Today is Sunday, January 27 and there are only 158 days until July 4^th. Time to start planning your barbecues and buying the fireworks. Today we remember the birthdays of Abbas I, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Mikhail Baryshnikov. On this day in 1671 pirate Henry Morgan landed at Panama City, in 1880 Thomas Edison patented the electric incandescent lamp and in 1961 “Sing Along With Mitch” premiered on NBC TV. In Mauritius it is Cavadee, in Vietnam it is Peace Day and in the US it is National Chocolate Cake Day.

I have to be honest, I don’t have much this week. It was a stay-at-home kind of week and there really isn’t too much to talk about.  I could comment about a number of things, but it would just be repetitious. I will admit that I may have been misleading recently when I talked about speeding.  I said that I do the speed limit. I do not when the limit is 55. I always thought that it was silly to change the limit from 60 to 55, especially since no one paid any attention to it. I go 60 and people still fly by me. If they really wanted people to go 55, they should have lowered the speed to 40. That would have gotten everyone up to 50 or 55 and would have accomplished the goal.

I would be willing to bet that most people do not even know why the limit was lowered to 55 in the first place. The limit was lowered by Congress as part of the Emergency Highway Energy Conservation Act which was passed to try and cut the gasoline consumption levels in response to the 1973 oil crisis. It was also felt that there would be a decrease in accidents and auto fatalities. The law was repealed in 1995, but many states left the 55 limit in effect. Why? Who knows. Maybe it was easier than having to change all the signs back to the original limit.

Another thing I suppose I could go into would be older people who try to make themselves look younger than they are, unsuccessfully. I saw a woman the other day who had to be in her 70’s. She was wearing very tight slacks (that did nothing for her), high-heeled boots, a low cut V-neck sweater and her hair was styled short and spiky. The problems – she was having a hard time walking in the boots, the neckline showed wrinkles that you could hide children in and her hair was black, unnaturally black. I wanted to buy her a can of spray paint in case she needed to do a touchup. There is no way anyone looking at her thought she was younger than 70, except maybe herself.

I also saw a man who had a comb-over that started just above his right ear. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much to comb over so he had these long strands of thin hair that still did not cover most of his head. I wanted to tell him that everyone knew he was bald. Cut the hair and deal with it. Another guy I saw had a wig that reminded me of that old line, “It’s not fake anything.  It’s real dynel!” What made it worse was that it was not fitted to his head well and he had about a ½ inch border of gray showing on his neck. I do not see how any of these people look in a mirror and say, “Yeah, that looks great.”

Understand, I do not think that I am some manly stud who makes women swoon. I am what I am and look how I look. My goal is to look as good as I can with what I have and try not to look ridiculous when I go out. I keep my hair short so that my bald spot is not as obvious. I told my grandson that it was not a bald spot, it was a solar panel to help give me energy. He got it and kids me about it sometimes. The bottom line is that I am comfortable with how I look. If someone doesn’t like it, they can look the other way. I figure that as long as I am clean, shaved, neatly dressed and not bathed in cologne that you can smell two minutes before I get there and ten minutes after I am gone, then I am good.

Here is another question. Have you ever been out in public and had an itch that could not be ignored, but was in an area that you really did not want to scratch while the world watched? Recently, we were out for dinner and I had an itch on my upper thigh, in the back. There is no way, when sitting, to surreptitiously scratch that itch. It would have looked even odder if I stood up to do it. Of course I knew that when I scratched it, Barbara would say, “What are you doing?” This would have immediately drawn even more attention to me. But sometimes you don’t have a choice so I took care of it, she responded as anticipated and fortunately no one stared directly at me. But they knew, they knew.

I have just looked over what I have written and all I can say is imagine how much there would be if I had something to say. This week our fact is one that I find amazing. Justin Timberlake’s half-eaten French toast sold for over $3000 on eBay. Several questions come to mind with this. The first question is – WHY? The next question is how does the person who made the purchase know that it is, in fact, Justin Timberlake’s? What, exactly, does the person plan to do with it? In ten years who will even care, or for that matter believe, it was Justin’s? Frankly, if you have nothing better to do with your money then buy half-eaten food, send it to me and I will give you a whole French toast breakfast and use the rest of the funds to help other people eat a good breakfast.

