Today is Sunday, January 1 and there are only 358 days until Christmas.  It’s never too early to start planning.  Happy New Year!  I hope the new year is a good one for all of us.  Today we remember the birthdays of Caspar Cruciger, Elizabeth Griscom Ross and Don Novello.  On this day in 0001 it was the origin of the Christian Era, in 1673 regular mail delivery began between New York and Boston and in 1956 Elvis Presley recorded “Heartbreak Hotel” for RCA in Nashville.  In Camaroon and Western Samoa it is Independence Day, in Taiwan it is Foundation of the Republic Day, worldwide it is New Years Day and in the US it is National Hangover Day and National Bloody Mary Day.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas.  I did our traditional Christmas Eve dinner and since no one got sick, I guess it was a success.  Everyone said it was great, but you can never be sure if they meant it or were just being polite.  When I got home from church, I took one look at the kitchen and turned off the light.  I decided not to worry about it.  I knew it would get cleaned up, I just wasn’t sure when.

Christmas morning I had breakfast with the kids and watched my grandsons open their gifts.  I was impressed by the fact that they took time to see who each gift was from, look at it and then move on.  When I was a kid, I knew that some gifts were from my parents and some were from Santa, so I really didn’t worry about reading the tags.  If it was clothing, I tossed it aside and moved on to the next package.  I knew there were toys in there somewhere.

On Monday, Boxing Day, I chose to stay home.  I knew stores were already having their after Christmas sales and the stores would be filled with people returning the gifts they “loved” the day before, but changed their minds about later on.  There are people who actually start their shopping for the following year on that day.  I would never do that.  First of all, I might not want to buy a present for some people by the time the next Christmas arrives.  There is also the problem with sizes.  People gain or lose weight and something that will fit them on December 26 might not fit them by the following December 25.  The final problem is that I will probably forget where I put the presents and who I bought them for by next year.

As always, during the week leading up to the new year, we have endured the various reviews of the past year.  The newspaper had a list of The Year In Gossip, The Biggest Celeb Stories of 2016.  I will be honest, I did not read that article.  I had a difficult time caring as the various events were happening, so I certainly did not want to revisit such important things as Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris breaking up or the troubles Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne were having.  Why do we feel the need to rehash everything as the year draws to a close?  Can’t once be enough?  At least, so far, we have not been subjected to the Best Commercials of 2016 show.
It amazes me that someone thinks that we should watch a show filled with commercials.  If I want to spend the evening going to the bathroom and getting snacks I can do that without having the TV on.  I don’t need a show about past commercials to do it with.

I was talking with my dear Barbara, recently, and I was discussing why I don’t want to be in Times Square for New Year’s Eve.  One of the reasons is that you would need to be there early in the day to get close enough to see what was going on.  With security the way it is, once you are in, you stay in.  This makes it difficult if you need to use the bathroom.  Forget getting something to eat or drink.  I am sure there will be vendors, but I am not sure I want a second mortgage on my house just so I can have a pretzel and a bottle of water.  Weather also plays a factor.  I always felt that I would rather be with family or friends, inside and warm, watching the ball drop, then to be outside with a huge group of people I don’t know, freezing my tookus off, watching the same thing.  More importantly, once it is done, it is a lot simpler to get home from a friend’s house than from NYC at that time of night.

New Year’s Eve is a time to get together and have fun with friends, eat, drink and be merry.  It is not a night to go out and pretend that you are having the time of your life in a room full of strangers, drinking $10 watered down cocktails and eating reheated snacks.  It is not a night to make the annual resolutions that everyone makes, either.  You know, the ones where you swear that you are going to lose weight this coming year, made while you eat a plate of cake and cannoli.  I have always felt that you should make resolutions that you can keep.  My resolution this year is to not get involved in Donald Trump’s advisory circle

I only have one other issue and then I will leave you alone for a week.  Why did they move the Tournament of Roses parade to Monday, the 2nd?  I have always enjoyed that parade and looked forward to watching it on New Year’s Day.  Now they have decided to hold it a day later.  It is not a problem for me to watch it, I am retired and have nothing else to do.  It is just that for all these years it has been on the first and now it is not.  For anyone who knows me, they will realize how disconcerting this is for me.  But, life goes on.  I will deal with it.

This week our fact tells us that Little Miss Muffet was a girl from the 16th century whose name was really Patience.  One can only assume that they changed her name because Little Mis Patience sat on a … ?

I hope the new year is filled with happiness, love and joy for all of you.  Thank you for reading and I hope you will continue to join me weekly.

Today is Sunday, December 18 and there are only seven days until Christmas.  Seven days!  Based on the way things are going, in seven days I will only have two more days worth of things to do to be ready.  I hope you are all doing better than I am.  Today we remember the birthdays of Philipp Dulichius, Wiktor Kazynski and Saburo Takata.  On this day in 1719 Thomas Fleet published “Mother Goose’s Melodies For Children,” in 1839 the first celestial photograph (the moon) was made in the US by John Draper and in 1976 “Wonder Woman” debuted on ABC.  In New Jersey today is Ratification Day, in Niger it is Republic Day and in the US it is National Roast Suckling Pig Day.

As you may recall, I recently went on a rant regarding glitter.  The stuff makes me crazy.  Well, I am sure you will get a kick out of this.  The cards that I bought to send out have glitter on them.  I was tempted to throw them away and go out the next day to get different ones.  I didn’t because I did not have the time to wait to get the cards done.  Needless to say, by the time I was done doing the cards, there was glitter all over.  It was on the table, on me, on my shirt and jeans, I am talking everywhere.  I even had it on my tongue from licking the envelopes!  I truly do not like glitter.  I am considering eliminating the people who sent cards with glitter from my card list next year.

Okay, I have vented yet again regarding glitter.  Now it is time to revisit another rant.  I recently despaired over the ignorance of people during this time of the year.  The other day I had an opportunity to run at least six different people down in a parking lot.  They are lucky that I anticipated their carelessness.  These people came out of stores and just started walking across the parking lot.  They did not even bother to look and see if drivers noticed them, they just walked.  Yes, I know that they are supposed to have the right of way, but common sense should tell them that it wouldn’t hurt to look.  In one instance, I was lucky to have seen a woman walking out of a store.  I stopped abruptly and missed hitting her by about a foot.  She turned and gave me a look.  She is just one more person who should be glad I am not armed.

I understand that when you are driving in a parking lot you should be going slowly, watching out for pedestrians and other cars.  I also understand that oihgoergwkn, sorry I was wiping glitter off the keyboard… but I digress.  As I was saying, I also understand that pedestrians and drivers alike are trying to get a great deal done in time for the holiday, but carelessly walking in front of a car and risking a trip to the ER is not going to make it easier to accomplish everything you need to do.  “So Miss Jones what brings you to the hospital today?”  “I was hit by a car in a parking lot.  I was heading to my car and he just ran into me.  I had the right of way.”  “Well Miss Jones you now also have a broken leg and a broken arm.”

I don’t know about anyone else, but I would appreciate a modicum of caution when walking in parking lots.  People are driving around looking for a spot to park in, they are running their list of chores through their head and they are not always paying attention.  Give everyone a break and watch out when in a parking lot, walking or driving.  Everyone will have a better holiday.

A few days ago I saw an interesting sight that I thought I would share with you.  I live in a relatively rural area and it is not unusual to see dead deer on the side of the road.  However, I saw something that I thought was rather amusing.  I was driving along and up ahead on the side of the road I saw a cluster of turkey vultures.  They were all standing around a carcass, feeding themselves.  Yes, nature in action.  What made it amusing was that there was a secondary cluster of birds off to the side, standing around like they were waiting for the buffet line to move.  The birds by the carcass were just standing there eating, you know, like people at the shrimp table at a wedding reception.  I could almost hear the other birds as they stood there waiting.

“Could they just put some stuff on their plate and move along?”  “I don’t understand why they have to stand there to eat everything.  Why can’t they just go back to their tree and eat?”  “Some birds just have no consideration for those of us who are waiting in line.”  And so on.  I suppose in the strictest sense of things, watching birds eat a carcass is not particularly amusing.  You had to be there, and even then, you might not have been as entertained as I was.

This week our fact tells us that, in general, women are 37% more likely to go to a psychiatrist than men.  Of course!  Men are the ones that send them!  Whenever you are out in public, you can always hear a woman telling her husband that he is driving her crazy.  All you ever get from men is a shoulder shrug and “Whatever.”

Between getting everything ready for Christmas Eve dinner and then going to church, I have decided that I will probably not publish next week.  Having said that, let me take this opportunity to wish everyone a very merry Christmas.  Whether you celebrate the holiday or not, I hope the day brings you joy, peace and love.  I hope you have a day of good food and great family.  And, I hope the season takes you into the new year with a sense of renewal and anticipation of great things.

My very best wishes go out to all of you who take the time to read this blog.  I enjoy writing it and I hope it brings a smile to your face as you realize you are not the only ones who see just how crazy people can be.

Merry Christmas!

