It is Sunday, December 9, and there are only 16 days until Christmas.  Only 16 days!!!  Any day now, stores will realize they are going to be stuck with a lot of merchandise that they didn’t sell at the usual inflated holiday prices.  Then the sales will begin with fantastic markdowns and people will be sorry that they rushed out at 2 AM the morning after Thanksgiving to buy things at twice the price as they could get them now.  They will swear that next year they will wait, but they won’t and the cycle will repeat.

Anyway, it is the birthday of Fritz Haber, Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. and Dick Butkus.  On this day in 1793 Noah Webster established New York’s first daily newspaper, American Minerva.  In 1903, the Norwegian parliament voted unanimously for female suffrage.  And, in 1985, Phoenix, Arizona got three inches of snow.  It is Independence Day/Republic Day in Tanzania.  Apparently everyone else was too busy to have any kind of holiday.

So, here we are with only a couple weeks until the big holiday.  Everywhere people are starting to exhibit that false happiness and joy that we are so good at each year around this time.  The utility companies are gleefully counting the money they are making as people try to light up their houses so that they can be seen from space.  Those who do not celebrate the holiday are looking forward to being able to go to restaurants and theaters without the crowds that are usually there. All in all, a festive time of year.

What bothers me is what comes right after Christmas Day.  That is when everyone starts to gear up for the end of the year.  The networks start to show their “Best of …” shows.  One of the ones I always find interesting is the “Best Commercials of (whatever year we are in).”   Generally, when commercials come on, everyone goes to get a snack, or goes to the bathroom, or just zones out until they are done.  What do we do when the entire show is commercials?  Do we spend the whole show in the kitchen or the bathroom?  For a break do they show four minutes of a real show?  How do we know when the show stops and the commercials begin?

This is also the time when advertisers want you to believe that your resolutions should include buying a new car, coat, jewelry, exercise equipment, or whatever else they are selling.  Somehow I just cannot resolve to buy a new car.  I can think of a number of reasons for buying a car, but just because it is a new year is not one of them.  Generally, I think that resolutions are silly.  People resolve to do something like start a diet, or quit smoking, or exercise more.  Let’s face it, if we really wanted to do these things, we would do them, now.  Why wait until the end of the year?  If you need to do it, do it!

I have always tried to make resolutions that I know I can keep.  That way I will not be disappointed in myself if I can’t keep them.  In past years, I have resolved to not sing out loud on public transportation, not to wear hats that make me look like a garden gnome and to stop saying, “You go girl!” to myself.  This year I resolve to not do imitations of Ethel Merman.  I feel confident that I will keep this resolution.   

But I digress …

As I said, the networks all start showing their Best of shows.  Any other time we would call these shows repeats or reruns or the more formal term – encore performances.  But in this last week of the year they suddenly become the “Best of …”

 All of this leads up to New Year’s Eve.  This year there is going to be a problem.  I just cannot see Ryan Seacrest’s Rockin’ New Years Eve.  Even with Fergie there, Ryan Seacrest does not evoke thoughts of rockin’ anything.  Maybe Ryan Seacrest’s New Year’s Eve featuring Fergie.  Or maybe just  New Year’s Eve with Ryan Seacrest and Fergie.  One thing for sure, it will be different. 

Dick Clark was the quintessential New Year’s Eve celebrity.  It just wasn’t  New Year’s Eve without him.  I felt that they could have skipped having him appear the past few years, but, for some reason, no one thinks to ask me about these things.  Without Dick Clark, I will have to come up with another reason to stay awake until midnight.  In the past I have had several ideas, but they usually just get “the look” from the lovely Elaine.

In the meantime, start baking and wrapping and hiding gifts.  There are only two weeks left.  Stop reading and get busy!  

Besides, we are done for this week.

