Today is Sunday, August 28 and there are only 64 days until Halloween.  Time to get those costume ideas going, or take out a home equity loan to purchase one in one of the many stores that will start popping up soon.  Today we remember the birthdays of Elizabeth Ann Bayley Seton, Bruno Bettelheim and Leroy Chiao.  On this day in 1609 Delaware Bay was explored by Henry Hudson, for the Netherlands, in 1907 United Parcel Service began service and in 1963 Martin Luther King Jr delivered his “I have a dream” speech at the Lincoln Memorial.  In Hong Kong it is the Festival of the Hungry Ghosts, in Mauritius it is Ganesh Chaturthi and in the US it is National Cherry Turnovers Day.

I always like to look at the National Days calendar to see if there is anything interesting going on.  I especially like when there are two good things for the same day.  As an example, a couple weeks ago I saw that there was a Saturday that was National Filet Mignon Day and National Prosecco Day.  I invited the family over and we had quite the evening.  Along with the steaks, I  made homemade French fries, done in peanut oil, corn on the cob and raspberry Tiramisu.  You don’t get those combinations very often so you have to take advantage when you can.

I have missed another notification.  I am going to have to start checking my e-mail more often.  Apparently there has been another change made in the way we drive on highways.  I have noticed recently that as we fly along on the highway at 65 (or faster), when we see a sign telling us that our exit is coming up in one mile, we start to slow down to 50 or below.  Why?  I always thought that you didn’t start slowing down until you got into the actual exit lane.  I have noticed this new thing and am puzzled by it.  Annoyed, too, truth to tell.  I find it especially vexing when the person in front of me is getting off at my exit.

I saw a movie once where a car had a sign on the bumper connected to a microphone in the car that allowed the driver to say something and have it show on the sign.  If I had that on my car there are a number of people who would find out, once I passed them, that they are morons, or #&@%*!? Morons, sometimes.  Of course, if all cars had this there would then have to be road rage parks where cars could stop so drivers could express their discontent over things that were said … but I digress.

I understand that you do not want to miss your exit.  That is why they warn you that it is coming and why they have exit lanes clearly marked.  Generally, the exit lanes provide you with enough time to slow down so that you can safely get off the highway.  You don’t need to slow down before you get to the exit.  Please stop doing that, at least when you are getting off at my exits.

I really don’t have much to discuss this week.  I could go on about ridiculous commercials, but I do that more than I should as it is.  They continue to be ridiculous, not as amusing as the people who created think they are and even I am getting bored listening to me go on about it.  I have already complained about driving on the highway, another topic that I think I have overdone.  Other than that, I was not out too much this past week so I don’t really have much to discuss.

One thing I want to mention briefly is my experience with my younger grandson.  One of the local big do-it-yourself stores nearby does these clinics where kids can sign up to go and build projects.  They make different things and my grandson really enjoys them.  I like taking him and we have a good time.  He has gotten very good at following the directions and putting the various projects together.  At the first one we ever did, we did not follow the directions completely and ended up nailing part of the project to the table.  Fortunately, we were able to separate it from the table, make the correction and complete the project.

Nowadays, he does the work by himself and I just sort of stand around as a technical adviser.  One thing I will say is that you have no idea what it sounds like when there are 50 or 60 kids all tapping on nails with hammers at the same time.  If he wasn’t pretty quick with his project, it could get quite annoying.  He is very proud of the fact that he usually gets the thing done in the first 10 to 15 minutes.  What I find most interesting is watching the other parents and their kids do the projects.  We were at one of the clinics yesterday and one child was getting very annoyed with his father’s attempts to help him.  Finally, the boy said, “Dad, I got this.  Just be quiet and let me work.”  Once the father got out of the way the boy did pretty well.

I am amazed at the number of parents who are completely inept when it comes to doing these projects and even have a problem following the relatively simple instructions.  One time my grandson helped another boy figure out part of the instructions because the boy’s father was having trouble.  These projects all consist of wooden pieces that have to be nailed to one another to form a train or a car or a truck or, as in the most recent series, super heroes.  They are fun for the kids, help them develop DIY skills and they are provided by the store for free.

This week our fact tells us that, on an American one dollar bill, there is an owl in the upper left corner of the “1” encased in the shield and a spider hidden in the front upper right hand corner.  Okay, now put you dollar bill back in your pocket and go enjoy a cherry turnover.

