where the owner is jogging while pushing the stroller.  Why can’t the dog run with you?  Or, why can’t you take the dog for a quick walk before you go jogging?  I would think that would be better than buying a stroller for $250.  But again that is just my opinion.

This week our fact tells us that there are 70 million sheep in New Zealand, where the human population is 4 million people.  New Zealand, where the men are men and the sheep are nervous.

It is Sunday, March 19 and there are only 71 days until Memorial Day, the unofficial start of summer.  Get that sun block out and get the grill ready.  Today we remember the birthdays of William Bradford, Wyatt Earp and Nakagawa Soen.  On this day in 721 BC the first lunar eclipse was recorded, in 1628 the Massachusetts colony was founded and in 1951 Herman Wouk’s “Caine Mutiny” was published.  In Australia it is Canberra Day, in Italy and Spain it is St Joseph Day and in the US it is National Chocolate Caramel Day and National Let’s Laugh Day.

I am off on one of my rants on commercials again.  I apologize, but there are certain things that just cannot be ignored.  One of the ads that always gets me is the one for wrinkle cream.  They talk about how great it is and how well it works and then they show a woman who can’t be more than 25 years old and we are supposed to believe that she needed wrinkle cream.  She probably doesn’t even know what a wrinkle is.  You want to show how well it works, use it on some 60 plus woman who spends her entire summer sitting on the beach and let me see a before and after comparison.

Another thing that gets me is clothing ads.  Not just TV commercials, but print ads as well.  They show all these slender men and women wearing the clothing.  The people are always smiling and having fun, even though in the commercials it is so fake looking and they do not seem to be … but I digress.  You want to sell clothing, show people of various ages, sizes and shapes wearing the outfits.  Let us see how they look after having worked all day or dealt with a two year old for an afternoon, not what some guy with a fake smile looks like throwing a beach ball while wearing a suit.

Another commercial I saw recently was for a car company trying to sell its mini-van using the convenience of being able to open the door by waving your foot under a sensor.  They show a guy loaded down with athletic equipment waving his foot.  The door opens and he puts everything in the car.  Then they show a guy, also loaded down with athletic equipment.  Unfortunately, he does not have one of those magic sensors and as he tries to open the door manually, he drops all the equipment.  This is where I have the issue.  The announcer claims that the game was lost because he did not get there in time.  But if you notice, when the equipment is dropped, it is baseball and soccer equipment.  Perhaps the game was lost because the guy had no idea where he was actually supposed to be going.

One other issue regarding this sensor and how wonderful it is to be able to actually open the door with your foot.  Here are my questions – how do you open the door without unlocking the car?  Can anyone come by and wave their foot and open your car?  If you need some kind of fob, what do you do if your hands are full and you cannot get to it?  If you just need to have the fob in the vicinity, what do you do if you leave the fob in the house?  Just wondering.

I have, on several occasions, made fun of the medication that uses two claw foot bathtubs as the closing advertising gimmick for their product.  I have always said that if you are going to sit in separate bathtubs, you don’t need their pill.  I was recently excited to see that I am not the only person who finds the two tubs incongruous.  In a recent cartoon in my daily paper, it shows a doctor talking to his patient.  He says, “I think it is important to note that the medication I’m about to prescribe only works if you get out of the one bathtub on the hill and climb into the other one.”  How weird is it to have a cartoon agree with your thinking?  There are those who would say that in my case it is completely appropriate.

I would also like to revisit an issue that I mentioned some time ago.  At the risk of sounding paranoid, or just crazy, I am still convinced that inanimate objects are out to get us (me).  I am sure if you think about it, you will remember times when such an object did something that it really could not have done.  As an example, I recently starting going through files and purging papers that I no longer needed.  When it came time to take out the garbage, I took my bag to the can with all those papers to get rid of them.  I got the bag open and ready for the garbage.  I picked up the trash can and positioned it for the dump.  I paused to make sure that everything was ready and then began to dump the trash. 

Simple right?  Pick up the can and dump it in the bag.  Except no.  just as I started to dump the trash, one side of the bag folded over and instead of the papers all going neatly into the bag, they spilled all over the floor.  So a simple task that should have taken 10 seconds ended up taking over a minute and required a fair amount of profanity.  Crazy?  Maybe.  But consider things that have happened to you that you know should not normally have happened.  Just be careful.  The inanimate object gremlins are everywhere.

This week our fact tells us that the Harthahorne City Ordinance, Section 363, states that it shall be unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.  I really do not have anything I can add to this.  I would; however, love to know the circumstances that led to the need for this ordinance.