Today is Sunday, January 20 and there are only 225 days until Labor Day, so keep an eye out for the Back to School sales. Today we remember the birthdays of Richard H Lee, Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin and Ivana Trump. On this day in 1265 the first English Parliament was called into session by the Earl of Leicester, in 1785 Samuel Ellis advertised to sell Oyster Island (Ellis Island), no takers and in 1961 Robert Frost recited “The Gift Outright” at JFK’s inauguration. In Bulgaria today is Grandmother’s Day, in Mali it is National Army Day and in the US it is National Buttercrunch Day and National Cheese Lover’s Day.

As you know, tomorrow is Martin Luther King, Jr Day. It is a federal holiday marking the birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr and is observed on the third Monday of January. King was the chief spokesperson for nonviolent activism in the Civil Rights Movement which successfully protested racial discrimination in federal and state law. The campaign for a federal holiday in King's honor began soon after his assassination in 1968. President Ronald Reagan signed the holiday into law in 1983, and it was first observed three years later. At first, some states resisted observing the holiday as such, giving it alternative names or combining it with other holidays. It was officially observed in all 50 states for the first time in 2000.

I was up late watching TV the other night and saw a commercial for Red Lobster. In it they advertised unlimited Cheddar Bay Biscuits. Here is my question: Are they CHEDDAR Bay Biscuits or are they CHEDDAR BAY biscuits?  If they are the former, what does a regular Bay Biscuit taste like?  Why would someone want to add cheddar to them?  Are there Garlic Bay Biscuits or any other flavors?  If the latter, where is Cheddar Bay and what is so special about it that they would name a biscuit after the place? 

Here is another issue that I have wondered about for some time and which came up again the other night. I was surfing channels to find something to watch. There is not much worth watching on TV after midnight, in my opinion. I happened to pass by a channel showing part of a fashion show. I was struck by several thoughts. One was that I thought it was interesting that most of the clothing you see on these shows is never actually worn by anyone in real life. At least I don’t think it is. Of course, I do not generally hang out with the type of people who might wear it. You know the ones I mean, the ones who think eating a big meal is looking at pictures of food while having a cracker and a small glass of water.

What I also find interesting is that most clothing is not designed for the average woman. All the models are rail thin, tall, leggy women with no real shape, no breasts, no butt and no shoulders to speak of.  Look around you! This is not what most women look like. If you want to sell clothing, design something that looks good on the typical woman, the one with large breasts or broad shoulders or who is short or chubby or has a slightly out-of-proportion butt. If you can do that people will beat a path to your store. You might also try designing clothing that is normal looking and functional. Just a thought.

I know I have said this before, but I feel I should repeat the complaint. I recently saw a commercial for a cream that will remove the bags, dark lines and wrinkles from under your eyes. The commercial touted the cream, saying it would stop the aging process and make you look years younger. If the model they were using looked years younger, she would look like she was in grammar school. If you want people to really believe that your product works, use a person who has the problems you claim you can correct and show us the results. Nothing speaks louder than results.

One more issue that I find interesting is when you make a purchase in a store with your credit card.  In many of the stores, the pad where you sign has a message that comes up telling you the amount of the charge and asking if this is okay. I have wondered what would happen if I said it is not okay. What would the reaction be if I said, “No that is not okay.  I am retired and living on a fixed income and that is just too much.  I would rather that it be around $5 instead of the $26.89 you are charging.”  I may have to give that a try some day.  I’ll let you know the results.

This week our fact tells us that it is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. I also read somewhere that if you sneeze with your eyes open, your eyeballs will pop out. I am here to let you know that I can sneeze with my eyes open and when I do my eyeballs do not pop out. Because of allergies, I have developed the ability to sneeze with my eyes open. This is necessary so that I do not have to close my eyes as I sneeze four times in a row while I am driving. That could cause problems far worse than my eyes popping out. 

When I read these types of facts and realize that they are not correct, it makes me wonder about all the other facts that I read. They claim that no two snowflakes are the same. How could anyone possibly know that? If it is snowing here in New Jersey, how can they prove that an identical snowflake has not fallen in Switzerland? I could go on, but I believe I have run this into the ground in the past. Sometime when you sneeze, try doing it with your eyes open. Just keep a tissue handy in case your eyes pop out.

