Today is Sunday, June 26 and there are only 46 days until National Presidential Joke Day.  Between the existing president and the candidates who are running, I am sure you can all come up with your own ideas here.  Today we remember the birthdays of Arthur Middleton, Abner Doubleday and Alex Dreier.  On this day in1483 Richard III usurped the English throne, in 1848 the first pure food law was enacted in the US and in 1945 the UN charter was signed by 50 nations in San Francisco.  In the Malagasy Republic and British Somaliland it is Independence Day and in the US it is National Chocolate Pudding Day.

I am coming to you this week from Austin, Texas and yes, thank you, we are having a good time.  I have travelled here with my brother and two friends of ours.  The excuse we used for making the trip was to visit my uncle to celebrate his 90th birthday.  My cousin, his daughter, was gracious enough to host the event at her house.  It was a lot of fun.  We had not seen my cousin for a number of years and it was great seeing her and her family.  We had not seen my aunt and uncle for about six years, since they had moved to Texas, and it was good to see them.  I will say that they did look older than I remember them, but then my uncle said that about me, too.  It must have something to do with memory.

So, let me tell you a few things about the Lone Star state.  First and foremost, it is HOT!!!  Over the years I have learned a number of colorful phrases to describe how hot it is.  In deference to you all, I will not share them with you.  I will say that it is so hot that I have been sweating like a dog passing peach pits.  The second thing I can tell you is that it is flat, at least in the areas we have been to.  The only way to get any kind of view is when you are on an overpass going from one road to another.  Something that I have been happy about is that there are plenty of Starbucks.  Now I know that many will wonder how I can drink hot coffee when it is this hot.  The simple fact is that I really like coffee.  If I am going to sweat anyway, I might as well enjoy some good coffee while I am doing it … but I digress.

I can also tell you that people here drive as badly as they do at home.  What makes driving interesting is things like the entrances to highways.  At home, the entrance is always made by making a right turn onto the entrance ramp.  Down here the approach roads are one way and you make the entrance by going left.  It is a little disconcerting, but I hope to have the hang of it by the time we leave.  The speed limits are higher, the average being 70.  There were some areas where the limit went to 80.  And cars were still going by me like I had stopped to check my tires.  One thing that I find very interesting is that the big 18-wheelers either do the speed limit or go slower.  In all the time we spent driving on highways here I have not yet had a truck try to get into the back of my car.

One thing I saw in Austin that I found interesting, was the way the parking was set up in some areas.  The parking spaces were angled, but they were set up in such a manner that you had to go past the space and then back into it.  That way when you pulled out, all you did was drive forward.  It makes sense, I suppose, but it would take me a fair amount of time to get used to it.  For many of the people I see in parking lots at home it would be perfect for them.  They are always backing into spaces and they are not set up to make it easy to pull out.

We saw an interesting occurrence the other day.  As we were pulling out of the hotel lot, a car was driving along in the left lane of the road and a police car with lights flashing was coming up behind it.  I waited until the cars passed and then pulled out behind them.  We thought that the woman driving the car would see the lights and pull over, but she did not.  She drove on for several blocks with the police car behind her.  Finally, she pulled into the right lane and we expected to see him go zooming by.  Nope!  He pulled over behind her, lights still flashing.  She continued on and he kept following.  We finally got to a red light.  She stopped and he pulled up behind her.  Then he got out of his car, walked up to hers and rapped on the window.  We did not stay to hear what he said, but we could tell by his gesturing that he was unhappy.  I suspected that she would be, too, by the time he finished with her.

One of our day trips took us to San Antonio, where we went to the Alamo.  It was interesting to walk down the streets of downtown San Antonio and suddenly there it is.  There are stores across the street, a large hotel behind it and it sits there as if it was just another building downtown.  I had been here a long time ago as a young kid while on vacation with my family.  Some of it was as I remembered it and some changes had been made to the grounds.  One thing that was the same, and was a disappointment to me on the earlier trip, was that Davy Crockett looked nothing like Fess Parker, the actor who played him in the Disney series.  To this day that is one of my stronger memories of that trip.  My parents were always disappointed that that was the one thing I took away from that visit.

This week our fact tells us that the bloodhound is the only animal whose evidence is admissible in an American court.  The biggest problem is teaching the dog to talk so that he can testify.