Today is Sunday, August 21 and there are only 96 days until Black Friday, the day when people have the opportunity to go out at 6 AM and act like crazies to buy gifts that they could get for half the price if they waited a week or so.  Today we remember the birthdays of Hubert Gautier, William “ Count” Basie and Dame Janet Baker.  On this day in 1680 the Pueblo Indians took possession of Santa Fe from the Spaniards, in 1841 John Hampson patented the venetian blind and in 1959 Hawaii became the 50th state.  Slow day for holidays with today being National Spumoni Day and National Senior Citizen Day.

I have, on a number of occasions, commented on people who back into parking spaces.  I always wonder why they feel it is necessary to do this. Realistically it is harder to back into a space properly than it is to back out of the space.  I also wonder what they are up to that they need to be pointing out for a quick getaway.  I am sure that they do not give much thought to what they are doing, they just feel the need to back into the space.  Well, this past week I had the rare opportunity to see the front and back end of one such adventure.

I had to go grocery shopping and had parked my car and was walking through the parking lot to the store when a guy pulled into the lane in his SUV and after three or four tries finally got his car backed into the space.  I spent some time in they store. It is still tough for me to find things in this store.  I am used to shopping in the store where I used to live and got to know that place well.  I have been going to this one for about a year and still do not know where everything is … but I digress.

I completed my mission, loaded my purchases into the car, put the cart in the drop off space and was heading to my car when I saw the SUV guy coming back to his car with a cart load of stuff.  I decided to watch to see how he was going to get his stuff loaded into his car.  What he did was he attempted to get his tail gate open, but couldn’t because the car behind him was too close.  So he climbed into his car, pulled it forward and then went and started loading his things.  What made it interesting was that he had to pull his car out so far that he was blocking the lane and cars could not get through.  One of the cars that was blocked was a police car.  The officer got out and informed the guy that he couldn't block the lane like that, made him close his gate and back into the space so that cars could get through.  I don’t know how it all worked out.  When I left the man and the officer were discussing his alternatives and the man did not appear happy.

I have had an ongoing rant against people who do not speak the English language properly.  What bothers me the most is when they are reading something and still say it incorrectly.  One recent example is a commercial I saw for a phone network.  The person was listing features and he said ekcetera.  If you are reading from a script and you see the word et cetera, why would you add the letter “k”?  I hear people do this all the time and have never been able to figure out why they do it.  I have also heard people add a k to the word especially and say ekspecially.  I realize that in the greater scheme of things adding a k where it does not need to be is not a terrible thing, but why do people do it?  I don’t mean to be picky, well, actually I do mean to be picky.  We have enough problems understanding why a word like laughter is pronounced differently when you add an s to the beginning – slaughter – without people adding letters that are not even there.

Okay, now a brief comment on another of my favorite rants, commercials.  I saw one the other evening that showed people swimming in a pool in a tropical setting.  The voice over said that “If palm trees could talk, I think they would speak Spanish.”  Palm trees come from Africa, Asia, the Pacific Islands and North America.  Why would they speak Spanish?  The weird thing is that the commercial was not for anything from Spain.  Or it may have been and I was not paying attention.

One last thing I wanted to discuss was a wake I went to the other evening.  The mother of a friend of mine passed away and I went to the wake.  One thing I noticed was that when a single individual comes in, expresses sympathy to the family and then sits down by himself, he attracts attention.  I did not know most of the people in the room, so when I came in, I spoke to my friend and his wife, expressed my condolences and then went and sat down.  The place was crowded with family and friends and there were a number of people standing.

All do a sudden, I noticed people starting to leave.  Someone who had been looking at me curiously came over and said, “The priest just got here.”  That explained the fact that suddenly the room was not so crowded and there were places to sit.  Why is it that people take off when the priest shows up?  Generally, the priest says a few prayers and then leaves.  Why do people feel they have to run out before he gets started?  Are they afraid that between the wake and the funeral they might get too much religion?

Another thing I want to mention is that while at the funeral home I needed to use the rest room.  I went downstairs, found the room and went in.  As I was standing at the urinal I had the time to look around and I noticed that the wallpaper was a design that consisted of all heads of pretty young women.  If it weren't for the fact that there was a urinal, I might have thought I was in the wrong room.  What would possess a funeral home to use that design in the first place and why in the men’s room?  I got done and out of there as soon as possible.  I don’t like being watched when I go.  Especially by a wall full of women.

This week our fact tells us that from 1725-1765 a Russian peasant woman had 69 children.  She gave birth to 16 sets of twins, 7sets of triplets, 4 sets of quadruplets, having a headache as an excuse for avoiding sex and the invention of the condom.

