Today is Sunday, December 10 and there are only 15 days until Christmas.  15 days!!  I still have some shopping to do and cards to send out.  OMG!  Today we remember the birthdays of Cornelis Pronk, Emily Dickinson and Paul Hardcastle.  On this day in 1520 Martin Luther publicly burned the papal edict demanding he recant his “95 Theses”, in 1690 Massachusetts Bay became the first American colonial government to borrow money and in 1978 in Oslo, Menachem Begin and Anwar Sadat accepted the 1978 Nobel Peace Prize.  In Stockholm, Sweden it is Nobel Prize Presentation Day, in Thailand it is Constitution Day and in the US it is Dewey Decimal System Day and Human Rights Day.

I was out driving on the highway the other day and saw a couple things I thought were interesting.  The first was a car that went by me at a rather high rate of speed.  The fact that the car was speeding was not unusual.  I think I am one of the few people who does not.  Except when the limit is 55.  I have always thought … but I digress.  As the car went by, I noticed a sign on it that said “Internet Driving School.”  Underneath that it said “Student Driver.”  The first thing that occurred to me is that I am not sure how you teach someone to drive using the internet and the second thing I wondered was how a student driver could be driving without a licensed driver actually in the car.

One would assume that if it is the Internet Driving School, they are using the internet to teach you.  So then the question becomes how do they do that?  Do they set up Skype with the instructor watching the road through a laptop computer?  That would explain why the car was going so fast.  Bud, the instructor, is sitting in his kitchen eating donuts and drinking coffee while his student is driving.  The student is out on the road and Bud warns him to be sure to keep his eye on his speed.  The student says okay and off they go.  He tells the student to be aware of the other cars on the road and to watch his rear view mirrors.  

As the car hurtles along the highway, he asks what speed he is going and the student replies, “Just barely skimming 65, sir.”  In fact he is going around 80, but Bud is reaching for a glazed donut and doesn’t really notice.  Suddenly, the student sees flashing lights and realizes he is being pulled over.  He tells Bud that and Bud wants to know why.  The student claims not to have any idea.  The trooper walks up to the car and says, “Do you know how fast you were going?”  The student claims he was doing 65 and the trooper laughs.  He asks for license, registration and proof of insurance.  The student hands over the registration and proof, but explains that he does not have a license, just a permit.

The officer points out that when on a permit you have to have a licensed driver with you.  At this point Bud says, “That would be me officer.”  The trooper looks inside the car and says, “That would be who?”  Bud tells the student to turn the monitor around so the trooper can see him.  The trooper sees a slovenly looking man in a bathrobe and a t-shirt with donut crumbs on it.  

“Who are you,” he asks?

“I am Bud, the Internet Driving School instructor and that is my student.”

“You realize that you are supposed to be in the car with him when he is driving, right?”

“Well, I am, sort of.”

“Okay, let me explain what is about to happen here.  You are going to receive a citation for the traffic violations, the car will be impounded, your student will be taken to our barracks to wait for his parents and his permit will be suspended for a year.  I will also suggest that the state look into this operation of yours.”

“Great!  Now I’m going to have to listen to my wife telling me how she said this idea wouldn’t work and I’ll end up having to get a real job.  Thanks kid!”

That’s probably not how it really works, but it is a lot more entertaining than the real thing.  As I said, I saw a couple things.  The other thing I noticed was a sign along the highway that said “One Way” with an arrow pointing in the direction traffic was heading.  By itself, that is not unusual.  What makes it strange is that the signs are across the highway from where those “For Official Use Only” crossings are.  Generally speaking, I would think that if you are travelling east on a highway and cut through one of those crossings, you realize that you need to go west, along with all the other traffic.  You really should not need a sign.  Also, the people using them are either troopers or highway maintenance people.  I would hope that they are aware of where they are and where they are going.  If this is such a problem that they need to put up a sign, maybe there is a deeper issue that needs to be looked at.  I’m just saying… 

 This week our fact tells us that it cost more to buy a new car in the US than it cost Christopher Columbus to equip and undertake three voyages to and from the new world.  And yet, even with the technology, men still cannot always get to where they are supposed to be going.  At least Columbus had an excuse.  His ships had no GPS.