Today is Sunday, December 11 and there are only 14 days until Christmas. Yes, in two weeks it will be Christmas and all the packages will be unwrapped, dinners will be prepared and eaten, everyone will have spent time with family members that they never really liked and won’t have to see again until the next free meal and we will start binging on baked goods so that they are gone before Easter.  Today we remember the birthdays of Manuel Cardoso, Sir David Brewster and Big Mama Thornton.  On this day in 1620 103 Mayflower pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock, in 1790 there was the first recorded display of the Aurora Borealis in the US and in 1975 the cost of first class postage rose from .10 to .13.  In Geneva, Switzerland it is Scaling Day, in Upper Volta it is Republic Day and in the US it is National Noodle Ring Day.

I know that many of you are thinking that if you don’t ask maybe I won’t go into National Noodle Ring Day.  Wrong!  Bear with me, this won’t take that long. National Noodle Ring Day celebrates the pasta dish which is formed in an 8 or 9 inch ring mold or bundt pan.  It is usually made from noodles, flour, bread crumbs, cheese, eggs and other seasonings.  When baked, the noodle ring is removed from the mold and served on a platter.  You can find a number of recipes on cooks.com.  There, now, that wasn’t that painful was it?

Recently I have noticed a number of ads and commercials from stores touting their BOGO sales.  However, when you read the ad or listen to the commercial, they are not offering a buy one, get one deal.  They are offering a buy one get one half off deal.  So it is not really a BOGO.  I thought about why they would do that and decided that the only reason would be that they would have to call it a BOGOHO.  That could be misleading and cause people to think they were buying into some kind of strange ménage a trois.  Exciting and interesting for some, upsetting for others.

We have just come through a very tough election.  Politicians were making all kinds of outrageous claims and promises.  Each candidate assured us that he or she was the best and they would do wonderful things for us and the country.  We all knew they were lying and probably would not or could not do many of the things they were claiming.  But, we voted for them anyway, I guess in the hope that they will at least do something.  At this point you are probably wondering where I am going with this.  Well, here you go.  I promise that, if elected, I will outlaw glitter on holiday cards and gifts.

Yes, you read that right.  I will outlaw glitter on holiday cards an gifts.  Why?  Because it is extremely annoying.  The minute you open a card or gift with glitter on it, the glitter starts to come off.  It is almost like it is designed to separate from the card or package as soon as it is opened.  Now the stuff is all over the place.  There is glitter on the table, on anything that was on the table and on any surface that you put the item on.  The next morning you get up, go into the bathroom and as you look at yourself in the mirror, you notice specks of red glitter on the side of your nose and on one ear lobe.

I think glitter on cards is a way for the people at card companies to have fun at our expense.  They know that the glitter will come off and be everywhere and they find it amusing.  They probably talk about it and laugh during the office Christmas party.  You watch!  Next July, you will go into your living room to dust and you will find glitter on the duster. Or, you will be in the dining room moving something and there will be glitter on the buffet.  You will wonder where it came from, but it will probably not occur to you that it was from Christmas and has been lurking for months just to make you crazy.  Go ahead, mock, but when the glitter comes back to haunt you in seven months, remember that I warned you.

This weekend I am preparing to decorate the house for Christmas.  I plan to put lights up outside to add to the wreaths and trees that we had last year.  I will also be putting up the tree later today.  My son has said that my grandsons would like to help.  I don’t know if they are aware that they want to help, but it will be nice to not have to do it alone.  I am pretty sure that I will change the location of some of the ornaments because there are some that I feel need to be in a certain place on the tree, but generally, I am sure they will do a great job until their electronic devices lure them away.  It will be interesting to see how they feel the tree should look.

The other day I read this little piece of advice and I think it is good – Don’t break anybody’s heart, they have only one.  Break their bones, they have 206!

This week our fact tells us that beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts and worms like fried bacon.  This brings up several questions.  Why was somebody tasting beetles, wasps and worms?  Is there a need for these flavors because the actual items are not available?  What, exactly, are we supposed to do with this information?  And finally do we want to see beetles and wasps in our salads and does anybody really want to eat a WLT sandwich?

Frankly, I would rather have a noodle ring.

Today is Sunday, December 4 and there are only 21 days until Christmas. I have completed my shopping, but now have to start wrapping the gifts, I have to get my cards ready to go, I have to decide what I am baking and plan that schedule, I have to start getting the various components for Christmas Eve dinner, I have to …  Sorry, I was starting to spiral out of control there.  Anyway, with only three weeks left, you need to get ready.  Today we celebrate the birthdays of John Cotton, Emil Aarestrup and Max Baer, Jr.  On this day in 1680, a hen in Rome laid an egg imprinted with a comet that was not actually seen until December 16, in 1783 General Washington bid his officers farewell at Fraunce’s Tavern in New York City and in 1978 Dianne Feinstein was named San Francisco’s first female mayor.In Mexico today is the Day of the Artisans, in Tonga it is Proclamation Day and in the US it is National Sock Day and National Cookie Day.

Well, I finally did it. I was pulling into the parking lot at the grocery store and this guy pulls in in front of me.  He should have waited, because he also cut off another car, but he was in a bigger hurry than we were, apparently.  He then proceeds to drive very slowly down the aisle, weaving back and forth as he drove.  I wondered if he was practicing to pull a float in a parade. He finally found a space and pulled in, allowing the six cars queued up behind him to go. I got a spot and caught up to him as we walked to the store. When I got next to him, I turned and asked him if he was okay.  He looked at like I was nuts and said, “Yeah.  Why?”  I replied, “Because you were driving like you were having a stroke!”  I figured I could get away with it. He was old and I was pretty sure I could take him.  His reply was garbled, but I am positive it was not something I would share here.

Speaking of parking, have you noticed that, the closer we get to Christmas, the more people’s parking skills diminish?  Normally, they are not great, but as we get to within three weeks of Christmas, they get worse.  I thought that maybe since it was getting darker earlier that maybe they were just having a problem seeing lines.  I suppose that is possible in the evening, but not at two in the afternoon.  What makes it worse is that their inability to put their car between two white lines makes it tougher for other people to park.  I do not Ike to squeeze into some spaces because I might not be able to get out of my car. Worse, the way some people fling their doors open, I would end up with dings all over my car door.

Another move that makes me crazy is when a driver pulls through one space to the next one so that the car is facing out and ready for a quick getaway.  I understand why they want to do that, I suppose. I just think that you would want to be able to have easier access to your trunk so that you … but I digress.  The problem is that they have no sense of where they are in the space and usually stop so that the car is hanging into the space behind it.  And God forbid that you look to be sure you are in the space properly.  I saw a woman pull into a space and the back of her car was taking up a good portion of the space next to her.  She got out and looked at how she had parked, saw that she had done poorly, shrugged her shoulders and walked off.  Now you know why episodes of violence increase during the holidays.

Another thing I have noticed is that as the holidays approach, people become stupider (more stupid?) and more ignorant.  They walk around as if they are the only people in the mall, stop in the middle of walkways to decide where they want to go next and then get annoyed when people try to push past them.  I was in a store recently and watched as a man was trying to get information about an item he was interested in.  I watched the way people look at a car accident when they go by.  You know it won’t be pretty, but you can’t stop looking.  The man came in with his wife and their young son.  The man found the item he was interested in and got a salesperson to help him.  He asked a technical question and as the salesperson started to answer, the guy turned to holler at his son for touching something.  He turned back, apologized for the distraction and asked the question again.  As he started to get the answer, again, he thought of something that he had to tell his wife.  He did not apologize this time.

He asked another question and played with his phone while the answer was given.  I know I should have walked away, but I couldn’t.  The salesperson was getting, well, beyond annoyed, but not quite to angry, yet.  The question and answer thing went on a little longer and it was not getting better.  Finally the buyer summarized what he had heard to assure that he knew what he needed to know.  As he talked, the salesperson looked at him as if to say, “What are you talking about?  I never said any of that.”  He wisely nodded his head and then asked if they were ready to make the purchase.  The guy said yes he was.  At this point the salesperson happened to look up and see me laughing and shaking my head.  I could see on his face that this was not the first time this had happened and his realization that it would not be the last.  Just one more reason I am glad I am retired.

This week our fact tells us that last year Americans ate more than 8.5 million pounds of tortilla chips on Super Bowl Sunday.  Don’t tell me that, because there is no way to know it.  You can tell me that they bought that many, but you can’t be sure that they ate them all.  So how much salsa did they consume in the process?

Go get some cookies and have some socks.

I am away this week so I am doing an encore presentation of a post from last year.  I hope you enjoy it.  I will be back next week.

Today is Sunday, November 27 and Christmas is only 4 weeks away. That’s right,only 28 days.  Have you finished shopping?  Have you written your cards and those God-awful annual letters? Have you started baking yet?  What are you waiting for?  Get moving!  Today we remember the birthdays of Anders Celsius, James Agee and “Buffalo “ Bob Smith.  On this day in 1885 the earliest photo of a meteor shower was made, in 1910 NY’s Penn Station opened as the world’s largest railway terminal and in 1957 the Army withdrew from Little Rock, AR after the Central HS integration.  In Burma it is National Day, in Massachusetts it is John F Kennedy Day and in the US it is National Bavarian Cream Pie Day.

I mentioned above those awful letters that people send out each year telling everyone about how wonderful their family was this past year.  “We are so proud of Bobby. He has been at the top of his Third Grade class all year and holds the record for correctly spelling the most words in his class.  Our lovely daughter Loretta has been selected to represent her school at the annual Girls With Potential Conference this year.  Our son Joe has been working hard with our dog Fitzhugh and has finally taught him to play Texas Holdem.  He even wins once in a while.  My garden won several awards this past summer and Joe, Sr was awarded the blue ribbon for his cucumber salad at the church picnic.”  UGH!!

