Happy St. Patrick’s Day!  Today is Sunday, March 17 and there are only 49 days until the lovely Elaine and I celebrate our 40^th anniversary.  It is also the birthday of James Bridger, Gloria Swanson and Mia Hamm.  On this day in 1762 they held the first St. Patrick’s Day parade in New York City, in 1868 the postage stamp canceling machine patent was issued and in 1941 the National Gallery of Art opened in Washington, DC.  It is Evacuation Day in Boston, St. Patrick’s Day and Irish National Day in Ireland and World Maritime Day world-wide.

Recently my wife and I were on the road going to visit our friend Pat.  As we rode along, I came up with a way to solve the financial problems in the state.  It is very simple – enforce the traffic laws.  Let me explain.  I drove at the speed limit, 65 mph.  I do the limit because I do not see a need to go faster.  I know that where I am going will be there when I arrive so I do not have to rush.  If I am supposed to be there at a particular time, I always leave early enough so that it will not be a problem.  But I digress …

As I said, I was doing the speed limit.  Over a period of approximately one minute, 19 cars passed me.  A conservative estimate put their speed at least 10 miles over the limit.  These cars were also weaving in and out of lanes without signaling, tailgating and other offenses.  Here is where it gets interesting.  The penalty for driving 10 to 14 miles over the limit in the 65 mph area is $156.  The penalty for careless driving, with no accident, in the 65 mph area is $136.  So those 19 speeding cars would generate an income of $2964.  The income for careless driving would be $2584.  The total for both would be $5548 – for one minute, on one road!  That comes to $332,880 an hour.  For a 12-hour period that would generate $3,994,560!!

It doesn’t take a genius to realize that if traffic laws were enforced on a regular basis, that amount could be quite significant.  And that is just the income from speeding and careless driving.  There are other offenses such as not using headlights with windshield wipers, displaying unclear or indistinct license plates or leaving your vehicle with the engine running.  The fine for tailgating is $81.  That would have added an additional $1539 to the one minute income. 

I cannot be the only person who has driven by a state police barracks and wondered why there are so many police cars sitting in the parking lot.  When I saw all the cars flying by me I thought, “Perhaps if we put those police cars out on the road enforcing the laws, we could make some money and keep the roads safe.”  Or words to that effect.  I am not usually that pedestrian in my language. I tempered my usual rant in deference to those of you with a more sensitive nature.  In any event, that is my solution.  You don’t have to thank me.  I developed it for the good of all.

As unusual as it may seem, I am going to jump to a totally different topic.  I know, it can be confusing, but c’est la vie, which is French for “get over it.”  I want to complain again about one of my “favorite” topics – commercials!  I was watching TV last evening and the commercials made me wonder why so many companies feel they need to use someone with an accent to sell me their product.  Does a spokesperson with an accent somehow make the product better?  Does the company feel that there is no one in the US who can read 30 seconds worth of information in a pleasing manner?

The only thing I dislike more is when the accent is coming from an animal, ie gecko, or a bumble bee.  There is a company that uses a bee to sell their nasal spray.  As if that was not weird enough, they decided that the bee should have a foreign accent.  Realistically, I do not usually take medical advice from a talking bee.  I don’t always take it from my doctor, so I certainly would not use a bee as my go-to person in times of illness.

These types of thing always make me wonder – is the product lousy, so they try to use some cutesy thing to make me buy it?  Do they really review the commercial and say, “Yes!  That foreign accented bee is just what we need to sell our nasal spray.”  It is especially interesting because the spray has to be prescribed.

“Doctor.  I have been having a problem that I think can be solved by using (company name) nasal spray.”

“I see.  What makes you think that this would be a good product for your symptoms?”

“I saw a commercial with a bumble bee that had an accent and he said I should use it.”

“Oh, okay.  As long as you have a valid reason I will write the prescription for you.”

So there you have it, my most recent venting on commercials. (Please read the following sentences with your favorite foreign accent) I appreciate your patience.  I understand that not everyone will agree with me, but as I said earlier, c’est la vie.  

Now go put on something green and have a drink to celebrate the day.  If you can get enough friends together, start a parade!  Have a good week.