Today is Sunday, April 30 and there are only 239 days until Christmas.  I have already started slipping in occasional Christmas music on my Ipad.  You also might want to start planning your baking schedule.  It’s never too early to start planning.  Today we remember the birthdays of William Lilly, Cyriel Verschaeve and Richard Farina.  On this day in 1006 the brightest supernova in recorded history was observed, in 1789 George Washington was inaugurated as the first President of the US and in 1988 the largest banana split ever, at 4.55 miles long, was made in Selinsgrove, PA.  In the Netherlands it is Queen Juliana’s Birthday, in Switzerland it is Maitag Vorabend, in Louisiana it is Admission Day and in the US it is National Oatmeal Cookie Day and National Honesty Day.

This week, I thought I would start out with a few interesting bits about the month we are just wrapping up.  I know your trivia files for months are almost empty, so here you go.  April was оrіgіnаllу the ѕесоnd month of the year in the Roman саlеndаr and соnѕіѕtеd of 30 dауѕ.  It became the fourth month соnѕіѕtіng of only 29 dауѕ when January wаѕ dеѕіgnаtеd the first month of the уеаr around 450 BCE. April became 30 dауѕ long again when Julius Cаеѕаr rеfоrmеd the calendar.  April also has been dеѕіgnаtеd Nаtіоnаl Pоеtrу Mоnth, Jazz Appreciation Mоnth, and Be Vіgіlаnt Against Child Abuѕе Mоnth.  April ѕtаrtѕ on the ѕаmе dау of the week as July and ends on thе ѕаmе dау of the week аѕ Dесеmbеr in соmmоn уеаrѕ.  People who are born in the month of April have the birthstone of Dіаmоnd. Thе month’s birth flower is the Dаіѕу or the Sweat Pea.  Had enough?  Great, let’s put the file away and move on.

I have had the opportunity to make several different observations this week and thought I would share them with you.  One thing I noticed is the way people walk.  I saw a young lady the other day who had a rather strange walk.  First, when she walked, her arms moved in concert with her legs.  Let me explain.  When you walk, as your left leg goes forward, your left arm goes backward.  The same for your right leg and arm, of course.  This person moved her left arm forward when her left leg went forward.  Try it sometime.  It is not easy.  What made her walk even stranger was that she walked with her legs separated as if she was afraid the friction of them rubbing would set her pants on fire.

I also saw a woman walking with her knees close together, but her feet were duck-footed.  As a result she appeared as if she was always getting ready to sit on a stool.  I have noticed a number of women who walk that way, you know, with their toes pointed out.  It gives them a strange gait.  Try watching sometime.  When I was a child, they made metal brackets that attached to children’s shoes to correct walking pigeon-toed or duck-footed.  I wonder if they make those brackets for adults.  I also wonder why that type of problem is named after birds … but I digress

Of course, men are not immune to this problem.  Men walk duck-footed, too, but they then drag their feet, making it even more attractive.  In addition, they tend to slump back a little which makes it look like the top of their body was poorly photo shopped onto the bottom of their body because it doesn’t quite line up.  And then there is me.  As I was observing other people walking, I happened to look into a store window and saw how I walked.  OMG!  I realized that when I am standing or walking straight, I seem to think that I am hunched over (I am not, but think I am).  Because of this I put myself in a position that I think makes me straight.  It does not.  As a result, I look like a five-months pregnant person, with a beard (yes I am trying to reduce the belly).  Do yourself a favor and try and watch yourself walk sometime.

Another thing I saw recently took place in a fast food restaurant.  I was watching an employee come out to clean the tables.  He took a spray bottle and sprayed something on the table.  I hope it was a cleaning solution, but I am not confident.  Then he gave the table a cursory swipe with a towel he was carrying.  He went to the next table and repeated the process, using the same towel.  Assuming the towel was clean, initially, that would mean that only the first table actually had a chance of being clean.  The rest of the tables simply got wiped with a cloth that had remnants of dirt from the table before.  This is why I never take my food off the tray when I eat in those places.

I may have talked about this before, but I saw the commercial again the other night and it made me wonder all over again.  I honestly do not know for sure what was being sold.  All I remember is toward the end, this couple, appearing to want to do something reckless and frivolous, decide they are going to jump in a lake.  Before doing so, they took off their shoes and socks and then jumped in – fully clothed.  I can see removing your shoes, but if you are going to be completely dressed, why would you bother taking off your socks?  I would love to talk to the people who create these commercials and have them explain things like that.

This week our fact tells us that according to one US study, about 25% of all adolescent and adult males never use deodorant.  Unfortunately, they are easy to identify.

I honestly think you should go have an oatmeal cookie and enjoy the day.

