It is Sunday September 28 and there are only 61 days until Black Friday.  By now you should be plotting your route to the various stores and staking out your spot at the most important one.  Today we recognize the birthdays of Confucius, Caravaggio and Brigitte Bardot.  On this day in 1542 Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo discovered California, at San Diego Bay, in 1924 US Army planes ended their around-the-world flight, Seattle to Seattle, making 57 stops along the way and in 1968 the Beatles’ “Hey Jude” single went to #1 and stayed there for 9 weeks.  In Guinea it is Referendum Day, yesterday was Kiwanis Kids’ Day and today is Good Neighbor Day in the US.

Last week we had the opportunity to travel to Long Island for a birthday party.  What made this different is that the party was for a 95 year old woman that we have not seen in well over 35 years.  She is the mother of two very good friends of ours that we also haven’t seen in some time.  Henrietta and her family used to live just down the street from where the lovely Elaine lived with her parents.  Doug and I were great friends through high school, but as with many people, we went our separate ways and lost contact over the years.  His younger brother Kenny and his wife became great friends with Elaine and I later on.  We went out together all the time and I am surprised at the number of times we were not thrown out of restaurants and theaters.  We tended to not behave in an adult way.

Unfortunately, we lost track of each other when Kenny moved out of the area.  It was too bad because we all had a lot of fun together … but I digress.  We went to the party and had a great time.  It was great to see Doug and Kenny and to relive old times.  It was especially good because it was at a celebration and not a wake.  Henrietta looks great.  It was so nice to see her.  She was always one of the favorite mothers in our crowd of kids.  She has a hearing problem and did not always track what was going on (sounds a lot like me, but don’t call me Henrietta), but she was sharp and great to talk to and reminisce with.  The lovely Elaine and I were very happy to have been included in the celebration and glad that we were able to make it.

I would like to take a few minutes to discuss to ride there and back.  It was a convoluted route that involved several different highways, a couple bridges and some terrible roads.  We had to take the turnpike, I 95, the George Washington Bridge, the Cross Bronx Expressway, the Throgs Neck Bridge, the Cross Island Parkway and the Long Island Expressway.  We had to make the drive in bumper-to-bumper traffic, both ways, much of the time and drive with the maniac drivers of New York.  The roads are in terrible condition and there was some construction work that slowed things down even more. 

It is interesting to watch the New York drivers in action.  They poke along in the crawling traffic, but are always on the lookout for a space to swerve into that will get them a half a car length ahead of where they are.  Once they are in their new lane, they are looking for the next opportunity to switch.  I saw several cars jump into a lane that appeared to be moving faster and then jump back into the lane they were just in because it had started to move.  I was exhausted just watching others drive.  Add to that frustration the tolls – the GWB was $13.00 and the Throgs Neck was $7.50 each way – and it is no wonder New York drivers are crazy.  At least now I understand why they drive like maniacs when they come into New Jersey.  By comparison to what we experienced, our roads are wide open.  While our tolls have increased over the years, they are nothing like NY.  Take the trip to Long Island some time and you will realize that driving in NJ is not so bad.

Here is something else that has puzzled me for some time.  Why does the rear view mirror on the passenger side tell us that objects are closer than they appear?  Why is that done?  Do we really need to be confused when we are driving?  The mirror on the driver side is a standard mirror that shows us what is where and does not alter our view.  Why couldn’t they just use the same type of mirror on the passenger side? 

I don’t know about you, but when I am driving along at 65 mph and want to change lanes to the right, I really do not have time to look in the mirror and then try to determine how close the car behind me is.  Even more confusing is that the mirror in the car shows me that the car is close, but when I look outside, the mirror shows that it is farther away.  Now I have to take a moment to read the notice on the bottom of the right side mirror, realize the inside mirror is more accurate and then hope that the car does not get so close that I can’t use the inside mirror anymore.  Just my opinion, but I think this needs to be corrected.  Of course, we have become so used to it that if it is corrected, drivers may not read the notice that objects are as close as they appear and we could have other problems.  So, in the words of Emily Latella – “Never mind.”

This week our fact tells us that Charlie Brown’s father was a barber.  With that in mind, you’d think that he could have done something better with Charlie’s hair.  Oh well.  See you next week.

