It is Sunday, December 29 and there are only 361 days until Christmas.  Remember, it is never too early to start shopping.  Today we remember the birthdays of Francesco Maria Guaitoli, Pablo Casals and Mary Tyler Moore.  On this day in 1862 the bowling ball was invented, in 1911 the San Francisco Symphony was founded and “Thunderball” premiered in the US in 1965.  It is the President’s Birthday in Gabon, Admission Day in Texas and Ante-Penultimate Day world-wide.

Let’s take a couple minutes to discuss the word penultimate.  I have heard this word used a number of times by people and generally it is used incorrectly.  People use the word as if it meant the most fantastic of something.  Harry said, “The pastrami sandwich made by the deli down the street is fantastic.  It is the penultimate pastrami sandwich.  No one makes a better sandwich.”  What Harry does not realize is that he is giving that sandwich the opposite of the praise he was trying for. 

Penultimate means that something is the next to last in the series.  In other words, the letter Y is the penultimate letter in the alphabet.  So what does “ante-penultimate” mean?  This word, which you do not hear much of in general conversation, means coming before the next to last, or third from last.  That means that the letter W is the ante-penultimate letter in the alphabet.  Isn’t the language fun?  When you look at all the various rules, variations, etc in the English language, is it any wonder people find it easier to speak their native tongue than learn English?

Well, Christmas is over.  We spent months shopping, planning, decorating, baking and doing all the other chores associated with the preparation for the big day.  That morning everyone got up and exchanged gifts, kids were tearing wrapping paper, tossing gifts of clothing aside and exclaiming happily as they uncovered the various toys they had hoped for.  Families got together and exchanged gifts, dinners were lovingly prepared and eaten, a good time was had by all and then it was over.  In just a day, all that went before was over.  So now what?

I know a number of people who would be quite happy to just take down the decorations and move on.  I would bet that if a survey were taken, we would find out that most people leave their decorations up because they do not want to appear weird because they took them down.  But think about it.  When the other holidays come, the decorations go up (usually a month or so before) and once the day has passed everything comes down.  Sure there are some houses where you still see Easter bunnies on the front lawn a week or so after Easter Sunday, but for the most part they are gone within a day or two.  The same with Valentine’s Day or Halloween.  Once the day has passed, the decorations are gone.  So what makes Christmas different?  Why do the decorations stay up, even into the new year? 

I could understand if they stayed through New Year’s Day because many people feel that this is all part of the holiday week and the decorations should stay for the whole week.  Based on tradition, the holiday does not end until Epiphany, January 6.  This day is also known as “Three Kings Day” or “Twelfth Day” and for some Christian denominations signals the conclusion of the twelve days of the Christmas season.  The word epiphany means “manifestation” or “revelation” and is commonly linked with the visit of the wise men (Magi) to the Christ child.  Through the Magi, Christ revealed himself to the gentiles … but I digress.

If you decide that you want to leave the decorations up until Epiphany, fine.  The lovely Elaine likes to get them down as soon after the new year as possible.  I am inclined to agree.  Here is another question for everyone.  Why is it that dragging out the decorations and putting them up is such great fun, but putting them away is such a chore?  Is that why some people leave their decorations up until February or March?  Can it be that they don’t exactly love having them up, but they just can’t bear the thought of having to take them down and put them away? 

Whatever the reason, I think that January 6 is the latest decorations should be up.  Even if you have a hard time working up the energy to get them down, you should not be turning them on after the 6th.  After seeing them since November, it becomes a little ridiculous.  It would be like playing Christmas music in July because you like it.  Never mind, I do that.  Give us all a break and take down the decorations before February.  They will clash with the Valentine’s Day stuff, anyway.

We are rapidly approaching New Year’s Eve.  That is the night when people go out of their way to reach a level of excitement and partying in an effort to bring in the new year.  You should be aware that it will happen even without making a fool of yourself and getting drunk in public and throwing up on your friends and strangers who happened to be in the way.  I am not opposed to partying or to drinking and have been known to do so myself, on occasion.  I am just saying that we do not need to see what you had for lunch and dinner splattered on the sidewalk to show how much fun you are having. 

Drink, eat well, laugh, sing, dance and be sure to watch Ryan Seacrest and Fergie on TV.  Is it still going to be called Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Years Eve?  I hope so for two reasons.  First of all, because I hate to see something that has been a tradition for so many years just go away like that.  It took a long time to get used to not having Guy Lombardo bring in the new year.  Secondly, Ryan Seacrest’s Rockin’ New Years Eve just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

This week’s fact tells us that 38% of American men say they love their cars more than women.  This could be the beginning of a couple new tends.  One would be a line of clothing for women that would be designed based on cars.  It could give a whole new meaning to phrases like, “Hey baby, I like your grill work.”  The other would be some kind of web site that would connect men to unattached cars.