Just once I would love to see something like this – “Well, another year has passed and, with luck, we will get to the the new year without our 11 year old Gunner killing someone. That would make two years in a row.  Our 14 year old Betsy is pregnant, again. We are hoping to meet the father, if she can remember who it is. The 16 year old, what’s-his-name, has now been thrown out of just about every school in the county.  We were so proud when we read about it in the local paper.  My rehab has been going pretty well, I am five days sober, this time.  We got news that what’s-his-name Sr may be able to be released from prison in the new year.  He thinks he can beat the assault charges that are pending against him. Our dog Spike ate the neighbor’s cat, but that’s okay.  We never liked that cat anyway and Spike didn’t get sick.”

The worst part is that people send them out to everyone thinking that we all care.  I only get one or two.  I like the one from our friends in Iowa, but you can keep the rest of them.  Unless the letter contains a check or cash, don’t even send it to me.  I open the envelope, see the letter, look for a check and if there is none, out it goes.  If the people are not blood relatives (and some of them can be tedious), don’t tell me about them.  Okay, I have vented and can now move on.

I have become rather disappointed with this whole Black Friday business.  It used to be a lot more exciting.  There was always one special item that everyone wanted and there was always a limited quantity of that item in each store, usually four or five of them.  People would rush through Thanksgiving dinner so that they could get to the store and camp outside overnight to be one of the first inside to snag that precious item.  Friday there would be news coverage of the stampedes and you could see people getting knocked down, people fighting over things and the few lucky ones carrying the vaunted special item, taunting the losers and inviting violence on themselves.

Then, a few years ago, stores started opening on Thanksgiving Day, showing complete disregard for the employees with family.  The one thing you can be sure of is that the people in charge were not in the stores.  They were sitting at home with their pants undone, watching football and falling asleep.  However, by being open, they cut down on the Friday crowd somewhat.  Also it finally occurred to manufacturers that if they had the year’s hot item, they could sell more of them, thereby making more money at the inflated prices they were charging, if they produced more of the item.  They realized that if the store had 100 of the item they would still sell all of them and need to make more.

The final death knell for the good old dangerous Black Friday excitement started this year.  A lot of places started offering Black Friday pricing back around Halloween.  This was supposed to get people out shopping sooner and not waiting until the day after Thanksgiving.  The thing is that Black Friday prices are not all that wonderful.  They take an item, push the standard price up a little and then put it on sale at the price it used to be and people swarm to the store to buy it and they are excited because they got the bargain without all the danger.

I have said this before and I will continue to sound the clarion.  WAIT to make purchases. Don’t even fall for the Cyber Monday trap.  Just wait another week or so.  That is when retailers realize that they still have a fair amount of inventory to get rid of and they start making the real price deals.  And you won’t have to fight people to get what you want because they will have already paid the higher price a couple weeks ago.

This week our fact tells us that it would take 15,840,000 rolls of wallpaper to cover the Great Wall of China.  I ask, again, why anyone felt the need to figure this out.  But just to throw in a hitch, does this assume that the wallpaper does not have a pattern that needs to be matched?  And how much wallpaper paste would be needed to put it up?

Today is Sunday, November 20 and there are only 35 days until Christmas.  Yes you read that right, only 35 days!  Don’t wait until Friday, start shopping now!  Today we remember the birthdays of Otto Von Guericke, Peregrine White and Bo Derek.  On this day in 1637 Peter Minuit and the first Swedish immigrants to Delaware set sail from Sweden, in 1789 New Jersey became the first state to ratify the Bill of Rights and in 1967, at 11 AM, the Census Clock at the Department of Commerce ticked past 200 million.  In Mexico today is Revolution Day, world-wide it is Rights of the Child Day and in the US it is National Peanut Butter Fudge Day and National Absurdity Day (I thought that was on the 8th).

As you know, Thanksgiving is this Thursday, so in keeping with my tradition, I am offering some information on the holiday.  I try not to duplicate, from year to year, but if you find that I have, just skip over the repeat information.  Thanksgiving was originally celebrated as a day of giving thanks for the blessing of the harvest.  Although it has historical roots in religious and cultural traditions, it has long been celebrated in a secular manner as well.

Prayers of thanks and special thanksgiving ceremonies are common among almost all religions after harvests.  The Thanksgiving holiday’s history in North America is rooted in English traditions dating from the Protestant Reformation.  In English tradition, days of thanksgiving and special thanksgiving religious services became important during the English Reformation in the reign of Henry VIII and in reaction to the large number of religious holidays on the Catholic calendar.  Before 1536 there were 95 church holidays, plus 52 Sundays, where people were required to attend church and forego work.  The 1536 reforms reduced the number of church holidays to 27.  Puritans wished to completely eliminate all church holidays.  They were to be replaced by specially called Days of Thanksgiving.

In the US, the modern Thanksgiving holiday tradition is commonly traced to a sparsely documented 1621 celebration in Plymouth.  The Plymouth feast and thanksgiving was prompted by a good harvest. Pilgrims and Puritans emigrating from England carried the tradition of Days of Thanksgiving with them to New England.  Since then the holiday has become more secular and involves overeating, wearing loose pants, watching football and sleeping through the game.  That noise you just heard was the holiday book slamming shut.

Moving on, I find myself despairing more and more.  In the past I have commented on the poor use of language and the even poorer pronunciation of words.  I think the whole thing has reached a point where we should all become concerned.  I saw a car dealership commercial the other evening and in it they claimed that their deals were huge.  The problem is that they showed a graphic stating that the deals were “Yuuuuge!”  Have things really gotten so bad that no one noticed that before it went on the air?  And people got paid for that!  I always thought that weather people were the only ones who could be wrong with no consequence.

While we are on the subject of commercials, there are a few others I want to mention.  I know, I go on about commercials a lot.  There are two reasons for that.  One is because I find myself watching a lot of TV.  The other is because they are so ridiculous that they need to be talked about.  One that gets me is where people have made grievous mistakes on their job.  Their excuse is that they were eating a candy bar.   This commercial is ridiculous on several levels.  One is that eating is an excuse for doing your job poorly.  Another is that, at no time did anyone notice the mistakes and correct the situation.  What makes it worse is that they are using one of my favorite candy bars as an excuse for poor performance.  I suppose I take these things more seriously than I should, but ridiculous is ridiculous and a poor attempt at humor is no excuse.  Another commercial that I have never been able to figure out is the one where a couple ends up in two bathtubs.  First of all, do I have to buy the bathtubs before I get the drug or does the first prescription include the tubs?  Second, and frankly more importantly, is if you are in two separate bath tubs why do you need the product?  In a situation like that using the pill is a waste of time.

The final one that bothers me is where the protagonist is animated.  Not a moving body part, but a blob of mucus that walks around interacting with humans.  In a recent episode, it is referred to as Booger Man.  I also heard a commercial for a home alarm system recently.  A guy was called by the alarm company to say that there was a break in at his home.  He told them to notify the police.  He said, “Should I go home?  Nah, the alarm scared the snot out of him.”  Really?  Scared the snot out of him?  Is it just me?  Do these commercials really entertain people and cause them to go out and buy these products?  If so then I may have a bridge that they might be interested in.

One other thing I have been thinking about recently is what to have done with me when I die.  Because I am somewhat claustrophobic, I am not sure about being in a coffin.  Cremation has always been out because I have a fear of fire.  I started giving that second thought recently when I was looking at myself in the mirror.  I began to realize that cremation would be about the only way for me to have a smokin’ hot body.  Just a random thought.

This week our fact tells us that you can walk from Boston to New York City in fewer than a million steps.  Of course you can, it’s all down hill.  More importantly you can fly there in a couple hours and be nowhere near as exhausted.

Have a very happy Thanksgiving!

Today is Sunday, November 13 and there are only 42 days until Christmas.  I am already starting to get stuff I need for Christmas Eve dinner.  Today we remember the birthdays of St Augustine of Hippo, Robert Louis Stevenson and Oskar Werner.  On this day in 1775 American Revolutionary forces captured Montreal, in 1895 Hawaii sent out the first shipment of canned pineapple and in 1982 the Vietnam War Memorial was dedicated in Washington, DC.  In Grenada and New Zealand it is Remembrance Day, in Laos it is the King’s Birthday and in the US it is National Indian Pudding Day.

For those of you who might care (if you don’t, skip this paragraph) Indian Pudding is a traditional New England Thanksgiving dessert.  It is a baked custard with milk, butter, molasses, eggs, spices and cornmeal.  The name probably comes from the cornmeal, which was known as Indian meal way back when.  In case you were wondering.

This past Friday I celebrated the 37th anniversary of my 30th birthday.  I had a great day with the kids.  I got some great gifts, but one of the best was a can of coffee and chicory from the Café du Monde in New Orleans.  When we were down there last year, we had coffee and beignets almost every day.  Talk about a treat!  Anyway, the kids were able to get the coffee for me.  Unfortunately, the café does not ship frozen beignets.  I had the coffee with breakfast yesterday and it was great.

