It is Sunday, January 31 and there are only 141 days until the first day of summer (the real first day, not Memorial Day) so start getting ready to see pasty white chubbies on the beach.  Today we remember the birthdays of Robert Morris, Zane Grey and Tallulah Bankhead.  On this day in 876 Charles became king of Italy, in 1861 the state of Louisiana took over the US Mint at New Orleans and in 1955 RCA demonstrated the first music synthesizer.  In the Shetland Islands it is Up-Helly-Aa/Norse Fire Festival, in Nauru it is Independence Day and in Surrey England it is Dicing for Maid’s Money Day.

Why is it that we never have interesting holidays like other countries do?  Don’t you wish you could walk around wishing people a Merry Up-Helly-Aa?  And Dicing for Maid’s Money Day sounds like an interesting day.  Read on.

In the 17th century, dicing (throwing dice) for money was a favorite English pastime in which large sums of money could be won or lost.  However, the annual dicing competition that still takes place in Guildford, England, is for the relatively modest sum of 11 pounds, 19 shillings.  In 1674 a local resident named John How established a fund of 400 pounds, which in his will he said he wanted invested and the proceeds distributed each year to a local "maid" or house servant who had served faithfully in the same position for at least two years.  The will also stipulated that two servants should throw dice for the gift, and that the one who threw the highest number should receive the entire amount.  In 1702; however, another, larger fund was begun by John Parsons.  Today, whoever throws the higher number receives the How prize, which is smaller than the Parson prize, which goes to the woman who throws the lower number.  So you see, it doesn’t always pay to win.

Last week, I was complaining about stupid people.  Well, this week I saw the topper.  It started with a problem that I have complained about on a number of occasions.  It has always amazed me that people sitting at a red light don’t go when the light turns green.  The only reason you have stopped is because the light is red.  I would think that you would watch the light so that when it turned, you could get going.  Wrong again!  The other day I was on my way to a doctor’s appointment (everything was fine thank you for asking) and we were stopped at a red light.  As it turned out the person creating the problem was a young woman.

Anyway, we were sitting there and the light turned green, but we did not move.  Several people politely tapped their horns to get things going.  We did not move, so they beeped their horns a little longer.  She waved her hand out the window as if to say just a minute.  The light turned to amber and we were still not going and horns were blaring.  A police car came in the opposite direction, gave a quick toot on his siren and motioned for her to move on.  She ignored him and we all sat and watched the light turn red.  The police car went down the street, turned around, came back and had her pull over to the curb.  He seemed perturbed and she appeared oblivious.  I imagine it was an interesting conversation.  I’m just sorry I did not have the time or opportunity to hang around and see what happened, but I had to get moving because the light had turned green.

Here is a job that I would love to have – naming new drugs when they are coming on the market.  I have always found it interesting that the name has nothing to do with the actual drug it is made from or the disease or condition it was created to fight. The people who come up with these names must have a lot of fun doing their job.  You always see the name, generally followed by the name of the drug.  I have never been too sure of why they do that.  Chances are no one really knows what the drug actually is … but I digress. 

Imagine, if you will, that we are in the office where the product names are created.  The group has been assigned the task of creating a name for a drug that treats moderate to severe (it’s always moderate to severe) arm pit fungus.  The actual drug is doxytocillukanyl.  So the group now has the information and they have to come up with a name.  One person suggests Golindalum.  When asked why he explains that his ex was named Linda and it would be funny to have her name in a drug that fought arm pit fungus.  Another person suggests Vaderia because he is a Star Wars fanatic.  Someone else offers Harpelika because she likes harp music.  They go around offering up names until they come up with the winner – Grillaxibule, because summer is coming and everyone likes to barbecue. 

Now the commercial comes out touting Grillaxibule (doxytocillukanyl [go ahead and check the spelling]).  They briefly mention the affliction and then go into a list of the side effects.  I heard one drug that said you could develop pancreatic cancer as a side effect.  Yeah, get me some of that!  Sorry, digressing some more.  The commercial shows women afraid to go sleeveless and guys wearing regular t-shirts on the beach.  We are all assured that Grillaxibule will make those problems a thing of the past.  One line that I always like is, “Do not take if you are allergic to Grillaxibule.”  How would you know you are allergic to it until you take it?  Anyway, that’s a job I always thought would be fun to have.

This week our fact tells us that 3.6 cans of Spam are consumed each second.  Once again I wonder why anyone took the time to figure that out.  Another question is how would we prove it wrong?  I can tell you this, by way of offering some trivia to support the claim.  By 2003 Spam was sold in 41 countries on six continents.  That was 13 years ago.  One would assume that the number has increased in that time period.  One thing I can assure you, I am not one of those people buying Spam.