Today is Sunday, January 13 and there are only 130 days until Memorial Day, so start stocking up on sun block and getting your bathing suits ready.  Today we remember the birthdays of Jan J Goyen, Salmon P Chase and Julia Louis-Dreyfus. On this day in 1559 Elizabeth I was crowned queen of England in Westminster Abbey, in 1794 Congress changed the US flag to 15 stars and 15 stripes and in 1969 the Beatles released the “Yellow Submarine” album. In Ghana today is Redemption Day, in Togo it is Liberation Day and in the US it is Stephen Foster Memorial Day, National Rubber Ducky Day and National Peach Melba Day. 

I heard a news report recently that said most people will break their New Year’s resolutions by January 12 of this year – yesterday. What that means is that a) people made resolutions that were far too difficult to keep, b) people did not really want to keep the resolutions and just made them to sound like they were really going to work on improving themselves or c) were too weak to stay the course and follow through with their improvement plan. I generally do not make resolutions. I have intentions. I intend to walk more and get some exercise. This is simple to do because during the last couple months of last year I did not walk much at all. To walk more would mean getting out even two days a week. So far, I have not completely achieved my intentions, but I intend to, soon.

I have always believed that resolutions should be things that are achievable.  In the past I made resolutions like not dressing like an English gentleman or calling my grandsons Sport. I have easily achieved those and am proud of myself for keeping my resolutions. Many people make resolutions like losing weight or quitting smoking or not drinking as much. Then midnight hits and they drink a number of glasses of champagne, have some pastries for dessert and go outside for a quick smoke before having more champagne and cake.

If you need to wait until New Year’s Eve to do something that is good for your health then you have other issues that you need to work on. That is like resolving to be more careful with a hammer right after you smack your thumb with one. There are things we should do that are good for us or thoughtful or necessary. But we don’t need to wait until the end of the year to do them, especially if we are going to abandon them less than two weeks into the year.

The question that comes to my mind is how are these experts able to pinpoint the day that we will fail? Have they done surveys over the past few years and found that, based on historic information, we are becoming less able to hold to our resolutions and that, as a result, this year we will fail by the 12^th? Does that mean that in the next few years we will ultimately fail before we get started? “I was going to make a resolution to lose weight, but that cake looks delicious, so never mind.”  I think I will make a resolution to ignore this type of information because there is no real data to back it up. What makes it better is that I made it the day after I was supposed to break it, so I have until next year to worry about it!

Here is something that I have been wondering about. I hear this warning all the time. Why do I have to be tested periodically for TB when taking a drug? What could possibly be so wrong with me that I would risk TB to take this medication? Many of the drugs they are pushing tell you that you may experience depression and/or suicidal thoughts. I’m sorry, but a drug taken for depression should not cause suicidal thoughts. That seems somewhat counterproductive. It seems to me that the drugs they are coming out with lately cause more problems than they fix. It makes you wonder if the drug manufacturers are doing this on purpose. Take this drug to fix your joint problems, but it can cause depression, suicidal thoughts, swollen tongue, skin rash, rickets and toe nail fungus. But don’t worry, we have a drug that will combat your depression, but it will cause suicidal thoughts, severe headaches, blurred vision, swollen joints and a desire to laugh like Santa Claus. You should also be tested periodically for TB, scurvy and beriberi.  

One of the pills that really interests me is the drug for Erectile Dysfunction. I notice that they are always very careful to warn you to contact a doctor if your erection lasts for more than four hours. That sounds like more of a problem for your partner than you. “Oh no, not again.  Get that thing away from me.  Go hang clothing on it or something.” I also like the commercial where the couple is sitting in separate bath tubs looking at the sunset. Is this before or after? How do they even have sex if they are in different tubs?  Does she use a different tub in case he goes on for over four hours? Do you have to have sex in the tub after taking that pill, for some reason? Do you have to show that you own the tubs before they will fill the prescription? Just another one of those things that makes you go h-m-m-m-m-m.

This week our fact tells us that each year there are more than 40,000 toilet related injuries in the US. When I read this, I went into the bathroom and studied the toilet to figure out what could possibly cause all those injuries. Quite frankly I am stumped. I can see problems if the seat is left up (yes you guys) but otherwise I am puzzled. I will try to find out more about this and let you know the results of my research.

