It is Sunday May 11 and there are only 113 days until Labor Day, so the fall clothing should be in the stores next week.  Birthday greetings go out today to Irving Berlin, Martha Graham and John Parrott.  On this day in 1502 Columbus began his fourth and last trip to the “Indies,” in 1858 Minnesota was admitted as the 32^nd US state and in 1963 “Puff the Magic Dragon” by Peter, Paul and Mary hit #2.  It is Constitution Day in Laos, here in the US we are celebrating Mother’s Day and the Feis Ceoil music festival begins in Ireland tomorrow. 

 

In the past I have given an explanation for the development of Mother’s Day, so I will not bore you by repeating it today.  Please take the time to wish your mother a Happy Mother’s Day.  Just a hint – if you have not gotten a gift for her yet, DO NOT buy her cookware or kitchen appliances, unless she has specifically requested them.  You should be recognizing her for being your mother and having put up with you all these years, not reminding her that she is, among other things, your personal cook.

I will; however, give you a brief explanation of Feis Ceoil, since I am sure you are burning with curiosity after seeing that the festival was today.  Feis Ceoil is an association, in Ireland, started in 1896 to promote excellence in the learning and performance of music across all ages, levels and disciplines.  They run an annual festival that attracts over 4000 participants from all over Ireland.  It has expanded to more than 180 competitions, covering all ages from seven years upwards.  I hope that slakes your thirst for Feis Ceoil knowledge.

What is the deal with motorcycle riders?  There is a couple that lives up the street from us and they both ride motorcycles.  The problem is that when they decide to go out riding they go through a ritual.  They start their bikes and then don their special jackets, gloves and helmets.  It would seem to me that those things should go on first.  That’s like getting in the pool and then changing into your bathing suit.  The thing that really gets me, and this is universal with motorcyclists, is that they get on their bike and sit there and rev the engine for five or ten minutes before actually driving off.

They do not do this when they go out in their car.  They get in, start the engine and drive off.  The lovely Elaine says that it is a sexual thing, the thrill of feeling the throb of the engine between your legs.  I don’t know about that.  The only thing I think it would do is make me want to go to the bathroom.  That would mean stopping the engine, taking off all the special gear, going in to the bathroom, coming back out, starting the bike, re-donning the gear and then climbing on and letting the engine run some more before going.  This, of course, creates the danger of having to go again.

Now the bikers are out on the road.  They drive as if they do not have to obey traffic laws.  They ride between lanes, swerve in and out of traffic, go way beyond the speed limit and act as if they are not aware of the fact that, if there is an accident, there is nothing between them and the pavement but the clothing they are wearing.  I don’t care if you have on the best leather clothing.  If you are traveling at 70 mph and run into a car, you are going to fly through the air, come down on the pavement and slide for a good distance.  By the time you are stopped, that leather and a good portion of your skin are going to be behind you, on the road.  There are no side air bags to protect you if a car hits you. There is no side anything between you and the car.  And yet, people are out buying motorcycles all the time.  There is a major motorcycle dealership in our town that is bigger than the bowling alley it is near.  So the question becomes are there that many people who are crazy about riding motorcycles, or are they just looking for the sexual thrill of feeling the engine running. 

This sexual idea could give rise to a whole new industry.  You could sell just the seat and handlebars for people who are looking for the thrill.  They could plug the device in and have that enjoyment in the privacy of their own home.  If they need the sound of the engine rumbling, that could be sold as an enhancement.  There could also be a more elaborate model that could replace mechanical bulls in bars.  That could give a whole new meaning to motorcycle bars.

One of the reasons I do not want to ride a motorcycle is that it does not look comfortable to ride.  You spend your time straddling the bike, bent over to reach the handlebars and constantly being pummeled by the wind.  I was thinking about what type of bike I would need to create to enable me to be comfortable and after it was all done, I realized that I had created an SUV with handlebars.  I think I will stick with my car.  Besides, in my car I can hear the radio and the lovely Elaine, on the occasions when we have something to talk about.

If I might digress for a minute, I wanted to tell you about an incident I saw in the mall recently.  A mother was walking along with her young daughter in a stroller.  They were a distance away, but I would guesstimate that the girl was around three.  As they walked, the mother looked down at her daughter and said, “What do you have?”  The little girl was playing with a shoe.  Apparently they were in a shoe store and as they were leaving, the girl snagged the shoe from a display.  The mother took the shoe, turned around and complained that now she had to find which store the girl had taken the shoe from.  I thought it was amusing.  The mother did not.

This week our fact tells us that about 200,000,000 M&Ms are sold each day in the US.  When we get together with our friend Pat, we do our best to consume all of them.