So this New Year’s Eve have a safe, happy, fun-filled time.  The lovely Elaine and I send our wishes for a wonderful and Happy New Year.  May 2014 be all that you hope for, may it be filled with joy, happiness, fun, laughter and good times and may you be blessed with the love of family and friends.  Happy New Year!

3 more days to wait my dear, Christmas Day will then be here!

Yes, today is Sunday December 22.  I cannot believe how quickly time passes.  Of course if you are a kid, time goes slower the closer we get to Christmas.  In the meantime, let’s recognize the birthdays of Luca della Robbia, Giacomo Puccini and Marius F Duintjer.  Today, in 401, St. Innocent I began his reign as Catholic Pope, in 1882 the first string of Christmas tree lights was created by Thomas Edison and in 1976 “Your Arm’s Too Short to Box With God” opened at the Lyceum Theater in New York City.  It is the Day of National Mourning in Mexico and International Arbor Day, world-wide. 

As you may recall, last week I vented regarding winter songs posing as Christmas songs.  I heard an actual Christmas song the other day that I have long had a problem with.  Not the whole song, mind you, just one particular phrase.  I have puzzled over the meaning of this phrase for years and have yet to understand it.  The song is “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.”  The phrase comes toward the middle and then again at the end – “Everyone’s dancin’ merrily in the new old fashioned way.”  What does that mean?  Is there an old old fashioned way?  Do the people have to be dancing “merrily” for it to be qualified as new old fashioned?  Just wondering.

As we get closer to the holiday, I find myself ruminating on years past and the “joys” of Christmas as a kid.  When my brothers, my sister and I were all children there were a number of rituals that we had to participate in each year.  We, of course, had to listen to the Christmas albums by Fred Waring and the Pennsylvanians, “The Sounds of Christmas” and “’Twas the Night Before Christmas” numerous times as the big day approached.  Back then you did not have the options for music that you have now.  You didn’t have every person who thinks they can sing attempting to milk the Christmas cash cow (or should it be reindeer) by putting together a cheesy selection of schmaltzy … but I digress.

My mother would spend the better part of the month of December baking cookies.  Now I am not talking three or four varieties.  I am talking about at least 20 varieties and double batches.  She made Snickerdoodles, press cookies, cream cheese cookies, several types of Toll House and on and on.  She made two types of fruit cake.  She made red and green jello candy and more.  These cookies were all carefully stored in large tins and labeled so that we would know which was which.  The rule was that the cookies were not to be eaten until Christmas Day.  I know it is hard to believe with four kids in the house, but generally, that rule was obeyed, at least as far as anyone knew.  I was always careful not to take more than one or two at a time and never the same variety more than twice.

In the beginning of the month we were each given a small Christmas tree.  Each day we were good, we would get lights and then ornaments to decorate our trees.  I know this will come as a surprise to some of you, but there were times when my tree was rather sparsely done up.  One year, all I had was the lights and one year just a bare tree.  I had behavior issues.  When it came time to decorate the big tree, the rule was you could decorate until you broke an ornament.  I used to help, making sure that the ornaments I liked were up, including the ones with my name on them.  After a while I would get bored, so I would pick a ball I did not like, drop it and break it so I could go out and play.  I was never sure if my parents ever caught on to what I was doing or if they figured it was easier to just let me go.

Christmas morning was a challenge.  We would all get up and my brothers and I would find that Santa had left us matching shirts on our beds.  No offense, but Santa had poor taste in shirts and was very misled if he thought we all wanted to look the same.  We would all line up at the top of the stairs, in our pajamas, while my father took what seemed like forever to get his camera ready.  Then we would go down to find our stockings, that had been hung by the chimney with care, filled to the brim with stuff.  In front of the fire place was a huge pile of presents.  Some boys who lived down the street from us and did not celebrate Christmas told us that there was no such thing as Santa.  Looking at that pile of presents each year, I did not care how they got there, just as long as some of them had my name on the tag.

We would unload the goodies from the stockings very quickly.  Here was where the biggest problem came.  No presents could be opened until everyone had eaten breakfast and gotten dressed.  Are you kidding me?  But that was the rule and you did not want to break a rule like that on Christmas morning.  We would all rush up to get dressed in our (ugh) matching shirts and then line up, again, on the stairs.  We could not go down until everyone was ready.  Then we would rush down and my brother Jack would distribute the gifts, making sure that we all had one opened before giving out the next ones. 

