It is Sunday, October 18 and there are only 68 days until Christmas.  Be careful when buying Halloween candy.  You don’t want to confuse it with the Christmas candy that is already out in some stores.  Today we remember the birthdays of Canaletto, Fannie Hurst and Pam Dawber.  On this day in 1648 the first US labor organization, Boston Shoemakers, formed, in 1767 the boundary between Maryland and Pennsylvania, the Mason Dixon Line, was agreed upon and in 1967 Walt Disney’s “Jungle Book was released.  In Rhodesia it is Republic Day and in Alaska tomorrow is, of all things, Alaska Day.

When we first moved into our new house we determined that one of the things that needed to be changed was the faucet in our kitchen.  It was low, making it difficult to fill the coffee pot, or large pots , or rinse dishes.  It was also stiff and did not move freely.  With that in mind, we went shopping and finally found a faucet that we liked.  The other day I had enough time available that I decided to install the faucet and rid ourselves of the one we had.

I cleaned out the things under the sink and got ready to remove the old faucet.  It quickly became apparent to me that the existing one had been installed when the house was built.  The faucet was attached to the sink before it was put into place.  I was not about to pull the sink out so I had to climb in under the sink and reach up to undo the various fittings and lines to remove the old one.  Anyone who has done this knows that not only is the position you are in extremely awkward and uncomfortable, but you are also trying to remove nuts using tools that are not meant  to be used in the limited space available.

It took quite a lot of time and swearing to get the old one out.  I had to keep stopping to give my arms and back a break from the position I was in.  In the process, I would have to climb out from under the sink and then back in after resting.  I banged my head so many times that if I had been playing football in the NFL, I would have been taken to the locker room to go through the concussion protocols. After banging my head four or five times, I decided that maybe I should be more cautious in my ingress and egress.  Easier thought than accomplished.  In avoiding the one obstacle, I was able to find another one to bang against.  I finally decided to go with the one that didn’t cause as much pain or swearing.

I finally got the old one out and was quite proud of myself.  It was out and it only took two hours, a decent amount of pain in my back, side, butt and shoulders, a bump on my head that I knew would not get better soon and the need for a bandaid on the finger that I scraped the skin off.  I stood there and reveled in my accomplishment for a minute or two, until it dawned on me that I still had to crawl back under there to install the new one.  While the new faucets are made to be installed more easily, they still have some aspects that require the uncomfortable positions and working in limited space.

I decided that I was not going to be defeated by this.  I was going to forge ahead and get this thing installed.  I carefully followed the instructions (which I truly believe are written by someone for whom English is their second or even third language)and got it installed.  I reviewed all the steps to make sure that I had not missed anything.  I checked to make sure that all the fittings were tightened and that everything was ready to go.  It was.  I confidently turned on the water supply and water shot out of the side spray hose and went all over the kitchen floor.  If you know anything about me you will know that I was less than pleased with this outcome and put together a fairly long string of profanities to express that displeasure.

I rechecked everything to be sure that I had not done something incorrectly.  Confident that I had followed the instructions, I decided to call the company for assistance.  The only thing harder than actually taking out the old faucet and installing the new one was getting a real person on the phone to talk to.  He walked me through several quick fix things that did not work.  He suggested that maybe debris had gotten into the diverter (the part that sends the water from the faucet to the spray) and had blocked it.  I asked what kind of debris.  I pointed out that it was a new item, fresh out of the box.  He had no answer for that.  

He asked a couple more questions and then put me on hold.  When he came back, he told me that he was ordering a couple parts for me and that I should have them in seven to ten days.  I told him that that was unacceptable.  I explained that this was my kitchen sink and I could not go that long without it.  He explained that he could not get them out any sooner and he would get them ordered right away.  I don’t remember my exact response, but am pretty sure that it was unpleasant.  He then asked if there was anything else he could help me with and I said, “You haven’t helped me with anything so far” and hung up.

So, because I hadn’t been having enough fun, I had to go to the store and purchase another faucet, pull the non-working one out and install the new one.  Without going into great detail, the new one got installed, it does not spray water all over the kitchen floor and it is okay.  I have stiff shoulders, an even sorer butt and a sizable bruise on my back.  I can assure you that I will not be doing anymore plumbing work anytime soon.  If this new faucet falls apart, I will start filling the coffee pot in the shower.

This week our fact tells us that Rush Limbaugh was disqualified from the Vietnam draft due to a cyst on his butt.  That would explain a lot.  His head is up there now because he is checking on the cyst.  That is why he talks out of there, too, I guess.