Today is April 23 and there are only 21 days until Mothers Day, so guys, start thinking about what to get your wives for the day.  Two suggestions – first don’t do like my father used to do and not get a gift for his wife because she wasn’t his mother and second do not buy her something practical.  I have said this before.   Just because it would be okay for you to get a tool for Fathers Day, doesn’t mean she would like a new microwave oven for Mothers Day.  Be romantic.  I am sure there is an app for it … but I digress.  Today we remember the birthdays of William Shakespeare, Stephan Douglas and Gabriella Windsor.  On this day in 1348 the first English order of knighthood, the Order of the Garter, was founded, in 1867 Queen Victoria and Napoleon III turned down plans for a channel tunnel and in 1981 students in Beijing, China announced class boycotts.  In Bermuda it is Peppercorn Day, in Turkey it is National Sovereignty Day and in the US it is National Cherry Cheesecake Day and National Picnic Day.

Recently, Barbara and I took off for a few days to Newport, RI.  She had never been to the New England states and I thought this would be an interesting introduction.  While there we went to Marble House, one of the Vanderbilt “cottages” (or mansions as we peons call them).  Even though I have been there before, there is always something new to see.  One of the things I noticed is that either people were shorter back then or they slept curled up.  The beds in each of the rooms did not seem as long as beds do now.  

If you have never been to Newport, it is worth the trip.  The Marble House cost $11 million to build in 1888, $7 million of which was for 500,000 cubic feet of marble.  One of the more striking rooms is the dining room which is done in pink marble.  This was a summer home for the Vanderbilts and was given to the wife of William Vanderbilt as a birthday present.  Sure beats getting a hand mixer.  I am hoping Barbara will be happy with a necklace or something like that for her birthday.  

While we were on our way home we stopped at an outlet center and did a little shopping.  As we were leaving we came to an intersection that, with very big signs, clearly marked what lane to be in for the southbound and the northbound traffic.  As we started to go, a car in the lane next to us decided that he really wanted to head south, so he just drove over into our lane, cutting me off.  I was quite annoyed and when we stopped at the next light, I got out and walked up to his car and started to berate him for his lousy driving and his attitude.  He got a little mouthy with me and just as I was about to punch him in his smug face, Barbara tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Bill, the light changed.  We can go now.”  Yeah, I know, but it could have happened.

The other day I had to run to the grocery store.  Yes I do go there a lot, but my second trip that day was to pick up a prescription.  As I was waiting in line, I saw an older woman trying on glasses.  She would put on a pair, check how they looked from different angles and then try the next pair.  This went on for a bit and she seemed to be intent on getting just the right pair.  Finally her husband got his prescription and walked over to her.  She turned to him wearing one of the pairs of glasses and asked how they looked on her.  He said, “Put them back. You don’t even wear glasses.”  She shrugged, put them back and they left.  I think the least he could have done was answered her with something like, “They look great.  Remember the model so you can get them if you ever need them.”  That’s what I would have said, maybe.

Yesterday, I was back at the grocery store.  Oh right!  Like you never forget things.  Anyway, I was there and I noticed a woman wandering the store, carrying her basket and looking at the items on the shelves.  What made her unusual was that as she walked along, she walked into other people.  She was not looking where she was going, she was looking for things she might want or need.   She seemed oblivious to the fact that there were other people in the store.  Finally, one woman, who had encountered her a couple times earlier, stopped her and said, “Do you ever actually look where you are going?”  

The offender said, “I am shopping and looking for things.”

“So am I, but I also try to watch where I am going so I don’t walk into people.”  I am not sure, but I think she also referred to the woman with a phrase indicating that she thought she was an undereducated female dog.  All I could think was, “Yes! I’m not the only one who finds this type of behavior annoying.  Even better, she said something and I didn’t have to.”  

This week our fact tells us that the great Gothic Cathedral in Milan was started in 1386 and was not completed until 1805.  This was obviously a government project.  I would bet they went over budget, too.

It is Sunday, April 16.  Happy Easter!  There are only 221 days until Thanksgiving, so get started on your pies.  Today we remember the birthdays of John Luyken, Caleb Blood Smith and Jimmy Osmond.  On this day in 1705 Queen Anne of England knighted Isaac Newton at Trinity College, in 1900 the US Post Office issued the first books of postage stamps and in 1972 the giant pandas Ling-Ling and Hsing-Hsing arrived in the US from China.  In Denmark it is Queen Margrethe’s Birthday, in Puerto Rico it is Jose De Diego’s Birthday and in the US it is National Orchid Day and National Eggs Benedict Day.

