Today is Sunday, March 18 and there are only 148 days until National Prosecco Day and National Filet Mignon Day, so get a couple bottles chilled and get the grill ready.  Today we remember the birthdays of Raphael, Charley Pride and Queen Latifah.  On this day in 1543 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood in America (Mississippi River), in 1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers and in 1966 Scott Paper began selling paper dresses for $1.  In Aruba and Haiti it is Flag Day, in Ireland it is Sheelah’s Day and in the US it is National Awkward Moment Day, National Lacy Oatmeal Cookie Day and National Sloppy Joe Day.

I know many of you are wondering what or who Sheelah is and why does she have a day.  Here is what I have been able to find.  Even the Irish aren't exactly sure who Sheelah was.  Some say she was St. Patrick's wife; some say his mother.  But one thing that they all seem to agree on is how this day should be celebrated: by drinking whiskey.  The shamrock worn on St. Patrick's Day is supposed to be worn on the following day as well, until it is "drowned" in the last glass of the evening.  Many of the articles I found say she was St Patrick’s wife.  The one thing they all agree on is that the day involves drinking more whiskey, so bottoms up!

I recently read an article that stated that a person suffered from “hippophobia.”  I assumed that the person was afraid of hippos, but looked it up just to be sure.  In fact it means that the person has a fear of horses.  Several things came to mind when I discovered this.  The first was why ”hippo” if it is about horses?  The second was why can’t you just say someone has a fear of horses?  I started looking and found that there is a rather long list of phobias.  For example, there is “didaskaleinophobia” which is a fear of school.  My fear would be that they would ask me to spell that word.  Another is “pogonophobia,” a fear of beards.

“Honey, if we are going to continue dating, you are going to have to shave off your beard.”

“Why?  I like my beard.  It took me a long time to get it the way I want it.”

“I understand that, but I have pogonophobia.”

“I’m so sorry.  I didn’t know.  What is that?”

“A fear of beards.”

“How about if I just promise that it won’t hurt you?”

Some other fears are “epistolophobia,” the fear of correspondence, “homichlophobia,” the fear of fog, “eisoptrophobia,” the fear of mirrors and “harpaxophobia,” the fear of robbers.  The problem with all of these phobias is that you cannot tell what they mean by hearing or seeing the word.  If someone told you that they had “nelophobia,” your first response would be to ask what that meant.  They would then explain that they had a fear of glass.  I would think it would have been simpler to say that they had a fear of glass.  It is easier to understand, skips the middle man and gets right to the actual problem.

If you are looking to impress a person, you can say that you have “apiphobia” and they will be somewhat solicitous and ask you what that is.  You will explain that it is a fear of bees.  They will say, “I know!  I hate those damn things, too!”  Then they will ask why you didn’t just say that in the first place.  The fear that got me was “hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia” – the fear of long words.  I could go on but I fear that I have exhausted the subject and, yes, I looked it up and there is no specific phobia for running a subject into the ground.

Recently I have been doing some cooking and baking, doing things I have never done before.  One example is making Irish Soda Bread.  The recipe calls for making an “X” on the top of the loaf before baking.  I have seen this bread in stores and bakeries all over the place and the “X” always looks nice and neat and you can see exactly what it is.  I cut the “X” in mine and when it came out of the oven it looked like something had been dropped on top of the bread while it baked.  Another issue was when we tried to do a prime rib roast.  We followed the directions in the recipe, even though some of it sounded a little strange.

The recipe said to preheat the oven to 500 F and cook the meat for five minutes per pound, we did it for six just to be sure.  Then it said that once the time was done, turn the oven off and let it sit, undisturbed, in the oven for two hours.  Sounds simple enough; however, it didn’t work.  I sensed there was a problem when, after the two hours, I went to remove the pan and could handle it without a mitt.  I was right.  The outside was cooked nicely, the inside could have been bandaged and sent back out to pasture.  It took some work and the help of our microwave, but we eventually got the meat on the table.  In the future, we will just take everyone out for a prime rib dinner.  That will be easier and there will be less mess to clean up afterward.

This week our fact tells us that when Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of 25 miles per year.  I am not sure if that is a good or a bad thing.  I suppose that would tell you that it is thick and rich and that is a good thing.  It would also tell you that you better have plenty of time to pour it.  You should also start pouring before your food is served, that way it won’t get cold waiting for the ketchup to come out.  Of course that does not take into account the squeeze bottles they use now.  Those bottles put the ketchup out at about 100 miles a second, it comes out in a large, uncontrollable blob and is accompanied by a sound that makes everyone else in the diner turn and look at you disdainfully.  You point to the ketchup bottle and they nod, but you know they are thinking, “Yeah, right, the old ketchup bottle trick.”