It is Sunday, November 1.  I know.  Where did the time go?  It seems like only yesterday it was October and now it is November.  Anyway, you still have 10 days until I celebrate the 36^th anniversary of my 30^th birthday, in case you haven’t gone shopping yet.  Today we remember the birthdays of Benvenuto Cellini, Stephen Crane and Keith Emerson.  On this day in 79 (not ’79, just 79) Pompei was buried by Mt Vesuvius, in 1894 the vaccine for diphtheria was announced by Dr Roux of Paris and in 1969 the Beatles’ “Abbey Road” album went to #1 and stayed there for 11 weeks.  It is State Day in Antigua, Memorial Day in Togo and Author’s Day in the US.

I saw an incident recently that exhibited, once again, how totally unaware of their surroundings some people are.  I was in the parking lot of a large strip mall and was walking to a store when I heard a grinding noise.  I turned to look and a car had driven up over a curb and was now hung up there.  It seems that the driver was trying to do a pull-through rather than having to back out of the space she was in.  What she either didn’t notice or saw and then forgot was that there was a curb in front of her car.  In this lot, every so often, they have a narrow island that runs the length of the lot.  Why?  Who knows?  Maybe the contractor got a good deal on the blocks used to build it.  The point is that it is at least four inches high and this person tried to drive over it.  Oops!  So this week’s driving tip is look before you try to drive off.  The undercarriage you save may be your own.

As we settle in to our new home, one thing becomes more and more obvious to me.  It is impossible to replace anything that we have in the house.  One example of this is our front door.  The door has brass hardware that did not hold up well to the weather and sunlight.  From what I can tell, it is the hardware that was put in when the development was first built 10 years ago.  I am fairly sure it is not top quality and, as with most things, was designed with planned obsolescence in mind.  No problem.  The lovely Elaine and I decided that we wanted to change the color of the door and go to satin nickel with the hardware. Sounds simple, right?

Wrong!  The first problem is that the door has a knocker on it that has a peep hole.  Why they needed a peep hole is beyond me.  There is a panel of windows on either side of the door.  If I want to know who is at my door, I can simply look out those windows.  So why is the knocker with a peep hole a problem?  The main reason is because they do not sell them in stores anymore.  I can go on-line if I want one, but it will cost me over $50, plus shipping, to get a replacement.  What makes it more of an issue is that the door is a steel door.  If I get a knocker without a peep hole, I now have a hole drilled in the door that I will have to patch. 

I did find one on-line and ordered it.  When it was delivered I discovered that not all of these things are standard.  On the one that I got everything was good, except that the screw holes were six inches, on center, and I needed 4 inches.  I ended up having to return it.  In looking further, I was surprised at how many did not provide that information.  I would think that would be information that would be important to know.  The various stores sell door knockers without peep holes, and fortunately, they give the screw measurements on the package.  I was able to find one and now all I have to do is figure out what to do with the interior hole.  I thought I could just put some kind of fancy hook there and hang seasonal decorations on it.  I mentioned this to the lovely Elaine and got the look.  Oh well, I will figure something out.

Another issue we have is with our stove.  The previous owners did a fair amount of damage to the face plate.  It seems they decided to scrub the plastic with steel wool.  Not a good idea.  The other thing they did, and I am not sure how, is they managed to chip the paint off the burners and there are sections that are down to bare metal.  I decided that, while I am sure it would not be cheap, it would be easy to simply go to the manufacturer’s web site and order replacements.  The previous owners had left all the booklets on the appliances so I had all the information – model, style, part name and number, etc. – so that I could get what I needed.  I went to their web site and found out that the stove is no longer manufactured and parts are not available anymore.  Don’t ya just love it?  

Otherwise, we are slowly adjusting to being here.  The biggest problem is adapting to the new space.  We were in our old house for 36 years and got used to things being in a certain place.  As an example, in the old house, our stove was free-standing and we were able to use a magnetic towel bar and hooks on the side for a dish towel and oven mitts.  Now our stove is built in and there are no sides available for that.  We have been able to come up with adjustments, but it takes time to develop alternatives that are convenient and sensible.   We are adapting and I am sure that by the time we are here 36 years we will have everything sorted out.

For those of you who are wondering, we are still not completely done with the old house.  There is the matter of a stairway that needs to be completed.  The contractor got started on the job and then decided that it was a good time to go away for a couple weeks, so that whole issue is still pending.  It is our hope that this will all be settled in the next few days.  Stay tuned!

This week our fact tells us that the active ingredient in Chinese Bird’s Nest soup is saliva.  Whose?  How does it get in the soup?  Does someone just walk by while it is cooking and make a contribution?  Is it special saliva?  Is there some sort of saliva section in catalogs for this kind of thing?  Just one more reason why I never order this item.