Today is Sunday, January 6 and there are only 39 days until Valentine’s Day. If you are buying candy make sure you are not getting left over Christmas candy or early Easter candy. Today we remember the birthdays of Joan of Arc, Jedediah Strong Smith and Carl Sandburg. On this day in 1535 the city of Lima, Peru was founded by Francisco Pizzaro, in 1838 Samuel Morse made the first public demonstration of the telegraph and in 1958 Gibson patented the Flying V Guitar. In New Mexico it is Admission Day, in Uruguay it is Children’s Day and in the US it is National Shortbread Day and National Cuddle Up Day.

Since this is the first post of the month, let me give you a few facts about January. It is one of the newer months of the calendar we know today. It was named for the god of beginnings and transitions, Janus. It was added to the calendar with 29 days around 713 BC. Julius Caesar gave it the 31 days it still has in the modern Gregorian calendar.

January’s birthstone is the garnet and the birth flower is the pink Dianthus caryophyllus. It is National Mentoring Month, National Healthy Weight Awareness Month, Hot Tea Month, National Soup Month and Oatmeal Month. You can now put the January trivia folder away for a year.

Well, we are now into another year.  I remember when I was a youngster that the turn of the century was a long time off.  My friends and I were convinced that we would be dead long before the year 2000 arrived.  Here we are in 2019 and I am not dead yet.  Either I have been very lucky or we were rather dumb when we were kids.  As much as I hate to admit it, I have to go with the latter.  I was watching parts of New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest and several things came to my mind.  One is that I cannot help but wonder where Ryan Seacrest came from and who thought he was the perfect person to take over for an icon like Dick Clark.  No offense, Ryan, but you are lucky that there are cue cards. The other thing that I wondered about was what made all those people think that standing out in the freezing cold for a number of hours with no food or bathroom facilities was a great idea?

What made this year even more interesting was that it was raining and security checks did not allow people to bring umbrellas in with them. I have never thought that it would be exciting to go to Times Square for New Year’s Eve and be crammed in with 2.5 million other people, all of whom are hungry, tired , cold, in desperate need of a bathroom and, this year, soaking wet. Aside from everything else, imagine what they all smelled like!

Anyway, a new year has started and we have already started seeing the commercials for income tax services. Pretty soon we will see the President’s Day sales with fake Washingtons and Lincolns trying to get us to buy cars, clothing, furniture, jewelry, colognes and just about everything else you can think of. Shortly after that we will lose the presidents but will still have the commercials trying to get us to buy those same things for Valentine’s Day. I understand the jewelry, cologne and clothing, but would your wife really be happy if you bought her a new end table? And let’s be serious. If you just fell for the idea that you needed to buy a new car for Christmas, why would you need another one for President’s Day or Valentine’s Day? Besides, if you couldn’t afford one at Christmas, you probably haven’t put together the money to buy one a few weeks later.

I like to celebrate the new year because it means I have lasted through the old one. As I said earlier, when I was in my teens (in the 60’s), the year 2000 seemed so far away that I was convinced that if I did last that long I would just sit in a chair and have someone wipe drool off my chin. If I made it to midnight I would mumble something that sounded like Happy New Year and then nod back off to sleep. It is now 2019 and I am in pretty good shape, I can take care of the drool on my chin by myself and was able to stay awake and still be coherent at midnight. Granted, I did not last much later than that, but I did make it that long. It was worth it just to see over 2 million sopping wet people get confetti stuck to their faces.

This week our fact tells us that if you could count the number of times a cricket chirps in one minute, divide by two, add nine and divide by two again, you would have the correct temperature in Celsius degrees. I see a couple problems with this. One is, when counting the chirps, how do you know it is only one cricket? The other problem is that since we use the Fahrenheit scale here in the US, what good does knowing the Celsius temperature do? In the long run I think it would be simpler to just look at a thermometer or one of the weather apps on your phone and not worry about isolating one cricket. Besides if the cricket only chirps twice, as an example, and you go through the formula provided, it would give you a temperature of 5 C. That converts to 41 F. At that temperature you probably aren’t going to hear crickets and if you do it is because one is living in your garage, but not for long, because it is too cold.