 

By now, my mother had the first round of cookies out on trays and ready for consumption.  It was the one day of the year that we were allowed to have dessert with breakfast and we took advantage of it.  We ate and played with our toys until it was time to go to my Grandmother’s house.  What always amazed me was that my grandparents, as stuffy and old fashioned as they seemed, had an artificial pink Christmas tree that they put up each year.  Ah, memories.

This week our fact tells us that 400 hundred quarter pounders can be made from one cow.  It does not tell us what is done with the rest of the cow.  I am hoping there are steaks and roasts involved.

I would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas filled with love, joy, happiness, family, friends, good food and drink and good times.  Let us all dance merrily in the new old fashioned way.

Well, today is Sunday, December 15 and there are only 10 days until Christmas!  If you are planning to have turkey for dinner, you should have started defrosting it by now.  Today marks the birthday of Lucas Osiander, Isidor Dannstrom and Dave Clark.  On this day in 1664 the English colonized Connecticut, in 1854 the first street-cleaning machine in the US was used in Philadelphia and in 1950 New York City’s Port Authority opened.  It is Zamenhof Day for the Esperanto League, Kingdom Day in the Netherlands Antilles and Bill of Rights Day in the US.

One of the things that I find bothersome at this time of the year is the way we associate some songs with Christmas even though they do not mention Christmas or have any real connection to the holiday.  Consider a song like “Baby It’s Cold Outside.”  This is a story about a guy who is trying to compromise the virtue of a young woman by convincing her to stay at his place because it is cold.  I am assuming that it is winter, so it is reasonable to assume that it will be cold.  Is it his plan to have her stay until April when it might be warmer?  She is resisting, but appears to be weakening.  C’mon Baby, button up your coat, wrap a scarf around your neck and go home.  Besides, if being cold is the best reason he can come up with to get you to stay, you need to find a better class of guy.

The problem with that song is that it does not address the holiday, just the weather.  Another weather-related song is “Let It Snow.”  Again, no mention of the holiday.  This one just wants you to sit around the delightful fire and do nothing.  A lovely thought, but some of us have baking to do, presents to wrap, more shopping to take care of and on and on.  We do not have time for sitting by the fire (nor, for that matter, do we, personally, have a fire to sit by). 

We sing songs like “Jingle Bells” and “Frosty The Snowman” but they are just winter songs.  Realistically, they would be as appropriate in February as they are now, but no one will be singing about a winter wonderland or snowmen or sleigh rides after the 25^th.  Another song that gets trotted out this time of year is “A Few of My Favorite Things.”  I do not like this song, any time.  I especially do not like it around the holiday.  It just sounds like a cheesy way to give your Christmas list – and most people would be very disappointed if schnitzel with noodles was all they got.

I think the time has come for us to stop allowing these musical interlopers to interfere with classic holiday songs like “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” or “It’s Christmas and I Don’t Know Where I Am.”  It is not that I don’t like the songs, it’s just that I think they should get more play by moving them to a seasonal play list rather than restrict them to the holiday.  Picture this – it is a cold, snowy Saturday morning in February, you are sitting in the kitchen, snug and warm in the special fuzzy robe and pajamas you got for Christmas, sipping coffee (or tea or hot chocolate) and reading the paper.  You have the radio on in the background and you hear the strains of “Let It Snow” sung by Leon Redbone.  What more could you ask for!  Why restrict that feeling to the holidays?  I think we need to make some effort to have these songs take their proper place in the seasonal playlists.  If anyone decides to start that protest, let me know.  I am with you.

Meanwhile, let me go back to one of my constant topics – commercials.  This time; however, it is not the commercials themselves.  The problem I see is the resulting issues developed by the products.  One of them is a product to help you stop smoking.  Apparently when you use it, every time you decide not to smoke you hallucinate.  When you say no to a cigarette, you suddenly see a small band playing “I Just Want To Celebrate.”  I figure it has to be the product.  I quit smoking using hypnosis and I did not see this band whenever I decided not to have a cigarette, so it follows that the product is causing the problem. 

 Another commercial shows people in a store and the items on the shelf are talking to them.  You see them look around to see if anyone else is hearing the voices.  I have been to that store myself and, on several occasions, have purchased items.  Now I don’t know if I really wanted the items or if there was some subliminal message that made me do it.  I think the next time I go there I will have someone with me.  That way they can tell me if they hear the voices, too.

Our fact this week tells us that 40% of McDonald’s profits come from Happy Meals.  So that means that the other 57 items they have on their menu only generate 60% of the profits (who said I can’t do math).  Maybe they should develop Happy Meals for adults.  They could give you a Big Mac, fries, a shake and a list of local cardiologists or a packet of Tums.  If the adult version turns out as well as the one for kids, they could trim their menu and concentrate on Happy Meals for other population segments – senior citizens, teens, 30 somethings, etc.  Then the biggest problems would be creating the various boxes and coming up with what to include as a prize.