Today is Sunday, September 21 and there are only 51 days until my birthday, which is one day that the Lovely Elaine allows Christmas music.  However, when you go birthday shopping, don’t worry about getting me a CD, I have plenty.  Speaking of birthdays, today we recognize the birthdays of Gustav Holst, Fannie Flagg and Bill Murray.  On this day in 1897, the NY Sun ran the famous “Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus” editorial, in 1930 Johann Ostermeyer patented the flashbulb and in 1981 Sandra Day O’Connor became the first female Supreme Court Justice.  In Malta it is Independence Day, it is Thanksgiving in the Philipines and Press Sunday in the US.

I think that,if you work for the post office you should be required to “Read and understand English sufficiently to be able to perform the job.”  This used to be one of the requirements for civil service jobs.  Let me explain why.  Recently, the lovely Elaine and I went away for a few days.  Before going, I went to the USPS web site to put a hold on our mail.  I had done this in the past without much success, but I figured I would give it another try.  I asked to have the mail held and indicated that I would pick up the mail that was held.  I received an e-mail confirming that the hold was in place and that I would pick it up.  The hold was to run through Thursday and delivery would start again on Friday.

Just to give you some background, I tried the hold one time and asked that the held mail be delivered after the hold expired.  Unfortunately, events conspired to prevent us from going away, but I left the hold on anyway.  The second day, I happened to be in the living room and heard our mailbox being opened.  I went to see what was going on and there was a mail person delivering mail.  I asked why we were getting mail when there was a hold and she said that she was a fill-in and no one told her there was a hold.  What made it even better was that the mail which was supposed to be delivered on Saturday did not actually get to us until Monday.  Apparently, the carrier did not understand what was to be done.

After trying to have it held and then delivered several times, unsuccessfully each time I might add, I decided to have it held and that I would pick it up.  I tried that twice and both times the mail was delivered a day earlier than it was supposed to be.  Even though I knew there would not be any, I went to the distribution office and asked for my mail.  The person taking care of the window went away and came back a few minutes later to tell me there was nothing there and that the carrier must have taken it.  Apparently, the carrier did not understand what was to be done.

I explained that the mail was to be held and that I would pick it up.  Each time this occurred, I was told that they could not understand why this happened, that my carrier was one of the best they had.  I said that if he was one of the best then the rest of the town must really be suffering.  I was told, both times, that it would be looked into and the problem would be taken care of.  I walked out, shaking my head, knowing that nothing would change.

Fast forward to this past week.  I did not want to bother our neighbors with the chore of picking up our mail and I hadn’t been annoyed by anything lately, so I decided to give the vacation hold a try again.  When we got home Thursday evening, there was no mail, which was as it should be.  If things worked the way they were supposed to, I should have been able to pick up our held mail and our regular delivery should have been made on Friday.  Guess what!  When I went to pick up the mail I was told that it wasn’t there and that our carrier had probably taken it to be delivered.  Apparently, the carrier did not understand what was to be done.

I asked why he would do that when the hold said that the mail would be picked up.  The person I spoke to said that he probably took it because the hold had expired.  I said yes the hold had expired, which was why I was there to pick it up.  I then said that this was getting to be a little ridiculous.  I pointed out that this was not the first time I had this problem and that they seemed to have difficulty with any kind of hold.  He apologized and said that they would look into the matter.  I suggested that they contact the other people working there who looked into the previous matters and see if any of them could come up with a solution.

But wait, it gets better!  The lovely Elaine and I had to go out for the day.  When we arrived home we checked our mail box, expecting to see a pile of mail from the past few days.  There was nothing!  At that point the distribution center did not have our mail and neither did we.  We had no idea where it was and hoped to be able to find out the next day. 

Saturday morning, the lovely Elaine called the distribution center and explained our problem.  The person she spoke to put our carrier on the phone.  He said that he had a copy of the hold order and that our mail was there to be picked up.  Apparently, the person I dealt with the day before had no idea what he was doing and could not find (or did not look for) our pile of mail.  Ultimately, we got the mail and things sort of worked the way they were supposed to.

So there you go little Roseann Rosannadanna, it’s always something!

Our fact this week tells us that cat’s urine glows under a black light.  According to the various crime scene shows on TV, so do a lot of other liquids, so don’t assume a cat has been let loose in your motel room if you happen to turn on a black light when traveling.

It is Sunday, September 14 and there are only 47 days until Halloween.  You had better get your decorations now while they are on clearance and before the Christmas stuff is put out.  Today we celebrate the birthdays of Ivan Pavlov, Clayton Moore and Jon “Bowser” Bauman.  On this day in 1716 the first lighthouse in the US, in Boston, was lit, in 1814 Francis Scott Key was inspired to write “The Star-Spangled Banner” and in 1956 the first prefrontal lobotomy was performed, in Washington, DC. Today Nicaragua remembers the Battle of San Jacinto, Pakistan observes Jamat Ul-Wida and it is National Anthem Day in the US.

