Today is Sunday, January 14 and there are only 31 days until Valentine’s Day.  By now you should have gotten your cards and candy and should be deciding what jewelry to buy, what flowers you want to send and what car your loved one wants.  Today we remember the birthdays of John Biddle, William Whipple and Andy Rooney.  On this day in 1690 the clarinet was invented, in 1783 Congress ratified the peace treaty between the US and England and in 1960 the US Army promoted Elvis Presley to Sergeant.  In Maryland it is Ratification Day, in Switzerland it is Meitlisunntig Festival and in the US it is National Dress Up Your Pet Day and National Hot Pastrami Sandwich Day.

As you may know, here on the east coast we have been having some extreme weather.  Last week the “real feel” temperatures (formerly known as the wind chill temps) were down to single digits.  At that time I was quite thankful for global warming, because I did not want to know how cold it would have been otherwise.  This week, we started out cold, not body-numbing, but cold.  Then it started to warm up and, by Friday, the temperature was in the 60’s.  It was raining and the snow was all but gone.  It was so warm and humid, that I had the AC going in the car.  When was the last time you had the car AC on, in January, here in NJ? 

The rain continued into Saturday morning and the temperature started dropping and it got quite cold again.  I have said this before, but it bears repeating – put back the moon rocks!  If they are replaced, we can start to see some normalcy with the weather.  That is all I am going to say.  

The other evening, I was watching TV and, try as I did to ignore it, one commercial got me thinking.  It was for a weight loss program that guaranteed you would lose at least 30 pounds and seven inches.  I was tempted to try it because I could stand to lose weight.  Maybe not 30 pounds, but certainly 15 or 20.  My concern was the seven inches part.  Where was I going to lose those inches?  If my waist were to shrink by seven inches none of my pants would fit anymore.  Was I going to shrink by that much?  Would I now be 5’ 2” tall?  Or would it be a combination of height and waist size?  Because of this quandary, I decided not to take advantage of the spectacular offer they were making and had a piece of apple pie instead.

Recently, Barbara and I were in one of those stores where you have to join to be able to shop there.  We go there every so often because we get some good deals on things we want.  While we were walking through, she spotted a cabinet that we both agreed would give us the additional piece of furniture that we wanted to display her milk glass collection.  It also had drawers that would give us some additional storage space.  She took a picture of the measurements so that we could make sure it would fit where we wanted to put it.

We went home and verified that it would.  Based on the measurements, I was sure it would go into my car, so we went and purchased it.  It was rather heavy, so we had someone help us get it onto the cart.  We paid for it and wheeled it out of the store.  Two employees offered to help get it into the car.  I got the car and pulled up for them to load it.  Unfortunately, I had not allowed for the packaging and it would not fit.  So now the dilemma was how do we get this home?  What I ended up doing was going to another big box store and renting a truck.  I drove back and the two guys loaded it onto the truck for me.

We drove home and now came the next bit of fun.  Barbara and I had to get this thing off the truck.  I climbed up onto the truck and started to push it toward the back.  Let me just say that it was very heavy and we could have used two or three other people there to help.  Preferably people half our age.

We finally got it off the truck and with some work, luck and profanity we got it into the garage far enough that we could close the door.  I was not too concerned about the weight.  I borrowed a hand truck from a neighbor, just in case, but I planned on lying it down, opening the box, carrying the pieces in and putting it together in situ.  The following morning I went out, lay it down on the floor, cut open the cardboard box and found out that it was already put together.  Now I had to stand it back up and figure out how to get this thing up two steps and some 36 feet to its final resting place.  Just to add to the fun and excitement, we had to move it across my hardwood floors.

Unbelievably, we were able to accomplish it with the use of more profanity, a couple beach towels (yes, beach towels.  Not very sophisticated, but effective, nonetheless) and a fair amount of grunting and we did not damage the floor.  In case you are wondering, we are not available to help you move furniture.  It is going to take a couple days for us to recover as it is.  Fortunately, we did this on Friday and had Margarita night to help us relax.

This week, I am going to give you two facts.  One is in defense of my resistance to eating greens – McDonald’s salads are more fattening than their burgers.  I think that speaks for itself.  The other fact is that in Seattle, Washington it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet long.  I would think it would be pretty much impossible to conceal a weapon that is that long.  Two questions that come immediately to mind are is it legal to carry a concealed weapon that is shorter and, if it is concealed, how would you even know someone had one, let alone how long it is?

Go dress up your pet and take it for a pastrami sandwich.  Have a good week!