Have a good week and stop by again.

It is Sunday, October 25 and there are only 61 days until Christmas.  I know!  Where does the time go?  Time to go shopping for guar gum, polysorbate 80 and the other ingredients needed to make your fruit cake last forever since no one eats it.  Today we remember the birthdays of Johann Strauss, Minnie Pearl and Anne Tyler.  On this day in 1760 King George III ascended the British throne, in 1870 postcards were first used in the US and in 1962 American author John Steinbeck was awarded the Nobel Prize in literature.  In Taiwan it is Restoration Day, in the Virgin Islands it is Thanksgiving Day and in the US it is Mother-in-Law’s Day.

One of the things I have been wondering about lately is the big deal they have been making about finding water on Mars.  I am not sure why I should care or how the find affects me.  I know that it will not reduce my water bill or sewage bill in any way.  I am pretty sure that it will not change the way things are done here on earth.  The only thing that might happen is that our state taxes may go up because our governor will want to build a steel wall to protect the planet from storm surges.  

Maybe I have the wrong attitude about this.  When I heard they were sending a rocket to Mars I asked “Why?”  When everyone was getting excited about being able to see Mars, I asked “Why?”  Now there is a big to-do over discovering that there may have been water at some time and I ask “So what?”  There may have been water in the basement of my old house at some time, too, but so what.  We spent millions of dollars to send a rocket up there to look at a planet that cannot support life (except for Matt Damon), that would take way too long to get to if it could and that may have had some kind of water at some point.  To make things more exciting, the water may have been salt water, so we would not even be able to use it, if it still exists.  We couldn’t find something better to do with that money than fly to Mars?

According to the Jetsons, we are supposed to have flying cars.  If the GE pavilion at the New York World’s Fair in 1964 was to be believed, we were supposed to harness the power of electricity and the sun to have a bevy of conveniences and advances in everyday life.  I will say that the microwave oven has made it easier and quicker to make popcorn and to reheat leftovers.  I will also say that the crock pot has made cooking easier because it can happen while you are doing other things.  But generally speaking, we are still doing things the way we used to.  Granted, the appliances are fancier and take more time to figure out, but a stove is still just a stove and an oven still has to pre-heat before it can be used.

We now have electric cars and we don’t have to worry about having a six hundred mile extension cord so that we can drive around in one.  We are developing cars that can see around us and brake for us so that we don’t run into the car ahead of us (although I think paying attention would be a good idea), but we still have not developed the flying cars and the cars that can drive themselves just by having us key in our destination … but I digress

As I asked earlier, couldn’t we come up with a better way to spend millions and millions of dollars rather than fly to Mars?  I admit that I watch a fair amount of TV.  One of the things I have noticed is that there are new drugs coming out every day and these drugs are for all sorts of afflictions.  As a side note, have you noticed that they are generally for people with moderate to severe whatever.  What do people do who have mild to moderate problems?  Do they just leave the affliction alone until it crosses the line and becomes moderate to severe so that they can take advantage of the drugs that are available?  Sorry, digressing again.  What I am wondering is if we saved the money we spent on going to Mars, could we have helped the pharmaceutical companies develop a drug that wouldn’t cause us six different types of harm, including cancer and suicidal thoughts, while curing toenail fungus?

Here is another thought for those funds.  Let’s update the computer systems used by the government so that they cannot be hacked as easily as they are now.  Maybe if the government upgraded from the Commodore 64’s and the Apple Macintoshes, they could install better software to protect their systems.  Perhaps if they paid better salaries (which they could afford by not going to Mars) they could hire qualified individuals to monitor the systems and prevent incursions.  I am reasonably confident that we could find a number of ways to better use those funds.

I am not opposed to discovering new and different things.  I am in favor of discovery.  I am opposed to doing things like going to Mars.  There is no real value to the trip, we really didn’t gain a whole lot from the effort and I am not sure what the value really is for what we did learn.  They claim that there is evidence that there was water.  Great!  Now what?  Is there a way to prove beyond doubt that there was water?  Is there a way to collect that water and bring it back to earth?  Is there a way to use that water once we have it?  Is it safe to bring it back here?  

They say that water is a sign that there might have been some form of life.  It appears that both the water and the form of life have gone away.  That should tell us something – stay away from Mars.  Or, maybe there is life, but when they saw us coming they turned off their faucets and went and hid in their basements.

This week our fact tells us that scientists have calculated by the Bible and other theological writings, that the temperature of hell is 718^o C or 1324.4^o F.  I am not sure how they could have done that or why.  Realistically, the only ones who would know are the ones who are there and they can’t tell us because, well, they are dead and gone.  I wonder if they have water there.

