Today is Sunday, July 29 and there are only 105 days until my birthday, just in case anyone was wondering.  Today we remember the birthdays of Booth Tarkington, Benito Mussolini and Dag Hammarskjold.  On this day in 1874 Major Walter Copton Wingfield patented a portable tennis court, in 1914 the first transcontinental phone link was made, between New York City and San Francisco, and in 1987 Ben and Jerry’s and Jerry Garcia agreed on the new ice cream flavor Cherry Garcia.  In Norway it is the Olsok Eve Festival and in the US it is National Lasagna Day and National Chicken Wing Day.

Let me start off by apologizing for some misinformation.  Last week I said there were 158 days until Christmas when in fact there were only 156 days.  I hope this did not cause too much consternation or present any scheduling problems for baking and stuff.  Just to set the record straight, as of today, there are only 149 days until Christmas.

While watching a commercial for toilet paper recently, I had to stop and wonder why we need commercials for that product.  Are there people out there who are not buying toilet paper?  I understand that there are a number of brands, but generally speaking, few of the current commercials would actually encourage me to buy a product.  It is a tough choice – do I want the one that makes me want to walk around without underwear or do I want the one that is recommended by blue bears?  I am not going to go into a big thing about commercials, but I just wondered about the need for those.

I have developed a habit of watching the news at night, through the weather report, and then getting ready to retire for the evening.  I would point out that I mean the 11 PM edition, not the earlier one.  While I am a senior citizen I do stay up later than 8 or 9 o’clock.  The thing I have found interesting is the weather reports.  I have discussed other ideas about the news, including live reports from dark streets where something happened eight hours ago … but I digress.  The weather reports have come a long way from when Uncle Wethby used to give us the forecast.  For most of you, Uncle Wethby is a head scratcher.  

Briefly, Uncle Wethby was the cartoon creation of weatherman Tex Antoine.  He appeared on TV in the ‘60’s.  Uncle Wethby had a variety of hairpieces and mustaches that were drawn to indicate what the weather was going to be, i.e. windy, rainy, cold etc.  Nowadays, we have radar, satellites, diagrams, dew points, wind speeds and more to give us the information.  In our area, one network even has a theme song for its weatherman.  The fact that there is a staff of four weather people and only one has a song is interesting, but a topic for another time.

A typical forecast starts out by showing us the current temperature and a picture of what it looks like outside, in New York City, which does not always show what is happening where I am.  We are then told the high and low and the average and the record for the day.  Frankly, I don’t see how the fact that the temperature was 102 in 1914 has any bearing on today.  It might make me glad I wasn’t around then, but otherwise I don’t care … I am sorry, I am digressing again. 

Next we see the local weather map that shows us the radar picture.  We hear about highs and lows and see depictions of them on the map.  All of this is accompanied by arrows and red and blue lines and other stuff that is never really explained.  Then we get the person’s opinion of what is happening and what is going to happen.  Next we get a future cast showing us a radar projection for the next couple days.  Finally we get the seven day forecast.  This is followed up by the weather person walking over to the news desk and chatting about weather for a few minutes with the talking heads that read the regular news.  Frankly, I have yet to see why this guy gets a song, but that’s just my opinion.

My name is Bill and I am a watchaholic.  I have always liked watches and felt that a watch was a part of how you presented yourself.  I had a variety of styles that matched what I was wearing, whether it was casual or dressy.  Last year, I saw a watch that I liked and Barbara bought it for my birthday.  When we were in South Carolina for Christmas, her son noticed the watch and he and I got to talking about watches.  He showed me a particular brand that he liked and I thought it was an interesting brand, but never looked into it.  A few months later, we were in a mall that I knew had a Starbucks so while Barbara shopped I went for coffee.

As I sat there drinking my coffee, I noticed that the brand her son had told me about had a store.  I walked over and started to look.  They had a number of great looking watches, but what got my attention was that they had a BOGO sale going on.  Yes, I got two watches!  I had to go back a couple days later to have a link removed from the band of one watch and ended up getting another watch for myself and one for Barbara.  Then I found a shopping network that had shows dedicated to this brand and ended up getting a number of additional watches.  I knew I had a problem when I went back to the store.  They were having an incredible sale – buy three get seven free.  I stood there trying to figure out who I could get watches for so that I could take advantage of this deal.  I came to my senses, but only because I couldn’t come up with enough people.  Presently, I have over 20 of that brand alone.  I may have to find another place to keep my underwear so that I have room for my watches.