As if great gifts were not enough, we also went to Asbury Park to a place that is filled with pinball machines from as far back as the ‘60’s.  You pay a straight price when you go in, get a wrist band and then just walk around playing pinball.  It was terrific.  We finished the day off with dinner at a restaurant that gave veterans their meal for free.  Great gifts, spending the day with my family and a free dinner, what more could I ask for!

I have a couple issues I want to discuss today.  One is a commercial that is just a perfect example of bad.  The product is a spray that you use in the toilet.  Supposedly, you spray this and then go to the bathroom and the spray suppresses the odor.  The name of the product alone is tasteless.  The commercial starts out with the spokesperson talking about going to the bathroom by saying she has to “punish the porcelain.”  She goes on to say how the product covers the odor of “the devil’s donuts” and how it prevents her co-workers from having to share her breakfast burrito.

I am sure that, if it actually works as advertised, it is a good product.  I would have chosen a different name for it, and no I will not use the name here.  I would also have spent some time coming up with a better commercial.  At one point it shows people entering the bathroom after her and wafting the air with their hand.  If I were going into a bathroom as someone else was leaving, the last thing I would do was waft the air.  I might stand there with the door open for a minute or two, or look for air freshener, just in case.  I would not try to get a better whiff of the odor.  I hope you get a chance to see this commercial.  I think everyone needs to be appalled once in a while.

I am still in the throes of getting matters taken care of after the lovely Elaine’s passing.  Most recently, I have been dealing with banks.  All I can say is that there are a number of people who should be happy I do not own a gun.  In this state, when a spouse passes, you need to use one of two different forms when dealing with banks.  Based on my circumstances I needed to use the Inheritance Tax Waiver form.  For various reasons, I had to deal with three banks and a credit union.  The number of banks was due, partially, to having parents who grew up during the depression and did not put all their funds in one bank because if one bank failed … but I digress.

You would think that because all of the banks are in the same state that they would all do things the same way, based on banking regulations.  You would be wrong.  As I said, three banks and a credit union and all had their own way of doing what had to be done.  Keep in mind that I worked in a credit union and know the process that should be followed.  One of the banks did not ask for the tax waiver and just went ahead as if it was not needed.  The credit union did not ask for any supporting documents (death certificate, etc.), said they would take care of the changes and ultimately have not done anything and claim, when I call, that it is all taken care of.

The other two banks are the worst.  One bank cannot do anything in the branch and has to do everything through their corporate office in another state, which requires that everything be done by mail.  For example, the branch could not go into their computer and give me the balance of the account as of the date of death.  That had to be done through the corporate office, who, by the way, would just go into the computer and look at the same information that was available in the branch.  Ultimately that place was taken care of.

The best was the bank that gave me the date of death balance.  My lawyer filed the forms and we got the tax waivers.  I took it to the one bank and it turns out that the balance they gave me was the wrong one.  I asked how the amount could be wrong when they were the ones who gave it to me.  The person I was dealing with just looked at me and shrugged.  They told me I would have to get an amended waiver.  I told him to note this in the computer so they would understand why I closed my account.  My lawyer had never heard of this before.  He is now trying to get in touch with the tax people to find out what we have to do.  Stay tuned!

This week our fact tells us that if you spell out all the numbers individually, you’ll have to get to a thousand before you find an “a”.  I can see you running numbers through your head now to test this.  I am not going to wait, but trust me, it is correct.

One final thought that I read recently – The fact that there is a highway to Hell and only a stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.  Have a good week and save me some Indian Pudding.

Today is Sunday, November 6 and there are only five days until my birthday, in case you haven’t gone shopping yet.  Oh, and there are only 49 days until Christmas, speaking of shopping.  Today we remember the birthdays of Colley Cibber, Aldophe Sax and Ray Conniff.  On this day in 1572 a supernova was observed in the constellation known as Cassiopeia, in 1862 the New York to San Francisco direct telegraphic link was established and in 1966 NBC televised the first entire lineup in color.  In Mauritius it is Ganga Asnam and in the Virgin Islands tomorrow is Liberty Day.  In the US today is National Nachos Day and Saxophone Day.

As you know today we fell back an hour, ending Daylight Saving Time (DST).  Many Americans are confused about why we spring forward in the spring and fall back in the fall, myself among them.  We also wonder if it is worth the trouble.  Contrary to popular belief, resetting the clocks is not designed for farmers.  In fact, they lobbied against it when the change was first suggested.  Yet many people believe it was for the farmers’ benefit, including lawmakers.

The practice has both advocates and critics.  Putting the clocks forward benefits retailing, sports and other activities that exploit sunlight after working hours, but can cause problems for outdoor entertainment and other activities tied to sunlight.  Industrialized societies generally follow a clock-based schedule for daily activities that do not change throughout the course of the year.  The time of day that people begin and end work or school remain constant.  Proponents of DST argue that most people prefer a greater increase in daylight hours after a typical workday.  They also claim that DST decreases energy consumption, but the actual effect on overall energy use is disputed.

Critics claim that darker mornings are dangerous for children going to school.  They also say that the energy saving argument is invalid if people switch on fans and air conditioning during the lighter, warmer evenings.  There are also claims that the hour of sleep lost due to the DST switch has been linked to an increased occurrence of heart attacks.  Frankly, I do not see a real benefit and would be content to just leave things the way they are.  We should either spring forward and stay there or fall back and stay there.

Okay, enough about that.  I have been very careful to not get involved in all the foolishness going on with the election coming up on Tuesday.  While I do not espouse the idea that, since there is no one who really should be president, I will not vote, I admit it is a tempting strategy.  The thing that I have noticed in all the campaigns, including local ones, is that no one is really telling us what they plan to do when elected.  They gloss over a few ideas, but spend most of their time telling us why their opponent is so horrible.

Frankly, if even half of the assertions about candidates are true, most of them should be in jail and not eligible to run for office.  I am always amazed at how we can go for years blissfully unaware of the scandals that are lurking, only to have them all come to light during campaigns.
If the people running for office were really concerned, they would have brought the misdeeds to light as they occurred and not waited.  This way they could say they have always been watching out for everyone and not saying they would start doing it once they were elected.  And that’s all I am going to say about that.
I finally did something I have been threatening to do for some time.  I was in a diner recently and had ordered a cheeseburger platter.  Since I was by myself, I brought my IPad so that I would have something to read while I ate.  The platter came with the burger, fries, cole slaw, lettuce and a couple slices of tomato.  I used one slice of tomato and some of the lettuce.  I was hungry and ate everything except the other slice of tomato and the rest of the lettuce.  When the waitress came by see if I was finished, I said I was and asked if I could have the lettuce and the tomato slice boxed up.  She hesitated and looked to see if I was kidding.  I had gone back to my reading and did not say anything more.  She walked away shaking her head, but brought back a container, along with my check.  I was wearing my Vietnam Veteran windbreaker, so maybe she thought I was one of those crazy veterans you hear about.  I put the lettuce and tomato in the container, thanked her, paid my bill (yes I gave her a decent tip) and left with my leftovers.  She is probably still telling people about the incident.

I have been seeing commercials recently for various stores who are already pushing their Black Friday sales.  There are some stores who are claiming that they are offering Black Friday prices all month long.  I am not sure what to think about this.  Are they offering the “better” prices to drive up sales and avoid the dangers of the actual day, or are they making us think the prices are better when in fact they are not?  The stores that are already announcing the big sales for Black Friday are just giving people the opportunity to plan where they most want to be crushed in the door-opening onslaughts.  Either way, I will say what I have said in the past.  Wait a couple weeks and you will be able to get better deals when stores realize their inventory is bloated and they need to start offering real deals to clear things out.

This week our fact tells us that there are more stars than all the grains of sand on earth.  I say, “Prove it!”  How can anyone possibly verify that statement?  That is just like the statement that no two snowflakes are alike.  They say it, but there is no way to prove it and we simply take on faith that it is true.  I do not, but have no way to prove them wrong.

I am going to go get some nachos and enjoy the games today.  Have a good week.

Today is Sunday, October 30 and there are only 56 days until Christmas.  I will be starting to play Christmas music soon!  Today we remember the birthdays of John Adams, Ezra Pound and Grace Slick.  On this day in 1270 the eighth and final crusade was launched, in 1888 the first ball point pen was patented and in 1953 Dr Albert Schweitzer and General George C Marshall won the Nobel Peace Prize.  Today is National Speak Up For Service Day and National Candy Corn Day here in the US.

Get those holiday trivia folders out.  No teasing this week.  National Speak Up For Service Day was established to recognize the importance of telling others about the need for young people to be actively involved in community service.  (Go ahead and read that sentence again, I’ll wait.  I didn’t quite follow it either.)  Too often, good deeds of service by young people go unnoticed by their communities.  This day gives recognition to the unnoticed and serves as a reminder that people should tell others about the contribution of young people to their communities.  Having read that explanatory paragraph about the day, I can see why this is one of the little-known holidays.

I had something happen last week that I never expected and it caught me completely off guard.  I was driving on the interstate and realized that I was going past everybody else on the road, including trucks!  What made this unusual was that I was doing the speed limit!  I checked several times, just to be sure.  I am not sure why this was happening.  It was a sunny day, so rain was not an issue.  It was a little windy, but not enough to really have any affect on vehicles.  It was both exhilarating and unnerving.  I enjoyed going past everyone, but couldn't help but wonder why they were all going slow.  I kept wondering if there was a warning sign of some kind that I missed.  When the time came to exit the highway, I was kind of sorry.  I was pretty sure that I would never experience that again.

