Welcome!  Today is Sunday, June 1 and there are only 163 days until my birthday.  You don’t have to buy me anything, I’m just saying …  It is the birthday of Brigham Young, Nelson Riddle and Chiyonofuji.  On this day in 1495 the first written record of scotch whiskey appeared in the Exchequer Rolls of Scotland, in 1869 the voting machine was patented by Thomas Edison and in 1980 Cable News Network began broadcasting.  In Samoa it is Independence Day, in Kenya it is Madaraka Day and in Massachusetts it is Teachers’ Day.

I went to the eye doctor the other day for my annual check-up.  While there, several things came to mind.  One, which I will discuss in a bit, is something I have noticed with doctors in general.  Other things were specific to the eye doctor.  The first thing they do when you get there, after they get their precious co-pay is make you sit in the waiting room for some time.  The worst part of that is they usually have a TV on showing some show that I am not really interested in, but end up sort of watching because there isn’t much else to do.  I do not bring my Nook with me because I know once they start putting drops in my eyes I will not be able to read.  But I digress …

After you have been there awhile, they call you in and a nurse puts the first set of drops in your eyes and then has you do some standard eye chart stuff.  “Can you read the bottom line?” “Is it clearer this way or (changing settings) this way?”  They do that with different settings for each eye, make notations and then put a different eye card in front of you and ask you to read the lowest line you can.  All very standard stuff.  Next, because I am diabetic, they do a retinopathy test using two special machines.  One shows pictures and one has flashing red lights.  Then they send you back to the waiting room. 

 

The show you were watching before has moved on and you have no idea what the topic is anymore.  All you know is that even though you didn’t really want to watch, you got involved in the discussion, then left and never found out the result.  The thing with that is that, even if I had a DVR, it is not a show I would record, so I would have no way of learning the simple solution for when the leaves on your peonies start to turn black on the edges.  I’m sorry, I am digressing again.

So, after sitting back in the waiting room, trying not to get involved in the show because I know I will be called back by a nurse, I am taken back to an examining room.  The nurse hands me some tissues and puts two more sets of drops in my eyes and I spend several minutes wiping my cheeks because I blinked and the drops are running down my face.  Finally she gets all the drops in and I am left to wait for the doctor to come in.  Unfortunately, there is no TV to watch and no magazines to read (not that I could anyway) so I just sit and stare at the wall hoping it won’t be for too long.

Now the doctor comes in and taps away on the computer for a minute.  Then he tells me that the test shows that my retinas are in good shape, “As you can see here,” he says gesturing to an image on his computer.  I nod my head and say okay, as if I can actually see what he is talking about.  Because of the drops and my general ignorance of the anatomy of my eyes, I really don’t know what he is showing me.  For all I know, it is a picture of a gummy worm.

The next part is interesting.  When we were kids, we were always told never to look directly at bright lights.  Our parents told us that it was bad for our eyes.  Apparently that is either not true or no one ever told the eye doctor.  He proceeds to put a machine in front of me and aims this thing into my eye.  He flips a switch and this incredibly bright light shines into my eye.  If I could have looked I would have sworn there was light shining out of my ears, like in cartoons.  After a few seconds, he does it to the other eye.  When he is done, he moves the machine away and says, “Okay, everything looks good.  We’ll see you in a year.”  With that he walks out leaving me to wait 20 or so seconds until the sight comes back to my eyes.

I walk out of the examining room, get my prescription at the desk and brace myself for the shock I know is coming.  I put on my sun glasses and walk out into the glaring daylight.  The drops they put in your eyes make it almost impossible to see in the daylight.  It usually takes several hours for your eyes to readjust.  In the meantime, bright lights hurt and everything is fuzzy around the edges.  So that was my trip to the eye doctor.

Earlier I mentioned that I have noticed something with all doctors, lately.  They spend very little actual time with their patients.  Nurses do most of the prep work – weight, blood pressure, etc.  The doctor comes in, looks at your chart, does a couple perfunctory checks and then says goodbye and goes to the next patient.  If something else has to be done the doctor tells the nurse what he wants and then goes on to the next patient.  He does not soil his hands by touching a common patient.

I am old enough to remember when doctors used to come to your house.  Now you have to go to their office and you are lucky if they spend 10 minutes with you.  You would think that if they are moving through patients that quickly, there would be less waiting time, but you would be wrong.  I think they schedule five or six people for a time slot, expect a couple cancellations and then just take them as they come.  Fortunately, there is a chart with your name on it on the door so they have some idea of who you are and why you are there.

 

This week our fact tells us that American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from the salad served in first class.  Wait!  They get food in first class?