Another week has passed and here we are on the last day of June.  There are only 123 days until Halloween, assuming we get to have one this year (barring a plague of locusts).  It is the birthday of Phil Anselmo, Lena Horne and Zeno Colo.  On this day in 1870 Ada Kepley became the first female law college graduate; in 1936 “Gone With the Wind” by Margaret Mitchell was published and in 1988 Brooklyn dedicated a bus depot honoring Jackie Gleason. Today is Troop Withdrawal Day in Lybia, Mongolia celebrates Constitution Day and Rwanda, Burundi and Zaire all celebrate Independence Day.

This must be a good time of the year for independence.  For those of you who may have just come out of a coma, the 4^th of July is this Thursday.  Be sure to fly your flag and celebrate the day.  Keep in mind that if we had lost the war the people pushing for our independence would have been hunted down and executed.  Take a moment to honor those people and then have a safe and  happy 4^th. 

This past Wednesday was the first day of summer vacation for the lovely Elaine.  We recognized it in the best possible way.  We went down the shore. We went to Seaside Heights.  We met my son and daughter-in-law and our two grandsons and had a fantastic day.  We sat on the beach, walked the boardwalk, ate all kinds of stuff we shouldn’t, the boys went nuts in the arcades and we had a great time.  It was great to see the stands open for business and the boardwalk in good shape.  

I was able to go to one of my favorite places and have my absolute favorite sandwich – the Lumberjack burger.  That is an 8 ounce sirloin burger, cooked to order, topped with a slice of Taylor Pork Roll and cheese.   One of the best parts of that sandwich is biting into it and letting the grease drip down onto the fries, giving them extra flavor.  As I have said before, it does not take much to make me happy.  Usually whatever I do just needs to include chocolate or cooked beef or tequila or some combination of those and I am good.

However, two things distressed me while we were there.  The big thing was seeing the two piers that used to contain all the rides are gone.  I remember how excited my son used to get when we would arrive and he would see the rides.  My grandsons are always ready to go on rides could never wait to get on those piers and hit the rides.  Nick is a roller coaster aficionado.  He rides coasters that make me sick just watching them from the ground.  He is amazing.  Michael (Pip) just loves rides.  He is not as daring as Nick, but he is coming along.  The thing Pip loves the most is Mini-Golf.  He plays it like hockey.  The ball never actually stops rolling for him.  He is not too concerned about score, yet, but I am sure that will come in time.  Fortunately, the roof-top course in Seaside survived the storm.

As I said, two things distressed me, the other one being – people!  I am the first one to admit that I am not body beautiful.  I can stand to lose about 10 to 12 pounds and I just am not ever going to be able to grow back the hair on my “solar panel.”  I do feel that I am presentable when I go out in public.  

OMG!  I saw people Wednesday that could not say that.  Why is it that 70 year old men feel it is okay to wear a Speedo out in public?  There are very few guys that that type of bathing suit looks good on.  A man in his 70’s is not one of them.  I saw a guy who looked like a golden raisin in a bathing suit and believe me when I say it was not pretty.  Especially the rear view where it was more like a thong (I just shuddered again remembering it).  Why do those guys feel that it is okay for everyone to see their saggy, wrinkly butt?

Just a tip to women.  If you spend more than 75% of your time pulling up the top of your bathing suit and pulling down the bottom, the suit does not fit you properly.  Get one that fits and has a strap on the top.  It never seems to fail that the ones whose tops are falling off are never the ones you look at and think I wish her top would fall down.  I saw a couple young ladies that would have probably killed me if they lost their top, but I would have gone out smiling.  No, the ones who seem to have that problem always look like they are hiding canned hams in their tops.

We saw one girl on the boardwalk who caused everyone she passed to shudder.  This girl was wearing a suit that was made for a person 1/3 her size and she was a big girl.  I hate to be nasty, but she was not attractive either.  She should have been made to cover up.  No one wanted to see that.  We all marveled that the strings of the suit were able to constrain all that she had stuffed in there.  I have asked this before, but it bears repeating.  How do these people look at themselves in a mirror and think, “Yeah, I look great?”  There was nothing great about some of the people we saw except possibly their size.  I have always felt that it should be required that people see themselves in the mirror the way everyone else sees them, not how they think they look.  No matter how you spin it in your mind, Shamoo in a bikini is still Shamoo in a bikini.