This week our fact tells us that there are over 100,000 different species of butterflies.  All I can say is prove it!  How can anyone possibly know that there are that many species?  If you are going to make that statement, I expect you to be able to prove it.  Let me know when the list is ready.

Today is Sunday, July 22 and there are only 158 days until Christmas, so start writing out the cards and getting your wrapping paper.  Today we remember the birthdays of Rev William Archibald Spooner, Emma Lazarus and Alex Trebeck.  On this day in 1775 George Washington took command of the troops of the Continental Army, in 1933 Caterina Jarboro sang “Aida” in New York City- the first black prima donna in the US and in 1969 Aretha Franklin was arrested for disturbing the peace in Detroit.  In Poland it is Liberation Day, in Swaziland it is the King’s Birthday and in the US it is National Hammock Day and National Penuche Fudge Day.

Yes, I am back.  I apologize for not writing the past couple weeks, but it was just not possible.  I fully intended to write last week; however, the ten-hour trip took well over 12 hours and I was pretty sure I would not be able to put together a coherent post.  I am not certain what the story is with the Maryland/Virginia area, but no matter when I travel through there I run into traffic.  I thought that coming home from South Carolina on a Saturday, hitting that area in late afternoon, would be relatively simple.  I expected some traffic, but I did not anticipate adding close to three hours to my trip because of it.  Granted a small amount of that time can be attributed to stopping for gas, getting rid of coffee (if you know what I mean) and getting fresh coffee, necessitating the need for additional stops, but most of it was traffic related.

We drove through most of Virginia in bumper-to-bumper traffic.  At one point we decided to stop and have dinner.  We felt that would give the traffic time to thin out.  We stopped, had a nice meal and then got back on the road, confident that the delays were done.  WRONG!  It took us about 20 minutes, but we were able to catch up to the crowd and spend the next hour or so sitting in more traffic.  As I said, it does not seem to matter what time of the year, what day of the week or what time of day it is.  When you get to Baltimore, you can be sure that it is going to take quite a bit of time to get as far south as Richmond.  Or the other way around if you are heading north.  Sometimes the delays go beyond those points, but you can be sure that you will be jammed up for some time.

Okay, I am done whining about traffic.  Let me address a question that I am sure many of you have – What the heck is Penuche Fudge?  It is fudge made with brown sugar, milk and butter, but no chocolate.  You can also add walnuts or pecans.  There are numerous recipes for it, so find one, make some and celebrate the day.

I don’t know about you guys, but I have issues with the GPS that I use in my car.  Generally, I use it to make sure I am on the correct roads when travelling a distance.  I use one that has up-to-the-minute traffic information and lets me know what is going on ahead of me.  Here is my problem.  The system is inanimate and does not recognize when it becomes annoying.  It cannot discern the frustration or sarcasm in my voice and just continues to do what it is supposed to do.

Here is an example.  I am driving along and suddenly the system, with that annoying voice that electronic systems have, says, “Traffic on your route has changed. There is an alternate route that is five minutes faster.  Do you want to take it?”  I respond with a no and it says that it is continuing on the current route. Two or three minutes later, as we approach the next exit, it offers me the same choice and I again respond with a no, each time more sarcastically than the time before.  This happens each time we get near an exit.  Of course, the traffic issues are usually in areas where there are numerous exits so I get to hear this question repeatedly. 

They should make these systems so that they ask you the question once and then leave it alone until you request an alternative because you are tired of reading the same dumb bumper stickers on the car ahead of you.  You know, the ones that tell me their dog is smarter than my honor roll kid.  If that were true their dog would be able to nuke its own food and not have to use the backyard as a toilet … but I digress.

 Another thing that would be good is if they offered a threshold for alternative routes.  For example, don’t offer alternatives unless they cut the time by 30 minutes.  The drawback there is something that I think I talked about a month or so ago.  I took the alternative and then traffic changed and I had to take an alternative to the alternative.  Oh well, just part of the fun.

