Today is Sunday, January 6, 2013.  If I were going to drag on the number of days to Christmas thing, I would tell you that there are 353, but I think I will give that a rest for now.  There are; however, only 73 days until the first day of spring, so start watching for the summer clothing close-out sales.  Today is the birthday of Claude Favre baron de Perouges seigneur de Vaugelas, Franz Xaver Scharwenka and Geert Brusselers.  On this day in 1639 Virginia was the first colony to order surplus crops (tobacco) destroyed, in 1838 Samuel Morse made the first public demonstration of the telegraph and in 1975 “Wheel of Fortune” debuted on NBC-TV.  Today, New Mexico celebrates Admission Day (1912) and it is Children’s Day in Uruguay.  Tomorrow will be Handsel Monday in Scotland.

I recently went for a sleep study to help me in the never-ending battle against sleep apnea.  For those of you who don’t know what sleep apnea is, it is a sleeping disorder characterized by abnormal pauses in breathing during sleep.  Common symptoms are loud snoring, restless sleep and sleepiness during the day.  If you are not sure if the person sharing your bed has apnea, ask the lovely Elaine what to look for.  She is an expert on the subject.  She claims that on our wedding night, she realized that she would probably never get a good night’s sleep again.

She claimed that I snored, LOUDLY, and complained about it all the time.  I responded, once, that I stayed awake all night and never heard a thing.  I got “the look.”  Ultimately (read years later) I went for a sleep study and found that I did, indeed, have apnea.  In fact, the study showed that I was not breathing 40 minutes out of every hour.  I got a c-pap machine and the problem was solved.  Although, for some time it was too quiet and Elaine had trouble getting to sleep, but she got over that rather quickly.

Some months ago, I went for another study because it was felt that I might need the pressure increased.  I did and things were good, again.  Recently, new issues arose and resulted in my going for the aforementioned sleep study.  For this study, my doctor sent me to a different location than the one I went to in the past.  Let me just say that one would think that a sleep study is a sleep study and they should be the same wherever you go.  Not so!

Prior to going, I received a packet of instructions.  Among other things, I was told not to have caffeine after noon.  Now, anyone who knows me realizes that I was ready to cancel when I read that.  Then I was told to be sure and shower and wash my hair prior to going.  Do they really get that many dirty people going for sleep studies?  What made it worse was I was told that it would be better if I did not have any weaves or extensions.  I’m glad that I decided to hold off on those until later in the month.  The thing that really got me was the line that said no nudity.  What do they have against naked, overweight old men?  

So, I got there for the study and was directed to my room.  I was told to be there for 8:30.  I wondered why so early?  I don’t usually go to bed until around 1, so I knew there was no way I would be ready to sleep that early.  I was told to change into my pajamas so that the tech could get started setting me up.  What followed was amazing.  

First my head was measured to determine where the initial leads would be placed.  Next measurements were made from those to get the rest of the leads placed.  Each placement was preceded by the application of a substance that would enable the lead to stay in place.  I had at least a dozen leads on my head and some behind my ears and some on my face.  Each one of these was also accompanied by that stuff to help it hold.  I think either they thought I looked particularly greasy or they get paid by the gallon to use the goop.  I also had leads that were run down and taped to my legs.  By the time this was all done, I had more wires coming off of me than you see coming off the rockets fired from the space center.  All these wires were connected to a panel that I had to carry with me when I went to the bathroom.

To make a long story short, the study went as planned and the results will be available soon.  After all the leads were removed, I went into the bathroom to get dressed.  I looked in the mirror and could not believe what I saw.  With all that goop in my hair, it looked like a blind person had put hair gel on my head and then I slept on it.  Fortunately, I only ran into one person on my way out and based on the way her hair looked, she had no room to make any comments.  At least mine was not intentional.

So that is how I started the new year.  It looks like the fun will just keep happening.  By the way, Happy New Year to you all.

Only two days left in 2012!  It is Sunday, December 30.  There are only 360 days until Christmas and Swiss Colony is already putting the baskets together.  Today is the birthday of Rudyard Kipling, Barry Briggs and Matt Lauer.  On this day in 1817, the first coffee was planted in Kona, Hawaii, “Let’s Make A Deal” debuted on NBC-TV in 1963 and in 1988 the Canadian Senate okayed a free trade pact with the US.  It is a Bank Holiday in Chile and El Salvador and Rizal Day in the Philippines.

I did not realize until just recently that weather-wise we are relatively safe for the next 88 years.  According to what I read, Sandy was the “storm of the century.”  That means that, according to the person writing the article, there will not be a worse storm until sometime during the 22^nd century.  I guess I won’t need to get a larger snow blower after all.

