Today is Sunday, January 28 and there are only 157 days until the 4^th of July.  I will be in South Carolina in April if anyone needs fireworks.  Today we remember the birthdays of John Barclay, John Baskerville and John Fabian.  On this day in 1547 9 year-old Edward VI succeeded Henry VIII as king of England, in 1824 William Kneass became the third US chief engraver and in 1998 Michelangelo’s “Christ and the Woman of Samaria” sold for $7.4 million.  In Rwanda it is Democracy Day and in the US it is National Blueberry Pancake Day and National Kazoo Day.

The other night I was driving along and saw a dead skunk on the side of the road.  As I drove by, it became apparent that it was only recently deceased.  As a result I got to “enjoy” the skunk for several miles before its presence dissipated.  During that time I had to wonder why an animal like the skunk was created in the first place.  Can anyone tell me what the purpose of the skunk is?  I cannot see a reason for the creature.  Other than scurrying around at night, stinking up neighborhoods, spraying dogs (by the way the tomato juice remedy does not work, it simply gives you a dog that smells like skunk and tomato juice … but I digress) and getting hit by cars, there does not appear to be a reason for its existence.

It made me wonder about other animals.  Was the creator in a particularly funny mood when he/she created animals like the giraffe or the rhinoceros?  There are a number of critters whose purpose I question.  Aside from the skunk and the two previously mentioned animals, I also wonder about raccoons, alligators, hippos, manatees, aardvarks and several others.  One that always puzzled me is the anteater.  I know that it eats ants and termites, but if the ants and termites had not been created, we would not have needed something that would eat them, or ant traps, or ant killer, or Terminix.

Let’s be realistic.  There is no real need for the animals that I mentioned.  Most of them are not used as a source of food.  If we did not have alligators we would not have their leather for boots, belts, purses, etc., but then we wouldn’t miss those things because we wouldn’t know about them.  It’s not like a group of women would be sitting around, drinking cocktails, saying, “I wish there were alligators.  I would really love to have some nice new heels and matching purse.”  The next time you are sitting around with nothing else on your mind, consider the number of animals that you would never miss if they did not exist.

I heard recently that there is a move afoot here in my state to raise the speed limit to 75 MPH.  Are you kidding?!?  My first question is why?  Where does anyone have to go that they need to go 75 to get there?  It would be a lot safer to simply leave your house a little earlier.  I would rather have someone say, “Bill is always late,” than have them say, “Doesn’t he look natural.”  Besides, most of the people on the road are doing 75 now and the limit is 65.  If it is raised to 75, they will all do 85.  The only benefit I can see to raising the limit would be that the accident pictures on the news will be far more spectacular with the higher limit.

My older grandson got his driving permit recently.  I am quite proud of him.  His driving instructor said he did very well with his first driving experiences, including driving 65 on the interstate.  Having said that, I do not know if I am prepared to have a grandson old enough to be driving.  If he is that old then I must be a lot older than I appear to be in my mind.  In my head I still have a full head of hair, don’t have to get up during the night to use the bathroom, don’t need to take a nap in the afternoon and can get up off the couch without grunting and groaning.

I go into the bathroom and look in the mirror and wonder, “Who is this old guy that keeps showing up when I am trying to shave?”  I like to think that age is just a number and, to some extent, it is.  The problem is that the number brings things with it that weren’t here before.  I didn’t always have to say, “What?” when someone was talking to me.  My father always claimed that his hearing was perfect.  The problem was that we all mumbled.  I find that people around me are mumbling more lately.  When I am working on a project I can feel that number affecting me.  If I have to get down on the floor to do something, I always make sure there is something sturdy nearby to lean on when I have to get back up.  Usually, the noise I make getting up causes Barbara to ask if I am okay.  I suppose getting older has its drawbacks, but it sure beats the alternative.

This week our fact tells us that dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles from the flush.  I imagine it would help to put the lid down.  Just to be safe, I keep mine in a drawer.

Today is Sunday, January 21 and there are only 70 days until Easter.  Start planning your Easter Egg Hunt and hiding the eggs now.  Today we remember the birthdays of Manuel Garcia, Alfred Henry Ackley and Neely Bruce.  On this day in 1799 Edward Jenner’s smallpox vaccination was introduced, in 1853 the envelope-folding machine was patented by Russell Hawes and in 1998 Pope John Paul II visited Cuba.  In the Dominican Republic it is Nuestra Senora de Altagracia Day and in the US it is National Granola Bar Day and National Hugging Day.