I am not necessarily noted for sartorial splendor, but I do make a point of wearing clothing that fits me, now.  I have noticed that that is not the case with everyone.  More to the point, the bigger they are, the less chance there is that their clothing fits properly.  When the waist of your shorts sits below your stomach and your top does not reach your belly button, you need to rethink your wardrobe (and perhaps your eating habits).  Generally speaking, most of us cannot wear our favorite t-shirt from when we were in high school 50 years ago.  For the people who I saw trying that, please stop.  I saw one guy wearing a t-shirt that I am not sure ever did fit him, but certainly does not now.  The shirt also had evidence of several meals on it, which I am pretty sure he could not see because it was under the belly curve.  Please give some thought to what you wear, for all our sakes.

This week our fact tells us that a survey reported that 12% of Americans think that Joan of Arc was Noah’s wife.  There really isn’t much for me to say about this.  And yet, people still feel we don’t need to bother teaching history.  The truth is that Noah’s wife’s name was Betty.  At least that was what I told my son when he asked me.

 As you will notice, I have posted another encore post.  Again from 2013.  I just got back from Myrtle Beach after a 12 hour drive and was too tired to be creative.  I hope you can enjoy this five year old post.  I promise that next week will be new.

Today is Sunday, August 18 and many parents are already anticipating the day when their kids go back to school.  Kids, on the other hand are now wondering how many days until next summer’s vacation starts.  Birthday greetings go out to Flavius Ricimer, Max Factor and Robert Redford.  On this day in 1587 Virginia Dare became the first English child born in the New World, in 1834 Mt. Vesuvius erupted and in 1962 Peter, Paul & Mary released their first hit “If I Had a Hammer.”  There are no special holidays today, but this past Friday was Admission Day in Hawaii and Montrose-Blueberry Festival in Michigan.  I say everybody into the Way Back Machine and we go to Michigan for blueberry pancakes.

States all have nicknames.  New York is the Empire State, Pennsylvania is the Keystone State, Florida is the Sunshine State and so on.  I think New Jersey needs to change its nickname from the Garden State to the State of Redundancy State.  We have become a little ridiculous with some of the laws we pass here.

 

The state recently passed a law that makes it illegal to “hang out” in the left lane all the time when driving.  I have a couple problems with this bill.  The first is that the only reason that I can see for this is to make it easier for people to exceed the speed limits.  This means that we have enacted a law that allows people to break a different law.  The other problem is that we already had a law that states that you need to “keep right except to pass.”  There are signs along the roads that remind us of that.  If we had to pass this law stating the same basic idea, only in a different way, that means that no one was enforcing the first law.  What makes anyone think that the same people who do not enforce the first law will be any better with the newer one?

More recently, a law was enacted saying that you cannot text while driving.  Really!!!  I know some people who cannot text while sitting still, but that’s a discussion for another day.  The law was created after an accident believed to have been caused by texting resulted in the death of a young girl.  

Here is my problem – why was this law necessary when we already have a law stating that it is illegal to use your cell phone when driving.  What makes anyone think that the same people who do not enforce the first law will be any better with the newer one?  This comment, repeated from two paragraphs ago, is brought to you by the State of Redundancy State where if it was good enough to ignore once it’s good enough to ignore again.

I know that many of these laws are done by politicians who are pandering to different groups just to get attention.  When one of these laws is passed, the sponsors are always quoted saying how important it is to the well-being of the people, blah, blah, blah.  You want to impress us, pass a law that is truly important and then just let it go without the posturing in the papers.   Interestingly, these important issues always manage to come up only in election years.  We are lucky that our problems only show up every four years – far more often than cicadas and much more annoying.

On a totally different subject, I wanted to address the issue of smoking.  As some of you may know, I quit smoking two and a half years ago.  I did it with the aid of hypnosis.  I don’t think anyone was more amazed than I was that it worked.  I was a smoker for about 45 years when I decided it was time to quit.  I felt that I had pushed my luck far enough.  I walked in, sat with the hypnosis therapist and walked out two hours later a non-smoker.  It was absolutely amazing!  I am just glad I did not use one of the products they have been advertising on TV.

The product causes hallucinations!  A typical commercial shows people sitting in a bar and one guy says he is going for a smoke and asks if one of the other guys wants to join him.  The second guy says no he is okay and then shows his patch.  As the smoker leaves, the non-smoker sees a little band singing “I Just Want To Celebrate.”  The question is does he see this hallucination all the time or only when he decides not to smoke?  One of those things that makes you go h-m-m-m-m.

