Today is Sunday, August 14 and there are only 133 days until Christmas.  You can almost smell the cookies and hear the music.  Today we remember the birthdays of Meriwether Lewis, John Galsworthy and Nehemiah Persoff.  On this day in 1893 France issued the first driving licenses, and included a required test, in 1935 the Social Security Act became law and in 1965 the Beatles taped an appearance for the Ed Sullivan Show.  In Bahrain it is Independence Day, in Pakistan it is Independence Day and in Portugal it is Independence Day.  In the US it is National V-J Day and National Creamsicle Day.

I was watching the Olympics this past week (more on that in a bit) and became aware of a couple of things.  All of these came about after watching a commercial for toilet paper.  One of the things I found is that we needed to have a woman from England come over here to do these commercials so that she could refer to our backsides as our bum.  I suppose it is only officially a bum if it is said with an English accent.  Another thing I realized is that people want to “go commando” and cannot do it unless they use this toilet paper.

My question is what is so wonderful about going commando?  I tried it just to see if it was as wonderful as they wanted you to believe in the commercial.  I did not find it to be that exciting and was happier wearing underwear.  That is not to say that I didn’t feel the need to clean myself properly, I just didn’t feel I had to celebrate being clean by tossing my underwear.  When we were growing up, our mothers stressed that we should always wear clean underwear when we went out.  Imagine their shock if all we had were clean bums.

I have also discovered why it takes so much longer to be seen in a doctor’s office.  Doctors are spending more time discussing all the medications that TV commercials tell you to ask your doctor about.  “No George, I don’t think that medication is necessary.  I understand what you heard on TV, but I am sure you do not have vaginitis.”  Or, “No you don’t have to be tested for TB.  This is a topical ointment for the scrape on your elbow.  Yes, please let me know if you have suicidal thoughts while using it.”  Or, “I think if you follow my directions this will just be a mild case.  I see no reason to wait until it becomes moderate to severe so you can take that new medication.”

I also cannot wait until the Olympics are over.  Have you noticed that almost every commercial has tried to tie their product to the games?  I think it would be good if you simply told me why your product was good, what made it worth using and why it was better than others.  That would make me think about going out to get it.  But when you show me three toothpastes racing and one product wins and gets a medal, all I have gotten is that the person squeezing the tube with your brand was better than the others.  It didn’t tell me why yours was better, just that it was faster.  Okay, enough about commercials.

Let’s move on to the Olympics.  First, let me say that I appreciate the efforts of all the athletes.  They are gifted, talented and work hard at their sport.  What I have a problem with is that, during the opening ceremonies, we saw a couple hundred athletes from the US enter the stadium.  So far, one week later, we have seen only a very small number of them perform.  If you are not a swimmer or a gymnast you can forget about being seen on TV.  I have, for years, said that I do not care that some swimmer got into the sport when she was four and her father threw her into a pool.  We get to hear all kinds of background on a few people and never even see others.  The other evening we had the opportunity to view a number of commercials, then we went to a view of a swimmer sitting in the ready room waiting for his event while the announcers re-re-hashed his past accomplishments, then we went to more commercials and then came back to watch him sit in the ready room some more.  Are they trying to tell us that nothing else went on all day?  Were there no other events that they could have shared with us so that we could get a better idea of the variety of events taking place?  I realize that I am wasting my breath.  They have been doing it this way for years, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it.

I will say that I am constantly amazed at the way these people can perform.  I watched men’s gymnastics and I was overwhelmed by the way they could move.  I know that they are probably one third my age, but I also know that when I was their age I still could not have done what they do.  Nowadays, I figure if I can get up off the couch in one try and without grunting, I should be on the medal stand.  I am especially impressed with the guys playing beach volleyball.

About 27 years ago, we were on vacation with friends of ours.  The place we were staying at had a beach volleyball court and my son and I played our friend and his son.  Until you actually try it, you have no idea how difficult it is to play that game.  Trying to run in the sand, hit the ball with any kind of accuracy and then get into position for the next hit is extremely difficult.  The only thing that was worse was my inability to walk the next few days.  My calves hurt so badly that I would hobble along the street looking for a driveway to walk up because it was so painful to step up on a curb.  So even though the coverage is annoying, I watch what they show because I am impressed with the ability of the athletes and I enjoy seeing them perform.

This week our fact tells us that poor eyesight is associated with a higher IQ.  I guess that means that as I get older and need stronger glasses I am also getting smarter.