This week’s fact – consuming chocolate was considered a sin during the 16^th and 17^th century.  Forgive me for I have sinned, am sinning and will continue to sin.

Welcome back.  I hope you had a good week.  Today is Sunday, June 23 and there are only 185 days until Christmas.  M-m-m-m.  I can almost taste the preservatives in the Swiss Colony Beef Log.  Today is the birthday of George Sax, Bob Fosse and Filbert Bayi.  On this day in 1860 the US Secret Service was created, in 1949 the first 12 women graduated from Harvard Medical School and in 1975 rocker Alice Cooper fell off the stage in Vancouver and broke six ribs.  In Denmark it is Midsummer Eve.  In Luxembourg it is the official birthday of the Grand Duke of Luxembourg.  Tomorrow is Discovery Day in Newfoundland.

I am becoming increasingly concerned about the youth of our country.  From what I have seen, they are becoming stupider all the time.  You constantly read and hear about car accidents caused by people texting when they are driving.  I am aware that not all of those accidents are caused by young people, but the young ones cannot use the excuse that they forgot they were driving.  That is an exclusive dodge for us “old folks.”

As I have said in the past, I have the opportunity to watch TV late at night and I see a lot of those Top 20 Most Shocking types of shows.  I watch them because I am constantly amazed at how many really crazy people there are out there.  I see people who are stopped by the police for erratic driving.  They get out of the car and cannot even stand without leaning against the vehicle.  Then they claim they have not been drinking.  When the officer asks them to recite the alphabet, starting at G, they get lost around N.  Then to correct it, they go to A and start … but I digress.

I wanted to talk about the stupidity of youth.  Watching those shows I have seen all types of dumb.  There was one kid who decided to jump off the top of a two-flight cement staircase with his skateboard.  Everything was going well until it was time for the landing.  I am not an engineer, but I could see by looking at the staircase that this was not going to end well.  First of all, he did not have enough speed to carry him all the way over the stairs.  Second problem was that he did not allow for gravity.  The third issue was he did not feel the need for a helmet.  The final issue was the stupidity of his friends.

Here is how it went.  He came along the sidewalk, got to the top of the stairs and went airborne.  Because he did not have enough speed, he started to come down too soon.  He hit the second flight about 2/3 of the way down.  The tip of his board hit a step and he flipped forward, going down the last few steps face first and stopped when his head hit the railing pole at the bottom.  Yes that entire stunt was ill-fated and stupid, but here is where it gets even worse.  He is lying on the bottom of the stairs after face planting and sliding down three cement stairs.  He hits the pole with the top of his head and rolls over on his back.  His face, chest, stomach and legs (oh yeah, he was wearing shorts) are all scraped and bloody and he is crying out in pain.  A couple of his friends are actually laughing and one says, “Dude, are you okay?”

I watch these shows and marvel at how these people intentionally put themselves in situations that will cause harm to themselves or damage to property.  When it happens, they laugh!  As if crashing into things, gashing open body parts and breaking bones is funny.  I think it was Homer Simpson who said, “It’s funny ‘cause it’s not happening to me.”

There was one event where two guys were sitting on one of those merry-go-round type things in a playground.  They take a motorcycle, lay it on its side and put the rear wheel against the thing.  They rev the motorcycle and the wheel starts to spin the merry-go-round.  It goes faster and faster until one of the guys is flipped off and smacks into a tree.  Everybody laughs and one says, “I sure hope you got that on camera.”  Meanwhile, their friend is lying on the ground in a heap and no one seems too concerned about him.

