As hard as it is to believe, we are already in June! Today is Sunday, June 2.  There are only 206 days until Christmas.  By now the fruit cakes should be done and ready to be sent to relatives.  It is the birthday of Marquis de Sade, Sally Kellerman and Dana Carvey.  Today, in 1835, P.T. Barnum and his circus began its first tour of the US; in 1924 U.S. citizenship was granted to all American Indians and in 1977 NJ allowed casino gambling in Atlantic City.  It is Seaman's Day in Iceland, Youth Day in Tunisia and Teacher's Day in Massachusetts.

Last weekend we went "down the shore" to visit our friend Pat for a couple days.  We left on a Friday afternoon, not something we would normally do.  It was the beginning of Memorial Day weekend, a Friday and it was raining.  A trio guaranteed to make it a long trip. And it was, but it was worth it.  We know that when we get to Pat's there will be wine, food, laughter and M & M's waiting, so we don't mind the trip too much.

What makes the trip interesting is the ride on the parkway.  I am constantly amazed by the number of people on the road who should not be driving. Some of them drive like they should not even be out without a handler.  It is obvious that they do not or cannot read the signs that are posted.  There is a section, shortly after we get on the road that has two exits that come very close together.  So close that they share the exit lane.  All the way along there are signs that say Exit Only.  I would think that is fairly clear - Exit Only. In other words, if you are not exiting, get out of this lane.  A great many people cut into this lane so that they can get ahead of as many as three or four cars and then get backinto the  traffic going five miles an hour.  I estimate that they took a full 10 seconds off their trip.  Wow!

I think the State  Police should have officers just after the exit pulling people over who do not get off and giving them tickets for not exiting.  Or they should have them at the exit making them get off, since they were in the exit only lane.  They could give them a choice - exit here and find your way back to the road or pull up onto the shoulder where you can be issued a ticket.  Either way, there should be some consequence for their actions.

Another thing I noticed was the need to slow down and look at things that are not really that unusual.  At one point wewere crawling along at two mph.  Just ahead, there was a car pulled over and a state trooper was issuing a ticket.  As we passed the police car traffic opened up and we began doing the speed limit, or in many cases, way above the limit.  The only reason for slowing down was to look at the trooper issuing a ticket. If the officer was a gorgeous, topless woman, I could see slowing down, otherwise what was the big deal?  Keep moving and keep your eyes on the road.

I am constantly puzzled by things on the parkway. For example, we are moving along at four or five mph and then suddenly the road opens and we are going the speed limit.  We drive along that way for a few minutes and then suddenly everything slows down to four or five again.  Nowhere along the road do you see a reason for why things had slowed down and you have to wonder why we were able to speed up for several miles and then go back to crawling again.  Another thing that gets me is you are driving along and people are whizzing by you. All of a sudden, they spot a patrol car partially hidden on the side of the road.  They slow down, but they slow down to below the posted speed limit. Why go slower?  Do they think going slower will average out with the speeding to the speed limit?  And why slow down at all? By the time you see the car, he has seen you and clocked your speed.

I am convinced that when people are driving they do not look beyond the hood of their car.  They come along behind a car that is going slower than they are so they quickly change lanes to go around.  Now they are behind another car going slower so they have to go back to the lane they were in and try the other side of the car.  If they had looked before changing, they might have seen the car that would be in their way.  I guess looking ahead would take the challenge out of driving.

What I wish is that I could be in a helicopter above a traffic jam and fly to the beginning of it to see what caused it.  Nothing makes me crazier than to spend an hour sitting in traffic and then have the road open up and everything get back to normal. I always feel that if I am sitting in traffic that long, there should be the wreckage of a plane crash or six-car pileup or something.  There should be evidence of whatever caused the slowdown.  It should not just suddenly open up with nothing to show why it was slow in the first place.  At the very least one of those signs that says "Click it or ticket" should explain why we were going slowly.  I guess some things just have to be accepted because there is no explanation.  I guess.

This week's fact  - For every "normal" webpage, there are five porn pages.  I have nothing to say about that except, "Where are all these pages and why haven't I heard about them before this??"

