Today is Sunday, March 4 and there are only 159 days until National Connecticut Day.  We should all plan to go there for the day.  I am sure we can find things to do.  Today we remember the birthdays of Prince Henry the Navigator, Antonio Vivaldi and Harry Helmsley .  On this day in 1789 the first Congress (9 senators, 13 representatives) declared the constitution in effect, in 1837 the city of Chicago incorporated and in 1964 Jimmy Hoffa was convicted of jury tampering.  In Thailand it is Magka Puja Day and in the US it is Constitution Day, Marching Music Day, National Pound Cake Day and National Hug a GI Day.

Since it is March already, let me give you your monthly information.  March is the third month of the year in both the Julian and Gregorian calendars.  The March equinox on the 20^th or 21^st marks the beginning of Spring.  The name comes from Martius and was named after Mars, the Roman god of war.  His month Martius was the beginning of the season for warfare, and the festivals held in his honor during the month were mirrored by others in October, when the season for these activities came to a close.  March’s birthstones are aquamarine and bloodstone and the birth flower is the daffodil.  It is also National Nutrition Month, National Celery Month, National Frozen Food Month, Music in our Schools Month and National Reading Awareness Month.  That should hold you for this month.

In looking for historic things to list, I came across something interesting.  I thought that presidential inaugurations were always held in January.  Not so!  On this day, the following inaugurations were held:  George Washington’s second one, John Adams (1797), Thomas Jefferson (1801) and he was also the first president inaugurated in Washington, DC, James Madison (1809) and he was the first president inaugurated in American-made clothes, John Quincy Adams (1825), Andrew Jackson (1829) and on and on. Of note were the inaugurations of William Howard Taft (1909) who was sworn in during a 10” snow storm and Calvin Coolidge (1925) whose ceremony was broadcast live on 21 radio stations. Apparently up through Franklin D Roosevelt, this was the day to be inaugurated.

The first inauguration, that of George Washington, took place on April 30, 1789. All subsequent (regular) inaugurations from 1793 until 1933, were held on March 4, the day of the year on which the federal government began operations under the U.S. Constitution in 1789.  Inauguration Day moved to January 20, beginning in 1937, where it has stayed since.  I am sure that you now know more than you ever needed or wanted to about inaugurations, so I will move on to something else.

I have been sort of paying attention to commercials again and I keep wondering about certain ones.  I find it interesting that there are still Presidents’ Day sales going on a couple weeks after the day has passed.  I also find there are commercials that still tout the Olympics a week after they have ended.  If people still have Olympic Fever, they should go to the doctor, it may be the flu.  The commercials that really get me are the ones from a certain insurance company.  The Washington crossing the Delaware … Turnpike one has got to be one of the more ridiculous ones.  I know I keep promising that I will not rant about commercials, but it is difficult not to when I see some of the stuff they put out.

What happened to the ones like the one where Madge has you soaking your hands in dishwashing liquid while getting a manicure?  I know I am showing my age but I remember when commercials were used to tell you what the product did, how well it did it and told you to buy it.  Those were okay.  They interrupted the show you were watching, but they were tolerable.  Back in those days the commercial breaks were short and you didn’t always have time to take a bathroom break, let alone get a snack.  

Then the commercials started to evolve and they started to become more about entertainment than the product.  Then you had to wait until the middle of a show, if it was an hour long, to get a break long enough to run to the bathroom.  Those one hour shows had a pattern.  They would go for about 15 minutes, show some commercials, run for another 15 minutes, show a longer string of commercials, run 15 minutes, run a few more and then finish out the hour with maybe another ad or two at the end.

Nowadays, you are lucky to get 10 minutes of a program before the first commercials come on.  I figured once that we were lucky to get 40 minutes of actual program for a one hour time slot.  The breaks now are long enough for you to go to the bathroom, make coffee, grab a snack and check on the laundry.  Generally, the commercials are trying way too hard to be amusing and clever and entertaining and not coming close to achieving those goals.  You want me to buy your product?  Tell me what it is, what is does and how well it does it and I might.  It may be because I am cantankerous, but I try to avoid buying the products that have stupid commercials.  I know, that severely limits the things that I can buy, but I am a senior citizen and on a fixed income, so that is a good thing.

This week our fact tells us that in New Hampshire a law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a restaurant, tavern or café.  I wonder if there is a special section for people outside those places who are standing there keeping time to the music, like the groups who are outside smoking.  

“Excuse me, sir, I am Officer Jones and I am going to have to cite you for nodding to the music.”

“I wasn’t nodding to the music.  I was responding to a question from my wife.”

“I’ve heard that before.  I am going to cite you and ask you to step outside to the special section for keeping time.”