As I mentioned, today is Easter.  I am still puzzled by this whole Easter thing.  Not the true meaning of Easter, but the rest of the stuff.  What gets me is how we went from a religious holiday to one where rabbits distribute eggs and candy.  In past years I have discussed the connection, tenuous as it may be, of the eggs to the holiday.  I still am not sure about rabbits and their connection to giving out colored eggs.  I also noticed this year that we are seeing a bigger push to include toys in our Easter baskets.  I always thought that Easter was a holiday for bad teeth and the threat of diabetes.  I was not aware that toys had become part of the deal.  Toys used to be just for birthdays and Christmas (only 253 days away, incidentally) and now we have added another holiday.  Before you know it we will be buying toys for Arbor Day … but I digress

The other thing that has always made me wonder is why we have to hide the eggs.  I have done some research, but I have not found the connection to Easter.  The egg hunt is considered a game during which decorated eggs are hidden for children to find.  Real dyed hard-boiled eggs, plastic ones filled with chocolates or jelly beans or foil-wrapped egg-shaped chocolates are hidden in various places.  When some hunts are over, prizes may be given for various achievements such as the largest number of eggs collected or the most eggs of a specific color.  In South German folk tradition, it was customary to add extra obstacles by placing the eggs in hard-to-reach places among nettles and thorns. Yeah, nothing says Easter Egg Hunt like precarious hiding places and a trip to the ER.

In a recent newspaper article (yes I actually read a newspaper) I read about a big drug bust that was made at a truck inspection station along one of the highways that run through my state.  They were quite proud of having captured this huge shipment of drugs and made a big deal out of it.  I think it was a good thing; however, I do see a problem.  These inspection and weigh stations are not always open.  So if you are trying to move drugs, all you have to do is wait until later in the day, when the station closes or on weekends when they are not open and you can move your cargo with impunity.  It just seems to me that if you can have that kind of effect on the drug trade, it would be a wise idea to have these places open all the time.  I am sure that if that one truck had a large shipment of drugs, others do, too.  How cool would it be to catch more of them!  

Recently, my Barbara’s daughter and her family came up to NJ from South Carolina to visit.  As part of their NJ experience I took them down the shore.  First, I had to explain the whole “down the shore” thing to them.  They talk about going to the beach.  I explained that here in NJ you go to the beach, too, but first you have to go down the shore.  Once there, you go to the beach.  I am not sure they quite understood, but they politely nodded their heads so that I would stop going on about it.  Anyway, we went to my favorite place down the shore and went for a walk on the boardwalk.  They said that they have nothing like our boardwalks down in South Carolina.

One of our stops on the boardwalk tour was a stand where a guy fries just about anything you can think of.  I had my favorite choice – the fried peanut butter and banana sandwich.  They also got fried pickles and fried cookie dough.  I saw a couple things on the menu that I will need to go back and try.  One of the items is fried bacon-wrapped Oreos.  In the past I have also had fried chocolate covered bacon.  What could be bad about that – it has chocolate and bacon and it is fried.

They enjoyed the day, had a chance to walk on the beach and to view a few of the sights that are unique to the boardwalk.  If you want to do some serious people watching, that is the place to go.  Of course it was early in the season and the really good specimens were not out yet.  We didn’t see any of the 200 pound girls in size six bathing suits or the old white guys in their Speedos, but there were some interesting sights.  I saw one girl that had enough piercings that if the wind was right she could have sounded like a wind chime.  In any event, everyone had a good day and it was a good way to cap off their visit.

This week our fact tells us that before Mickey Mouse, Felix the Cat was the most popular cartoon character.  How crazy that a mouse chased a cat for a change.

Today is Sunday, April 9 and there are only 216 days until my birthday. I’m just saying. Today we remember the birthdays of James Scott, Eadweard Muybridge and Magyar Am.  On this day in1682 Robert LaSalle claimed the lower Mississippi (Louisiana) for France, in 1833 the first tax-supported library opened, in Peterborough, NH and in 1953 “TV Guide” published its first issue.  In Bolivia it is National Day, in Latvia it is Independence Day and in the US it is National Chinese Almond Cookie Day and National Name Yourself Day.

I have to admit that I really don’t have anything this week.  I could rail about the crazy drivers that are out on the road, but even I am getting tired of that.  I could go on and on about commercials.  I could mention the ones where things appear that were not there in the beginning of the commercial or the poor use of language, but I think you all need a break from that.  I could go on and on about the annoying people in the grocery store.  In fact, the other day my Barbara was run into by a woman on a motorized cart and then hit by another woman pushing a cart.  But after awhile, those people are no longer surprising.