Today is Sunday, May 26. There are only 186 days until Thanksgiving. If you start now,the turkey should be defrosted enough to cook dinner by then. Today celebrates the natal anniversaries of John Eigenhuis, John Wayne and Pam Grier. In 1781 the Bank of North America was incorporated in Philadelphia; in1805 Lewis and Clark first saw the Rocky Mountains and in 1977 the movie  "StarWars" debuted. In Guyana today isIn dependence Day. In the US tomorrow is Memorial Day.

Let's take some time to discuss this holiday. I mentioned it briefly a couple weeks ago and promised to revisit it. The day was originally designated as Decoration Day and was created to commemorate the soldiers who died in the Civil War. It was officially observed for the first time on May 30, 1868. According to folklore, the date was chosen because it was not the anniversary of abattle. Ceremonies were held in cemeteries where graves of soldiers were decorated with flowers.

The name changed gradually from Decoration Day to Memorial Day, with the first use being in 1882. Interestingly, it was not declared the official name by Federal law until 1967. In 1968 Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act which moved several holidays, including Memorial Day, from their traditional dates to a specified Monday to create three-day weekends. Many businesses observe the holiday becauseit serves as the unofficial start to the summer.

Some groups advocate returning Memorial Day to the original date. The VFW once stated in a Memorial DayAddress:

   "Changing the date merely to create three-day weekendshas undermined the very meaning
     of the day. No doubt, this has contributed a lot to the general public's nonchalant 
     observance of Memorial Day."

This is a day that recognizes the extreme sacrifice made by thousands of people throughout the years, including two world wars, the Korean War, Vietnam, Desert Storm, Afghanistan and Iraq. These people died serving their country. Is it asking too much for everyone to take amoment to remember their sacrifice? Havewe become so jaded that it has become all about parties and barbecues andgetting a head start on summer and the true meaning of the holiday has beenforgotten? If that is so, then shame on us. These people gave their lives for their country. Let us give a small amount of time to remember them.

If your town or a town near you has a Memorial Day observance, take time out to go and participate. Do not be afraid to be proud of your country and its Armed Forces. Do not be ashamed to stand and shed tears as we remember those who died on our behalf. Remember that we are talking about men and women in their late teens and early twenties. People who gave up their hopes and dreams to protect our way of life. Honor them and remember them. They deserve that much.

Having said that, let me now come down off my soap box and discuss something completely different. I have noticed something in the super market that I find interesting. In the bread aisle I have seen bread products from a company that Ithink should give some thought to changing their name. Normally I do not use specifics, but I think it is necessary. The name of the company is Bimbo. On their label, when you get close enough to see it, they tell you it is pronounced "Beembo."  Most people only see the name, chuckle and move on. I am not sure if I would want my company to be named Bimbo, no matter how you pronounce it. That would be like having a chocolate company named Manure (pronounced  Man oo ray).

However, if people stop and look at the products being offered, they will see a real time-saver. This company sells packages of toast. Toast! Do you realize the time you can save in the morning?   Instead of coming to the table and having to wait for your bread to finish in the toaster, all you have to do is open a package of toast and you are ready to go. Of course, if you like your toast warm so that the butter will melt, you will probably want to run it through themicrowave. But that should not take anywhere near the time it would take to toast it. And then there is also the benefit that it will make the toast slightly rubbery, making it more interesting to eat. M-m-m-m, M-m-m-m good. I would rather put the bread in the toaster and do it myself, but that's just me.

I know you have been waiting with bated breath for the weekly fact and I will give that to you shortly. First I want to discuss the phrase "bated breath."  The meaning of the phrase is breathing that is subdued because of some emotion or difficulty. The earliest known citation of the phrase is from Shakespeare's "Merchant of Venice" in 1596. It turns out that bated is simply a shortened form of "abated", meaning to bring down, lower or depress. So there you have it. Now you don't have to wonder about that anymore.The fact of the week - Acorns were used as acoffee substitute during the American Civil War. I wonder if that is where the phrase "actingsquirrelly" came from? Hey, have a nice Memorial Day and a good week. See you in June.