“But it’s raining!”

“Just cooperate and don’t make me cite you for unauthorized weather reporting.”

Today is Sunday, February 25 and there are only 303 days until Christmas.  Start getting your lists together so people can hit the yard sales this summer for some real bargains.  Today we remember the birthdays of Walraad the Elder, Pierre Auguste Renoir and George Harrison.  On this day in 1751 the first performing monkey was exhibited in America, in New York City, and the admission was one cent, in 1870 Hiram Revels of Mississippi was sworn in as the first black member of Congress and in 1987 the US Supreme Court upheld Affirmative Action with a 5-4 vote.  In Kuwait it is National Day, in Mexico it is Coronado Day and in the US it is National Chocolate Covered Nut Day and National Clam Chowder Day.

Recently, the phrase “naked as a J-Bird” came up and I wondered what exactly was a J-Bird and how naked could one be.  Barbara and I assumed a J-Bird was a Blue Jay and started our research based on that.  We were unable to find anything connecting Blue Jays to nakedness or anything using J-Bird as a nickname for a Blue Jay.  Barbara then looked up the phrase and we found out that a J-Bird is not a bird.  In 1920s and 30s America, J-Bird was short for jailbird and when prisoners were brought in from the bus, they went to the showers, were given their kit and made to walk from one end of the prison to the other naked. Hence naked as a J-Bird – or jailbird.

This made me wonder about other sayings and where they came from.  I did some research and am going to share my findings with you.  One saying I always wondered about was “sleep tight.”  This 19th century expression isn't, as is often wrongly claimed, a reference to the tightness of the strings used to support mattresses. 'Tight' just means 'soundly/properly' and 'sleep tight' just means 'sleep soundly'. The word was probably chosen because of its rhyme with night, so people wished other 'good night, sleep tight'.  There are many meanings of the word 'tight' and it's no surprise that there are several theories going the around as to the origin of 'sleep tight'. One is that the phrase dates from the days when mattresses were supported by ropes which needed to be pulled tight to provide a well-sprung bed.  General wisdom believes that it simply means have a good sleep.

Another phrase I thought about was “going cold turkey.”  This refers to the abrupt cessation of a substance dependence and the resulting unpleasant experience, as opposed to gradually easing the process through reduction over time or by using replacement medication.  The term comes from the goose bumps that occur which resemble the skin of a plucked refrigerated turkey.  

A phrase that I always wondered about was to be “caught red-handed.”  The phrase means to be caught in the act of committing a misdemeanor, with the evidence there for all to see.  There have been a number of different explanations of its origin including the tale of how, in a boat race in which the first to touch the shore of Ulster was to become the province's ruler, one contestant guaranteed his win by cutting off his hand and throwing it to the shore ahead of his rivals.  Red-handed doesn't have a mythical origin however - it is a straightforward allusion to having blood on one's hands after the execution of a murder or a poaching session.

One that has always made me curious is “hoist on his own petard.”  So, what is the meaning of this?  Basically, it means to be hurt by one’s own plot or device intended for someone else.  A petard was a small engine of war used to blow breaches in gates or walls. They were originally metallic and bell-shaped but later cubical wooden boxes.  This bomb generally had a slow fuse, but sometimes went off prematurely, causing the engineer setting it to be hoist on his own petard.

Have you ever wondered about not “looking a gift horse in the mouth?”  So have I.  Here is what I was able to find about this gem.  Since horses' teeth grow over time, checking their length is a way of gauging old age. However, doing such a check would be a sign of mistrust toward the giver.  As horses develop they grow more teeth and their existing teeth begin to change shape and project further forward. Determining a horse's age from its teeth is a specialist task, but it can be done. This incidentally is also the source of another teeth/age related phrase – long in the tooth.  The advice is simple, when receiving a gift be grateful for what it is; don't imply you wished for more by assessing its value.

One final one and I will let you go.  This phrase has been around a long time and I always wondered what it meant to be “as pleased as punch.”   This derives from the puppet character Mr. Punch.  Punch and Judy shows, the popular summer-time entertainments on British beaches, have been somewhat in decline from the latter half of the 20th century onward, due to them being seen as politically incorrect. That's hardly surprising as the main character Punch is a wife-beating serial killer.  In performance, the grotesque Punch character is depicted as self-satisfied and delighted with his evil deeds, squawking "That's the way to do it!" whenever he dispatches another victim.  I have decided that I will no longer be as pleased as Punch.  Maybe I can start being as pleased as, I don’t know, how about Sangria.  From now on I will be as pleased as Sangria.

I hope you have not been too bored by this week’s episode.  I like to be able to give you obscure pieces of information that you can toss into a conversation occasionally.