Anyway, stop lollygagging and get going.  I am sure you have something you could be doing.  Afterall, there are only 10 days left!

It is December 8 and there are only 17 days until Christmas – 17 days!  Where does the time go?  Thanksgiving was only 10 days ago and now we have less than three weeks until Christmas.  That means that we only have 68 days until Valentine’s Day, so you had better get those flowers ordered.  Today is the birthday of Eli Whitney, Lee J. Cobb and Berry van Aerle.  On this day in 1776 George Washington’s retreating army crossed the Delaware River from New Jersey; in 1886 the American Federation of Labor (AFL) was formed by 26 craft unions and Samuel Gompers was elected AFL president and in 1984 Ringo Starr appeared on Saturday Night Live.

I am becoming more and more annoyed by people lately.  I do not know if it is because I am getting older and less tolerant, or people are becoming more obnoxious or a combination of both.  It’s happening everywhere.  For example, I was in a parking lot recently and watched a woman start to cross the lot without even turning her head.  She stepped out in front of a car and the driver jammed on his brakes and blasted his horn.  She gave him the “social” finger and yelled, “I have the #@&%?!* right of way you know!”  My first issue was that while she had the right of way, she still should have looked before crossing.  I wanted to tell her that she could explain the right of way thing to the doctor in the ER as he was setting her broken bones or her tombstone could read, “Here lies Oblivia De Havilland.  She had the right of way.” 

Another issue that arises from this event is the language.  First understand that I am not a prude or shy about using strong language.  I was in the service and became quite good at it; in fact, given the chance I could, on my own, fill the swear jar for our friend Pat’s grandsons on a weekly basis.  But I digress …

 While I have no problem with swearing, I do not feel the need to share my talent with everyone in a parking lot.  I am even more distressed by people who swear in front of children.  There is nothing that could happen that should make it necessary to drop F bombs in front of little kids.  They will learn the words soon enough.  They do not need to pick up that habit at the age of five.  You also should not want them to think that language like that is okay, because mommy or daddy says it all the time.

This is the time of year when people seem to lose any sense of courtesy.  I went to an outlet store the other day to get some baked goods.  As I was reaching for some packages of English Muffins, a woman pushed in front of me to grab two packages.  Understand that there had to be around 50 boxes stacked up there, so it was not like I was taking the last ones.  From the look of her she could stand to cut back on them anyway.  Her backside was so big … but I digress again.

Drivers seem to be all out of patience, too.  Here is an example of what I mean.  A car is trying to enter a main road from a side street.  Traffic on the main road is steady and it is difficult for the car to make the turn.  Finally, the driver of the car on the side street has decided he or she has waited long enough and the car simply pulls out cutting off a car on the main road, causing that driver to jam on the brakes and blast the horn.  Social fingers are exchanged and off goes the impatient driver. 

This is a two-fold problem.  On the one hand some driver on the main road could have allowed the car to come out of the side street.  We know that wasn’t going to happen because it would cause that driver to be delayed by 10 or 15 seconds and lose a car length in the traffic flow.  The other problem is that the car on the side street needs to get out at some point.  There has to be a better way than simply driving in front of another car.  The driver could have inched out slowly and sort of insinuated itself into traffic.  Of course there would still have been social fingers and horns, but not as much chance for an accident.

Everywhere I go I see people rushing and pushing to get things done.  They act as if they are the only ones who have things to do.  Back to one of my favorite locales, the grocery store.  Just before Thanksgiving, I had to go to the store for a couple last-minute items.  I watched one woman storming through the store, using her cart as a ram and muttering loudly and unkindly about the people who were in her way.  I think she may have set a Guinness record for annoying people in a grocery store.  I watched her run into easily 10 people and I only saw her in two or three aisles. 

This is the Christmas season.  It is a time of peace and joy and love.  Try to enjoy the time of year.  In the words of the noted philosopher, Rodney King, “Why can’t we all just get along?”  When you are out, listen to the wonderful Christmas songs like the “Chipmunks Christmas Song” or enjoy Elvis singing “Blue Christmas” or any one of six hundred versions of “The Christmas Song” and just enjoy the time of the year.  It’s Christmas, people!  Lighten the #@&% up!

This week our fact tells us that 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.  I am not sure what to say about this.  My mind is flush with all sorts of ripe comments, but I am just unable to force them out.   All I can do is wonder what they were doing that would cause them to be injured.  Just another one of those things that makes you go h-m-m-m.