Today is Sunday, May 1 and there are only 238 days until Christmas.  Remember it is never to early to order those Swiss Colony beef logs.  Today we remember the birthdays of Magnus VI Lagabuter, Benjamin Henry Latrobe and Joseph Heller.  On this day in 305 Emperor Gaius Aurelius Valerius Diocletianus Jovius of Rome resigned (he was tired of having to sign his name all the time), in 1844 Samuel Morse sent the first telegraphic message and in 1931 the Empire State Building opened.  In Finland it is Vappu Day, in Hawaii it is Lei Day and in the US it is Child Health Day.  It is also National Chocolate Parfait Day and National Lemonade Day.

I may have discussed this before and if I have I apologize, but I am going to talk about it again.  If you remember reading it before, feel free to skip ahead to the next topic.  The issue is why some large dump trucks have a sign on the back that says, “Construction Vehicle Do Not Follow.”  Are there really drivers out there who follow large dump trucks on a highway?  Why?  What is it that they hope to accomplish by following a dump truck?  I will be honest, I have seen a number of dump trucks in my driving experience and have never been tempted to follow one, even without the sign.  In fact, I try to avoid being behind them because they tend to slow down going up hills and they are always dropping dirt and stones and other debris that could damage my car.  One of these days I may follow one with a sign and one without a sign just to see what they do that is different.  If I do I will let you know the story.

(If you have skipped ahead, start here.)  I have to admit that I am in despair.  Lately, it seems that people are becoming more ignorant, stupider, less concerned with everyone, more arrogant, I could go on, but I am sure you get the picture.  Why do I say this?  Let me give you some examples.  Recently, I was out driving.  I had stopped at a red light and was the second car in line.  Just as the light turned green a car came up on my left and used the left turn lane to go straight so that it wouldn’t have to wait for two cars to go.  The safety issues aside, what was the rush?  Once he or she got through the light they did not take off down the road.  They did the speed limit.  Was it just because they did not want to be behind other cars or were they doing something on their phone, did not see the light was red and swerved to avoid hitting us.  Hmmm.

Speaking of being on the phone, did they rescind that law about using the phone while driving?  I see people riding along talking on the phone all the time.  Some people are holding the phone with one hand and steering with the other.  Some are driving with both hands while trying to hold the phone with their shoulder.  Some are doing that pretentious holding the phone out in front of them and talking, as if they are they only people with a cell phone.  Really?  It is more unique to not have one … but I digress.  I even saw one (I am at a loss as to what to call her, but I will go with)horse’s patoot who was driving with one hand, had the phone held up by her shoulder and was applying lip gloss.  I think multi-tasking is a good thing, but that is going a bit too far.

Apparently people have become incapable of reading or understanding signs.  It seems that the No Turn On Red signs are only for people who follow rules.  And, God forbid you are trying to cross the street when one of those people decides to ignore the sign.  The rule is that you should come to a complete stop before making the turn.  Pedestrians are lucky if drivers slow down to 25 mph when making the turn.  I will admit that I don’t always come to a complete stop, but I do slow down almost to a stop and actually look before I turn in case there is someone in the crosswalk.  Let’s be honest.  Do you really want to run into someone with your car?  Can you afford the time you will need to explain to the police how you managed to come to a full stop and then make the turn and still send the person flying 15 feet across the pavement?  Not to mention explaining why you turned when the sign said you couldn’t.

Recently, I was stuck in traffic, inching along at about five feet per minute due to an accident.  When I got to the area where the accident had occurred, the three left lanes had been shut down.  An 18 wheeler was smashed into the divider.  Workers were picking up chunks of the divider and throwing them on a truck.  A car was upside down in the roadway.  I mention all of this because of what came next.  As soon as we got passed the scene and the road opened up, cars took off down the highway at speeds much higher than the posted limit.  I guess they felt they had to go faster to make up for the time they lost.  I would have thought that an upside down car on the road would have made them cautious, but what do I know?