This week our fact tells us that our hearing decreases when we overeat.  When we eat too much food, it actually reduces our ability to hear.  What?  Did you say something?

Today is Sunday, February 18 and there are only 197 days until Labor Day so the back to school specials should be starting any day now.  Today we remember the birthdays of Leon B Alberti, Thomas Girtin and John Travolta.  On this day in 1678 John Bunyan’s “The Pilgrim’s Progress” was published, in 1841 the first continuous filibuster in the US Senate began, lasting until March 11 and in 1979 the miniseries “Roots The Next Generations” premiered on ABC-TV.  In Gambia it is Independence Day, in Nepal it is Constitutional Day and in the US it is National Battery Day and National Drink Wine Day.  Tomorrow is Presidents’ Day in the US.

Let me start out by saying that I will be celebrating National Drink Wine Day today with great fervor, so please refrain from interrupting the festivities.  Besides, Barbara and I have a craft project we want to do and we still need 183 more corks.  Now on to more pressing issues.

As I mentioned, tomorrow is Presidents’ Day.  Presidents’ Day is an American holiday celebrated on the third Monday in February (Go ahead.  I’ll wait while you count back to be sure it is the third Monday). Originally established in 1885 in recognition of President George Washington, it is still officially called “Washington’s Birthday” by the federal government.  Traditionally celebrated on February 22—Washington’s actual day of birth—the holiday became popularly known as Presidents’ Day after it was moved as part of 1971’s Uniform Monday Holiday Act, an attempt to create more three-day weekends for the nation’s workers.  While several states still have individual holidays honoring the birthdays of Washington, Abraham Lincoln and other figures, Presidents’ Day is now popularly viewed as a day to celebrate all US presidents past and present.

I know that I have given you this information in the past so I won’t bore you with it all again.  The reason I brought it up was because of one thing that popped out while I was reading through the material.  The item I refer to is the phrase, “it is still officially called ‘Washington’s Birthday’ by the federal government.”  This is typical of government.  They take a holiday – Washington’s Birthday – and lump it together with other presidents’ birthdays, call it Presidents’ Day, make it a three day holiday and then pass an act to make it official.  However, it is still “officially called Washington’s Birthday” by the federal government.

“Hey, Senator Jones.  Will you be taking off for Presidents’ Day this year?”

“I don’t know if I will have the time, but I will be off for Washington’s Birthday.”

“What day is that?”

“Monday, the 19^th.”

“Huh?”

Recently I mentioned car commercials that show you things their car can do and then warn you not to do them.  I started to reflect on the way commercials present a company and how different that is from reality.  I would truly love to find a place that actually measures up to what the commercial shows.  There are always commercials that show grocery store shelves stocked with whatever product is being sold.  All the shelves are packed with the product and that is all you can see.  First off, I have never seen any store that has that much of any one thing on its shelves.  Secondly, if a store has that much of a product on its shelves, either the item is way too expensive or it is a lousy product and no one wants it.

A commercial for one store always depicts pleasant greeters showing you where to go to find what you are looking for.  The people working there are always smiling.  There is someone standing around to make sure you find a register that is available, or they open one just to get you checked out and on your way.  If you have been to that store you know that is not happening.  Generally, if a supervisor walks by and sees lines, they shake their head, mumble something like, “Where is Terry?” and then go off, as if looking for Terry.  Ten minutes later, you are still in line and neither Terry nor the supervisor has appeared.

Let’s talk about another reality.  Recently, Barbara and I went to a fast food establishment because we had a hankering for a particular type of sandwich.  We had seen it in a commercial and thought it would be nice to have one.  In the commercial, the sandwich looks so good.  It is stacked up nicely, the meat, cheese and condiments all appear fresh and tasty and the bun looks like it was just baked.  Now go to reality.  The sandwich is wrapped and pushed down so that it is only an inch or so thick, not like the commercial one where you wonder how you will even bite into it.  The reason the condiments are showing at all is because the meat is only partially on the bun and the rest is sliding out of the wrapper.  The bun looks like it was used for some kind of table hockey game while they waited for orders to come in.

Just to round out our gastronomical experience, I watched as a worker came out to clean tables.  In one hand was a cloth that looked like this was not the first table it was being used on.  In the other hand was a spray bottle containing who knows what.  He walked up to a table, sprayed it and wiped it with the cloth.  Then he went to the next table and repeated the process, using the same cloth.  This went on until all the tables had been “cleaned.”  You wonder why you and your children come down with so many different ailments?  Now you know.