Now go have a chocolate caramel and a good laugh.

It is Sunday, March 12 and there are only 176 days until Labor Day.  The back to school specials should be starting up in just a couple weeks.  Today we remember the birthdays of Giuliano de’ Medici, Clement Studebaker and Jane Delano.  On this day in 1789 the US Post Office was established, in 1884 Mississippi established the first US state college for women and in 1912 the Girl Guides (Girl Scouts) were founded in Savannah by Juliette Gordon Low.  In Mauritius it is Independence Day, in Gabon it is Renovation Day, world-wide it is Girl Scout Day and in the US it is National Plant a Flower Day and Daylight Saving Time starts.

Juliette Gordon Low envisioned an organization that would prepare girls to meet their world with courage, confidence, and character.  In 1912, in the midst of the Progressive Era—and at a time when women in the United States couldn’t yet vote—this nearly deaf 51-year-old sparked a worldwide movement inspiring girls to embrace, together, their individuality, strength, and intellect.

Juliette, affectionately known as “Daisy” by her family and close friends, gathered 18 girls in her hometown of Savannah, Georgia, to share what she had learned abroad about a new outdoor and educational program for youth, and with this, the Girl Scout Movement was born. Along with Juliette, these first Girl Scouts blazed trails and redefined what was possible for themselves and for girls everywhere.

They played basketball. They hiked, swam, and camped. They learned to read the world around them—for instance, by studying a foreign language and telling time by the stars. They shared a sense of curiosity and a belief that they could do anything.  But most importantly, just like Girl Scouts across the country and around the globe today, they offered a helping hand to those in need and worked together to improve their corner of the world.

That small gathering of girls Juliette Gordon Low hosted over a century ago has grown into a global movement in which all girls can see themselves reflected—and that today includes nearly 3 million Girl Scouts in 92 countries and more than 59 million alumnae, united across distance and decades by lifelong friendships, shared adventures, and the desire to do big things to make the world a better place.

Next, I want to spend just a few minutes discussing Daylight Saving Time and then we can close the trivia files for this week.  Daylight Saving Time was used, initially, by Germany during WW I in an effort to conserve coal.  It was adopted by other countries over time and in 1918 the US got on board.  Throughout the years, DST has been a favorite of retail, sports and tourism interests.  On the flip side, agricultural and evening entertainment people do not like it.  There has always been the claim that it saves energy, but that is heavily disputed.

When the US was debating the issue in the 1980’s, the official change was supported by companies like Clorox (parent of Kingsford Charcoal).  Idaho senators voted for it on the premise that, during DST, fast food restaurants sold more French fries, which are made from Idaho potatoes.  The interesting part of all this is that the idea was pushed, in the late 1890’s, by an entomologist.  He was a shift worker and the extra daylight would give him more leisure time to collect insects.  You now have two different topics with which to dazzle friends and neighbors at the barbecues that can be held during the extra daylight.

I have been pondering the plusses and minuses of being retired recently.  I have come to the conclusion that it is nice to not have to get up every morning and go to work.  It is especially nice when I get up and see that it is pouring rain or there is a blowing snow storm and realize that I can just have another cup of coffee and relax.  The down side is when I get up, have breakfast and realize that I have nothing to do – all day.  Sure, there are household chores to do, but really, how much dust and dirty laundry can one person generate?  I am even getting tired of going to the grocery store almost every day.

I have thought that I should have a hobby, but I realized that I am not interested in doing anything that involves a lot of effort and does not include coffee.  I wonder if there is any way to generate a business that includes drinking Starbucks and watching people, two of my favorite endeavors.  Maybe I could create an industry.  I could start a company called “I’m Watching” that would allow me to sit in malls, drink coffee and observe people.  I am not sure what I would be looking for or who I would tell about what I see, but those are details that I could work on.  I could also create a division of the company that could sit outside stores and watch salespeople to make sure they are being productive.

I always remember when I was in grammar school that the tattlers were the ones who reaped the rewards from teachers.  I was usually on the wrong end of all that, but now maybe I could turn it into a business.  My biggest issue would be whether I should keep the whole thing as my own company or franchise it.  I would have to set up a training program that would teach potential workers things like how to appear inconspicuous, how to watch without being noticed and how to nurse coffee for an hour while appearing casual.  This is all starting to sound like work.  I think I may just stay retired and deal with having nothing to do.  I think I will have a cup of coffee and ponder this.

Just a quick note – even though today is National Plant a Flower Day, if you live in my area of the country, you might want to wait until after the big storm comes through on Tuesday.