I like when people make those distinctions.  Like when a new movie comes out in February and the promotions claim it is the movie of the year.  There are 10 months left.  Are we to assume that the balance of the year will offer nothing but mediocre movies?  Based on what we have seen in the past that is a reasonable assumption, but one likes to hope.  Or, they say this is “the movie you have been waiting for.”  Unless there is a lot of shooting, things blowing up and a fair amount of female nudity, it is not the one I have been waiting for.

Then you have the car companies.  Subaru would have us believe that owning their car is about love and family.  They push the whole idea that the car is part of your life.  No, it is not.  It is a means of getting me from one place to another without having to walk.  I want a car that is comfortable, has AC and Sirius radio, and is not the color of salmon.  It probably won’t be a Subaru, because I do not want to become emotionally attached to a car.

Ford pushes their line of trucks.  Maybe I am being juvenile, but I am not driving anything that is called “Super Duty.”  They couldn’t come up with anything better than that?  Take a minute and imagine yourself standing in Home Depot with a pile of stuff that needs to be carried back to your house for a major project.  You are wondering how you are going to fit this in your loving Subaru when along comes that guy Mike, the macho guy who does the Ford commercials.  He sees your predicament and says, “Don’t worry.  You can put this in my Super Duty.”  See, you’re smiling now just thinking about it.

Generally, companies are safe making superlative claims about their products, whether we are talking about movies, cars or hemorrhoid creams .  Most people are not going to purchase two or three brands of an item to see if the one claimed to be the best really is.  Aside from the fact that the claim is somewhat subjective based on the manufacturer’s idea of what the product should be doing, how many of us want to have inferior products laying around that we are not going to use?  Realistically, if you go to a movie in November, are you going to remember that the one in February was supposed to be the movie of the year, so you shouldn’t expect too much?

I would rather have advertising that is realistic.  Things like, “This movie was good, the script was well written, the acting was believable and you will probably stay for the whole thing.  Add some popcorn or goobers and you will enjoy the evening.”  Don’t give me things like “The Picayune Times says it is the best movie since the Harold and Kumar series.”  Or “you will laugh, you will cry, it will become a part of you,” states the Valley Advertising Supplement.

The time has come for truth in advertising.  Don’t try to sell anti-wrinkle cream by showing me young women in their twenties who only have the wrinkles in their blouses to worry about.  Show me the before and after of someone in her late 50’s and don’t photo shop the pictures.  If companies spent as much time and effort on making their product as they did on their misleading commercials, they would not have to lie to us in the first place.

Let me take this opportunity to wish you all a very Happy New Year!  I hope that 2013 will be better than 2012.  I hope everyone has a safe and exciting New Year’s Eve and I hope you all enjoy the parades and football games on January 1^st.  Peace, love, good health and happiness to everyone in the new year!

It is December 23^rd and there are only two days until Christmas.  Two Days!  I can hardly wait.   

By now you have all seen the ads proving that you should have waited to go shopping.  Oh well, I tried to tell you.  Today is the birthday of Pieter C. Bockenberg, Giacomo Puccini and Paul Hornung.  On this day in 1779, Benedict Arnold was court-martialed for improper conduct.  In 1888 Vincent van Gogh cut off his left ear.  In 1996, four women were ordained priests in Jamaica, the first women in the 330-year Anglican history.  It is Victory Day in Egypt and John Canoe Day in Montego Bay, Jamaica.

Realistically, for my family, there is only one day until Christmas.  I am Italian-by-marriage and we celebrate on Christmas Eve.  The kids come up and we all exchange gifts and eat snacks and drink.  Then, we do a big meal, with seafood as the focal point.  Calamari and linguini, stuffed clams, shrimp, flounder, stuffed peppers, etc.  and we eat until we can’t eat anymore.  We relax for a few minutes and then have fruit and candy.  This holds us until the coffee is ready and the desserts are put out.

They claim that the calories you consume on holidays don’t count and you can just go ahead and eat.  That is as good an excuse as any.  I think it is all in how you look at it.  I have always felt that I am not overweight, I am under tall.  By the time the holiday is over, I should be around 7 feet, 3 inches.  I know that I am not going to grow anymore, so I just have to be satisfied with being short.

Now, I recognize that it is important to watch your weight for health reasons.  I am not disputing that.  I just feel that there are times when you have to let go and just eat.  It is part of the celebration, part of the enjoyment of the holiday.  I try not to eat to excess, but again it is all in how you look at it.  In my mind, “to excess” is when I eat all the snickerdoodles and not share them with anyone else.  This after I have eaten any candy with dark chocolate and/or caramel.