Today marks the 200^th anniversary of “The Star-Spangled Banner.”  The words were written by Francis Scott Key, an attorney sent to negotiate with the British for the release of American hostages.  The British agreed, but Key and the others had to wait until after the bombing of Fort McHenry to return to shore.

The lyrics came from Key’s poem “Defence of Fort M’Henry.”  The poem was set to the tune of a popular British song – “The Anacreontic Song” which had also become popular in the US.  It was renamed “The Star-Spangled Banner.”  Although the song has four verses, only the first is generally sung.  It was recognized for official use by the Navy in 1889, by President Woodrow Wilson in 1916 and was officially made the national anthem by a congressional resolution on March 3, 1931.

It is interesting to note that Key was not only an attorney, but also an amateur poet.  According to historian Marc Leepson, who wrote the first modern biography of Key, “He was an amateur poet, but not just any poet – he was a bad amateur poet.”  Key also never wrote a song in his life because, as his family described him, he was tone-deaf.  So now you have some background on our national anthem.  Be sure to take time out from your busy schedule to sing it.  Try to get all the words correct.

Now on to other things.  This past week, I went for a sleep study.  For those of you who are wondering, a sleep study is done for people who have sleep issues, most often sleep apnea.  When I had my first one done a number of years ago, it was determined that I was not breathing more than I was breathing during the night.  As a result I started using a CPAP machine.  CPAP stands for Continuous Positive Airway Pressure.  This machine increase air pressure in your throat so that the airway doesn’t collapse when you breathe in.  It stops snoring and allows for better sleep.

I used the CPAP machine for a number of years and then found that I needed something more.  Another study showed that I needed to switch to BPAP machine, which provides varying pressure when breathing.  Without going into more detail, let me just say that that machine worked for a time, but recently I began to find it was not doing the job completely.  As a result, I went for the most recent study.

So, here I am in a nearby hospital in their sleep lab at 9:45 PM.  I am not sure how all this is going to work.  I normally go to bed around 1:30 AM and get up around 8:30.  They want to get me wired up and in bed by around 10 or 11.  They have told me that they will wake me by 6 AM.  Seriously?  To make things worse, the pre-study material they sent me told me that I could not have coffee after noon.  As I said earlier, I usually go to bed much later than they were planning.  I also usually have my evening cup of coffee around 8:30.  This did not bode well.

I got there at the scheduled time, changed into my sleeping attire (I don’t really have sleeping attire, but I brought shorts and a T-shirt so as not to upset the technician) and sat to wait for the technician.  She came in and started a process that took some 40 minutes to complete.  This consisted of numerous spots all over my head, neck, back and legs being cleaned with alcoholic pads, then having wires attached using some kind of adhesive gel and then tape to hold them in place.  All these wires were then attached to a box that had a strap on it.  Then strap was so that I could carry the box like a purse when I used the bathroom, which I did.

When I finished and was washing my hands, I happened to look at myself in the mirror.  If you have ever been to a beach where people walk along and offer to bead your hair you will understand what I looked like, only weirder.  I had around 18 wires streaming from my head and forehead down to the box I had hanging from my shoulder, along with the ones from other parts of my body.  I looked like a science project that wasn’t finished yet, but did not look like it was going well.  I walked back to the bed and the technician took my “purse” and hooked it into the system.  So now I am lying on the bed with all these wires coming off of me and feeding into the box.  In addition, I have the tube and mask from the BPAP machine strapped on and air blowing into my nose.  The technician says, “Okay, just relax and get comfortable.  I will talk to you soon to do some testing and then you can go to sleep.”

She comes over the speaker by the bed, has me go through some short tests and then the room goes dark and she says sleep well.  I know I slept, but am not really sure for how long.  I woke up twice during the night, but don’t know why.  All of a sudden I hear, “Good morning, it’s 6 AM.  Let me do a few short tests before you get up.”  She does the tests and then turns on the lights, which seem bright enough to light up Met Life Stadium.  She comes in and removes all the wires, leaving little dabs of adhesive all over me, especially on my head.  You have not seen bed head until you see it stuck into position by that goop.  Fortunately, it was early enough that I got home without scaring anyone.  I hope that I don’t have to do that study again anytime soon.

This week our fact tells us that Calvin Coolidge is the only presidential candidate ever to make a campaign stop in Intercourse, PA.  He said he went there to assure people that he was not f’ing around.  He really wanted to be president.  Not really, but it would be a great story if he did.

