Well, there are only 23 days left until Christmas on this Sunday, December 2.  December already!  By now the sales are on for bathing suits and shorts.  Today is the birthday of Gianni Versace, Rick Savage and Yolanda Henry.  On this day in 1763, Touro shul was dedicated in Newport, RI (the oldest existing US synagogue), in 1927 the first Model A Ford was sold, for $385 and Ringo Starr’s tonsils were removed in 1964.  It is Pan American Health Day in America, Cuba celebrates the Landing of Granma Expeditionaries and it is Independence Day in UAE.

Recently, the lovely Elaine and I were having dinner with friends and Cathy made the comment that someone was as drunk as a skunk.  This is a phrase that I have heard before and it made me wonder.  Has anyone ever actually seen a drunk skunk?  How would you know the skunk was drunk just by looking at it?  Is there something about a skunk that makes being drunk like one worse than just being drunk?  We say these kinds of things all the time, but once in a while it is good to stop and analyze what we are saying.

For example, when we refer to being as snug as a bug in a rug.  How snug are bugs when they are in a rug?  I have always thought that having bugs in your rug was not good.  That being the case, do we really want to aspire to be just a common pest in our floor covering?  I am not sure I want to be compared to being vermin that will be killed with spray or stepped on so that our remains can be cleaned up and disposed of.  There is nothing wrong with being snug.  I just think there could be a better comparison than bugs.

Another saying that gets me is when we say a person is as happy as a clam.  How do we know that clams are happy?  If they know that their fate is to be food for predators or people, I’m guessing they are not happy at all.  If I knew that the reason for my existence was to be mixed with bread crumbs and spices, baked in my shell and consumed by people, I believe I would be the exact opposite of happy.  And really, what do clams have to be happy about?  Why would we make that comparison?  It doesn’t even rhyme like the other two.

These are just some of the issues that I find myself pondering from time to time.  Here are some other questions that need answering.  If corn oil comes from corn and olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?  Can the hearse in a funeral ride in the HOV lane?

Recently, I was sitting in my car, waiting for my wife to come out of a store.  I happened to look at my dashboard and noticed that the speedometer goes up to 120.  Why?  Do the car manufacturers really think that I am ever going to find a road where I can drive that fast?  I doubt that most cars would stay together for very long at that speed.  I guess that they do that to make you believe that, if you ever had the opportunity, you could go that fast.  But I think it would be simpler and safer to leave earlier to get where you are going and not hope your car can actually get up to that speed.  But I digress …

One other phrase that gets me (there are many, but we don’t have time for all of them) is saying someone is as cute as a button.  C’mon!  I am supposed to be pleased that you said my child is as cute as a round piece of plastic with four holes in it? What is there about a button that anyone would call it cute?  That would be like saying she was as pretty as velcro or he was as handsome as a zipper.  Buttons are not cute.  They are functional, but that is about as far as I will go

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Anyway, have a nice week and remember what I read on a fortune cookie paper recently – if you always know what you are doing, you are not learning.  A special notice to our friends Pat and Ted – I trimmed my nails, so let the good times roll!