As I am sure you are all aware, tomorrow is Halloween.  No I am not going to go into a whole big explanation of the day and how it came to be and what it represents.  I could, but I have used up my trivia quotient for this week.  Suffice it to say that it is a day that kids look forward to each year.  They dress up in costumes, walk the neighborhood and beg for candy.  How cool is that?  When I was a youngster, my friends and I would wait until around 8 in the evening to go out.  By then most of the younger kids had been and were home building new cavities.

We would go out and people would give us piles of stuff because they did not want to get stuck with it.  We usually carried a couple bags to make sure we got as much as we could.  I had one friend who decided that he did not want to carry everything the whole night, so after we did our neighborhood, he went by his house and left the first bag there.  What he didn’t know was that he put the paper bag in a puddle.  When we were done for the evening, he picked up his first bag and the bottom fell out and candy went everywhere.  We felt bad for him so we gave home all the stuff we didn’t want.  Anyway, it’s a great day and I hope you all have fun.  I have mentioned this before, but my costume is simple.  I am only wearing roller skates.  I am going as a pull toy.  Enjoy the day!

Recently I have been getting a text every couple days trying to sell me sun glasses.  That is not that big a deal, except that the text has been coming at 3:30 in the morning.  I let it go the first couple times because it was very early and I did not fell like doing much more than swearing briefly, rolling over and going back to sleep.  I finally decided it was time to react after it happened for the fourth time.  I was awakened at 4 AM by this company, again trying to sell sun glasses.  I sent a text response that said, “I would like you to stop sending these texts.  I do not want to buy your sun glasses, especially when you are trying to sell them to me at 4 in the @#&%ing morning (Idid not use symbols in the actual text).  Knock it off or I will report your company.”  In reality, I don’t know who I would report them to, but apparently they believed me because they have stopped bothering me.

I have started to despair again.  I have been watching the car commercials and realize that car manufacturers are making it easier for drivers to not have to be responsible.  What bothers me the most is that the commercials show people having a wonderful time driving along, not paying the slightest bit of attention to what is going on around them.  They drive along singing and laughing, secure in the knowledge that the car will let them know that they are drifting into oncoming traffic or about to drive into a truck or another car.

I realize that things happen sometimes that require an immediate reaction and having a car that can break for you is a good thing.  But when it happens simply because you are daydreaming, there is a problem and it is not with the car.  When I was a mechanic in the Air Force and a pilot would write up a problem that did not make sense we used to say that it was time to re-torque the nut holding the wheel.  I think it is time to re-torque some of the nuts holding car steering wheels.

We need to stop making it easier for people to let their minds wander when they are driving.  The worst example was a commercial I saw recently.  A woman was out driving on a dark road, at night and was about to make a left turn when the car automatically stopped because of a car coming from the opposite direction.  The announcer said how wonderful it was that the car could do that.  I am sorry, but if you are driving on a dark road at night and don’t see the headlights of a car coming the other way, you have a problem and should not be driving, regardless of what your car can do.

This week our fact tells us that Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words.  Wouldn't it be easier to simply say a person has a fear of long words?

Today is Sunday, October 23 and there are only 63 days until Christmas.  I already have “It’s A Wonderful Life” ready to go.  Today we remember the birthdays of Nicholas Appert, Rama V and “Weird Al” Yankovic.  On this day in 1876 the New Orleans Mint reopened as an assay office, in 1915 25,000 women marched in New York City demanding the right to vote and in 1973 Nixon agreed to turn over the White House tape recordings to Judge Sirica.  In Thailand it is Chulalongkorn Day, in Afghanistan it is Id-Qurban Day and in the US it is United States Day, National Boston Cream Pie Day and National Mother-in-Law Day.

I am sure that as soon as you saw that it was United States Day, you all reached for your holiday trivia folders.  Well, put them away.  I have been unable to find any information regarding United States Day.  The only reason I left it in the list was to get you all worked up about another relatively unknown day.  Sorry.  I can be like that sometimes.

I don’t have a lot to discuss this week.  My son was having work done at his house and someone needed to be there so the workers could get in and out.  I spent the week watching other people work.  That in itself can be rather tiring when you think about it.  You have to be there because the house is open and workers are going in and out.  You need to keep an eye on them and make sure they are doing the things they are supposed to be doing.

I tend not to trust people and follow them around to make sure they are working in the rooms they are supposed to be in.  My son was having some windows replaced and I wanted to be sure the workers did not go into the wrong rooms or open the door to the room where the cats had been sequestered.  Yes the guys doing the job should know what rooms they were working in, but you still need to make sure their understanding of what rooms is the same as the actual list of rooms.  We got through that without a problem, but it still required my vigilance.  You try being vigilant every day while other people are working and see just how wearing it can be.

So as I said I do not have much to discuss.  I am not going to complain about commercials again.  Let’s just say they are annoying, in my opinion stupid and just the price you pay for not paying for the premium channels.  I have looked at the offerings on some of the premium channels and I am not sure it is worth paying for them so I can watch “Home Alone” and other movies from last century.  At least with commercials you have time to go to the bathroom, get more snacks, etc.

I did have an interesting experience the other evening.  My younger grandson’s birthday was last month, but he did not have his “friends” party until Friday evening.  He wanted a Game Truck party and the truck was not available until then.  I had heard about Game Trucks, but had never seen one.  It is a very interesting set up.  It is actually a big trailer.  They back it into your driveway, assuming there is room.  Otherwise they can set up at the curb … but I digress.  They set the trailer up and then all the kids are brought out to the closed trailer.  They are told the rules and then the doors are opened.

One side of the trailer has two large panels that open so that you can see inside and there is an entry door.  Inside the trailer on one wall there are six wide screen TV’s and each TV has a game console connected to it.  One section of one wall has a vast assortment of games for kids to choose from.  They also have a number of hand held devices so that no one is left out.  The wall opposite the TV’s is filled with couches for the kids to sit on.  Also, the truck has an awning that they open and another TV comes up so that you can also sit outside on chairs that they provide and play games.  You have the Game Truck for 90 minutes and you just play whatever games you want.  The are multiple controllers so that you can play with other people and compete in the many sports games that are available.

It was a great idea and the kids had a ball.  I wonder if they do parties for adults?  How great would it be to have a Game Truck pull into your driveway and you and your friends grab your beers and drinks and go in and play games.  It would be like that one restaurant with the games went on the road.  I will have to check to see if they do adult parties.  I will let you know.

This week our fact tells us that according to law, no store is allowed to sell a toothbrush on the Sabbath in Providence, Rhode Island.  However, the same stores are allowed to sell toothpaste and mouthwash on Sundays.  That would be like going into a bar and getting a glass and snacks but nothing to drink.  Just another one of those things that makes you go h-m-m-m.

Today is Sunday,  October  16 and there are only 40 days until Black Friday, so get those shin guards and elbow pads cleaned up and ready to go.  Today we remember the birthdays of Noah Webster, Oscar Wilde and Paul Strand.  On this day in 1848 the first homeopathic medical college opened in Pennsylvania, in 1925 the Texas School Board prohibited the teaching of evolution and in 1984 Desmond Tutu, black Anglican Bishop, won the Nobel Peace Prize.  In Jamaica it is National Heroes Day, worldwide it is World Food Day and in the US it is National Liqueur Day and National Dictionary Day.

I am sure that, when you read that it was World Food Day you thought, “Damn, here comes the holiday trivia folder again.”  Since I hate to disappoint you, let me give some information on World Food Day (WFD).  WFD is celebrated around the world every year in honor of the date of the founding of the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations in 1945.  WFD was established at the organization’s General Conference in November 1979.  The day has adopted a different theme each year in order to highlight areas needed for action and to provide a common focus.  This year’s theme is – Climate Change: “Climate is changing.  Food and agriculture must too.”

That’s all for WFD.  I know you are all wondering why it took so long for World Food Day to be created.  So am I, but I have not been able to find an explanation for that.  I will let you know if I do.

I try very hard to not be political and it is difficult, sometimes, to stay above the fray, but I do.  I do not want my weekly diatribes to be tainted by politics.  Having said that, I saw a posting of a sign that I feel pretty much says it all.  The sign reads – Can we just admit that we may have taken this “Anyone can grow up to be president” thing just a bit too far?  I really think that says it all.

I want to revisit the ongoing issues women seem to be having with their bladders.  I continue to see the commercials for all the different products that women can use so they can safely laugh, cough, sneeze, be startled, etc.  I saw a commercial for a product recently that made me wonder.  In the commercial, a woman was lamenting the fact that some products were bulky and obvious.  She was telling us this as she was preparing to go out on a date.  She was getting dressed and was saying how pleased she was to have found a product she could wear and still get dressed up.  The commercial ends with her walking off saucily on the arm of her man.

My thoughts then continued on.  They go out for dinner, have a couple glasses of wine, get chummy and then their thoughts turn romantic.  He invites her back to his place. And one thing leads to another and now how does she explain her special garment to him?  If she says that it is because she has a slight bladder issue, does he now have to be concerned that she might wet his bed?  Or does she do like they used to do in the movies, where she goes into the bathroom and comes out wearing a bathrobe that fits her and was conveniently left in there for her to use.  I wonder if Victoria’s Secret is working on a new product line for this dilemma?