The fact for this week shows that 35% of people using personal ads for dating are already married.  The question is if you are already married and now looking for a date, there must be a problem, so  why, then, would you want to make the same mistake again?  Dating is what got you where you are now!  You must live in New Jersey, the State of Redundancy State.

Yes, I am away again.  I am hoping that this will post when I want it to. If so, I hope you enjoy this encore post from 2013.

It is Sunday, July 14.  There are only 164 days until Christmas so you had better start creating your Christmas letters and writing out your cards.  The way the post office has been functioning lately, they may get delivered in time if you have them in the mail by next week.  It is the birthday of James Abbott McNeill Whistler, Florence Bascom and Tom Carvel.  In 1850 there was the first public demonstration of ice made by refrigeration.  In 1951, CBS had the first color telecast of a sporting event when it broadcast a horse race.  In 1975 Epcot Center plans were announced.  In France, Guiana, Polynesia, Guadel and Martinique it is Bastille Day and it is African Community day in Senegal.  Tomorrow is Reed Dance Day in Swaziland.

 

I want to spend a little time discussing our language.  I know English can be difficult.    There are rules, but they only hold true some of the time.  There is the old rule of i before e except after c or when sounding like a as in neighbor or weigh.  How do you expect people from other countries to learn a language when you have something as confusing as that for a simple letter combination?  For that matter, how do you expect children in our own country to learn the language with that kind of foolishness?  

Another example is words that look like they should sound the same but do not.  I am not talking about homonyms. I am talking about words that look alike, but do not sound alike.  Take for example the word laughter (laf ter).  If you put an s in front of that word it becomes slaughter (slaw ter).  Why?  I thought maybe it was because of the double consonant, but then I thought about daughter (daw ter) and realized that was not the case.  What it comes down to is the language is screwed up.

Now add to the mix the way people mispronounce words.  One example is the word comfortable.  Let’s look at this word.  Com-for-ta-ble.  It seems fairly straight forward.  So why is it that people leave out the r, shorten the word by a syllable and make it comf ta ble?  This is done in commercials all the time.  Since most of today’s children spend a good deal of time in front of the TV, you would hope that they would hear the language spoken properly, at least during commercials.  Another word that is constantly chopped is recognize.  It usually comes out this way, “Shirley, OMG, you got a haircut.  I almost didn’t recanize you.”

A few of the other words we tend to screw up are words like impordent, jewlery and realators.  For those of you who may think these are the correct words, they are not.  The real words are important, jewelry and realtors.  We do other things like when we see an announcement for a sporting event that states the two teams and says Yankees v Boston.  The correct way to read this would be Yankees versus Boston, not Yankees verse Boston or Yankees v Boston.  I’m sorry but that is a pet peeve of mine.

Another thing that is happening lately is that we leave words off the ends of sentences.  John said, “I have to go to the store for some things for dinner.”  His friend Betty said, “Do you want me to come with?”  Was Betty so exhausted that she was unable to put the word you on the end of the sentence?  If so, it might be better if she stayed home.  I particularly have a problem with the way people describe something as so fun.  I suppose in the strictest sense, there is nothing really wrong with that, but it just sounds wrong.  I wanted to give an example of what makes that wrong here, but I am unable to come up with something that I think would be effective.  Spend a minute or two thinking about it and add your own example.  This helps make this an interactive experience.

You want to make things even more confusing?  Add the numerous regional accents that we have throughout the country.  Then add the way the same item has different names depending on where you are in the country.  A sub sandwich can be a hero or a grinder depending on where you are.  A bag can be a sack or a tote.  There are a lot of ways to confuse people when it comes to the English language.

There are a number of other issues I could go into here, but I won’t for two reasons.  One is because after a while it just becomes tiresome listening to someone rant about the same issue in different ways and B is because I can save some things for another time when I need a topic to write about.

One more quick thing is the use of letters to say things like OMG, LOL, LMAO, ROTFLMAO, and other gems like that.  The problem is that not everyone knows what these things mean and they sometimes lose the train of a message as a result.  I got a message once with ROTFLMAO and wondered what Reading On Trains Feels Like Many Angry Otters had to do with anything.  But that is an issue for another time.

This week’s fact – The Chico California City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500.00 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.  Have a good week and stay out of Chico if you have nuclear capability.  Those fines can add up quickly.