Today is Sunday, June 19 and there are only 189 days until Christmas.   I have already started getting the CD’s ready and have “It’s A Wonderful Life” all set to go.  Today we remember the birthdays of Dame May Whitty, Guy Lombardo and Pier Angeli.  On this day in 240 BC Eratosthenes estimated the circumference of Earth, in 1778 Washington’s troops finally left Valley Forge and in 1934 the Federal Communications Commission was created.  In Kuwait it is Independence Day, in Texas in is Juneteenth Day/Emancipation Day and in the US it is Father’s Day and National Martini Day.

Time to open the useless information file for Father’s Day.  The holiday was first created in 1910 by Sonora Smart Dodd.  She heard a sermon about Mother’s Day and felt that fathers should have a similar holiday.  In particular she wanted to honor her father, Civil War veteran William Jackson Smart, a single parent who raised six children.  She initially suggested June 5, her father’s birthday, but pastors did not have enough time to prepare their sermons and the celebration was deferred to the third Sunday of June.  The first Father’s Day was held on June 19, 1910.

A bill to accord national recognition of the holiday was introduced to Congress in 1913.  It did not pass.  In 1916 President Woodrow Wilson went to Spokane to speak at a Father’s Day celebration.  He wanted to make it official, but Congress resisted, fearing it would become commercialized.  President Calvin Coolidge recommended in 1924 that the day be observed by the nation, but stopped short of issuing a national proclamation.  Two earlier attempts to formally recognize the holiday had been defeated by Comgress.  

In 1957, Maine Senator Margaret Chase Smith wrote a proposal accusing Congress of ignoring fathers for 40 years while honoring mothers thus “singling out just one of our two parents.”  In 1966, President Lyndon Johnson issued the first presidential proclamation honoring fathers designating the third Sunday in June as Father’s Day.  The day was made a permanent national holiday when President Richard Nixon signed it into law in 1972.  So now, between this year and the past couple years, you should know more than you ever wanted to about this holiday.  If you are lucky, next year I may just mention it in passing.

I have been wondering about our language again.  I was sitting in my car the other day waiting for my younger grandson to get out of school and I happened to look at the cruise control levers.  I noticed that there was a button to accelerate and one to decelerate.  Several questions popped into my mind.  One was that if accelerate increases speed and decelerate decreases speed, does that mean if our speed remains the same we are celerating?  This question brings up another.  Why do we increase and decrease, but we accelerate and decelerate?  Why not accrease or incelerate?  And then I wondered if we are not increasing or decreasing are we simply creasing?  And how do we differentiate the creasing of staying the same from the creasing of ironing pants?

“You know dear, I was thinking of increasing the budget for wine, but I decided that for now we will just crease it.”

“You are going to iron the budget?”

 “No I am going to keep the wine budget the same.  I am going to crease it.” 

“Why would you bother to fold the budget?  Won’t that make it hard to read?” 

“You know, I may just increase the wine budget after all.”

I am writing this next part to show that I am not always complaining and to share something interesting.

My younger grandson gets somewhat emotional at the end of the school year.  He has been going through school with a great group of kids.  They all get along well and like each other.  So, when the end of the year comes and they realize they won’t be seeing each other for a couple months they are sad.  In the past, on the last day of school, he would cry.  His older brother’s response was a less than supportive “What are you, nuts?”  He can’t wait for the end of the year and is quite happy that it is over … but  I digress.

As I said, in the past, he has cried a little on the last day of school.  This year, when I picked him up, he jumped in the car and with great bravado said, “That’s done.  Let’s get out of here.”  As I drove off, he sat back quietly for the ride home.  We were going to pick up his brother and go out for lunch.  After that the plan was for him to come to my house and we were going to bake Movie Theater cookies.  These are cookies that include buttered popcorn, chocolate covered raisins … sorry, there I go digressing again.

So we got his brother and their choice for a special last day of school lunch was a fast food place.  It would not have been my choice, but it was what they wanted and it was their last day of school lunch.  I noted that the older one was his usual self, but the younger one was quiet.  He ate his meal but was not as gregarious as he usually is.  After we left he decided that he would pass on baking the cookies.  This surprised me because he usually loves baking.  I realized that, while he didn’t cry, he was still sad that school was over.  I only hope that this enjoyment of school and the friends he makes there stays with him.  Nothing is as heartwarming as seeing kids sorry that school is over, but I am sure that in a couple days he will be over the sadness and in full-on summer vacation mode.  I thought I would share that for anyone reading this who teaches.

