It is Sunday, May 3 and there are only 236 days until Christmas.  No Christmas music yet, but the fruit cake recipes are coming out.  Today we remember the birthdays of Niccolo Machiavelli, Francois Coty and Samantha Eggar.  On this day in 1494 Jamaica was discovered by Columbus (still lost); he named it “St Iago”, in 1802 Washington DC incorporated as a city and in 1963 Martin Luther King delivered his “I have a dream” speech.  In Japan and Poland it is Constitution Day, in Lesotho it is the King’s Birthday and here in NJ the lovely Elaine and I will celebrate our 42^nd anniversary this week.

I know, 42 years married.  That was after going together (they don’t use that term anymore do they) for seven years.  The lovely Elaine was only a sophomore in high school when we first started dating and I was a junior.  Now, 49 years later, we are both “seniors” and still together.  People always ask how she put up with me this long and I always respond that she drinks a lot, but the truth is that I guess we just make each other happy.  We complement each other.  Not compliment where I tell her she looks nice in an outfit or she says I look good for a slightly overweight, balding guy, but complement, as in we go well together.  We have had our ups and downs, but it has always been good to know that regardless of what happened, she has always been there for me and I have always been there for her.

As I believe I have mentioned before, the lovely Elaine and I are looking to buy a house closer to our kids.  I have to be honest, it is not an easy task.  Our wish list is not that big or outlandish, but it appears that it is difficult to accomplish.  We have stated that we want the laundry on the first floor.  We have also stated that we do not want a septic system and are not too crazy about the idea of a well.  You would think that we requested a home with indoor fountains and Nubian slaves to fan us in the summer.

I get the impression that the real estate agents we have been dealing with have watched too many of those house buying shows on TV.  You know the shows I mean.  The agent scrambles around trying to find the couple the house they are looking for that has all 123 items on their “must have” list, is move-in ready and fits within their price range.  All these shows are formulaic.  The agent takes them to the first house and it has some of what they are looking for, but not everything, needs some interior work, but is near the bottom end of their price range.  When I say interior work, I am talking about some paint, maybe change the flooring and update the cabinets.

Let me just say that nothing infuriates the lovely Elaine more than when one of these neophyte couples walks into a house and looks at one of the rooms and says, “I am not a big fan of that color.”  This causes her to rail against their stupidity and say things like, “Have you ever heard of painting?”  She laments that people that stupid can find a house and we have been unable to, so far.

But I digress … They go to another house that seems to have almost everything they are looking for, might need some minor work and sits right in the middle of their range.  The agent talks around the few things they are unsure of and makes them believe that everything is fixable.  At this point we become privy to their “private” conversation taking place just down the street from the house.  They like it, but are hoping for better.

The agent then takes them to one more house.  This is the house of their dreams.  They love the open concept that allows the kitchen to open directly into the dining room.  There was a time when we thought that was something we wanted.  Then one day the lovely Elaine thought about it and decided that was not a good idea.  She reminded me of what our kitchen looks like on Christmas Eve when we prepare dinner and thought that was not a view that our guests should be forced to see while they are eating.  Good point!  But I digress again …

Anyway, this third house is wonderful has everything they want and things they hadn’t thought about.  The only problem is that it is above their budget.  Now we have the scene where the couple sit in a restaurant or coffee shop and discuss the pros and cons of each house over coffee or a drink and a snack.  Really?  Do you really go sit in a restaurant, drink sweet tea, eat a sandwich and decide on the house you want by the time your check comes?  I know that there will be days of angst and prolonged discussions before we finally decide on the house we want.  I am pretty sure that a meal and a beverage are not going to ease the choice for us.

Finally, the couple decides on the house they want, generally the more lavish of the three.  I always wonder where the additional funds are going to come from for their purchase.  Maybe they are going to sell an organ or two.  Who knows?  They contact the agent, give him a ridiculously low bid, he says he is not sure that the seller will accept the bid, it is ultimately accepted and the house is theirs.

I think the agents we have been dealing with are sitting back waiting for us to pick one of the few houses they have shown us.  The fact that none of them fits the parameters we have set does not seem to matter.  They have started telling us about houses that are not even close to what we are looking for, I think in the hope that we will move on to a different agent.  I would think it would be easier to just look for what we have stated we want, but what do I know?  I will let you know how this story progresses.

Our fact tells us that it is against the law to whale hunt in Oklahoma.  Does this mean that fat people were in danger or did they have an actual whale infestation at some point?