It is Sunday, March 1 and there are only 299 days until Christmas.  I have already started getting the CD’s ready.  It is the birthday of Frederic Chopin, Rebecca Lee and Ron Howard.  On this day in 1 BC the revised Julian calendar started in Rome, in 1692 Sarah Goode, Sarah Osborne and Tituba were arrested for witchcraft in Salem, Massachusetts and in 1912 Isabella Goodwin was the first woman detective appointed, in New York City.  In Bayonna, Spain it is Pinzon Day, in South Korea it is Independence Movement Day and in Ohio and Nebraska it is Admission Day.

The lovely Elaine and I have started the arduous process of looking for, finding and buying a house.  We have decided that it is time for us to move closer to our family.  In the past four years we have lost all our parents and there is really nothing left for us in this area.  We want to be closer to my son and his family so we can become a burden to them sometime in the future.  That seems to be the legacy that families hand down over the generations.  Great grandparents were taken care of by grandparents who were taken care of by parents who were taken care of by us kids.  Now it is our turn to pass on the problems.  Not that we anticipate being trouble anytime soon, but we want to be ready.  We are not looking forward to packing and moving now, but I would hate to think what we would be like if we waited 15 or so years.

“Bill, did you wrap the dishes so they can be packed?”

“What?”

“Did you wrap the dishes so they can be packed?”

“Yes the wrap was delicious and it was packed, but it needed more cheese.”

“You don’t need to worry about the breeze, they will be in boxes.”

“Okay.  I’ll take care of it as soon as I wrap the dishes.”

So we contacted a realtor (or realator depending on who you talk to) down in the area we are looking to be in and gave him a list of wants and don’t wants so he could start looking.  After a day or so, the lovely Elaine decided that “we” should amend the list because maybe we were too restrictive and were eliminating possibilities.  I felt that the list was fine, but acquiesced rather than fight that battle.  With the new list in his possession, he set out to find us a place.  A few days ago we went down and spent a couple hours with him looking at potential residences.  These locations were selected based on the “new” list of needs we gave him.  Having seen them, we rejected them and ultimately the wise and wonderful Elaine decided that the original list was fine and that we would stick to it (which explains why I did not fight the battle previously mentioned).

Marianne, our dear daughter-in-law, has been looking for listings and houses that are for sale by owner in an effort to assist us in this challenge.  We are fortunate to have her help because she is diligent, knowledgeable and is aware of what to watch out for.  She knows us well enough to know what we want to avoid and can steer us in the right direction.  She also realizes, but is too polite to come right out and say, that we are neophytes to the house buying game and need all the help we can get.  Keep in mind that we bought our current house 36 years ago.  It was purchased privately and we have never dealt with a real estate agent before.  So, with her as our guide, we have ventured out into the unknown.   

As I said we have been to some homes already and several things have become apparent.  The first is that older people have no clue when it comes to decorating.  We went into one house where the dining room was on the small side and the furniture was on the large side.  They could only put five chairs around the table because the sixth one would have blocked the walkway.  They could have reconfigured the room to fit everything, but I suspect they had it the way it was in their old home.  We were in one house where the wife had hung a window curtain over the sliding door on the shower “so it would look nicer.”  Then, just to be sure it did the job she wanted, she thumb tacked the curtain to the walls so it wouldn’t move and expose the door.

On our original list we said no multi-storied townhouses.  We did not want to have to do stairs and we did not want to have sections of the house we would not use because of the stairs.  We are also not big fans of vaulted ceilings.  Our amended list allowed us to go see townhouses.  The two we saw had more living space on the second floor than was available on the first floor.  The only area that had more space was the basement.  

The living room had vaulted ceilings with pot lights in the ceiling.  If a bulb burned out, I would have to get one of those long arms with the suction cup on the end to change the bulb.  I could see a number of broken bulbs in my future as I worked to master that skill.  What made it more interesting is that the entryway had a two-story ceiling with a chandelier hanging in it.  It was a big thing with a large glass bowl covering the bulbs.  I pointed it out to our agent and asked how that bulb would be changed.  He shrugged his shoulders and said, “I don’t know.  I guess you’d have to hire someone to do it.”  Townhouses have been taken off the list, again.  I will keep you updated as the journey continues.

Our fact this week tells us that humans use a total of 72 different muscles in speech.  After listening to our governor and other politicians, it is obvious that none of those muscles are in any way connected to the brain.  Quite the opposite, if you know what I mean.