It is Sunday, January 24 and Valentine’s Day is only three weeks away.  Have you guys even thought about what to get your sweetheart?  Get moving!  Today we remember the birthdays of Publius A Hadrianus, Adam Jacoby Slemmer and Jerry Maren.   On this day in 1848 James Marshall found gold in Sutter’s Mill in Coloma, CA, in 1922 the Eskimo Pie was patented by Christian K Nelson of Iowa and in 1984 Apple Computer, Inc. unveiled its Macintosh personal computer.  In Bolivia, the Aymara Indians are having the Alacitis Fair.

Let me start by saying that the lovely Elaine has returned home and is resting comfortably.  She still has a way to go so keep good thoughts.  We have weathered (do you see what I did there) the storm nicely.  I cannot tell you how nice it is to look out the window, see all that snow and know that someone else is going to clean it up and I don’t have to worry about it.  I will admit that I was reluctant to move into a 55+ community, but after this storm, I have come to realize how nice it really is.  Yes, we pay fees to have that done, but it is worth it.  To those of you who still have to do your own shoveling, my condolences.

Is it me or do people seem to be getting dumber lately?  I read an article in the newspaper the other day, yes I still read the newspaper, about a car accident.  The article stated that the vehicle left the road, hit some landscape stones, went airborne, struck a fire hydrant and flipped over.  It said that officials were investigating to see if high speed was involved.  Really?  That would be like saying that a house burned to the ground and officials were investigating to see if flames were involved.  If you were going even 45 mph and hit landscaping stones, chances are you would come to an abrupt halt.  I am guessing that the landscaping stones involved were not pebbles, but rather sizable rocks.  Even so you would have to moving at a pretty good clip to go airborne.

Here is another example of what I am talking about.  I was out on the highway driving along when suddenly the cars in front of me slowed down.  They were doing the speed limit, but they slowed down.  Why?  I’m glad you asked.  They slowed down because a police car had someone stopped on the side of the road.  As soon as they had passed the car, they went back to doing the speed limit.  First of all, if you are doing the speed limit, why would you slow down?  You are allowed to do the limit.  Second, if the trooper has stopped someone and is dealing with them, the chances that he would notice you, even if you were going a little over the limit, are slim.  If you are flying along at 100 mph you might get his attention, but generally he is busy with the car he stopped.

Also on the highway, recently, I noticed that traffic was slowing down in all lanes.  I thought that I had caught up to rush hour traffic or that an accident had occurred.  Nope!  We were all slowing down because there was a line of traffic getting off at an exit.  The traffic was in an exit lane and not affecting the rest of us at all, but for some reason we had to slow down.  Apparently people do not usually see a line of cars getting off at an exit and slowed down to observe the phenomenon.  That was also the trip where I got caught behind a truck that thought that the middle lane was a great place to plod along at 50 mph when the speed limit was 65!

At the hospital where the lovely Elaine was, they had an automatic revolving door.  I am sure you have seen them.  They continuously revolve and all you have to do is step in and walk as the door moves around.  Usually the space is large enough for at least two people to go in.  One day as I was walking up to the door, there was a man was just ahead of me.  He got to the door and asked a woman why she was still there?  “I dropped you off five minutes ago.  Why haven’t you gone in?”  She told him she was waiting for the door to stop so that she could enter.  Just then another couple came up, walked in and entered the hospital.  The man told her it was an automatic door and that it didn’t stop, “Just like all the other times we have come here.”  I entered the door and went into the hospital at that point so I am not sure what happened.  They were not there several hours later when I left so he either got her to go in or they gave up and went home.

The next time you go out somewhere, watch the people around you and see if you agree with me.  People are getting dumber.  Or, they have been dumb for some time and I am only noticing it more now.  Either way, it can be entertaining.  Do like I do.  Get a cup of coffee or tea, sit somewhere and just watch the show.  Pay attention to conversations in stores.  You would be amazed at what you might hear.  I know I usually am.

This week our fact tells us that $283,200 is the absolute highest amount of money you can win on Jeopardy.  That is one of the reasons I don’t go on the show.  I hate being restricted.  That and I don’t like Alex Trebeck.

It is Sunday, January 17 and there are only 343 days until Christmas.  Now is the time to start shopping because there are all kinds of bargains being offered.  Today we remember the birthdays of Philip the Bold, Benjamin Franklin and Nevil Shute.  On this day in 1773 Capt. James Cook became the first to cross the Antarctic Circle, in 1861 the flush toilet, with separate water tank and pull chain, was patented by Thomas Crapper and in 1969 the debut album of Led Zeppelin was released in the US.  In Poland it is Liberation Day and tomorrow it will be Lee-Jackson Day in Virginia and Martin Luther King Jr Day in the US.