Sunday, May 19 has arrived and there are now only 220 days until Christmas.  Time to start watching the Christmas Clasics, like “It’s A Wonderful Life” and “Mr. Magoo Christmas Carol.”  It is the birthday of Johns Hopkins, Schlomo Joffe and Martyn Ware.  On this day in 1780, about midday, near-total darkness descended on much of New England.  To this day its cause is still unexplained.  In 1898 the Post Office authorized the use of post cards and in 1979 “In The Navy” by the Village People hit #3.  It is Flag Day of the Army in Finland, in Turkey it is Youth and Sports Day and tomorrow is Victoria Day in Canada.

I have to tell you that I am becoming concerned with how dumb people are becoming.  I saw a commercial the other night that showed cars driving off a cliff into the ocean in Italy and then driving up onto the shore here in the US.  At the bottom of the screen was a disclaimer that said, “For demonstration purposes only. Do not attempt.”

Are there really people out there who would see that commercial, fly to Italy, buy a car, drive it off a cliff into the ocean and expect to drive all the way to New York?  Really??  I would think that those people would have a hard time just remembering to breathe, without trying to navigate, under water, from there to here. 

I suppose there should have been a disclaimer on a series of Anheuser-Busch commercials.  The series showed ads in which two beautiful women came to life in front of two truck drivers.  A Michigan man bought a case of beer, drank it and failed to see the two women.  He sued the company for false advertising.  The court dismissed the case.  But this does highlight the dumbness of people.  That guy really thought the women would appear because he drank the beer.  After drinking a whole case he’s lucky he could see.  Maybe they appeared and he missed them because he was in the bathroom peeing all that beer out.

Here is something else for us to consider.  Some years ago a woman bought coffee at McDonald’s.  She spilled the coffee and burned herself as a result.  She sued, they settled and now they have a warning on the cups that say the coffee is hot.  I would think that we should be able to figure that out for ourselves.  Unless you ask for iced coffee, you should be able to work out the fact that it is hot.  That; however, is not the point.  The point is that when you cross the border into Canada, McDonald’s does not have that warning on their cups.  This leads to one of three conclusions – 1) Canadians are smarter than we are and have figured out that coffee is hot.  2) We are dumber than Canadians and need someone to tell us that coffee is hot.  3) It is usually so cold in Canada, that they are happy with anything that is hot, regardless of where it is spilled.

But stupid is not restricted to a particular area, it is rampant everywhere.  Here are some laws that supposedly intelligent people have felt were needed to protect the public.  US federal law makes it illegal to issue a fake Weather Bureau forecast.  The Weather Bureau can screw foredasts up without help, so do not make it worse than it already is.  In Bergen County, NJ, Blue Laws are still in effect.  The only stores permitted to be open on Sundays are grocery stores and liquor stores.  So, let’s get some snacks and a bottle of good vodka and sit around bemoaning the fact that we can’t go shopping.

There are some laws that you have to wonder what happened to make the law necessary.  For example, in Baltimore it is illegal to take a lion to the movies.  An Illinois state law requires that a man’s female companion has to call him “Master” while out on a date.  This law does not apply to married couples.  I’m guessing it is a law is not enforced too often.  I would truly love to know the background on this law from Oklahoma – it is illegal to have a sleeping donkey in your bathtub after 7 PM.

New York City has two laws that I find interesting.  One is that it is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing “body hugging clothing.”  In some cases I have to agree and feel that the law should be extended to men, too.  The other law states that women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business.  An additional benefit to this law is it avoids being fined by violating the other law.

Generally, I think people are becoming stupid because it is easier than being not stupid.  I once heard a salesman in a large home goods store talking to a customer about faux (pronouncing the x in the word) wood.  I was in a parking lot once where there was a single row of spaces that could be entered from either side.  I stood and watched a guy back into the space, when all he had to do was pull into it.  When asked why they backed into parking spaces, one person replied that it made it easier to pull out. “Besides I hate backing up and this way I avoid it.”  Okay, Einstein, but how did you get into the space?  As the lovely Elaine is always saying, “You can’t make this stuff up!”

Now, time for the fact of the week – donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. 

Have a good week and watch out for donkeys.