This week our fact tells us that in 2011 Forbes estimated that Scrooge McDuck was worth $44.1 billion dollars.  I am not sure what they used to determine that, nor am I sure of why they felt it was necessary.  My questions are if he had that much money why couldn’t he get a speech therapist for Donald and some pants for Donald’s nephews?  And if you will allow me one more digression, where are the parents of those nephews?  Just wondering.

Thanks for coming by.  Now go get some lemonade and try to get a lei.

This week it is with profound sadness that I write to tell you that the lovely Elaine lost her battle with brain cancer this past week.  As a result, I hope you will understand that it will be a few weeks before I write again, but I will be back, I promise.

Elaine and I started “ going steady” when she was a sophomore and I was a junior in high school. We waited 7 years, until she had finished college and I got out of the service, to get married.  This May we would have been married 43 years.  Yes that equals 50 years together.

Elaine was my light and my life.  We had rough patches when I was out of work, but she was always there keeping me strong and keeping us going forward.  I would not be where I am today or have what we had together without her.  To paraphrase the Josh Groban song, she raised me up to more than I could be.

We have a wall in our house that has all sorts of signs and memorabilia on it.  It is a wall of humor and pithy sayings.  One of the signs says, “Happiness is being married to your best friend.”  We experienced one month short of 43 years of happiness.  We were fortunate in that we liked to do the same things, generally we liked the same music, we enjoyed being together and we were comfortable with not having to talk to each other all the time.

I had a number of things I wanted to say, but I did not want to start sounding sappy.  Suffice it to say that Elaine was the love of my life.  She meant the world to me.  I loved her with all my heart and soul.  I will miss her every day for the rest of my life.  I hope she is at peace.  I hope that she is with her family.  I hope she knows how much she meant to me and how much I truly loved her.

Elaine, losing you has given me an ache in my heart that will not ease until we are together again.  I have loved you for almost 50 years and always will.  Be at peace.

Today is Sunday, April 10 and there are only 204 days until Halloween, so start watching for those candy sales.  Today we remember the birthdays of Hugo Grotius, Commodore Matthew Perry and Clare Boothe Luce.  On this day in 1790 the US Patent system was established, in1841 the New York “Tribune” began publishing and in 1955 Dr Jonas Salk successfully tested the Polio vaccine. Not a big day for holidays, but it is National Farm Animals Day and National Cinnamon Crescent Day.

I am sad to report that the lovely Elaine is still in the hospital.  I have hesitated to say anything before now, but she is dealing with a brain tumor and the side effects of chemo.  I mention this so that you understand why I do not have much to talk about lately.  I hope you will take a moment to remember her in your prayers.

I do have an issue to discuss this week.  It involves one of my regular gripes – commercials.  I have been seeing commercials lately for a hair restoration company and a cosmetic surgery facility.  They both have commercials that show what a great job they do.  What I found interesting were the before and after pictures.

With the hair restoration company, all the before shots were taken showing the top of the head, the lighting was harsh and the person had no expression.  The after shots showed the person’s face, not the top of the head, the lighting was softer and, of course, the person was all smiles.

The cosmetic surgery one was more interesting.  The company was pushing the work they did for older people in tightening up their necks.  You know, like the wattle I have talked about before.  The pictures were unflattering, showing the people in bad light and in profile, highlighting their necks.  The after pictures showed them from the front, the women all had makeup on, several with different hairdos, tans and jewelry.

I understand that the after pictures are to show what great work they did.  It just seems to me that if you want to show how good your work is, the before and after pictures should be as close to the same as possible.  That way we get a better perspective on what was done.

I sometimes wonder if maybe I am too picky about stuff like that.  Maybe I analyze these things too much.  That might be why I am a balding man with a wattle and not doing commercials for these people.  Or maybe I am just happy with the way I am.  I figure if everybody else is trying so hard to look different, I will stand out more by staying the way I am.