I first want to apologize for being remiss.  I neglected to give any information on the month last week, so I will correct that now.  January is the first month of the year in the Julian and Gregorian calendars and the first month with 31 days.  It is, on average, the coldest month of the year.  January is named after the Latin word for door (ianua), since it is the door to the year.

January’s birth stone is the garnet and the birth flower is the Dianthus caryophylus.  January is also Alzheimer’s Awareness Month, National Mentoring Month and National Healthy Weight Awareness Month.  That should get you current on the months.  

Now let’s move on to Nuestra Senora de Altagracia Day or just  Altagracia Day.  It is a day commemorating "Our Lady of Altagracia", patronal image and protector of the people of the Dominican Republic.  The festival was originally held on August 15, but was moved to January 21 to celebrate victory over the French in 1690.  So, now you have something to talk about while you are eating granola bars and hugging people.

I have spent the past few weeks bragging to people about how great it is to live in my community because I do not have to shovel snow from my sidewalk and driveway.  I should have learned by now that I need to be quiet about those kinds of things so I don’t hex myself.  This past week we had a snow fall and it all looked very nice.  That was until I realized that, because the amount was less than two inches, I would have to clean my sidewalk and driveway.  It was not really that hard to do.  The snow was light and there really was not much.  I got it done in a short time.  The point was that I was just saying how nice it was to have someone else do it.

I am amazed at the number of people who did not bother to clear their property, relying on the solar snow removal system.  As I drove around, there were a number of homes where they simply drove over the snow and did not worry about clearing their driveways.  They were lucky that we had a warm spell and the tire tracks did not freeze.  I think some enterprising teens could do very well offering to clear the snow from those houses.  Maybe I should set something up for the future – Snow Removal for the Old or Lazy - or something else clever like that.  We’ll see.

The other day I took another step further into the 21^st century.  I got a new thermostat!  I know, you are thinking, “Big Deal!”  Well, it is for me.  First let me say that I have never liked the one that I had.  It was a cheap one that I am sure only cost a couple dollars back when they were building this community.  The thing had no light in it, so you could not read it without turning on the main foyer light, which did not light the hallway where the thermostat was that well, or getting a flashlight.  The directions for setting it were so small that I would have had a difficult time reading them before I got old and needed glasses.  Setting the time required several steps and if you were a second or two slow, it reset and you had to start over again.  Programming the schedules for when the heat or air conditioner came on and went off required two hands.  This was difficult because the directions were printed on the back of the cover that you had to remove to get to the controls.

When the service tech came to do the thermostat, he offered me several options.  One was pretty much like the one I had, one was for old people – the numbers were large and there was no real programming involved – and then there was the one I ended up with.  I asked about a different one I had seen, but he said that I would need to get a new furnace for that one because it would not be able to communicate with the furnace I have now.  I used to think that it was a shame when two people couldn’t communicate, now we have a problem with electronic devices not being … but I digress.  I decided I really didn’t need a new furnace.

The one that I have now can be very easily programmed using one hand.  It can be set up to know when you are not home and automatically adjust the temperature to a preset holding temp.  It also has an app (of course it does) that allows me to control it from my phone or my iPad.  As if that is not lazy enough, I can also control it by calling out to my smart speaker.  That is the device that people have that can tell you how far it is to the moon or tell corny jokes like, “A magician was walking down the street one day and suddenly he turned into a grocery store.”

Anyway, I now have this new thermostat that can tell me the temperature in my house, outside my house, what time it is and what the relative humidity is.   I think that one of these days I should do some research to find out what the relative humidity has to do with anything.  It must be important, because it is always showing on anything that gives you weather information.

This week our fact tells us that there are more Barbie dolls in Italy than there are Canadians in Canada.  I have to be honest, I have a bit of a problem with this one.  As of 2016, the population of Canada was 36.29 million people.  I have a hard time believing that there are that many Barbies in Italy.  More importantly, how would anyone know?  Sure, you could get sales numbers, but what if some of them were mailed as presents to another country, like Canada?  Does this include dolls that were broken and thrown in the trash?  I will need to see more specific information before I will buy this one.