It is Sunday, February 22 and there are only 132 days until July 4^th, so let’s get those sparklers and fireworks ready.  Today we remember the birthdays of Tahmasp I, George Washington and Johnson P Mlambo.  On this day in 606 Sabinian ended his reign as Catholic Pope, in 1923 the first successful chinchilla farm in the US was started and in 1979 St Lucia gained independence from Britain.  It is Girl Guides Thinking Day in the British Commonwealth, Donkey Races Day in the Virgin Islands and Brotherhood Day worldwide.

I have been thinking about a number of issues lately, all coming to me during trips to the mall.  One thing I realized is that there is an untapped market that could develop into quite a business in malls that have more than one level.  I recently had the opportunity to watch people trying to go from one level to another using escalators.  I was amazed at the number of people who could not get on or off an escalator without a problem.  I watched one family approach the escalator to go up (naturally up – it was an escalator [why isn’t it called a decelerator if you are going down]) and it took them several minutes to actually get on.  There were several false starts and one of the young girls almost fell.

Until that day, I was unaware that it was such an ordeal for people.  These were not people who were looking at their phones and just missed the step.  These were people who were attentive, knew where they were and could not figure out how to get on and ride up.  I figure that I could stand next to the escalator and offer my services for a buck a person.  All I would have to do is take the dollar and then say “Now” when it was time to step on.  I could even offer classes in the mall that could be held before the stores open.  This could be a great income producer … or not.

Another thing I have noticed is that people do not walk properly any more.  They drag their feet and scuff along in boots that are apparently too heavy for them.  I remember when I was a kid my mother hollered at me when I walked like that.  I was always admonished to pick up my feet when I walked.  Based on how she was then, the way people walk today would have driven her crazy.  My question is why do they walk like that?  Are the boots really that heavy?  I’m guessing no because people walk the same way with flip flops in the summer.  Is it because the boots/flip flops do not fit?  I can understand that with flip flops, but based on the cost of some of those boots, they should fit a lot better.  The only thing I can figure is that they walk like that so people will notice them and their boots.  In the words of my mother, “Pick up your feet and walk like a normal human being.”

When I was a kid, the only time you wore a baseball cap was if you played on a baseball team.  Over time it became de rigueur to wear caps.  They made statements, advertised products, colleges, military affiliations, etc.  The goal was to get just the right curl on the brim so that you looked “cool” and tough.  Then came the fashion of wearing the caps backwards.  Somewhere along the line people thought that the brim was to protect your neck from the sun rather than your eyes.  Nowadays the style has changed and you only see people trying to pass as young wearing them backwards. 

For a short time it was popular to wear the cap with the brim off to the side.  More recently, the trend has been to wear the cap with the brim flat.  Sometimes the wearer leaves the company sticker on the brim.  I have noticed lately that a new style has begun to emerge.  The cap is being worn pulled down on the head and covering the tops of the ears.  I saw this recently on several different people and had two thoughts.  Why would you want to cover the tops of your ears and do realize how you look with your hat like that?  Now, I know that I am somewhat old-fashioned, but I still wear my cap with the brim rolled slightly and in the front.  So, if you ever see me with my cap down and covering my ears, ask me if I am okay.

While I was shopping a couple days ago I noticed some other things.  One is that it is becoming harder to buy clothing for people who are not skinny.  There are several stores that I frequent that carry very little in the way of what has become known as classic fit clothing.  Everything is slim fit.  Understand, I am not a fat person, but neither am I rail thin.  Out of curiosity, I attempted to try on a slim fit shirt.  The sleeves were so narrow that I could not get my hand through.  Clothing manufacturers and store buyers need to get out in public and look around.  From what I have seen, more people need classic fit than slim.  Does anyone realize that not- skinny people have money and want to buy clothing, too?

We are currently in the middle of a polar vortex pushing through our area.  Thank God for global warming.  If it weren’t for that we would be frozen in our houses, unable to get out until spring … but I digress.  As I was saying it has been extremely cold, with real-feel temperatures in the single digits, hovering near 0.  B-r-r-r-r!  So I was in a store in the midst of this frigid weather and guess what – they have started putting out the shorts, short sleeved shirts and other summer items.  Are you kidding?  By the time I would need those items, I will have forgotten that I bought them or where I put them.  Then I will need to go and buy them again, but by then I will only be able to get flannel shirts and winter coats.  

I wonder if stores realize how difficult this is for people?  As an example, consider what it is like for parents of young kids.  The way children grow, the clothing you buy now will probably not fit them by the time the summer comes and, as I said before, try finding summer clothing in the summer.  The only benefit will be that whatever you do find will probably be on the clearance rack.