Our fact this week tells us that you cannot snore and dream at the same time.  How do they know this?  They claim that you can’t sneeze with your eyes open, but I can.  They say that no two snowflakes are the same, but how do they know that? How could they possibly have examined enough flakes to reach that conclusion?  I think they (whoever the people are that come up with this stuff) say these things and expect us to believe it simply because they said it.  Frankly, I do not see why it matters if I don’t dream when I am snoring.  And I could not care less about how snowflakes look as long as I do not have to shovel them.

I will close this out now.  I need to get to bed because I have to get up early so I can go find cinnamon crescents for breakfast.

Today is Sunday, April 3 and there are only 26 days until Arbor Day, so in the words of Lady Bird Johnson, a former First Lady, beautify America. Plant a tree, a shrub or a bush.  Today we remember the birthdays of John Hanson, William “Boss” Tweed and Marlon Brando.  On this day in 1790 the Revenue Marine Service (US Coast Guard) was created, in 1848 Thomas Douglas became the first San Francisco public teacher and in 1958 Fidel Castro’s rebels attacked Havana.  Today there are no big holidays, but it is National Chocolate Mousse Day.

As promised, I did some research on the horizontal buttonhole issue and here is what I found.  One source claims that it is a vestige of when dress shirts were affixed to trousers.  It prevented the shirt from riding up and kept a tidy appearance throughout the day.

Another source claims that it is a practical feature.  The holes are sewn horizontally so that the buttons can endure more stress from movement than the others without stretching out the shirt or the hole.

The other question was why the thread is a different color.  Here is what I have gleaned from my research.  Traditionally, when shirts were still made by humans, the bottom buttonhole was reinforced with a thicker thread, which was done on a second sewing machine, or as a last step when finishing the shirt, hence the different color.  These days the different color is a nod to tradition.  That should tell you all you need to know about something you probably never noticed until I brought it up.

I am sorry to report that the lovely Elaine is still in the hospital, so I have not been out and about finding things to discuss.  I had one or two ideas, but as I sat down to write they disappeared from my head.  I suppose I should write these things down, but if I did I would probably forget where I put the paper, or I would make cryptic notes and then not remember what I was talking about.  I am going to pause for a bit, in the hope that I will remember what the items were.  I’ll be back.

Okay, l’m back.  Unfortunately, I could not recall the items I wanted to discuss.  I did; however, come up with a couple of things to replace them.  In an effort to let my mind roam in the hopes of recalling what I wanted, I decided to watch a little TV.  I put on a channel that wouldn’t require me to pay too much attention and would give me the opportunity to get those items back.  Instead it provided me with different material.

What I saw were two commercials that require comment.  One was for a pizza chain.  After watching the commercial I can only wonder what they were thinking.  The commercial shows two floating heads marveling at the new product the company was selling.  I did not really understand the concept of the floating heads, nor did I get why one of the guys had a hairdo like Moe from the Three Stooges.  Maybe I missed the idea behind the commercial because I wasn’t really paying attention, but I don’t think so.  If anyone sees it and gets it, please feel free to explain it to me.

The other commercial was for on-line gambling here in NJ.  One casino has a deal that if a person hits a jackpot, anyone else playing at the same time will get a piece of the action.  I am sure the purpose is to get more people to gamble on-line for longer periods of time.  If that works, then good for the casino.  Where I have issue is that the people are all gambling on their computers at work!  Maybe I’m old fashioned, but if they are at work shouldn’t they be working?  Do companies really allow people to use their computers for personal stuff like gambling?  I can only imagine how much Christmas shopping I could have taken care of if I could have done personal stuff on the computer when I worked.  Sorry, just a little digression there.

Anyway, sorry I lost those other issues.  I’m sure they will pop back into my head right after I post this.  I have a pad and pen standing by just in case.

This week our fact tells us that the only animal besides a human that can get sunburned is a pig.  So if we do this right, we could have precooked pork loins and bacon.

Don’t forget to have some chocolate mousse in honor of the day.