 Today is Sunday, January 14 and there are only 31 days until Valentine’s Day.  By now you should have gotten your cards and candy and should be deciding what jewelry to buy, what flowers you want to send and what car your loved one wants.  Today we remember the birthdays of John Biddle, William Whipple and Andy Rooney.  On this day in 1690 the clarinet was invented, in 1783 Congress ratified the peace treaty between the US and England and in 1960 the US Army promoted Elvis Presley to Sergeant.  In Maryland it is Ratification Day, in Switzerland it is Meitlisunntig Festival and in the US it is National Dress Up Your Pet Day and National Hot Pastrami Sandwich Day.

As you may know, here on the east coast we have been having some extreme weather.  Last week the “real feel” temperatures (formerly known as the wind chill temps) were down to single digits.  At that time I was quite thankful for global warming, because I did not want to know how cold it would have been otherwise.  This week, we started out cold, not body-numbing, but cold.  Then it started to warm up and, by Friday, the temperature was in the 60’s.  It was raining and the snow was all but gone.  It was so warm and humid, that I had the AC going in the car.  When was the last time you had the car AC on, in January, here in NJ? 

The rain continued into Saturday morning and the temperature started dropping and it got quite cold again.  I have said this before, but it bears repeating – put back the moon rocks!  If they are replaced, we can start to see some normalcy with the weather.  That is all I am going to say.  

The other evening, I was watching TV and, try as I did to ignore it, one commercial got me thinking.  It was for a weight loss program that guaranteed you would lose at least 30 pounds and seven inches.  I was tempted to try it because I could stand to lose weight.  Maybe not 30 pounds, but certainly 15 or 20.  My concern was the seven inches part.  Where was I going to lose those inches?  If my waist were to shrink by seven inches none of my pants would fit anymore.  Was I going to shrink by that much?  Would I now be 5’ 2” tall?  Or would it be a combination of height and waist size?  Because of this quandary, I decided not to take advantage of the spectacular offer they were making and had a piece of apple pie instead.

Recently, Barbara and I were in one of those stores where you have to join to be able to shop there.  We go there every so often because we get some good deals on things we want.  While we were walking through, she spotted a cabinet that we both agreed would give us the additional piece of furniture that we wanted to display her milk glass collection.  It also had drawers that would give us some additional storage space.  She took a picture of the measurements so that we could make sure it would fit where we wanted to put it.

We went home and verified that it would.  Based on the measurements, I was sure it would go into my car, so we went and purchased it.  It was rather heavy, so we had someone help us get it onto the cart.  We paid for it and wheeled it out of the store.  Two employees offered to help get it into the car.  I got the car and pulled up for them to load it.  Unfortunately, I had not allowed for the packaging and it would not fit.  So now the dilemma was how do we get this home?  What I ended up doing was going to another big box store and renting a truck.  I drove back and the two guys loaded it onto the truck for me.

We drove home and now came the next bit of fun.  Barbara and I had to get this thing off the truck.  I climbed up onto the truck and started to push it toward the back.  Let me just say that it was very heavy and we could have used two or three other people there to help.  Preferably people half our age.

We finally got it off the truck and with some work, luck and profanity we got it into the garage far enough that we could close the door.  I was not too concerned about the weight.  I borrowed a hand truck from a neighbor, just in case, but I planned on lying it down, opening the box, carrying the pieces in and putting it together in situ.  The following morning I went out, lay it down on the floor, cut open the cardboard box and found out that it was already put together.  Now I had to stand it back up and figure out how to get this thing up two steps and some 36 feet to its final resting place.  Just to add to the fun and excitement, we had to move it across my hardwood floors.

Unbelievably, we were able to accomplish it with the use of more profanity, a couple beach towels (yes, beach towels.  Not very sophisticated, but effective, nonetheless) and a fair amount of grunting and we did not damage the floor.  In case you are wondering, we are not available to help you move furniture.  It is going to take a couple days for us to recover as it is.  Fortunately, we did this on Friday and had Margarita night to help us relax.

This week, I am going to give you two facts.  One is in defense of my resistance to eating greens – McDonald’s salads are more fattening than their burgers.  I think that speaks for itself.  The other fact is that in Seattle, Washington it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet long.  I would think it would be pretty much impossible to conceal a weapon that is that long.  Two questions that come immediately to mind are is it legal to carry a concealed weapon that is shorter and, if it is concealed, how would you even know someone had one, let alone how long it is?

Go dress up your pet and take it for a pastrami sandwich.  Have a good week!