It is Sunday, October 18 and there are only 68 days until Christmas.  Be careful when buying Halloween candy.  You don’t want to confuse it with the Christmas candy that is already out in some stores.  Today we remember the birthdays of Canaletto, Fannie Hurst and Pam Dawber.  On this day in 1648 the first US labor organization, Boston Shoemakers, formed, in 1767 the boundary between Maryland and Pennsylvania, the Mason Dixon Line, was agreed upon and in 1967 Walt Disney’s “Jungle Book was released.  In Rhodesia it is Republic Day and in Alaska tomorrow is, of all things, Alaska Day.

When we first moved into our new house we determined that one of the things that needed to be changed was the faucet in our kitchen.  It was low, making it difficult to fill the coffee pot, or large pots , or rinse dishes.  It was also stiff and did not move freely.  With that in mind, we went shopping and finally found a faucet that we liked.  The other day I had enough time available that I decided to install the faucet and rid ourselves of the one we had.

I cleaned out the things under the sink and got ready to remove the old faucet.  It quickly became apparent to me that the existing one had been installed when the house was built.  The faucet was attached to the sink before it was put into place.  I was not about to pull the sink out so I had to climb in under the sink and reach up to undo the various fittings and lines to remove the old one.  Anyone who has done this knows that not only is the position you are in extremely awkward and uncomfortable, but you are also trying to remove nuts using tools that are not meant  to be used in the limited space available.

It took quite a lot of time and swearing to get the old one out.  I had to keep stopping to give my arms and back a break from the position I was in.  In the process, I would have to climb out from under the sink and then back in after resting.  I banged my head so many times that if I had been playing football in the NFL, I would have been taken to the locker room to go through the concussion protocols. After banging my head four or five times, I decided that maybe I should be more cautious in my ingress and egress.  Easier thought than accomplished.  In avoiding the one obstacle, I was able to find another one to bang against.  I finally decided to go with the one that didn’t cause as much pain or swearing.

I finally got the old one out and was quite proud of myself.  It was out and it only took two hours, a decent amount of pain in my back, side, butt and shoulders, a bump on my head that I knew would not get better soon and the need for a bandaid on the finger that I scraped the skin off.  I stood there and reveled in my accomplishment for a minute or two, until it dawned on me that I still had to crawl back under there to install the new one.  While the new faucets are made to be installed more easily, they still have some aspects that require the uncomfortable positions and working in limited space.

I decided that I was not going to be defeated by this.  I was going to forge ahead and get this thing installed.  I carefully followed the instructions (which I truly believe are written by someone for whom English is their second or even third language)and got it installed.  I reviewed all the steps to make sure that I had not missed anything.  I checked to make sure that all the fittings were tightened and that everything was ready to go.  It was.  I confidently turned on the water supply and water shot out of the side spray hose and went all over the kitchen floor.  If you know anything about me you will know that I was less than pleased with this outcome and put together a fairly long string of profanities to express that displeasure.

I rechecked everything to be sure that I had not done something incorrectly.  Confident that I had followed the instructions, I decided to call the company for assistance.  The only thing harder than actually taking out the old faucet and installing the new one was getting a real person on the phone to talk to.  He walked me through several quick fix things that did not work.  He suggested that maybe debris had gotten into the diverter (the part that sends the water from the faucet to the spray) and had blocked it.  I asked what kind of debris.  I pointed out that it was a new item, fresh out of the box.  He had no answer for that.  

He asked a couple more questions and then put me on hold.  When he came back, he told me that he was ordering a couple parts for me and that I should have them in seven to ten days.  I told him that that was unacceptable.  I explained that this was my kitchen sink and I could not go that long without it.  He explained that he could not get them out any sooner and he would get them ordered right away.  I don’t remember my exact response, but am pretty sure that it was unpleasant.  He then asked if there was anything else he could help me with and I said, “You haven’t helped me with anything so far” and hung up.

So, because I hadn’t been having enough fun, I had to go to the store and purchase another faucet, pull the non-working one out and install the new one.  Without going into great detail, the new one got installed, it does not spray water all over the kitchen floor and it is okay.  I have stiff shoulders, an even sorer butt and a sizable bruise on my back.  I can assure you that I will not be doing anymore plumbing work anytime soon.  If this new faucet falls apart, I will start filling the coffee pot in the shower.

This week our fact tells us that Rush Limbaugh was disqualified from the Vietnam draft due to a cyst on his butt.  That would explain a lot.  His head is up there now because he is checking on the cyst.  That is why he talks out of there, too, I guess.