This week our fact tells us that in Hartford, Connecticut it is illegal for a husband to kiss his wife on Sundays.  I suppose he can do “other things” but he cannot kiss her.  Lucky for him, many sporting events are held on Sundays, so he will at least have something to do.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have some celebrating to do.  Have a good week!

Today is Sunday, February 11 and there are only 284 days until Thanksgiving.  Time to start thawing the turkey so it will be ready to cook (and don’t forget to take out the bag of organs).  Today we remember the birthdays of Elizabeth of York, Thomas Edison and Jennifer Aniston.  This day in 660 BC is the traditional founding of Japan by Emperor Jimmu Tenno, in 1794 it was the first session of the US Senate open to the public and in 1993 Janet Reno was selected by President Clinton as US Attorney General.  In Bangladesh it is Shaheed Day, in Italy it is Giorno della Conciliazione Day and in the US it is National Inventors Day, National Peppermint Patty Day and National Make a Friend Day.

As you know, in just three days it will be Valentine’s Day.  I hope that everyone has done their shopping and gotten something nice for their Valentine.  Guys, remember what I have told you in the past – do not buy appliances or kitchen items for your lady, even if they say it will be okay.  If you do, plan on some long, lonely nights.  Ladies, you are safer.  If you buy a tool for your man, he will think you are wonderful.  In past years I have gone into the history of the day and have given a great deal of information.  Rather than bore you again, I would refer you to previous years.  

Recently, I was watching TV and actually paid attention to a car commercial.  They showed a car zooming along, negotiating curves at high speed and sliding sideways to a stop.  In small letters at the bottom it said, “Performed by a professional driver on a closed course.  Do not attempt.”  I started to watch other car commercials and realized that none of them were based on real life.  I mean, really, don’t show me how spectacular the car is and then tell me not to do what I just saw.

As I reflect on them, I have never seen a commercial that shows you how to sit on your leather seats after the car has spent several hours sitting in the summer sun while you are shopping in an air conditioned mall.  Most commercials do not deal with how well a car handles when you are driving and your kid is throwing up in the back seat.  It does not show you a car sitting in traffic, going 2 miles per hour, on your way down the shore.  They always show you drivers smiling and enjoying the ride, as they cruise along, with their well-behaved kids in the back seat.  The other thing that amazes me is that they always find a parking space when they get where they are going.

 Here is my idea of how a commercial should be.  A father is driving, ducking as the baby in the car seat behind him swings a stuffed animal at his head.  The mother, a harried look on her face, tries to convince the other two kids to shut up for just a little while.  The windows have dried ice cream and nose and finger prints smeared on them.  The father is complaining that they have been driving around looking for a parking space for two hours now and wondering if this is really a good idea.  The car keeps stopping automatically as people wander across the street without looking.  In small letters across the bottom of the screen it reads, “Performed by a family in danger of losing their sanity.  Try to avoid whenever possible.”  As the family starts to circle the block again, the voiceover says, “Vacation time is family time.  Enjoy the ride.”  You see the stuffed animal hit the father’s head and then watch as the car turns the corner, again.

We are only a couple days into the winter Olympics and I am already sick of them.  I find it hard to believe that there is so little going on that they have to fill time by telling me that Susie has wanted to skate since she was three and slipped on the sidewalk.  I am even less interested in how Igor got his start in the luge by using a board to get down the hill to school every day.  Show me events.  Show me people competing.  There are over 2,00 athletes who have worked hard to get to the Olympics.  I would rather see them involved in their sport and giving it their best effort, even if they don’t get a medal.  I don’t need to know about the lives of the athletes, especially if they are not from the US.  

I would be willing to bet that very few of them went thinking how nice it would be to let everyone know that they like to wear long underwear when they practice.  They went hoping to do their best and proud to represent their country on this international stage.  Show them doing that and shut up while they do it.  It isn’t really necessary to ramble on with useless information while the competition is going on.  As a skier goes down the hill at break-neck speed, don’t tell me how they prefer mashed potatoes when they are eating Sunday dinner with their family.

Okay, I am done venting.  I know this competition is going on for two more weeks and there will be a lot of times when things will annoy me, but I hope not to bore you with my rants.  I got my start in ranting when I was just six and found that I did not like …  sorry.  

This week our fact baffles me.  Whale hunting is strictly prohibited throughout the state of Oklahoma.  I was not aware that whale hunting had become such a problem out there.  Having looked at a map of the state, my only question would be, “Where, exactly, would one go to find a whale?”  I mean even if you can’t hunt them, it would be interesting to see one in Oklahoma.  Do they show up there because someone buys one when it is a baby thinking it looks so cute, but then as it grows they find it is difficult to take care of and they let it go in the wild?  Another time when some kind of explanation would be nice.