 Today is Sunday, January 7 and there are only 72 days until the first day of Spring.  Hopefully we on the east coast will have thawed out by then.  Today we remember the birthdays of James Harrington, Millard Fillmore and Maury Povich.  On this day in 1608 fire destroyed Jamestown, Virginia, in 1789 the first national Presidential election was held in the US and in 1955 Marian Anderson became the first black singer to perform at the Met.  In Liberia it is Pioneer’s Day and in the US it is National Bobblehead Day and National Tempura Day.

I know, I know, you want more about National Bobblehead Day.  There isn’t much that I could find, but here is what I have.  January 7 is National Bobblehead Day and is celebrated annually. This day was created in celebration of all the popular spring-connected head bobbing figurines.  Bobbleheads have been around for more than 100 years and they come in a variety of shapes and sizes. However, the most popular bobbleheads are those depicting athletes, professional sports teams, mascots, cartoon characters and celebrities.

On November 18, 2014 it was announced that a National Bobblehead Hall of Fame and Museum would be opened in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.  The museum hosts the world’s largest collection of bobbleheads, a hall of fame section for the best bobbleheads, a variety of exhibits relating to the history and making of bobbleheads and much more. When the museum was announced, the national day was also developed. I hope that takes care of your need for information on this important holiday.

As you may know we had a rather severe storm come through this area the other day.  It was referred to as, among other things, a bombogenesis.  I looked this term up and learned that “Explosive cyclogenesis (also referred to as a weather bomb, meteorological bomb or explosive development) refers in a strict sense to a rapidly deepening extratropical cyclonic low-pressure area.”  Well, that clears that up.  I found it easier to simply refer to it as one big (insert your own profanity here) storm.  Fortunately, I had a couple things working in my favor.  One is that I am retired and didn’t have to go out anywhere.  The other is that, in the community I live in, other people are paid to clear streets, sidewalks and driveways, so I did not have to worry about burning off any of the winter fat that I have worked so hard to build up, by shoveling.

What I think is interesting is how the world conveniently stops functioning when there is a storm like this.  Prior to the storm hitting, we were hearing about protests in Iran, murders, fires and a variety of other issues.  A day before the storm, we got to see the standard shots of people frantically buying shovels, ice melt, bread, milk and toilet paper.  We heard all the dire predictions.  This storm was predicted to bring up to 12 inches, depending on which model you believed.  One forecaster showed three different models and none of them matched.  If these are all being done by meteorologists, why are they different?  I would think that they would be pretty much the same.  After all if you all do the same thing  … but I digress  

Then came the storm and all we heard about was the snow and wind and wind chill and feels like temperatures and ice and flooding and cancelled flights.  Apparently, the rest of the world used the storm to take a break and not have any problems.  Except for the inconvenience of all the snow and attendant issues, maybe more of these storms would help the world calm down a little.  And maybe pigs could learn how to whistle, too.

I was amazed how they TV stations managed to beat this thing to death.  The one station I watch has a news program that comes on at 5 PM.  They showed the typical shots of snow and wind blowing, cars sliding on the roads, people complaining about the transportation delays, live reporters standing out in the cold telling us it was snowing and experts who talked about the difficulties of dealing with the extreme cold.  At 5:30, the same talking heads came back on and spent the next 30 minutes rehashing the exact same stories.  At 6 PM they went to the News at 6.  This time we had a different newscaster and she covered basically the same material.  The only piece of interesting information I got was when the weather person said that, when going out to work the next morning, the real feel temperature would be -9, which was the same temperature as walking on the surface of Mars.  As I said earlier, I am retired and didn’t have to go out to work the next morning, so I did not feel like I was on Mars.

Fortunately, the program at 6:30 tends to be a little more national.  And it was!  It told us about the effects of the storm in the New England states and the problems that were being experienced in Boston.  I suppose it is easier to keep hitting us with the obvious, rather than cover the issues in the rest of the nation and the world.  Again it was nice of everyone to put things on hold while we dealt with the storm.

I am constantly thankful for the imaginative legislation that is created throughout the country.  It enables me to present you with facts each week that can amuse and cause you to shake your head in amazement.  This week our fact tells us that in Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks when a concert is on. So, is it okay if you are in the street?  What if you are eating cashews? What about Cracker Jacks, which only has some peanuts?  One of these days, someone needs to publish a book explaining the reason behind some of these crazy rules.