I really do not have much of anything for you this week.  The lovely Elaine is still in the hospital and I have been spending my time with her.  There is one thing I did notice in the hospital.  In the entry from the parking lot, they have one of those solar powered trash cans.  The only problem that I can see is that the can is indoors and does not receive any sunlight.  H-m-m-m-m.

I am sorry that I do not have more for you, but this past week has been a bit stressful.  I will try to do better in the coming week.  I hope you will visit again.

This week our fact tells us that the average ear of corn has 800 kernels arranged in 16 rows.  Please let me know how many of you at least counted the rows to see if this is true.

It is Sunday, January 10 and there are only 76 days until Easter.  Time to eat last year’s peeps so you can make room for this year’s.    Today we remember the birthdays of Gasparo Visconti, George Washington Carver and Sal Mineo.  On this day in 49 BC Julius Cesar crossed the Rubicon and invaded Italy, in 1776 “Common Sense” by Thomas Paine was published and in 1910 the Lunt-Fontanne Theater opened at 205 W 46^th St, NYC.  In Switzerland it is the Meitlisunntig Festival.

I hope your new year is going well for you.  Quick show of hands – how many of you have already broken your resolutions for this year?  Our year has not started out too well.  The lovely Elaine is currently in the hospital.  I will not go into the details, but let me say that she is holding up as well as can be expected.  I did not; however, mention this to garner sympathy.  I brought it up as a means of discussing hospitals, in general.  I have gone on and on with this topic in the past, but feel like revisiting it again.

The first thing I wanted to mention is the parking garage at the hospital.  There are several things that I want to bring up.  One is that the parking is free!  I know!  Whoever heard of that?  The reason for that is that a local car dealership supports the garage and gives the parking away for free.  Even better, if you buy a car or truck from the family of dealerships and present your garage ticket, they will donate $100 to the Healthcare Foundation connected to the hospital.  I was amazed when I first saw this.  I almost wanted to go buy a car from them, but the lovely Elaine said I had just gotten a new car a couple months ago and could not get another one.

Moving on, I noticed something this time, in the garage, that I had not seen during our last foray in to the hospital.  They have a speed limit posted.  I agree with posting a speed limit sign even though we all know that no one ever obeys the limit.  We also know, or figure out rather quickly, that there is generally no one in the garage to enforce the limit.  The reason I even bring this up is because of the limit itself.  The posted speed limit for the parking garage is 12 MPH.  I could understand if you set it at 10 or 15, because you could look at your speedometer and see how much over the limit you were.  When it is set at 12, there is really no way to know if you are doing the limit.  We all know that anyone over 75 actually tries to obey any posted rule, so they will do their best to only go 12 MPH.  Unfortunately, most speedometers are done in increments of 5, so anyone trying to follow the rule will have a difficult time.  All I can say is try not to get stuck behind one of those older seniors.

I know I have mentioned it before, but I feel like I want to briefly bring it up again.  Here is the picture – it is 5 AM and we are sitting in the examining room in the ER.  We have given the admitting nurse the reason why we are there.  Why is it that when the doctor comes in he always says, “So how are you doing today?”  Did you not read the chart before coming in?  You should already know how the person is doing today.  I always want to reply, “I’m fine.  I just like going to the hospital very early in the morning and thought this would be a good day to do it.”  The lovely Elaine always gives me the look right after the doctor says that and just before I have a chance to respond.  One of these days, though …

Another amazing thing that we have experienced, at least so far, is that there is no yeller this time.  Over the years, we have spent a lot of time in hospitals.  Between my visits, the lovely Elaine’s, my parents and her parents, we have logged a considerable number of hours in those facilities.  Each time, there was always at least one person who spent a fair amount of time yelling for something.  There was one guy who kept yelling for Gloria.  We never did find out who Gloria was, but she was apparently someone that he really needed.  When he wasn’t yelling for her, he was calling out that he needed help because “I got the diarrhea in here!”

We have heard people calling out for a nurse because they needed help, because they were hungry, they wanted to leave or they wanted to get up.  The person that wanted to get up was told by a nurse that she couldn’t get up because she had a broken leg and had to keep it in a sling.  We have heard things like, “Can someone come help me?  I need help.  Can someone please come help me?”  When asked by a nurse what she needed help with her reply was simply, “I just need help.”  We have heard people complain about having to go to the bathroom, wanting to change beds, needing to get something else to eat because they did not like what they had ordered, needing more blankets, less blankets and on and on.  I think that if some of the people who have become nurses had spent any amount of time on a regular hospital floor, they might have made a career change.

This week our fact tells us that by raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.  Of course if you are lying on your back, with your legs raised, you cannot move to get of quicksand, either.  My advice would be to simply stay out of quicksand.

So, as I said, the lovely Elaine is in the hospital and we are hoping for a rapid, good resolution to her affliction.  If you get a chance, please say a quick prayer for her.  Thank you.