It is Sunday, October 11 and there are only 20 days until Halloween.  Now is the time to start remembering where you hid the candy you bought in August when they put the Halloween candy on the shelves.  Today we remember the birthdays of Eleanor Roosevelt, Elmore Leonard and Daryl Hall.  On this day in 1811 the Juliana, the first steam-powered ferryboat began operations, in 1890 the Daughters of the American Revolution was founded and in 1987 200,000 gays marched for civil rights in Washington.  In Sri Lanka it is Deepavali, in Western Samoa it is National Day and in the US tomorrow is Columbus Day.

As in years past, I have taken time to discuss tomorrow’s holiday.  I try to provide different information each year so that you don’t get bored.  Here is this year’s contribution.  At the end of the 15^th century, it was nearly impossible to reach Asia from Europe by land.  The route was long and arduous, and encounters with hostile armies were difficult to avoid.  Portuguese explorers solved this problem by taking to the sea – they sailed south along the West African Coast and around the Cape of Good Hope.

Columbus had a different idea.  Why not sail across the Atlantic?  His logic was sound, but his math was faulty.  He believed (erroneously) that the circumference of the Earth was much smaller than his contemporaries believed it was.  He felt the journey by boat from Europe to Asia should be not only possible but comparatively easy.  We all know how that worked out.

One final point I would like to make is that though he did not really “discover” the New World – millions of people already lived there – his journeys marked the beginning of centuries of trans-Atlantic conquest and colonization.  That is it for this year.  I hope you have gained from this annual delving into Columbus.

For all of you who have been sitting on the edge of your seat for the past week, yes, we finally closed on the house and are technically done with it.  I say technically because we still have a project that has to be completed so that the buyers can have the house free and clear.  There is the matter of a stairway that needs to be built.  The town granted a conditional certificate of occupancy after paperwork was filed saying the buyers would be responsible for seeing that it was done according to code.  We have hired the contractor and are paying for the work, but it has to be completed and the town has to sign off before the entire transaction is complete.

As I have said, once it is all done, I will regale you with the foolishness that we endured trying to get this sale completed.  All I can say is that if you are looking to move, have your town inspector come by and get the process going as soon as possible.  I am hearing horror stories from people in other towns who have had the same types of problems.  It appears that the Code Enforcement people are very good at interpreting rules and regulations any way they want.  The problem is that you have no recourse.  You are at their mercy.  The question that is always asked is why do they bust your chops so much.  The answer is simple – because they can.

One of the benefits of having to drive back and forth, a one hour drive each way, is that I had a lot of time to ponder and wonder about things.  I think I have mentioned the one question before.  Why is it that the right outside rear view mirror is different than the left outside mirror?  Who decided that it was an advantage to look in the right mirror and see things that appear to be farther away than they really are?  To top it off, why do they put the message on the bottom of the mirror in lettering that is hard to read?  It is confusing to look in the inside rear view and see a car approaching you and then look in the outside mirror and have that car seem farther away.  What is the benefit to that?  Don’t drivers have enough to worry about with texting, talking on the phone, selecting music from their MP3 and drinking coffee?  They already use normal mirrors for the left side.  Why can’t they just use those same mirrors for the right side?  I would love to hear the explanation for that.

Here is something else that has puzzled me for a while.  When you are driving, the road signs tell you that something is coming in ¼ or ½ mile.  However, the odometer in cars shows the mileage information in tenths of a mile.  Wouldn’t it make more sense for the road signs to be in tenths also?  That way the information would be of more value.  I am sure that many accidents are caused by drivers being distracted trying to figure out how many tenths of a mile equal a ¼ mile.  

There are also signs that say construction will begin in 1500 feet.  Again, how does that equate to tenths.  Of course with construction, it is not as difficult because the cones have been laid out for a mile approaching the area where work is being done, so you know it’s coming, you just are not sure when.  Another indication, if the work is being done at night, are the lights they use to light the work area.  These lights can be seen from space.  They provide more light than workers would get if they were working on a sunny day.  I have the opportunity to ponder these things because I put the car on cruise control, doing the speed limit (unless it is 55) and let everyone else fly by me.

This week our fact tells us that researchers at the Texas Department of Highways in Fort Worth determined that the cow population of the US burps some 50 million tons of valuable hydrocarbons into the atmosphere each year.  The accumulated burps of ten average cows could keep a small house adequately heated and its stove operating for a year.  I have to ask why the Department of Highways is researching cow burps?  Are the roads in Texas in such great shape that they do this type of research to keep busy?  Now before you go and build the pen for your cows, make sure you get the necessary permits from your town.  

I have to go now.  There is a slight chill in the house and I need to go give the cows some soda.