It is Sunday, May 12 and there are only 53 days until the Fourth of July (it can’t always be about Christmas).  If you are interested, we can usually see the New York City fireworks from our deck, so come on by this year.  Today is the birthday of Jan F van Bloom, Florence Nightingale and Steven Baldwin.  In 1792 a toilet that flushed itself at regular intervals was patented, in 1932 Goofy, aka Dippy Dawg, first appeared in “Mickey’s Revue” by Walt Disney and in 1993 the last episode of “Cheers” was broadcast on NBC-TV.  It is Snellman Day in Finland, National Hospital Day here in the US and in many countries, including the US, it is Mother’s Day.

For those who are interested, Mother’s Day was first celebrated in 1908 when Anna Jarvis held a memorial to her mother.  She worked for a number of years to get Mother’s Day recognized as a holiday in the US and finally succeeded in 1914.  By the 1920’s she was already disappointed with the commercialization of the holiday.  It never ceases to amaze me at the way we can take pretty much anything and screw it up by commercializing it.

Take, as an example, Memorial Day.  Originally called Decoration Day, it was created to honor those who died during the Civil War.  It is a federal holiday remembering the men and women who died while serving in the US Armed Forces.  I would be willing to bet that most people do not even know what the day is all about.  Through commercialization over the years, the day has become the unofficial first day of summer.  People have barbecues, parties, go shopping and start wearing white shoes and tan slacks.  While I am not opposed to those things (except maybe the white shoes) I still feel that there should be more recognition of the actual purpose of the day and less attention to all the other stuff.  More about this in a couple weeks.

Okay, on to other issues.  As some of you already know, I am officially retired.  I filed the papers with Social Security the other day.  I decided to make the move because my unemployment is running out and there just are not that many jobs for 63 year old people.  One of the things that concerned me was the ease with which it can be done.  You can go on-line and have it all taken care of in 15 minutes.  I was surprised because it is a government thing and they are not usually simple.  When my brother filed his application a couple years ago, he was so concerned about how easy it was that he called the Social Security office.  He was told not to worry, that it was, in fact, that simple to do.

Now all I have to do is wait for the lovely Elaine to retire and then we can become one of those couples you see in all the ads for retirement communities.  You know the ones I mean.  The ones showing people with neatly coiffed white hair who walk around smiling all the time with their equally neatly coiffed white-haired friends.  All of them are laughing and playing tennis and swimming and having meals together and they are always smiling.  We do not play tennis.  We tried once and the sport just did not work for us.  However, we will be glad to sit under an umbrella and drink margaritas while the rest of our white haired friends play.

When I see these ads I always wonder if retirement is really that grand a thing or do they put something in the water at these communities that makes everyone think they are having fun even when they are not.  I also wonder why more of the people in the ads do not have walkers or move slowly or take several minutes to get up after sitting for an hour or so.  I guess if you go to the right retirement community, those things are not a problem.

It reminds me of a joke from a number of years ago:  Several kids are talking about what they would do if they had some money.  One boy said he would buy a new bike.  Another boy said he would buy ice cream.  The other boy said he would buy a box of Kotex.  His friends looked at him like he was crazy and asked why a box of Kotex.  He told them because in an ad he saw it said that with Kotex you could go bowling, swimming, sky diving, boating and other things.

So, if we go to one of those communities we can do all the stuff they do and not have to worry about having to use devices to help us walk, stand and generally move around.  We can spend our time smiling and enjoying all that life has to offer with our white-haired friends, when they aren’t playing tennis.

I have decided that my weekly prattle should be more than slightly amusing.  It should also be educational.  So each week I will be including interesting facts for you. 

 Did you know that you burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV?  You do, so put down the remote and take a nap!

Today is Sunday, May 5.  There are only 190 days left until Christmas and Swiss Colony has started their holiday production schedule already.  Happy Birthday to Antonio Smareglia, Nellie Bly and Tina Yothers.  On this day in 1382 the Battle of Beverhoutsveld was fought and the population defeated the drunken army.  In 1891 Carnegie Hall opened in New York City with Tchaikovsky as guest conductor.  In 1973 Bill and the lovely Elaine got married.  In Denmark, Ethiopia and the Netherlands it is Liberation Day; in Thailand it is Coronation Day and in Mexico it is Cinco de Mayo.