Well, there are only 23 days left until Christmas on this Sunday, December 2.  December already!  By now the sales are on for bathing suits and shorts.  Today is the birthday of Gianni Versace, Rick Savage and Yolanda Henry.  On this day in 1763, Touro shul was dedicated in Newport, RI (the oldest existing US synagogue), in 1927 the first Model A Ford was sold, for $385 and Ringo Starr’s tonsils were removed in 1964.  It is Pan American Health Day in America, Cuba celebrates the Landing of Granma Expeditionaries and it is Independence Day in UAE.

Recently, the lovely Elaine and I were having dinner with friends and Cathy made the comment that someone was as drunk as a skunk.  This is a phrase that I have heard before and it made me wonder.  Has anyone ever actually seen a drunk skunk?  How would you know the skunk was drunk just by looking at it?  Is there something about a skunk that makes being drunk like one worse than just being drunk?  We say these kinds of things all the time, but once in a while it is good to stop and analyze what we are saying.

For example, when we refer to being as snug as a bug in a rug.  How snug are bugs when they are in a rug?  I have always thought that having bugs in your rug was not good.  That being the case, do we really want to aspire to be just a common pest in our floor covering?  I am not sure I want to be compared to being vermin that will be killed with spray or stepped on so that our remains can be cleaned up and disposed of.  There is nothing wrong with being snug.  I just think there could be a better comparison than bugs.

Another saying that gets me is when we say a person is as happy as a clam.  How do we know that clams are happy?  If they know that their fate is to be food for predators or people, I’m guessing they are not happy at all.  If I knew that the reason for my existence was to be mixed with bread crumbs and spices, baked in my shell and consumed by people, I believe I would be the exact opposite of happy.  And really, what do clams have to be happy about?  Why would we make that comparison?  It doesn’t even rhyme like the other two.

These are just some of the issues that I find myself pondering from time to time.  Here are some other questions that need answering.  If corn oil comes from corn and olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?  Can the hearse in a funeral ride in the HOV lane?

Recently, I was sitting in my car, waiting for my wife to come out of a store.  I happened to look at my dashboard and noticed that the speedometer goes up to 120.  Why?  Do the car manufacturers really think that I am ever going to find a road where I can drive that fast?  I doubt that most cars would stay together for very long at that speed.  I guess that they do that to make you believe that, if you ever had the opportunity, you could go that fast.  But I think it would be simpler and safer to leave earlier to get where you are going and not hope your car can actually get up to that speed.  But I digress …

One other phrase that gets me (there are many, but we don’t have time for all of them) is saying someone is as cute as a button.  C’mon!  I am supposed to be pleased that you said my child is as cute as a round piece of plastic with four holes in it? What is there about a button that anyone would call it cute?  That would be like saying she was as pretty as velcro or he was as handsome as a zipper.  Buttons are not cute.  They are functional, but that is about as far as I will go

. 

Anyway, have a nice week and remember what I read on a fortune cookie paper recently – if you always know what you are doing, you are not learning.  A special notice to our friends Pat and Ted – I trimmed my nails, so let the good times roll!

It is Sunday, November 25 and there are only 30 days until Christmas.  I know!  Where does the time go?  It seems like only last week my grandsons were going trick or treating …Oh, never mind.  It was last week.  Halloween was delayed until then because of Sandy.  Moving on, it is the birthday of Andrew Carnegie, Gloria Steinem and Murray Schisgal.  On this day in 1817 the first sword swallower in the US performed in New York City, in 1867 Alfred Nobel invented dynamite and Lech Walesa won in Poland’s first popular election, in 1990.  It is Independence Day in Surinam, John F. Kennedy Day in Massachusetts and Onion Market Day in Bern Switzerland (I assume tomorrow will be Breath Saver Day in Bern).

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.  I know we did here.  This is one of my favorite holidays.  There are several reasons for that.  One is because it is an opportunity for family to come together and enjoy each other’s company.  Another reason is that it is all about food – eating to excess, resting and then eating some more.  The other reason is because I can now start playing Christmas music. 