Go have some Spumoni, love a senior citizen and have a nice week.

Today is Sunday, August 14 and there are only 133 days until Christmas.  You can almost smell the cookies and hear the music.  Today we remember the birthdays of Meriwether Lewis, John Galsworthy and Nehemiah Persoff.  On this day in 1893 France issued the first driving licenses, and included a required test, in 1935 the Social Security Act became law and in 1965 the Beatles taped an appearance for the Ed Sullivan Show.  In Bahrain it is Independence Day, in Pakistan it is Independence Day and in Portugal it is Independence Day.  In the US it is National V-J Day and National Creamsicle Day.

I was watching the Olympics this past week (more on that in a bit) and became aware of a couple of things.  All of these came about after watching a commercial for toilet paper.  One of the things I found is that we needed to have a woman from England come over here to do these commercials so that she could refer to our backsides as our bum.  I suppose it is only officially a bum if it is said with an English accent.  Another thing I realized is that people want to “go commando” and cannot do it unless they use this toilet paper.

My question is what is so wonderful about going commando?  I tried it just to see if it was as wonderful as they wanted you to believe in the commercial.  I did not find it to be that exciting and was happier wearing underwear.  That is not to say that I didn’t feel the need to clean myself properly, I just didn’t feel I had to celebrate being clean by tossing my underwear.  When we were growing up, our mothers stressed that we should always wear clean underwear when we went out.  Imagine their shock if all we had were clean bums.

I have also discovered why it takes so much longer to be seen in a doctor’s office.  Doctors are spending more time discussing all the medications that TV commercials tell you to ask your doctor about.  “No George, I don’t think that medication is necessary.  I understand what you heard on TV, but I am sure you do not have vaginitis.”  Or, “No you don’t have to be tested for TB.  This is a topical ointment for the scrape on your elbow.  Yes, please let me know if you have suicidal thoughts while using it.”  Or, “I think if you follow my directions this will just be a mild case.  I see no reason to wait until it becomes moderate to severe so you can take that new medication.”

I also cannot wait until the Olympics are over.  Have you noticed that almost every commercial has tried to tie their product to the games?  I think it would be good if you simply told me why your product was good, what made it worth using and why it was better than others.  That would make me think about going out to get it.  But when you show me three toothpastes racing and one product wins and gets a medal, all I have gotten is that the person squeezing the tube with your brand was better than the others.  It didn’t tell me why yours was better, just that it was faster.  Okay, enough about commercials.

Let’s move on to the Olympics.  First, let me say that I appreciate the efforts of all the athletes.  They are gifted, talented and work hard at their sport.  What I have a problem with is that, during the opening ceremonies, we saw a couple hundred athletes from the US enter the stadium.  So far, one week later, we have seen only a very small number of them perform.  If you are not a swimmer or a gymnast you can forget about being seen on TV.  I have, for years, said that I do not care that some swimmer got into the sport when she was four and her father threw her into a pool.  We get to hear all kinds of background on a few people and never even see others.  The other evening we had the opportunity to view a number of commercials, then we went to a view of a swimmer sitting in the ready room waiting for his event while the announcers re-re-hashed his past accomplishments, then we went to more commercials and then came back to watch him sit in the ready room some more.  Are they trying to tell us that nothing else went on all day?  Were there no other events that they could have shared with us so that we could get a better idea of the variety of events taking place?  I realize that I am wasting my breath.  They have been doing it this way for years, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it.

I will say that I am constantly amazed at the way these people can perform.  I watched men’s gymnastics and I was overwhelmed by the way they could move.  I know that they are probably one third my age, but I also know that when I was their age I still could not have done what they do.  Nowadays, I figure if I can get up off the couch in one try and without grunting, I should be on the medal stand.  I am especially impressed with the guys playing beach volleyball.

About 27 years ago, we were on vacation with friends of ours.  The place we were staying at had a beach volleyball court and my son and I played our friend and his son.  Until you actually try it, you have no idea how difficult it is to play that game.  Trying to run in the sand, hit the ball with any kind of accuracy and then get into position for the next hit is extremely difficult.  The only thing that was worse was my inability to walk the next few days.  My calves hurt so badly that I would hobble along the street looking for a driveway to walk up because it was so painful to step up on a curb.  So even though the coverage is annoying, I watch what they show because I am impressed with the ability of the athletes and I enjoy seeing them perform.

This week our fact tells us that poor eyesight is associated with a higher IQ.  I guess that means that as I get older and need stronger glasses I am also getting smarter.