This type of thing does not bode well for the future.  Can you see the news story now?  “President Jones was injured today when he tried to jump the White House Rose Garden with a skate board from the second floor of the White House.  Apparently he did not get enough speed up to properly clear the railing on the balcony.  Secret Service agents rushed to his side and one agent was heard to say, “Don’t worry I got it on camera.”  As they were carrying him to the infirmary, the White House staff physician said, “Dude, are you okay?”

This week’s fact tells us that the women of Iceland earn two-thirds of their nation’s university degrees.  The men are too busy trying to skateboard down flights of stairs.

Happy Sunday, June 16.  Start writing your holiday letters because there are only 192 days until Christmas.  Today is the birthday of Stan Laurel, Sergiu Commissiona and Patrick Stuart.  This day, in 632, was the origin of the Persian Era.  In 1896 the temperature hit 127^o in Fort Mojave, California and in 1977 “Beatlemania” opened on Broadway.  It is Chaco Peace Day in Paraguay and Father’s Day in the US.

Father’s Day was founded in Spokane, Washington at the YMCA in 1910 by Sonora Smart Dodd.  She suggested it to her pastor after hearing a sermon about Mother’s Day.  The first celebration was held on June 19.  She originally wanted to have it on June 5, her father’s birthday, but her pastor said he would not be able to have a sermon ready until later in the month.  The holiday did not have much success initially and in the 1920’s Sonora Dodd stopped promoting it because she was studying at the Art Institute of Chicago.  She returned to Spokane in the 1930’s and began promoting it again.  She had assistance from those trade groups that would benefit most from the holiday, for example the manufacturers of ties, tobacco pipes and other gifts traditionally given to fathers.

A bill to accord national recognition was introduced in 1913, but was not acted on.  President Woodrow Wilson went to Spokane in 1916 to speak in a Father’s Day celebration.  He wanted to make the day official, but congress resisted fearing it would become commercialized (how omniscient).  President Calvin Coolidge recommended in 1924 that the day be observed by the nation, but stopped short of issuing a proclamation.  Finally, in 1966, President Lyndon Johnson issued the first presidential proclamation honoring fathers, designating the third Sunday in June as Father’s Day.  Six years later, the day was made a permanent national holiday when President Richard Nixon signed it into law in 1972.

So, now you know all about Father’s Day.  Time to move on to another issue – drugs.  Because I have the time to do so, I have taken to paying close attention to drug commercials on TV.  On average, these commercials are 60 seconds long.  The first 15 seconds talk about the malady the drug treats.  The balance of the time is used telling you about the side effects.  I find that by the time the commercial is finished, I do not remember what the drug is for, but am sure I do not want to take it.

Here are some of the things that I wonder about.  Why do I have to be tested periodically for TB when taking a drug?  What could possibly be so wrong with me that I would risk TB to take this medication?  Many of the drugs they are pushing tell you that you may experience depression and/or suicidal thoughts.  I’m sorry, but a drug taken for depression should not cause suicidal thoughts.  That seems somewhat counterproductive.  It seems to me that the drugs they are coming out with lately cause more problems than they fix.  It makes you wonder if the drug manufacturers are doing this on purpose.  Take this drug to fix your joint problems, but it can cause depression, suicidal thoughts, swollen tongue, skin rash, rickets and toe nail fungus.  But don’t worry, we have a drug that will combat your depression, but it will cause suicidal thoughts, severe headaches, blurred vision, swollen joints and a desire to laugh like Santa Claus.  You should also be tested periodically for TB, scurvy and beriberi.  

One of the pills that really interests me is the drug for Erectile Dysfunction.  I notice that they are always very careful to warn you to contact a doctor if your erection lasts for more than four hours.  That sounds like more of a problem for your partner than you.  “Oh no, not again.  Get that thing away from me.  Go hang clothing on it or something.”  I also like the commercial where the couple is sitting in separate bath tubs looking at the sunset.  Is this before or after?  Does she use a different tub in case he goes on for over four hours?  Do you have to have sex in the tub after taking that pill, for some reason?  Just another one of those things that make you go  h-m-m-m-m-m.