This past week I had an interesting experience.  I went mattress shopping.  We had a king sized bed and now that there is only me, I felt that a bed that size was a little more than I really needed, so I decided to get a replacement that was a little smaller.  I went to a chain store that specializes in mattresses.  The lovely Elaine and I had used this chain before and were satisfied with our purchase.  I was not really sure what type of mattress I was looking for, but was pretty sure that, whatever I decided I wanted, I would find it there.  People find this type of shopping to be a chore, but I feel that anytime I can spend most of my shopping time lying down, I am good.

In the past, I have always felt that the mattress I had did not do much to support me after the first year or so.  With that in mind, I started looking at the various memory foam mattresses.  There are a number of different types.  There are strictly foam, foam top with coil springs that are individually wrapped in foam, not wrapped in foam, tied together, doubled and on and on.  I was leaning toward the foam ones, but was having a hard time with a couple different things.  One issue was the price of the ones put out by the company best known for their memory foam products.

This company actually has one mattress that cost over $12,000!  I know, that’s what I said, too!  For that price it should make itself and come with someone who carries you to it at night.  Needless to say, I did not get that one.  I didn’t even look at it to see what made it worth that much.  I didn’t think it was worth looking at something I was not even going to consider.  The other problem was deciding what level of firmness I wanted.  There were several different levels of firmness that were another issue.  They had from very firm to firm but soft.  They had a middle level and then a soft level.  It was mind-boggling.  Anyway, after talking to the salesperson, she took me to a line of mattresses that she felt would do the job for me.  I got lucky.  I found one that I liked and it was on sale, in stock and came with a free blanket, pillows and a duvet cover.  I do not know what a duvet is or why I have to cover it, but I am ready when I figure that out.

This week our fact tells us that in Vermont it is illegal to paint landscapes in times of war.  I can’t help but wonder what happened to cause this.  I wish I could have been there when this was debated to hear the reasoning behind it.  “Put down that brush Mr Ross.  No more happy little trees.  Don’t you know there is a war going on?”

Drink up, look up a word and have a nice week.  And remember another thing I saw recently.  According to Josh Stern a human pyramid looks awfully much like a food chart to a cannibal.

Today is Sunday,  October  9 and there are only 33 days until my birthday (which means only 77 until Christmas) so there is still time to shop for both days.  Today we remember the birthdays of Miguel de Cervantes, Bruce Catton and John Lennon.  On this day in 1635 religious dissident Roger Williams was banished from the Massachusetts Bay Colony, in 1888 the public was admitted to the Washington Monument for the first time and in 1980 we saw the first consumer use of home banking by computer.  In Ecuador, Tanganyika and Uganda today is Independence Day, in Peru it is the Day of National Dignity and in the US it is National Leif Erikson Day and National Moldy Cheese Day.

Tomorrow is Columbus Day and normally I would discuss the man and his dream to travel to the Indies, but I have decided to go in a different direction (no offense Chris) and discuss National Leif Erikson Day.  This day honors Leif Erikson, the Norse explorer who brought the first Europeans known to have set foot in North America.  He left the European continent in 999 and set foot in America in 1000, some 492 years before Columbus.  I have not been able to find an explanation for his trip, but assume he was headed in this direction intentionally.  Based on the timing, one has to wonder why we give so much credit to Wrong-Way Columbus and so little to Erikson … but I digress.

In the year 1925, President Calvin Coolidge gave recognition to Erikson as the discoverer of America.  United States Representative John Blatnik from Duluth introduced a bill in 1963 to observe Leif Erikson Day nationwide.  On September 2, 1964 the United States Congress passed Joint Resolution 88-566 authorizing the President to proclaim the day as Leif Erikson Day and this has been done by presidents since Lyndon Johnson.

The day was chosen because it is the anniversary of the day that the ship Restauration arrived from Norway in 1825, starting organized immigration from Scandinavia to the US.  Now let us slam shut the drawer on useless holiday information once again.  It is amazing how often that drawer pops open, isn’t it?

One quick comment on the rushing of the seasons that I brought up last week.  There is a commercial out that actually plays Christmas music.  Come on!  We are just getting to Leif Erikson Day and we already have commercials with Christmas music.  The only thing that makes it tolerable is it is a song I like.

Moving on, I find myself drawn back to another topic that I seem to go on about – commercials.  Specifically the ones for medications.   By the way I may have lost track, but I think another medication has come out for psoriasis.  Are things that bad?  Should we be creating a ribbon for it?  Sorry digressing again.  I have written in the past about animated body parts in commercials.  The one that has gotten me recently is the one where a person has assumed the persona of the body part.  She wears a body suit, has an unattractive hairdo and talks to the woman who is suffering from the affliction.

Let me digress yet again and ask this question – are we to assume that since she is the only one with this annoying body part hanging around, that she is the only person in the area suffering from the affliction?  I think the whole thing would be more interesting if several other people in the office had their own body part following them around.  Anyway, here is what gets me.  Once the woman starts taking the medication, instead of the body part going away, the woman is now teaching it how to do clerical work.  Am I the only one who has a problem with this?  Is it really possible to teach my bowel how to file papers while I do something else?  There has got to be a better way to sell medication than by insulting our intelligence with the drivel they are coming up with.

Speaking of commercials, I was watching TV the other evening and one came on regarding hair loss.  I already had a beverage and I did not need to use the bathroom, so I spent the time analyzing the commercial.  I noticed some interesting differences between the before and after photos.  In the “before” pictures, the lighting is a bright, white light.  The person is shown with a dour expression and the women have no makeup.  The “after” picture shows them in a softer light, they are smiling, the women have makeup and, in one case, I would swear the woman had her nose done.  If your product is really good, show the people in the exact same settings and let us see what it can do.  If you have to make that many adjustments to make them look good, I have to wonder if your product really works.  Okay, I am finished with commercials for this week.

I think it is lucky for me that I am a senior citizen and that I wear either a cap, shirt or jacket that shows that I am a veteran.  If it were not for those two things, I would probably get punched often.  I was recently in a store and had one item to purchase.  As I was heading for the cashier, a young man came rushing up and pushed in line in front of me.  I, of course, felt I had to say something so I said, “O-o-oh.  Good job.  By pushing in front of me like that you saved yourself from having to stand in line an extra 30 seconds.”  He turned around and looked at me and my Vietnam Veteran shirt and decided not to react.  Unfortunately, I am not sure he got the sarcasm.

This week our fact tells us that 29% of us are virgins when we marry.  The rest of us were having a much better time and the women still wore white gowns on their wedding day.

Happy Leif Erickson Day!  And for the traditionalists, Happy Columbus Day (observed) tomorrow.

Today is Sunday,  October 2 and there are only 53 days until Thanksgiving, so you might want to get that turkey out and start thawing it.  Today we remember the birthdays of Mohandas K Gandhi, Spanky McFarland and Don McLean.  On this day in 1535 Jacques Cartier discovered Mount Royal, in 1935 the Hayden Planetarium opened and in 1967 Thurgood Marshall was sworn in as the first black Supreme Court Justice.  In Guinea it is Independence Day, in India it is Gandhi Jayanti and in the US it is National Fried Scallops Day and National Name Your Car Day (just please, PLEASE do not name it Brad).

What I would like to know is why doesn’t the food you receive in restaurants ever look as good as it does in commercials.  I am talking about fast food places mainly.  You see the commercial and the food they show you looks great.  The burger sits there looking juicy and delicious.  The ketchup shows just enough to let you know it is there, the cheese is melting and the bacon looks like an entire pound is piled in there.  You see the commercial and your mouth waters and you want to run right out and buy one.  Then you go to the actual restaurant and the only resemblance to what you saw on TV is that both restaurants have the same name.

The actual burger is not served on a nice puffy, shiny bun.  It is squashed down so that it is only about an inch high.  You have to dismantle the whole thing to see if you got what you ordered and to see if everything is there that should be.  The only way the ketchup shows is f they slopped it on the outside of the bun.  When you look for the bacon, you are lucky to find two actual slices.  I went to a place recently that didn’t even wrap the sandwich completely.  So the grease leaked out through the bag.  Fortunately, I put the bag on the center console which is plastic and easier to clean than the leather seat would have been.  When I got home I had to rebuild the burger and it looked nothing like the ones on TV.

I understand that they want the food to look great in commercials so that you will be enticed into going there.  I do think that they could make an effort in the place to at least make the food look edible.  On the flip side, I have seen commercials for restaurants where the food looks so bad that I would not even think about going there to eat.  And again I cannot help but wonder – doesn’t anyone review this stuff before they put it out?  I still cannot believe that these people are getting paid big money for this junk.  It is a shame this “don’t care too much” attitude didn’t exist when I was working.  It would have made things a lot easier for me.

Moving on, I had promised that I would get out and about so that I would have things to tell you about.  I had the opportunity to go to the mall recently and the fun started while I was still in the parking lot.  I was driving around looking for a place to park and thought I had spotted an opening.  Fortunately, I was going slow and paying attention.  As I got closer and prepared to pull into the space, I realized it was occupied by one of those little smart cars.  I moved on and found another space.  As I was walking to the mall, another car saw the same space and pulled in, driving right into the small car already there.