Today is Sunday, August 7 (I know it seems like the last time I wrote it was July and now we are in August. Tempus really does fugit.) and there are only 109 days until Thanksgiving.  There is still time to go hunting for mince so you can make mince meat pie.  Today we remember the birthdays of Carl Ritter, Mata Hari and Garrison Keillor.  On this day in 1498 Columbus arrived in the Caribbean, in 1782 George Washington created the Order of the Purple Heart and in 1974 Philippe Petit walked a tightrope strung between the twin towers of the World Trade Center.  On the Ivory Coast it is Independence Day, in Trinidad & Tobago it is Discovery Day and in the US it is National Lighthouse Day and National Friendship Day.

This past week, I took a day to go and spend some time sitting on the beach.  There is a state park that the lovely Elaine and I used to go to and I thought I would spend some time there.  It was a nice day, not too hot and a decent breeze was blowing.  What made it even better was there was a good crowd of people there.  I am constantly amazed at how some people present themselves in public.  Ladies, just because you like how a bathing suit looks on your 16 year old daughter, doesn't mean it looks good on you, too.  Especially when you are still working on losing that pregnancy weight.  I saw one woman that I wanted to go over to and tell her to cover up.  I mean really, no one wanted to see that.  She was one of those people who should be required to have supervision when buying swimwear.

Believe me, the guys were no better.  At one point I wanted to check to see if I missed the regulation that required men to have a belly that extended a minimum of six inches out over their waistband.  I walked down to the water and stood there for a few minutes to see if I would be chastised for not adhering to the rule, but I wasn’t, so I assume it is not a requirement.  I also saw a lot of people who thought they were working on their tan, but looked more like they were working on sun poisoning.  Some of them made cooked lobsters look pale.  There was going to be a lot of sore people that night.  I wisely had a cap and used plenty of sun screen.  If you want to see a lot more of some people than you need to, the beach is the place to go.

Don’t get me wrong, there were some really nice looking women walking along the beach.  I am sure there were men, too, but frankly I was not looking for them.  I wasn't specifically looking for women, either.  I just happened to notice them more.  There were also a lot of people who would be considered slightly overweight.  They were not unattractive and wore bathing suits that did not hide their charms, but fit them and were made for people their size.  At one point I saw a family walk by and all I could think of was the comment my younger grandson made regarding witnessing the migration of the whales.

Moving on, I hate to be repetitious, but I am getting tired of all the stupid commercials that are coming out lately.  There is one that touts the water resistance and durability of their phone.  Those are good qualities and they should want people to know about them.  However, they chose to do so by having a guy fumble the phone out of a building, through traffic, across town and through his house, then drop it, have it fall down stairs and into a puddle of water.  Then he picks it up and responds to a text and it works.  If you want to be humorous to get your message across, fine, be humorous, not stupid.
I continue to find insurance company commercials the most annoying.  All I can say about one company is, “Flo, please retire!”  Another company seems to have two requirements for their commercials.  The first is that the script has to be ridiculous.  You know the ones I mean.  The ones where you named your car or you smashed it into a tree or they don’t want you driving on three wheels.  Yeah, those.  The other requirement seems to be that the people doing the commercial have to be annoying while they do it.  There is one that has a woman doing the commercial and every time it comes on, I just want to slap her.  Sorry, every now and then I have to vent.

For something to do the other day, I fell back on a favorite pastime, I went to the mall, got coffee and watched the show.  On this particular day I chose to wear one of my Vietnam Veteran shirts.  As a result, I was given my coffee for free.  The young lady at the counter also thanked me for my service.  She was taken aback when I responded by saying thank you for caring … but I digress.  As I said, I was at the mall and again I must not have gotten the e-mail announcing that it was go out dressed like a slob day.  I wear better clothes when I am gardening than some of the people I saw.

One guy looked like he mugged a homeless man and took his underwear.  I spotted a woman who was wearing what my mother used to call a housecoat and a pair of flip-flops that seemed to have lost their flip.  There were also the young guys who were trying to see what they would look like when they were in their 70’s, wearing shorts, dark socks and sandals.  I see that often, but don’t quite get it.  I realize that you are just going shopping, not to a wedding, but you don’t have to look like you didn’t quite make the cut to be a Walmartian.  Use a mirror before you go out!

This week our fact tells us that if humans had the same metabolism as a hummingbird, they would have to intake 150,000 calories a day.  Let me just say that I saw a number of hummingbirds on the beach, if you know what I mean.