Today is Sunday, September 7 and there are 109 days until Christmas.  In case you are wondering, I have not even bothered to ask about Christmas music.  We remember the natal anniversaries of Queen Elizabeth I, Grandma Moses and Art Ferrante.  On this day in 1880, Geo Ligowsky patented a device to throw clay pigeons for trapshooters, in 1936 Boulder Dam (now Hoover Dam) began operation and in 1981 Judge Wapner and the People’s Court premiered on TV.  It is Independence Day in Brazil, Settlers’ Day in Namibia and South Africa and in the US it is National Grandparents’ Day.

This past week was the first day of school for many people, but not the lovely Elaine.  She has been planning what she was going to do on the first day for a long time and she got the chance this past Tuesday.  When teachers throughout the state were going back to school and getting ready for another year, she was sitting on the beach enjoying the day.  We went down to our friend Pat’s house and then went out on the beach on the first day.  The lovely Elaine took a selfie with the ocean behind her and sent it to some friends and family to let everyone know that she was truly retired and loving it.

I know that I have gone on about this topic in the past, repeatedly, but I am constantly amazed at the way people drive.  I think there should be a better test to make sure that drivers can read English.  I am talking about simple things like traffic signs.  For example, the big red eight-sided one that says STOP.  It does not say “Slow down, but keep rolling to see if cars approaching you slow down to let you out.”  It says STOP!  I do not think that is that difficult a concept.  You come to an intersection, stop moving, check to see that there are no cars coming and then go.

And yet, it seems to be a tough idea for drivers.  I have seen people simply keep going without slowing down.  I am not sure if they did not see the sign, could not understand what it meant or just did not care.  They always seem so annoyed when you blast the horn at them, too.  I have always wished that I could be entitled enough that traffic laws did not include me, but I don’t drive the fancy cars that seem to have that right.  I actually have to obey the rules. 

Another sign people have a problem with is “No Turn On Red.”  That is one that I think is pretty simple.  The words are all one syllable and there should not be any problem understanding them.  It is simple – No Turn On Red.  It means do not make a turn when the light is red.  There are some intersections where it gives day and time restrictions.  People assume that those are because they are near schools, so they do not have to obey them when school is not in session.  The sign does not say “No Turn On Red Monday Through Friday 7 AM to 4 PM When School Is In Session.”  The sign does not mean no turn unless you are not in the mood to wait for the light to change, nor does it mean no turn if someone is waiting to cross the street.  It means do not turn while the light is red.  Apparently there is a large number of people who cannot read or do not understand what the sign means.

When you are out and about, watch the way people act at a stop sign.  There are some who come to a complete stop, make sure that there are no cars within three blocks of them and then go (these people are usually over 70).  There are the ones who come to a stop and wait until a car is within 100 feet and then go; thereby heightening the excitement.  There are also the ones who never actually come to a stop.  They just sort of slow down and roll through the intersection, hoping no one is coming.  I have heard this maneuver referred to as a “California Roll.” 

Speaking of stopping, what is the deal with drivers and stop lines at intersections.  No one seems to know what the stop line is for.  The line shows you where to stop when you have a red light.  It has gotten so bad that they have to put up signs that say, “Stop here on red light.”  How pathetic is that?  Some drivers roll past the line before stopping, others stop a car length before the line.  I like to stop right on the line.  Why?  Because the way people drive nowadays, actually stopping on the line makes me different.

So there you have it.  I have vented on the couple of items that have presented themselves this past week.  It is too bad that I cannot issue traffic tickets for the violations I see during a day.  The town would not have budget problems if I could.  On the other hand I would never get to where I am going because I would spend my time issuing those violations.  It is too bad that there isn’t some group who could do that … wait, that would be the police department.  Of course they are too busy closing roads so the utility company can dig holes in the streets.  Oh well …

One more short, non-traffic item.  I have noticed something when doing laundry.  When I do my short sleeved shirts I have become aware of an interesting phenomenon when they come out of the dryer.  When I take the shirts out and only one sleeve is inside-out, it is always the left sleeve that is turned.  If you think about it, check the sleeves on your shirts the next time you do laundry.  This is another thing that makes you go h-m-m-m-m.

This week our fact tells us that Hitler and Napoleon were each missing one testicle.  This is not generally known and is seldom brought up.  One of the main reasons for that is that it would sound awkward to say something like, “Adolph, trying to take over all of Europe really took ball.”