I even thought about trying to stir up interest in getting into how a rabbit giving away colored eggs  and candy has anything to do with Easter, but we have been there, done that.  So rather than rehash the same old targets, I am going to beg your pardon for coming up blank and I promise you I will have more next week.  Please tune in again.

This week, I am going to have to debunk what has been commonly accepted as a fact.  The fact states that it is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.  Well, I can and do on a regular basis.  I know others who can, too.  Stop by sometime and I will be happy to show you.

Go have a Chinese Almond Cookie, give yourself an exciting name and have a good week.

It is Sunday, April 2 and there are only 267 days until Christmas.  The candy and decorations should be out soon.  Today we remember the birthdays of Charlemagne, Emile Zola and Sir Alec Guinness.  On this day in 999 Gerbert of Aurillac was elected as the first French Pope, in 1827 Joseph Dixon began manufacturing lead pencils and in 1978 Velcro was first put on the market.  In Chad it is Creation of Union of Central African States Day, in Liberia it is a National Day of Prayer and Fasting and in the US it is National Ferret Day and National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day.

A couple weeks ago, I mentioned a fact that stated that it was illegal to display a hypnotized person in a store window.  I thought that was an interesting law and wondered what could have brought it about.  I was not able to find out anything about that, but it made me wonder about other strange laws.  I have put together a list of some of the laws I have found.  More interesting is the fact that these laws are still on the books and could be enforced if someone wanted to.

For example, Bingo games cannot last more than five hours in North Carolina.  I am not sure what difference it would make, but I suppose there is a reason.  Chickens are not allowed to cross the road in Quitman, GA.  How do you communicate this information to the chicken?  Why did the chicken cross the road?  To get arrested!  If you cut down a cactus in Arizona, you could be sentenced to 25 years in prison.

Stay with me because there are a lot more.  In Paulding, Ohio, policemen are allowed to bite a dog if they think it will calm the dog down.  If a dog needs calming, how do you get it in a position to bite it?  Does anyone seriously think that biting a dog will calm it down?  How do you go about calming the policeman down?  It is against the law to sing off-key in North Carolina.  Frankly, that should be a law in more places.  In Texas it is illegal to sell your eyeballs.  I would think it would be a bit inconvenient, too.  Can someone else sell them for you?

Think about this one for a minute – you may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday in Rhode Island.  A couple of things came to my mind when I read this.  If it is wrong to do this on a Sunday, why is it okay the other six days of the week?  What could possibly be the reason for this?  Two scenarios also came to mind.  One is where a person comes out of the store with his toothbrush and offers someone money to go in and buy toothpaste for him.  Another is where a person comes out after buying toothpaste and a guy says, “Psst.  Hey buddy, want to buy a toothbrush?”  He glances around furtively and then opens his coat and there is a selection of brushes hanging inside.

While we are on the subject of things you can’t do on a Sunday, you cannot buy meat of any kind on Sunday in Washington.  Does that mean that fast food places and restaurants are not open or that you can only buy sides and drinks?  I think this next one was pushed by the guy who has the napkin concession for restaurants in town.  In Gainsville, Georgia you are not allowed to eat fried chicken any other way than using your hands.  Some places have a problem with facial hair.  If you have a mustache, it is illegal for you to kiss a woman in Eureka, Nevada and in Carrizozo, New Mexico it is forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.

Then there are the laws that you just wonder what caused their creation.   Whale fishing is illegal in Nebraska.  Red cars may not drive down Lake Street in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  In Alabama you can’t wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.  You can be arrested or fined for harassing Bigfoot in Washington.  If you are found stealing soap in Arizona, you must wash yourself until the bar of soap has been completely used up.

Here is one that should get people going.  It is against the law for a woman to drive a car on Main Street, in Waynesboro, Virginia, unless her husband is walking in front of the car waving a red flag.  I cannot even begin to guess what caused this law and I cannot believe it was passed and has been allowed to stay on the books.  The big question is what if the woman does not have a husband?  Can she use a boy friend or are there men who can be proxy husbands?  Another one that gets me is a law in Washington that states that a motorist with criminal intentions must stop at city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.  What makes them think that if the person already has criminal intentions, breaking this law will bother him?

Just two more and then we will wrap this up for now.  In Wyoming, you may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without a permit.  All I can say is - why?  What are they doing during those months that would require a permit to take a picture?  And finally, if you have been arrested for drunk driving in New Jersey, you lose the privilege of having personalized plates.  I do not see the connection there, but this has all been about strange laws and that would fit the bill.

This week our fact tells us that Monica Lewinsky bought her infamous blue dress at The Gap.  How prophetic!

Go pet your ferret (not a euphemism), have a PB & J sandwich and enjoy the day.