The big problem that I see is that too many people go overboard with this type of issue.  Some years ago there was a group of people who were trying to get everyone to have Santas who were skinny.  They felt that fat Santas were setting a bad example for kids.  As we all know, children are overweight because Santa is.  They know he eats cookies at every house, so they want to eat cookies, too.  My question is this, if Santa is their role model, why don’t we see more children dressed in red suits, giving away toys?  

Does it occur to people that kids eat cookies and candy because they like them?  There are plenty of people who do not observe Christmas and Santa, but still have children with a weight problem.  How about if we encourage our kids to go outside and play rather than sitting in front of the TV, computer or video game?  The other question I have is when did it become my problem that your kid is fat?  But I digress …

As I said, Christmas Eve is when we celebrate.  Christmas morning, the kids are home, opening the presents that Santa brought and that they bought for each other.  The lovely Elaine and I partake in our new Christmas morning ritual.  We have breakfast and then put coffee in travel mugs, play Christmas music on the outside speakers and go in the hot tub.  

Let me just remind everyone that this is a season of happiness, joy, family, love, good food, friends and fun.  Just because you do not celebrate the holiday, does not mean you cannot enjoy the season.  At this time of year, we should all take the time to have some fun, get together with family or friends and just enjoy life for a few days.  Take the time to give your loved ones a hug and let them know that you care about them.

At the risk of being politically incorrect, I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas.  May the peace and joy that is the season be with you all.

Do you realize that it is December 16 and there are only 9 days until Christmas?  I already have butter softening for making cookies.  I know, many of you are almost finished with your baking, but I like living on the edge.  Aside from the excitement of Christmas being so close, today is the birthday of Ludwig van Beethoven, Margaret Mead and Udom Patpongsiri.  On this day in 1773 the Boston Tea Party was held, in 1893 Anton Dvorak’s “New World Symphony” premiered and, in 1970, the USSR had the first successful landing on Venus.  It is National Day in Bahrain, Constitution Day in Nepal and Dingaan’s Day in South Africa.

The USSR landed on Venus.  Why?  This was their first successful landing.  Did they have unsuccessful ones prior to this?  Why were they trying to land there at all?  Obviously, there was nothing there of importance or they would have had further successful ones.   Just wondering.

I was feeling rebellious today.  I took a shower and washed my hair.  I lathered and rinsed, but didn’t repeat!  I know, the next thing you know I’ll be hanging out on street corners smoking and drinking with the guys.  Not to worry, I quit smoking and most of the guys I know either can’t or don’t drink and wouldn’t be able to hang out on a corner unless there was a place to sit. 

I know I seem to be hung up on this age thing, but you start to realize that you can’t do things you used to be able to do.  Most of the time, when we are younger, we are ignorant about the possibilities in life.  Many times I think of something I want to do and realize that, for a number of reasons, I cannot.  I always think, “Too bad I didn’t know about this 20 years ago when I could have tried it.”

Of course, there are things I tried when I was young and never tried again.  One in particular that comes to mind is skateboarding.  Yes, they had them when I was young.  Why is it that kids today think that everything they have is a new idea?  Much of the time it is, but not so with skateboards.  Anyway, a friend had one and asked me if I wanted to try it.  I had watched him and figured I could handle it.  I got on, stood there for a couple seconds and then the board rolled out from under me and I fell on my face.  That was the only time I ever tried that and do not regret passing on further opportunities.

I have thought that I might like to try sky diving, but I don’t think the jump suit would fit over the Depends I would have to wear.  I would need that because as soon as I jumped, I would realize that I was plummeting toward earth at an uncontrollable speed, hoping that when I pulled the cord the chute would come out.  In the back of my mind would be the cartoons we saw as kids where the cord was pulled and out came the underwear and socks from someone’s backpack.  Funny when it is the coyote, but not so much when it is me. 

When you are young you go and do things without any real concerns.  Afterward, when you are lying in the hospital with your leg in a cast and recovering from a concussion, you wonder if maybe you should have given the idea more thought.  As you get older you give everything a great deal of thought.

You consider things like how much coffee you had for breakfast and will you have access to a rest room.  You wonder if you should take your medications beforehand, because sometimes you get dizzy.  You always look around to see where the first aid kit is.  I always want to know if there will be food available.  I also hope there will be cocktails.  

I realize that our faculties start to wane, too.  I am reminded of the joke where an older woman goes to a doctor to complain about a health issue.  She tells him that she has a problem with constant, silent breaking of wind.  He says, “Yes that can be a problem, but first I think we should check your hearing.”

All in all, even with the issues connected to it, I don’t mind getting old - especially considering the alternative.