Okay, here is your bad joke of the week – What do you call a cow with no legs?  Ground beef!

This week our fact takes us back to last week’s story of destroying the shed and how lucky we were.  It seems that skunks can accurately spray their fluid as far as 10 feet.  That means that all three of us would have gotten nailed.  Whew!

Don’t forget to call your Dad.  Then go have a martini!

Today is Sunday, June 12 and there are only 147 until Daylight Savings ends, we fall back and start coming home from work in the dark.  Today we remember the birthdays of Cosmos de Medici, David Rockefeller and Anne Frank.  On this day in 1665 the English renamed New Amsterdam New York after the Dutch pulled out, in 1849 the gas mask was patented by Lewis Haslett and in 1967 the Supreme Court unanimously ended laws against interracial marriages.  In Finland it is Helsinki Day, in the Philippines it is Independence Day, on Turk and Caicos Island it is Constitution Day and in the US it is National Jerky Day and National Peanut Butter Cookie Day.

This coming Tuesday, June 14, is National Flag Day.  The idea of an annual day specifically celebrating the US Flag is believed to have originated in 1885.  BJ Cigrand, a schoolteacher, arranged for the pupils in the Fredonia, Wisconsin Public School to observe June 14 (the 108th anniversary of the official adoption of the Stars and Stripes) as Flag Birthday!

On June 14, 1889, George Balch, a kindergarten teacher in New York City, planned ceremonies for the children of his school, and his idea of observing Flag Day was later adopted by the State Board of Education of New York.  On June 14, 1891 the Betsy Ross House in Philadelphia held a Flag Day celebration and on June 14 of the following year, the New York Society of the Sons of the Revolution, celebrated Flag Day.

Inspired by three decades of state and local celebrations, Flag Day was officially established by the Proclamation of President Woodrow Wilson on May 30th, 1916.  While Flag Day was celebrated in various communities for years after the proclamation, it was not until August 3, 1949, that President Truman signed an act of congress designating June 14th of each year as National Flag Day.  So that should fill the Flag Day useless information folder.

I feel that I should mention that I was feeling rather rebellious the other day, so I had a sandwich and cookies for breakfast.  When I took my shower, I wet my hair, lathered, rinsed and then did not repeat.  The final straw was when I was driving – I got behind a construction vehicle and followed it for about 15 minutes.  I have to confess that I felt like a real renegade.  I will also say that I still have no idea why construction vehicles do not want you to follow them.  Having done it, I can see no reason or benefit to the practice.  I will say that if you are so inclined, go ahead and follow one.  It will help dispel the mystery for you.

I was down visiting Pat the other day and it occurred to me that I had not shared an experience I had a few weeks ago.  I am going to rectify that omission now.  My son has had a shed in his yard since the family moved in.  The shed was not in the best of shape to begin with and over the years it has not improved.  I have often suggested that he get rid of the thing.  It was a good visual definition of the word ramshackle.  Finally a plan was made to take the thing down.  A dumpster was ordered and we planned to take it down on a Saturday morning.

My two grandsons were thrilled and could not wait to start destroying something without getting into trouble.  The day of the tear down, the boys donned work gloves and got ready to get to work.  First, we had to empty the shed.  It turned out that most of the things in it ended up in the dumpster, too.  Finally, the time came to take down the shed.  Each of them had a short-handled sledge hammer to work with and they got busy.  My son and I directed their efforts and they had a ball.  What amazed me was that they worked hard and didn’t complain.  They seemed to enjoy the noise the debris made as we threw it into the dumpster as much as they did destroying the shed.  I felt the need to take a break once or twice and they had a hard time stopping for 10 minutes or so each time.  In a relatively short time, we had everything done but the floor.

I suggested that we flip the floor over so we could dismantle it easily.  My son got on one corner, I got in the middle and the older grandson was next to me.  We lifted the floor up and all of a sudden my grandson said, “Oh (expletive deleted)” and took off.  I have to admit that I have never seen him move that fast before.  I looked down and saw the object of his consternation was a skunk.  It took off running.  Fortunately it ran away from us, even more fortunately, it did not spray as it ran.  I was a mere five feet away from it and would probably still stink if it had.  It ran until it hit the fence around the pool hard enough for us to hear it, bounced off and then turned and kept going.

It left behind a number of recently born babies.  Animal control told us that once we left the area the mother would come and relocate the family.  We quickly finished taking the floor apart.  Surprisingly, the boys had suddenly lost their interest in destruction.  We were away from the area for only a few minutes, when momma came and got the kids.  We don’t know where they went, but we know they are nowhere near the house, so who cares.