 

If it were up to me, I would play Christmas music throughout the year.  Not exclusively, but there would be some all the time.  My wife, the lovely Elaine, likes Christmas music, but feels it should be limited to Christmastime.  She tolerates it on my birthday, but otherwise would rather wait until Thanksgiving.  It is almost like our version of the Macy’s parade, without the floats, balloons, celebrities and crowds of people.  Anyway, the music has started officially.

Let me go back to the eating for a moment.  I love turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, wine, etc.  I love having fruit and candy, then resting so we have room for dessert and coffee.  Dessert was a little meager this year, but we managed.  We only had tassies, pumpkin pie, apple pie, pumpkin cheese pie and blueberry pie. 

The other thing I like is having the leftovers.  What we like to do is get together over the weekend and have “leftover paninis.”  We get bread from the bakery, then build sandwiches with the leftovers – turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy and whatever else you want – all in one sandwich and then into the Panini press.  Then we rest and have the leftover pies, but fresh coffee.  A sort of Thanksgiving redux, if you will.

My issue with Thanksgiving is that we have gotten to a point where we ignore the actual holiday and use it as a day to start shopping.  Too bad!  Making money for the retailers is more important than celebrating a holiday that is exclusively ours.  It is not religion-based or ethnic-oriented.  It is just a day to give thanks for family, friends, food and being together.  It is a day to eat and then sleep in front of the TV with our pants unbuttoned while the football game is on.

I suppose there is something exciting about camping outside a store at midnight, guzzling coffee and energy drinks, getting ready to be caught in a stampede of maniacs when the doors open at 5 AM.  For the life of me I cannot imagine what it is, but so many people do it that there must be something.  I think it would be easier to wait a couple weeks and get better deals when the stores start trying to shed inventory.  Better yet, shop online and get free shipping and do it from your house in your pajamas.

This all goes back to something I have been saying for years – put back the moon rocks!  Think about it.  If we had not removed the moon rocks we would not have upset the delicate balance of the moon.  Because of that the tides are affected, which then affects weather patterns, which then causes storms to become larger and more damaging, which then changes the topography of the earth, which then causes storms to change course and not rain where it is needed, which causes droughts, which ruins the corn crops, which means turkeys can’t be fed, which means that there is a turkey shortage, which means that it is harder for us to prepare Thanksgiving meals, which means that we have to open stores on Thanksgiving so that people have something to do instead of eating meals that they can’t have.

So I stand corrected.  Opening stores is actually a humanitarian move by retailers to avoid turkey riots.  I guess it’s all in how you look at it.

By the way, for those of you who were worried, I did get rid of the plant on the deck.

Today is Sunday, November 18.  There are only 37 days until Christmas.  The Valentine’s Day sales are starting and the Easter candy will be out soon.  This is the birthday of Imogene Coca, Brenda Vaccaro and Ted Sator.  On this day in 1307, William Tell shot the apple off his son’s head (I guess they did not have DYFIS back then).  In 1928, Walt Disney’s Mickey Mouse debuted in New York in “Steamboat Willie.”  And, in 1936, the main span of the Golden Gate Bridge was joined.  It is Army Day in Haiti, Independence Day in Morocco and the start of National Children’s Book Week in the US.

I have spoken many times about the things that afflict us as we get older.  One of those is our ability to be side tracked.  Here is a perfect example.

One morning recently, I came down for breakfast and was reminded that I had not cleaned up the dishes from the night before.  Don’t you just hate that?  You have a good night’s sleep, you wake up refreshed and walk in to find all the dirty dishes from the night before that didn’t get done because you decided to put them off until the next day.  That kind of puts a crimp in the day for you … but I digress.

Anyway, after having breakfast, I decided that I should really get going and get the dishes cleaned up.  I took my watch off, put it on the table and got set to clean up.  Standing at the sink, I looked out the window and saw that I had left the cover off the grill.  I felt that I should go out and take care of that, because rain was forecast for later and I did not want the grill to get wet and rusted.  So I went out to cover the grill.