The fact of the week – In the 1800’s, people believed that gin could cure stomach problems.  Actually, what happened was that if you drank enough of it, you forgot you had stomach problems for a few hours.  You forgot that you had a stomach!  You also forgot your name, where you were and your address. 

 

Happy Father’s Day and have a good week.

Today is Sunday, June 9.  There are only 25 days until we celebrate the 237^th birthday of the US.  Do you have your fireworks yet?  Today is also the birthday of George Stephenson, Fred Waring and Johnny Depp.  In 1534 Jacques Cartier first sailed into the mouth of the St. Lawrence River; in 1869 Charles Elmer Hires sold his first root beer, in Philadelphia, and in 1969 Brian Jones quit the Rolling Stones.  Today is Senior Citizens Day in Oklahoma, Children’s Day in Massachusetts and Thursday will be the National Asparagus Festival in Shelby, Michigan.

Last week the lovely Elaine and I were invited to spend the weekend with friends at their place in Wildwood.  It was a great weekend.  We spent time on the beach, drove to Atlantic City, had some great food and drinks and just had a great time with our friends.  I do not know why, but every time we stay at their place, I wake up around 6 AM.  I get up, dress, go to the Wawa for coffee and go and sit on the beach to watch the sun come up.  That is something that never gets old.  I do it every morning we are there.  I just sit and watch the sun, the waves and the people.  I am always amazed at how many folks are out and about at that time of day.

Last Sunday morning, as I sat on the beach, I looked north and saw what I thought was a pile of sand.  As I looked at it, I began to wonder if it was just sand.  The shape made me think that maybe it was something more.  I was convinced there was more to it when I saw people walking along the beach stopping to look at it.  I found out later that it was a dead whale.  According to an article in the paper the next day, it was about 15 feet long and weighed over a ton.  

What I thought was interesting was the actions of the people that milled around.  Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t really think of anything that exciting about a dead whale.  A number of people kept squatting down near the head trying to make sure it was dead, I guess.  How they would know is beyond me.  Did they expect it to be lying there with its tongue hanging out, like you see in cartoons?  Maybe they were looking for the X’s on its eyes to show that it was done for.  Several groups posed for pictures.  “Here we are on the boardwalk in Wildwood, here is a shot of the concrete ship in Cape May and here we are standing by a dead whale on the beach.”  Great vacation memories.

After some time, a police truck pulled up next to the whale.  They immediately put out traffic cones – two at the head and two at the tail.  I guess they were concerned that the whale would try to drive away.  Or maybe they were afraid that people driving along the beach (which they are not allowed to do) might not see a 15 foot long whale and run into it.  I’m guessing that if you do not see the whale, it’s a good bet you are going to miss the cones, too.  

As I said, I found out later that it was a dead whale.  I was informed by a woman who was out walking her dog and told me because I was the first person she came to after leaving the scene.  She seemed very excited by the whole thing.  I was hoping someone would come by so I could find out what was going on.  It was about 5 or 6 blocks up from where I was and I was not about to walk all the way up there.  I was ensconced in my chair, with the rather chilly wind at my back and I was comfortable.  Also, I tend to be lazy and just did not feel like getting up, picking up my chair and walking there.

I’m sorry that I was not able to stay and watch the show when they came to get it.  I would have loved to see how they got that massive bulk of dead fish off the beach.  I knew the two cops that had pulled up were not going to do it by themselves.  Aside from the fact that it was big, they did not have the room in their pick-up for it.  A town public works truck came by.  They slowed down, but drove on.  I guess collecting whale carcasses is not in their job description.  I imagine they wanted to get it off the beach before it got too crowded with people.  Aside from the complications of trying to get the thing off a crowded beach, I suspect it would be something of a downer for families.  “Don’t go out too far in the water, sweetie, and stay away from the dead whale.”

But enough about whales.  I know you have been reading this just to get to this week’s fact, so here it is:

Turtles can breathe through their butts.  I know some people who can, too, but only because that is where their heads are.  Have a lovely week and be sure to eat asparagus on Thursday.