There are two things at play here.  One is that the smart car driver should not have pulled the car all the way into the space.  The driver should have realized that the car was shorter than the other cars and not pulled in as far, making it easier to see the car.  Obviously just because your car is smart doesn’t mean you have to be.  The other thing is that the other driver should have been paying attention and driving as if they were in a parking lot and not the Daytona Speedway.  I was able to see the car and not drive into it.  Why couldn’t she?  I am sure we know why, so I won’t bother going into it.

Once in the mall, I was able to get my coffee and wander around enjoying the sights.  At the risk of repeating myself, let me just say that I am amazed at what people think looks good when they go out in public.  There were people there wearing things that I would not wear when I am home alone.  I saw one couple that were obviously looking for Walmart.  People, when you are going out, give some thought to what you are putting on.  Just because you like the red, green, blue and yellow flowered blouse and you like the red and white checked pants doesn’t mean they should be worn together.  Yes, I saw that.  I also saw a woman who looked like she had been painting and working in her garden and then got in her car and went shopping.  At least brush some of the dirt off before going into Lord and Taylor.

I do want to commend one man that I saw in one of the stores as I was walking through the women’s section on my way to the men’s department.  A woman I am assuming was his wife came out of a changing room in an outfit and asked him how it looked.  You could tell by the way she said it that she was pleased with it.  I don’t know if he is always honest or he was just tired or what his reason was, but he told her that it looked terrible.  He said the color was not right for her and the outfit made her look big.  She looked at him for a couple seconds and went back into the room.  I would loved to have been able to hear the conversation on the way home.  I am always ready to learn new profanity.

I came across this week’s fact and when I read it I knew I had to use it.  I have nothing to add.

At Arkansas State University two people cannot hold hands while standing in a doorway unless they belong to a union.

Whaaaaaat?

Today is Sunday, September  25 and there are only 91 days until Christmas.  Time to start baking!  Today we remember the birthdays of Olaus Rimer, William Faulkner and Dimitri Shostakovich.  On this day in 1493 Columbus sailed on his second voyage to America, in 1789 Congress proposed the Bill of Rights and in 1981 Sandra Day O’Connor was sworn in as the first female Supreme Court justice.  In Rwanda it is Government Day and in the US it is National Comic Book Day, Math Storytelling Day(I hope you have some good stories for today, Pat) and National Gold Star Mother’s Day.

First off, in my ongoing effort to keep you educated regarding little known national days, let me give you information on the Gold Star Mothers.  The organization was founded by Grace Darling Seibold of Washington, DC.  When the US entered WWI in 1917, Grace’s son George volunteered, requesting an aviation assignment.  Because the US did not have an Air Force at that time, Seibold deployed to England and was assigned to the British Royal Flying Corps.  George corresponded with his family regularly, but then the mail from him stopped.  Because he was under British control and authority, the US could not help the family with any information.  On October 11, 1918, George’s wife in Chicago received a box marked “Effects of deceased officer 1st Lt George Seibold.”

Grace, convinced that self-contained grief was self-destructive, devoted her time and efforts to supporting mothers whose sons had lost their lives in military service.  She organized a group consisting solely of those mothers, with the purpose of not only comforting each other, but giving loving care to hospitalized veterans confined in government hospitals far from home.

The organization was named after the Gold Star that families hung in their windows in honor of a deceased veteran.  After years of planning, 25 mothers met in Washington, DC, on June 4, 1928, to establish the national organization, American Gold Star Mothers.

I think we can now safely close the Useless Information file for this week and move on.  As many of you either know or have surmised, I am a big fan of Christmas.  I love the music, the special foods that we only make when it is Christmas (a subject we will discuss another time), all the great cookies, the special movies, etc.  Having said that, even I have to say that I think stores are pushing it a little too much.

We are still in September, Halloween and Thanksgiving are still ahead of us.  And yet, the other day I was in a store that has all the decorations out for sale.  Really?  I understand that they want to get a jump on the season, but couldn’t they wait until November?  At this rate, by the time I am ready to buy Christmas cards it will be too late.  The Easter cards will already be out.  Please slow down a little.  Let’s get past at least Halloween before we rush into Christmas.  We already ignore Thanksgiving, let’s not take Halloween from the kids.  They wait all year for a chance to get bags of candy and start the trek toward Type 2 Diabetes.  Don’t confuse them by putting out Christmas stuff.  They may think they missed Halloween.

I have noticed recently that there is a disease that must be particularly virulent because there are at least three different medications out to combat psoriasis, but only moderate to severe, of course.  Except for the name of the drugs, there does not seem to be a whole lot of difference between them.  They all show clearing skin in a short time.  Their commercials all show people who have the affliction being shunned by society until they take this most recent miracle drug.  They all have a list of side affects that include suicidal thoughts, swelling, infections (be tested for TB before taking the drug), a desire to bay at the full moon, a need to swim in cold water and an almost insatiable urge to eat Swedish fish.  Is the psoriasis market so big that three drugs can compete successfully?  Is this the same drug, only redone to solve issues in the first two manifestations?  Ask your doctor which one is right for you, but only if you actually have moderate to severe psoriasis.

I know I have mentioned this before, but I wanted to bring it up again, simply because it has occurred several times recently and I have a hard time understanding why it happens.  Maybe someone can explain it to me.  I am driving along the highway and suddenly, traffic comes to a halt.  We slowly make our way along for a mile or so and then everything opens up.  Why did we stop?  A policeman had pulled a car over.

That’s all.  No big accident, no stray circus animal wandering on the highway, no naked woman standing there waving.  Just a cop and a car.  Maybe they took my advice and watched the TV show Cops and were hoping to see some kind of chase or a shootout or something.  The worst was the other day when there was only a police car.  Apparently, whoever he had stopped was gone and he just hadn’t turn his flashing lights off yet, so we all had to slow down and look at him.  People, you do not have to slow down to look, you have to drive.  If you aren’t careful you may end up on a different TV show – “Trauma: Life in the ER”

This week our fact tells us that a cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.  Depending on the size of the glass that could be a really impressive number.  But speaking of cows, let me ask this question.  When a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?

Today is Sunday, September  18 and there are only 98 days until Christmas.  Yes, we are under a hundred days and I will bet that most of you have no idea what you are getting for your family and friends yet.  You’d better start planning!  Today we remember the birthdays of George Read, Claudette Colbert and Frankie Avalon.  On this day in 1755 Fort Ticonderoga opened, in 1851 the NY Times started publishing and in 1965 “Get Smart” premiered.  In Chile today is Independence Day, in the US Constitution Week started yesterday and today is National Cheeseburger Day.

Constitution Week!  What is that?  I'm glad you asked.  Constitution Week is the commemoration of America’s most important document.  The United States Constitution stands as a testament to the tenacity of Americans throughout history to maintain their liberties, freedoms and inalienable rights.  This is from the Daughters of the American Revolution, who created this commemoration.

In 1955, the DAR petitioned Congress to set aside September 17-23 annually to be dedicated for the observance of Constitution Week.  The resolution was later adopted by the US Congress and signed into public law on August 2, 1956 by President Dwight D Eisenhower.

The aims of Constitution Week are, again according to the DAR, to emphasize citizens’ responsibilities for defending the Constitution, to inform people that the Constitution is the basis for America’s great heritage and the foundation for our way of life and to encourage the study of the historical events which led to the framing of the Constitution in September, 1787.

I know I said last week that I was going to get out and have experiences that were worthy of discussing with you.  I did not.  I wanted to and I tried to, but circumstances, a trip to the lawyer’s office and other things prevented me from doing so.  I did have one experience that I can share.  The other evening I was out at the grocery store.  When I got into my car to come home, the dashboard informed me that the pressure in my right rear tire was low.  I was unconcerned because the tire was not flat, I had a short ride home and I had a compressor in the garage so that I could bring the pressure up to the correct level.

When I got home, I got the compressor out and tried to pump the tire up.  Unfortunately, the compressor decided to make several unsettling noises and then emitted a smell that told me it was not going to be a viable tool in my garage.  Exhibiting, once again, my skill with profanity I dumped the useless machine in the garbage.  Fortunately, not too far away, is a gas station that has an air pump that is free.  Understand, I am not cheap, but I do have a problem with having to pay for air.  It is all around us!  Why should I have to … but I digress.

Anyway, I loaded up on free air and then went to one of the large DIY box stores to replace the compressor.  I went into the store and started looking around for what I wanted.  Not finding it in the areas I thought it might be, I asked one of the employees working in the general vicinity where I might find an air compressor.  He directed me to a section that had compressors that were so large I would not be able to fit one in my car.  I explained that I was looking for something much smaller.  I wanted something that could be used for car tires, bike tires, sports balls, etc.

He gave me a look that I am sure was supposed to assure me that he was thinking.  I was not confident, but waited patiently for his response.  He looked around at the large compressors and said, “I don’t think we have what you are talking about.  These are the only ones that I am aware of and I have been here for three years now.”  With that he began his backward shuffle so that he could get away before I could ask him if he was sure.  I did not believe that they didn’t have what I wanted, so I tried a few other areas that might have them and found exactly what I was looking for.