I feel that I would be remiss if I did not first address the fact that it is our 40^th anniversary.  That, in itself, is an amazing feat.  What makes it even more incredible is that we started going together 7 years earlier, when Elaine was a sophomore and I was a junior in high school.  I know, many of you are thinking that she would have come to her senses long before we got married and run away screaming.  I think what saved me was that I spent almost a year attending a college in Iowa (that went bankrupt and closed part way through my second semester, not my fault) and then spent three years and seven months in the Air Force.  So for a good portion of that time we were apart, making it easier for me to avoid driving her completely crazy.

Our 40 years together have been great.  We have been through some difficult times together – the key word being “together” – and have stayed strong.  We have a fantastic son and daughter-in-law and two of the absolute greatest grandsons ever.  We have traveled, we enjoy being together and we have fun together.  What more can you ask for?  I love her and she loves me.  There is nothing else that needs to be said.  People ask how she has put up with me for so many years and I answer very simply, “She drinks a lot.”

But enough about us.  Now on to different topics.  One time we were on a road trip and I noticed a car that had a bumper sticker offering a very interesting service.  You know how, when you travel, you always wonder where a rest area is when you need one?  We saw a car that had a sticker that said, “Honk if you need to POOP.”  I thought that it was great having cars ride around to help you find a bathroom when you are in a place you do not know well.  The alternative to offering a service was that the car was being driven by a stupid person with a warped idea of what is amusing.  A part of me wanted to honk to see what would happen, but I decided not to be drawn in by the ignorance.  Besides, I am sure I would have been scolded for giving in to the temptation.

A year or so ago when we were in Newport, I spotted a trend in the way people dressed that I found interesting.  I saw people wearing down vests over sweatshirts because, one would assume, they are cold.  But then they wore shorts and flip flops, trying for that nautical look.  Does that mean they are only cold from the waist up?  I find it interesting that people have to go with a certain look because of the area they are in.  In Newport, it is nautical because of all the sailing that is done there.  However, if you are cold enough to wear a down vest and sweatshirt, can’t you find some kind of pants that will keep you warm, but still look like you belong on a boat? 

   

Another trend I noticed recently is that people are no longer concerned with having their outfits match.  They get up in the morning, pick a shirt or blouse they like, select pants they like and off they go.  The fact that the pants are a floral print or stripes and the blouse or shirt is a plaid does not seem to bother them.  One outfit I saw had pants that had red flowers on a blue background and a blouse that was a green and yellow plaid.  By themselves, the pants were less than attractive.  Coupled with the blouse it was a terrible combination.  The person seemed to think she looked good based on the way she was walking.  If I had that outfit on, I would have been skulking in an effort to avoid being seen.  I saw a guy wearing a pair of purple, yes purple, jeans and a blue shirt.  I’m sorry but those two colors just did not go together.  I am, by no means, a fashionista, but I do know ugly when I see it and those outfits were ugly.

And now for something completely different.  We were visiting friends of ours last week and I noticed a sign on the street, just down from their house.  I asked the lovely Elaine if that was the next step after speed dating.  The sign said “Speed Hump.”  I got the look.

Hey, have a nice week and I hope you will tune in again next week.

It is Sunday, April 28.  There are 197 days until Christmas so start watching for the decorations.  Happy Birthday to Charles Sturt, Karel Doorman and Leopold Eyharts.  On this day in 585 the war between Lydia and Media was ended by a solar eclipse.  In 1788 Maryland became the seventh state to ratify the constitution.  And, in 1947 Thor Heyerdahl and “Kon-Tiki” sailed from Peru to Polynesia.  It is Ratification day in Maryland.  Monday will be Confederate Memorial Day in Alabama, Florida and Mississippi.

This week I have nothing.  I’m sorry, but sometimes things just go that way.  No one bothered me at the grocery store, no annoying driver stories and no trips to the ER.  We have not been to the ER in a while.  I was thinking maybe I would stop by this week and say hi, just to let them know we are okay.  We’ll see.

I hope things will be better next week.  Thanks for checking in.