Today is Sunday, May 22 and there are only 106 days until Labor Day and then the kids will go back to school.  Hang in there parents, you can do it!  Today we remember the birthdays of Richard Wagner, Peter Nero and Bernie Taupin.  On this day in 1570 the first atlas, with 70 maps, was published, in 1843 the first wagon train, with over 1000 people, departed Independence, MO for Oregon and in 1933 the Loch Ness Monster was first reportedly sighted by John Mackay.  In Angel’s Camp, CA it is Jumping Frog Jubilee Day, in Haiti it is National Sovereignty Day and in the US it is National Maritime Day and National Vanilla Pudding Day.

My despair deepens.  I recently went into a chain office supply store to purchase note paper.  I was not sure where it would be so, rather than wander aimlessly, I asked one of the people who worked there where I would find note paper.  She stared at me with a puzzled look on her face.  I said, “You know, note paper.  Paper that you write on and send to someone.  It usually has a design on it and comes with envelopes so you can mail it.”  Still nothing.

“We have post-its of different sizes for notes, but you can’t really mail those.  I’m not really sure what you mean or where we would have something like that.  Let’s look over here.”  We proceeded to wander a couple aisles, aimlessly, until I happened to spot what I wanted.  I pointed out what I was looking for and she was surprised.  She said she was not aware that they carried anything like that.  I am pretty sure she will not remember where we found it or that they carry it, but I am sure that the next time someone asks her for note paper her response will be, “I am not sure.  This is not my area.  Let me get someone to help you.”

Here is another issue – it seems that technology can be dumb, too.  My car has Bluetooth capability and can sync with my phone so I can use the phone hands free.  The other day I wanted to call home and leave a message for myself to take care of something.  I pressed the button and was told to say the name I was calling after the beep.  I heard the beep and said “home” clearly, I thought.  The system said, “Calling Pat.”  I immediately hit the hang up button.  I decided to try again so I pressed the button and carefully enunciated the word home when the time came.  The system said, “Calling Pat.”  I hung up again, but apparently the pause while I swore at the system before hanging up allowed the call to connect.  A moment or so later Pat called me back.  Fortunately, Pat knows about my occasional ineptitude with technology.  She laughed, either with or at me, we hung up and I was finally able to make my call.

Recently, I began receiving e-mails from one of those dating sites.  What makes this interesting is that I never signed up on the site and the e-mails are going to an address that I set up to be able to post this blog and generally never use.  Out of curiosity, I started looking at the women being proffered.  Let me point out that I am not looking for someone.  If I were I have yet to see a woman on here that would interest me.  The majority of these women have a few things in common.  They are almost all divorced.  They are generally of the same religious persuasion.  They all claim to be athletic and in good shape.  Here is where it gets interesting.  Almost all of them are looking for a man who is 5’10” to 6’4”, athletic and toned and has an annual income of $75,000 to $150,000.

I am not any of those.  What makes it even more interesting is that VERY few of these women are, how shall I say this, umm, attractive.  These are women in their 60’s who, based on their pictures should not be so picky.  I hate to be mean, but if you are looking for an athletic, toned rich guy, you need to have something more going for you than crepey skin, a desire to travel and a love of cats.  I receive these e-mails daily.  I could unsubscribe but I won’t.  It’s like a car wreck – you don’t want to look, but you cannot help it.  I check every day just to see if the trend changes.  I also wonder if I will see someone I know.  In the meantime, I will work on my abs and look into getting a part time job.

This week our fact tells us that the reason the taste of artificial banana flavoring and artificial banana flavored products don’t taste like bananas is because the flavor is based on a type of banana that was wiped out by a plague in the 1950’s.  So why not just change the flavor to taste like something that actually exists?  Why do we keep using a flavor that no one recognizes?  And you wonder why I despair?

I think I am going to go out on a boat and eat some vanilla pudding.  See you next week.