I then went looking for the veteran employee.  When I found him, I held up the box and said, “I found what I was looking for.  Not only do you have them, but you have several different brands to choose from.  And I have only been here for 10 minutes.”  He was not amused.

I promise that I will spend some time at the mall this week so that I can share my observations with you.

This week our fact tells us that the Cosmos contains approximately 50,000,000,000 galaxies.  First of all, who cares?  In the greater scheme of things, how does that make it easier for me to pay for food and property taxes and fuel for my car and other necessities?  Why did we spend the time and money to find that out.  More importantly, how do we know that is true?  For all we know, somebody decided that, based on what he could see, that was a reasonable assumption.  After all, who was going to stand outside some evening and count the galaxies to confirm that number?

Go eat a couple cheeseburgers, read the Constitution and have a good week.

Today is Sunday, September 11 and there are only 105 days until Christmas so start wrapping presents, writing out cards and composing those Christmas letters.  Today we remember the birthdays of O Henry, Charles Evers and Brian DePalma.  On this day in 1789 Alexander Hamilton was appointed Secretary of the Treasury, in 1875 the first newspaper cartoon strip was published and in 1950 the Dick Tracy TV show sparked an uproar concerning violence.  In Ethiopia it is the New Year, in Pakistan it is Jinnah Day and in the US it is National Grandparents Day, National Hot Cross Bun Day and Patriot Day, observed as the National Day of Service and Remembrance.

The National Day of Service and Remembrance occurs each year on September 11 in memory of the 2,977 people killed in the 2001 September 11 attacks.  A bill to make September 11 a national day of mourning was introduced in the US House on October 25, 2001.  The bill designated the day as Patriot Day.  Joint Resolution71 passed the House by unanimous vote.  The bill passed the Senate unanimously on November 30.  President Bush signed the resolution into law on December 18, 2001.  The flag of the United States is flown at half-staff on all government buildings and establishments throughout the world.  Additionally, a moment of silence is observed to correspond with the attacks, beginning at 8:46 AM eastern, the time the first plane, American Airlines Flight 11, struck the North Tower of the World Trade Center.

This was the day when four jet planes were hijacked and two crashed in the New York World Trade Center and one into the Pentagon.  The fourth plane, United Airlines Flight 93, was directed at Washington, DC, but it's passengers bravely attempted to take back control and it crashed into a field near Shanksville, Pennsylvania.  In the wake of the World Trade Center collisions, many brave men and women from the emergency services risked their lives to try to rescue victims of the attacks, and of them 411 lost their own lives attempting to fight fires and rescue people.

At that time, my house had a great view of the New York skyline, including the Empire State Building and the World Trade Center.  My son was at my house that day with my first grandson who had just been born in June.  Standing on our front porch my son saw one of the buildings collapse.  It was disturbing to go out for the next couple days and watch the columns of smoke rise into the air.  We could also hear and see the airplanes on their approach into Newark Airport everyday.  Suddenly, there were no planes flying and the silence was far more disturbing than the noise from the planes.  It was a terrible time for everyone and a time we should never forget.  Please do not let this day fade into obscurity as the years pass.  If you have a flag, put it at half-staff.  If possible, observe a moment of silence at 8:46 AM, eastern.

As an aside, it should be obvious why nothing ever gets done in this country.  It took 44 days for a resolution declaring 9/11 a National Day of Mourning to be introduced in the US House.  It took another 36 days for the Senate to pass it and then another 18 days for the president to sign it.  Why?  I can understand that it took some time to recover from the shock of the attack and to write the bill, but 44 days?  The Senate passed it unanimously 36 days later.  What took so long?  The vote was unanimous so there probably wasn’t much argument.  While this was all going on, someone had to have told the president about it.  He should have been ready to sign it the same day it was passed.  Instead, it took him another 18 days to get around to it.  Now you can see why things take so long to happen.

I do not have much else to discuss this week.  I did not get out too much as I have been dealing with estate paperwork and stuff.  I also spent a couple days at my son’s house doing some work around there.  The benefit to working there is that I can come and go when I feel like it.  They are pleased to have me do stuff for them and I am happy to still be able to do the gardening and stuff for them.  I know, it was hot and I shouldn’t be doing hard, outdoor work, but it was not that bad.

I have worked on a grounds crew at a golf course and done landscaping in a cemetery.  I was also a jet engine mechanic in the Air Force, including a year in Vietnam, so I know how to sweat and work outdoors.  The benefit of working at my son’s is there is no deadline, they have a shaded deck and plenty of cold water in the fridge.  I get there when I feel like it and leave when I am tired.  A good deal if you ask me.

I will try and get out this week so I have new things to discuss.

This week our fact tells us that a person eats around 60,000 pounds worth of food during a lifetime which is the equivalent of six elephants.  Most holidays I feel like I have consumed my lifetime limit in one day.

Please take a moment to observe Patriot Day, a National Day of Service and Remembrance.
God bless America!

Today is Sunday, September 4 and there are only 68 days until my birthday.  Please feel free to contact me regarding gift ideas.  And by the way, Christmas is only 44 days after that!  Today we remember the birthdays of Marcus Whitman, Paul Harvey and Craig Claiborne.  On this day in 1609 navigator Henry Hudson discovered the island of Manhattan, in 1888 George Eastman patented the first roll-film camera and in 1957 the Ford Motor Company introduced the Edsel.  It is National Wildlife Day and National Macadamia Nut Day.  Tomorrow is Labor Day here in the US.

While many consider Labor Day to be the end of summer, the end doesn’t actually arrive until 15 days later, this year.  For all those kids who are back in school and who had to help close up their pools, it is difficult to believe that summer has not ended, but it has not.  So be sure to go out and enjoy those last few days of summer, once you have finished your homework.

For those of you who were wondering, Labor Day is a creation of the Labor Movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers.  The first governmental recognition came through municipal ordinances during 1885 and 1886.  The first state bill was introduced into the New York legislature, but the first to become law was passed by Oregon on February 21, 1887.  During that year four more states created the Labor Day holiday by legislative enactment.  By the end of the decade three more states followed suit and by 1894, 23 other states had adopted the holiday.  On June 28 of that year, Congress passed an act making the first Monday in September a legal holiday.

There is still some doubt as to who first proposed the holiday for workers.  Some records show that Peter J. McGuire, general secretary of the Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners was the first to suggest it.  However, many believe that Matthew Maguire, a machinist, founded the holiday.  Recent research seems to support the contention that Matthew Maguire proposed the holiday in 1882 while serving as secretary of the Central Labor Union in New York.  Either way, this is a topic that should make for some lively discussions at your Labor Day barbecues.

I know I said I was tired of talking about commercials, but this past week I started to wonder about something.  Doesn’t anyone ever have to actually prove the claims they make in these advertisements?  I have seen several phone companies claim that they are number one in a variety of areas.  There are at least three who claim to be first in customer satisfaction.  Now I have not done the research, but is it possible that there was a three-way tie for first?  Or is it more likely that two of the companies are confused or just lying?

You see this with a lot of different companies – beer, cars, mattresses, clothing, makeup, etc.  Shouldn’t you have to back up your claims and be able to prove them to someone before you can air the commercial?  Obviously no company wants to say, “We ranked fourth in customer service, but we try real hard and generally don’t swear at you while you are on the phone.”  But if you cannot show data that proves you are number one, can you say you are?  Don’t tell me that you are number one, just give me the product at a decent price and let me determine how good you are by myself.  By the way, I am still sick of insurance commercials and that’s all I am going to say about that.
Generally, I try not to mention companies, stores, TV shows or other things by name because I don’t want to create issues for them or me, but I am going to name one show.  The reason for this is not to complain or make disparaging remarks about the show, but to address a different matter.  I watch the TV show Cops and the one thing that strikes me constantly is the stupidity of the suspects.  One incident showed a person being taken into custody by police.  He was handcuffed and had three officers standing around him.  He decides to make a run for it.  Even the cops were amazed.  One asked him what his plan was, if he got away.  “You were handcuffed and we have your ID.  How did you think this was going to work out for you?”

I am constantly amazed at the number of people who are passengers in a car that is pulled over.  When questioned by police, they claim not to know the driver.  He or she just offered them a ride and they took it.  Or the driver who has no idea who the passenger is, they just asked for a ride and he said sure.  I am also amazed at the number of people who are driving cars that do not belong to them.  It belongs to a girlfriend, a cousin, a friend, a relative or whoever and they just never happen to have any ID or any paperwork on the car.  They say these things and then can’t understand why the officer has them get out of the car.

The ones that get me are the ones that take me back to when I was a kid.  My mother would catch me carrying cigarettes and would ask me what I was doing with them.  I always claimed they weren’t mine, that I was holding them for a friend.  I could never understand why she didn’t believe me.  I saw one episode where police pulled a car over because the driver ran a red light and almost hit a car.  When they walked up to talk to him, they saw an open backpack on the seat and saw several bags of marijuana in it.  When they asked him about it, he said it wasn’t his and that his friend must have left it in the car.  He couldn’t understand why the police didn’t believe him.  If stupidity entertains you, this is the show to watch.

This week our fact tells us that in Athens, Greece, a driver’s license can be taken away by law if the driver is deemed either unbathed or poorly dressed.  Can you imagine how many drivers would be taken off the road here in the US if they just enforced that law in Walmart parking lots?

Enjoy the holiday and have a good week.