This week our fact tells us that if you bring a raccoon’s head to the Henniker, New Hampshire town hall, you are entitled to receive $.10 from the town.  Of course they will charge you a lot more than that to help you get rid of the rest of the raccoon.

Happy Washington’s Birthday!

Today is Sunday, February 15 and there are only 313 days until Christmas.  At this point why bother taking down last year’s decorations, they’ll be going back up in a month or so.  Today we remember the birthdays of Philipp Melanchthon, Cyrus Hall McCormick and Melissa Manchester.  On this day in 399 philosopher Socrates was sentenced to death, in 1804 New Jersey became the last northern state to abolish slavery and in 1965 Canada replaced the Union Jack flag with the Maple Leaf.  In Massachusetts it is Spanish-American War Memorial Day, in the US it is Battleship Day, Remember the Maine and tomorrow it is Presidents’ Day in the US. 

I won’t go into a protracted explanation of this Presidents’ Day since I have done so in the past.  I would like to point out an interesting item.  This holiday is celebrated on the third Monday in February.  Originally established in 1885 in recognition of President George Washington – wait for it – it is still officially called “Washington’s Birthday” by the federal government.  Does this help you better understand why everyone in government always seems so confused? 

“Senator Jones, I would like to invite you to join me for lunch on Presidents’ Day.”

“Do you mean Washington’s Birthday?”

“Yes, but on the third Monday, not on the 22^nd.”

“Huh?  Oh right. OK.”

I have always wondered why we make such a big deal out of some holidays, but completely ignore others.  For example, today is Battleship Day as I mentioned earlier.  It is held in commemoration of the battleship Maine.  In 1898 the Maine was sent to protect US interests during the Cuban revolt against Spain.  On the evening of February 15, the ship suddenly exploded and sank quickly, killing nearly three-quarters of the crew.  Why is this ignored?  We spend weeks building up to Valentine’s Day, a day for giving candy, cards and flowers, but not really related to an actual St Valentine.  I guess if retailers could find a way to make money from it, we would take time to Remember the Maine.  Take a moment during the day to give a silent nod to those who gave their lives on battleships in the service of their country.  Thank you.

I was watching TV the other evening and a car commercial came on.  It talked about how this particular car could do everything.  It had a camera to show you what was behind you.  Now I am in favor of that.  I find as I get older it becomes harder to turn around and see behind me.  That camera is a good thing.  Where I start to worry is when they have a car that lets you know someone is coming up on your side.  I thought that was what the rear view mirrors were for.  There was a time when cars only had an outside rear view mirror on the driver’s side of the car.  The great innovation came when it occurred to someone that they might want to see what was happening on the right side of the car, too.  Although I still do not have an explanation as to why things need to appear farther away on that side. 

Now they have developed mirrors that let you know something is on your side.  Does that mean that somewhere in the not-too-distant future, they will do away with those mirrors and just have sensors that let you know something is there?  They might as well get rid of the mirrors now.  The way I see people driving, they don’t use them anyway.  This would also mean there would be two less things to worry about bumping into when you walk through parking lots, not paying attention, while you text.

Another innovation they have come up with is a car that will brake itself when it gets too close to something.  My car has something that brakes when it gets too close to something, too.  It is called the driver.  Is it that hard to look out your windshield and see that you are about to crash into the car ahead of you?  Maybe if police started enforcing the cell phone laws it would cut down on that issue … but I digress.

There is a commercial that shows a car coming up behind a truck towing a large sailboat and the driver needs his crash avoidance system to tell him it is there.  I would think that he should be able to see it and brake long before he rams into it.  But that’s just me.  If it is so difficult for you to drive, then maybe you should hire someone to do it for you.  That way you can text, chat on the phone, search for music that you want to listen to, or take a nap, without endangering the lives of others.  Maybe I should start a business.  I could call it “We’ll Drive, You Relax!”

Commercial

“At We’ll Drive, You Relax! we hire and train individuals to drive your car and take you where you want to go.  Our drivers do not have cell phones or gadgets to distract them.  They are trained to get you from point A to point B without slamming into something on the way.  Our slogan is – Let us drive since you aren’t very good at it, don’t pay attention and don’t obey most of the traffic laws.”  The slogan is a bit wordy and may not fit on a business card, but that can be worked on.

Of course to get drivers who obey traffic laws and don’t get involved with cell phones, most of the people we hire will be over 70, so make sure you allow extra time to get to your destination.

This week our fact tells us that half the foods eaten throughout the world today were developed by farmers in the Andes Mountains (including potatoes, sweet potatoes, maize, squash, all varieties of beans, peanuts, papayas, strawberries and mulberries, to name a few).  You have to wonder what they were trying for. 