This week our fact tells us that during his or her lifetime, the average human will grow 590 miles of hair.  As we age the hair becomes more obvious because of its location.  For women it is in the form of dark hairs on the chin.  For men it grows out of their nose, ears and eyebrows.

Now go have some jerky and some peanut butter cookies.  And don’t forget to fly your flag on Tuesday!

Today is Sunday, June 5 and there are only 172 days until Thanksgiving, when I can officially start playing Christmas music.  Today we remember the birthdays of Thomas Chippendale, William Boyd and Ken Follett.  On this day in 1661 Isaac Newton was admitted as a student to Trinity College, Cambridge, in 1917 10 million US men began registering for the draft in WW I and in 1977 the first personal computer, the Apple II, went on sale.  In Columbia it is Thanksgiving Day, in Denmark it is Constitution Day and in the US it is National Gingerbread Day and National Moonshine Day.

A question I have is am I the only one who drives the speed limit these days?  I know, even I do not go 55.  The National Maximum Speed Law (NMSL) was a provision of the Federal 1974 Emergency Highway Energy Conservation Act that prohibited speed limits higher than 55 mph.  It was drafted in response to oil price spikes and supply disruptions during the 1973 oil crisis.

While Federal officials hoped gasoline consumption would fall by 2.2%, actual savings were estimated at between 0.5% and 1%.  Those officials later went to work for our governor estimating economic growth in our state.

The law was widely disregarded by motorists and most states opposed it.  The NMSL was modified in 1987 and 1988 and finally repealed in 1995.  But I digress …

The original question was “Am I the only one who drives the speed limit these days?”  I ask because it seems that I am.  The problem is that people drive on both sides of the limit.  There was talk that people in my state wanted to raise the limit to 70.  Why raise it?  Most people are driving that or higher now.  If we raise it they will just do 80 or above.  Sorry, digressing again.

So, anyway, I was talking about the speed limit.  As I drive around I try to watch the speed limit and drive what is posted.  I do this for two reasons.  One is to avoid having a deer enter my car by way of the engine compartment or windshield.  The other is that I realize that local law enforcement uses traffic fines as an income producer for their towns.  I drive along on single lane roads, I take pleasure in doing the speed limit and having people come flying up behind me and then having to slow down.  I have had people flash their lights to get me out of the way.  Unfortunately for them I don’t care that they want to go faster.  If they are in a hurry, they should have left sooner.  The other problem is that on a two lane road there is really no where to go.  I can tell by the gesticulations that they are upset.  Unfortunately they have mistaken me for someone who cares.

I do on occasion feel a certain amount of empathy for them.  This happens when I am trying to get somewhere by a certain time and the person in front of me feels that going 35 in a 45 zone is okay.  These people seem to lurk on side roads waiting for me to come along.  I always wonder how they know when I have an appointment that I have to get to.  There are roads that I travel all the time with no problems.  But put me on a schedule and out come the creepers, as I call them.  I call them a lot more than that, but I don’t want to use that kind of language here.  The thing with these people is that they seem to be oblivious to what the limit is.  They drive along as if they are the only car on the road and do not seem to care about the ten car parade they have poking along behind them.  My only other complaint is that I can never pass them so I cannot indulge in my practice of checking to see if they look as stupid as they drive.

Creepers are everywhere.  You see them on highways and they always feel that the middle lane is the place to be when you want to go 10 miles under the speed limit.  When I was a young driver it was always understood that the right lane was for going under the limit, the middle lane was for doing the limit and the left lane was for the malcontent who felt that the speed laws didn't apply to him or her.  This has changed.  The right and left lanes are for people who want to go faster than others on the road, again showing disregard for the laws.  The middle lane is for people like me who do the speed limit and the creepers who pop up every so often.

The excitement comes when you approach a creeper.  The way people drive nowadays you are not safe trying to get into either lane to pass.  You come up on the creeper and start looking to change lanes to pass.  Cars come flying up behind you and you know they are going to pass.  The problem is that they just change lanes and go.  They don’t use a turn signal so you never know where they are going.  You end up having to creep along until you spot an opening.  I guess that’s what makes driving so exciting – you never know which side of your car is going to be hit.

This week our fact tells us that forty percent of the American population has never visited a dentist, but they have all been to Walmart.