As I covered the grill, I noticed that the garbage cans had been blown into the yard.  I wanted to get them put back where they belonged so I wouldn’t have to look for them later in the dark and the rain.  I moved them after the grill was covered.  While I moved the cans it occurred to me that I had not treated the hot tub lately, so I figured I should take care of that.  You never know when you might need a good soak.   As I was doing that, I found some things that needed to be moved down to the basement now that summer was over.  I grabbed those things and took them downstairs to be put away.

In the basement, I wondered what time it was and realized that I did not have a watch on.  I knew it had to be somewhere upstairs so I was going to go look for it when I saw that the laundry basket was full and needed to be carried upstairs to the second floor.  I picked it up and started back upstairs.  When I stopped to close the basement door and turn out the light, I spotted my watch on the table.  I put it on and took the laundry up. 

While upstairs, it dawned on me that it was the day to clean the bathroom, so I got busy doing that.  Fortunately, it is not a big bathroom, so it did not take all day to do.  When I finished, I realized that I was getting hungry.  I looked at my watch and saw that it was after noon.  So, I went downstairs to get lunch and was reminded that I still had not cleaned up the dishes from the night before.  I figured I would hold off until I ate lunch.

After lunch, I again decided that I really should get going and get the dishes cleaned up.  Standing at the sink, I happened to glance outside and saw that I had not gotten rid of a dead plant that my wife wanted me to dispose of.  I was going to go dump the plant, but decided not to allow myself to get distracted again. 

The dead plant is still out there.  I’m pretty sure I will get to it … sometime.

Today is Sunday, November 11.  There are only 44 days until Christmas.  By now you should be stocking up on New Year’s Eve napkins and plates.  It is the birthday of George Patton, Kurt Vonnegut Jr. and Jan Adamski.  It is also the 33^rd anniversary of my 30^th birthday.  On this day in 1620, 41 Pilgrims landed in Massachusetts and signed the Mayflower Compact.  In 1921 President Harding dedicated the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.  In 1959 the first episode of “Rocky & His Friends” aired.  It is Veterans Day in the US.  Canada celebrates Remembrance Day – Veterans Day,  11^th Hr – 11^th Day – 11^th Month.  It is also Concordia Day in St. Maarten.

I am sorry that I was unable to post last week, but Sandy and Verizon conspired to deprive me of my internet service.  I will try to be more diligent in the future.

I have opted to be a little more serious this week.  You may recall that, a couple weeks ago, I mentioned my father-in-law being taken to the hospital.  I am saddened to report that he lost his battle with cancer last Sunday and was laid to rest this past Friday. 

He was a man of principle.  You did what was right.  You didn’t have to like it, you just had to do it.  If there were consequences, you dealt with them.  He was proud to be a veteran.  He served in the US Navy aboard the USS Texas and was part of the Normandy invasion.  He was very active in the local chapter of the DAV and enjoyed the camaraderie of the chapter he belonged to.  He was absolutely dedicated to his family.  He would do whatever he needed to do for them.  He was loved and respected and will be missed by all who knew him.

I would also like to mention the VA Hospital in East Orange, NJ.  Dad’s last days were spent there and having him moved there was one of the best things we could have done.  The facility itself is clean, modern and well-run.  The staff consists of some of the most caring individuals we came across in his odyssey through the medical maze he followed.  The hospital provided him with the quiet, peaceful environment he needed for his last days.  They treated him with respect and made sure that he was comfortable.  They kept in touch with us constantly and let us know how he was doing.  When the end finally came, they were on the phone with my wife and let her know when it was over.

 
If you know a veteran who is in need of medical treatment, send him or her to the VA Hospital in East Orange.  If you know anyone who works there, let them know that their efforts are appreciated and that our family was impressed by their level of caring and service.  We have been to hospitals before and this is not to say that they do not do a good job, but the VA Hospital shines and they should be damned proud of what they do.