 “Damn!  I got this thing I guess I’ll call a potato (no “e” President Bush).  It isn’t what I was hoping for so I guess I’ll have to try again.  How you guys doin’ over there?”

“ We missed our shot, too, but we came up with maize, or what they will call corn in North America.”

“Well, keep trying.”

So have a great week and enjoy “Washington’s Birthday” tomorrow (or on the 22^nd).

Today is Sunday, February 8 and there are only eight days until Presidents’ Day, the next three-day weekend.  Today we remember the birthdays of Samuel Butler, Jules Verne and Gary Coleman.  On this day in 1693 William and Mary College became the second college chartered in the US, in 1861 the Confederate States of America organized in Montgomery, Alabama and in 1969 a meteorite weighing one ton fell in Chihuahua, Mexico.  In Norway it is Narvik Sun Pageant Day, it is Boy Scouts Day worldwide and in the US it is National Kite Flying Day.

While the Boy Scouts were founded in 1907 by Lord Robert Baden-Powell in Britain, the Boy Scouts of America celebrate their birthday today.  In 1910, Chicago publisher William Dickson Boyce filed incorporation papers in the District of Columbia creating the Boy Scouts of America.  Since then, the Boy Scouts have had a great impact on the US.  Many presidents and other dignitaries have been Boy Scouts.  A total of 181 astronauts have been a part of the scout program.  Just thought you might like to know that.

This past week I had to endure an experience that everyone dreads – Jury Duty!  The rule is that you can only be called after three years have passed since the last time you served.  I think that my name is on the must call list because it seems like I am called every three years.  I talked to people down there who had not been called for five years.  I met others who were there for the first time even though they were over 30 and have lived in the county since they were kids.  In the past I did not mind too much because it was a break from going to work every day, but now I am retired and they are infringing on my free time.  I could be sitting around watching TV or reading or playing games on my I Pad.  Instead I had to drive down there and sit around watching TV or reading or playing games on my I Pad.  Yeah, I know it’s the same, but it’s the principle of the thing.

So, there I am in a room with a couple hundred people and we are watching a video telling us how important our responsibility is.  The people on the video thank us for being there.  Like we had a choice!  I guess we did – we could be there or have a bench warrant issued for our arrest.  The video goes on to talk about us fulfilling our civic responsibility.  I always thought my civic responsibility was to shovel my walk after it snowed and not throw garbage in the street.  How much am I supposed to be responsible for?  … but I digress

The video finishes and a clerk comes into the room and swears us in as jurors.  We do not have to say our name and they have no way of knowing if we actually all say I do.  I wonder if a verdict could be thrown out if a juror claimed they never said I do when they were sworn in?  Oh well.  Now we all just mill around waiting for the dreaded ping on the PA system to let us know they are about to start calling names.  It comes and the first group is called for a case.  I was in the first group called.  Yippee!

Off we go to the assigned courtroom and you look around and can tell that everyone is trying to come up with something to say that cannot really be checked, but will sound plausible enough to get them thrown off the panel.  If I were a criminal I think I would opt for a trial without a jury.  I am not sure I would want a group of people who were angry because they didn’t want to be there, deciding my fate.  “He’s guilty!  If I have to sit here for two weeks and listen to all this stuff, then he is damn sure guilty, even if he isn’t.”  

Fortunately, I was able to escape serving on the case I was called for.  I went back to the jury room and spent the balance of the day hoping not to hear my name again.  I didn’t, but I did get told to come back the next day to try again.  The following day I was fortunate enough to meet up with a couple people who were in the same group from the day before.  We started to chat and the morning was going along nicely, when suddenly there was a ping and the first list of names was called.  We were not on it and had barely finished our sigh of relief when the next ping sounded.  We made that list and trudged off to the next courtroom.

One of the group got trapped and two of us escaped.  We got back to the jury room and were told our service was done and we could leave.  I beat it out of there as fast as I could just in case they realized they had made a mistake and called me back.  My civic duty was done.  I had shoveled my walk, I had not thrown garbage in the street and now I had served my term of jury duty.  I was so spent, I went home and took, what I felt was, a well deserved nap.

This week our fact tells us that if a person farted non-stop for six years and nine months and then lit it, he or she would produce an explosion equal to the power of the first atomic bomb.  My questions are – what would they have to eat to do this and why would anyone bother to figure something like this out?  I would think that the time figuring that out could be better spent figuring out how to keep this person from farting for six years and nine months or how to keep him or her away from matches or a lighter.