This week our fact tells us that it is impossible to eat 6 saltine crackers in under a minute without licking your lips.  Of course it is!  It takes longer than a minute to get the peanut butter on them.  For those of you who now feel compelled to prove this fact wrong, let me know how it works out.

It is Sunday, March 5. There are only 295 days until Christmas so start making those fruit cakes so that they have time to harden by the holiday.  Today we remember the birthdays of Antoine de la Mothe Cadillac, Elisha Harris and Leontine Kelly.  On this day in 1623, in Virginia, the first American temperance law was enacted, in 1836 Samuel Colt manufactured the first pistol, the 34-caliber “Texas” model and in 1923 Montana and Nevada became the first states to enact old age pension laws.  In Boston, MA it is Boston Massacre Day and in the US it is National Absinthe Day and National Cheese Doodle Day.

Let’s take a few minutes to pull out our useless information folder and fill it with some facts about the Boston Massacre.  As you may have surmised, it occurred on the evening of March 5, 1770.  Five civilians died as a result.  All of the victims, Crispus Attucks, Samuel Gray, James Caldwell, Samuel Maverick and Patrick Carr, were buried at the Granary Burying Ground in Boston.

There were two separate Boston massacre trials.  The trial of Captain Preston started eight months after the incident and the trial for the soldiers started about a month after the Captain’s ended. Preston and six of the soldiers were acquitted and two soldiers were found guilty of manslaughter.  One of the more famous engravings of the incident was one done by Paul Revere.  However, it is not certain that he was even present during the fatal accident even though his engraved depiction of the event was used as evidence in the trial to establish the locations of the bodies.

One final note, during the trials, under British law, the defendants were not allowed to speak on their own behalf.  This was because they had an interest in the case.  I am sure that you are now enlightened on the Boston Massacre and can happily put the useless information folder away.

I have spent time, lately, wondering what it is about being old that makes people feel like they do not have to show common courtesy to others.  I see examples of this on a regular basis.  Fortunately, most of the time it is in stores and malls and does not include vehicles that can cause severe bodily harm, but not always.  Much of it seems to take place in the grocery store.  I am not sure if that is because I am there a lot or because old people don’t pay as much attention there.

There are so many opportunities for me to get myself into trouble that, without too much effort, I could be banned from the store.  Of course, this problem goes back a ways.  There was one time, before we moved, that I was in a store and a woman had her cart partially blocking the aisle while she gazed at the items on a shelf.  I walked up to her and said, “You know if you turn your cart just a little more this way, you could block the aisle completely.”   She did not take constructive criticism very well … but I digress

I live in an area where there are several 55+ Adult communities.  As a result, there are a lot of 55+ adults (read senior citizens) that shop in the store that I go to.  For some reason those seniors do not feel it necessary to consider anyone else around them.  They walk along in the middle of the aisle, SLOWLY, looking at every item as if seeing it for the first time.  They do not consider the fact that there is anyone else in the store or in the row they are in.  They walk along, stop, leave their cart where it is and then walk back to look at something again.  

Yesterday, I went to the store to pick up a couple things I needed.  As I walked along, there was a woman in front of me who felt the need to stop and look at an item every few feet.  She was in the middle of the aisle and it was not possible to get by her.  Finally, she passed the area that I needed to get to and I was able to pick up what I needed.  I decided that I could be annoying , too, so I waited to see where she was going next, then I went around and got into the aisle ahead of her. As she came around the corner, I was in front of her and started doing the same thing she had been doing.  I could hear her, behind me, getting annoyed.  At one point I stopped, left my cart in the middle of the aisle and walked over to look at something.  She asked me if I could move my cart.  I told her that I could, but I didn’t.  Finally I went back to my cart and before I walked off I said, “Now you know what it was like being behind you.”  Then I walked off before she had a chance to respond.

The only thing that bothers me more are the people who ride around on those motorized carts.  I saw one guy riding the cart around, impatiently saying excuse me when he came up behind someone, without giving them the opportunity to move.  I was not aware that riding a motorized cart gave you permission to be rude.  There must be a label on the cart that tells you it is okay.  The worst was the person I saw who would drive into an aisle, stop his cart, get off and walk up and down the aisle getting what he needed and then getting back on the cart to go to the next aisle.  Someone needs to explain that those carts are for people who are disabled, not lazy.

This week our fact tells us that polar bears are the only mammal with hair on the soles of its feet.  I can’t help but wonder what the polar bears are doing.  When I was a kid we were told that certain actions would cause hair to grow on our palms.

Go have some cheese doodles and enjoy the day.