I cannot believe it is already January 27!  Where has the month gone?  Can you believe that we are this far into the year already?  Just to keep you up-to-date, there are only 332 days until Christmas.  That means that some houses only have another month or so to get their decorations down so they can get ready to put them back up right after Labor Day.  Today is the birthday of Vaclav Kalous, Nicholas Berkeley Mason and Reggie Johnson.  On this day in 1880 Thomas Edison patented the electric incandescent lamp, the Harlem Globetrotters played their first game in 1927 and, in 1977, it was the first broadcast of “Roots” mini-series on ABC-TV.  It is Cavadee in Mauritius, Vietnam Peace Day (do you need to be told where?) and tomorrow will be Australia Day (guess where).

So here is my question.  What is it about the prediction of snow that makes people run to the store to get milk and toilet paper?  Yes they get other items, but those are only because they were there getting milk and toilet paper anyway.  I went to the grocery store today to get stuff we needed.  Not because of the weather forecast, but because we were having the family celebration of the lovely Elaine’s birthday on Saturday, she finally decided on her menu Thursday evening, so I had to shop on Friday.  Yes, I did get milk, but only because I needed it for a recipe I was making. 

So, I park the car and wait for the shuttle to pick me up and take me to the store.  Just kidding.  The parking lot was full and you could sense the tension as people rushed in and out of the store like the storm was going to dump three feet of snow, all at once, any minute now.  Once inside, you generally run into two types of shoppers.  

Type A’s know what they want, where it is and don’t get in their way when they go to get it.  These were the ones who were there mainly for milk and TP and a few other items since they were already there.  Now get out of the way so they can get their stuff and get going.  These are the people who think that all the milk and TP will be gone any time now so they have to push their way through the store to get some before it all disappears.

Type B’s were the ones who walked into the store and then stood there like they had never been there before, or, could not remember why they were there.  You see these people all the time.  They are the ones who shop as if they are the only ones in the store.  They leave their cart wherever they are and wander around getting stuff from the end caps.  Or, they just stand around with their cart and their body blocking the aisle so it is hard to get by.  One time, I went up to a woman and said, “You know, if you turn this cart just a little more, you can block the whole aisle.”  She didn’t say it, but, from the look I got, I knew what she was thinking and it is, in my case at least, a physical impossibility. 

Another thing about Type A people is that they are, generally, obnoxious.  They expect everyone to get out of their way and they do not tolerate most people, but especially other Type A’s.  it is always interesting to see two of those types trying to get to the same section at the same time.  They are not at all subtle about the fact that the other person is in their way and annoying them. 

 

I saw an instance when I was shopping where this was happening.  A woman decided she needed eggs and started to head to the section where the large eggs are stacked.  At the same time a man was heading in the same direction, also to get eggs.  You could see that they both discovered the other’s destination at the same time.  Both walked faster to try and get there first.  They both arrived at the same time and the fronts of their carts came together.  Neither was willing to give way, so both had to reach across the carts to get to the eggs.  This was done with a fair amount of huffing and glaring, but no fisticuffs.  I guess they did not want to waste time and take the chance of getting snowed in.

But I digress …

The question is why milk and toilet paper?  Milk does not increase the use of TP as far as I know.  There is nothing you can bake using both of those ingredients together.  Even more interesting is the fact that those people were all there on Friday.  If snow were forecasted for Wednesday, they would be there again on Tuesday, buying more of the same stuff.  Maybe someday I will go hang out at a store and ask people what they are going to do with the milk and TP.  If I take a clip board and pretend to write their responses, I am sure all of the Type B’s will stop to chat.  The Type A’s will just use their cart to push me out of the way.

It is Sunday, January 20.  This week, you pick your favorite holiday and figure out how many days there are until it gets here.  Today is the birthday of Nathaniel Willis, Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin and Skeet Ulrich.  On this day in 1783, hostilities ceased in the Revolutionary War.  In 1869 Elizabeth Cady Stanton became the first woman to testify before Congress.  The first live coast-to-coast inauguration address was given by Eisenhower in 1953.  Today is Grandmother’s Day in Bulgaria.  Tomorrow is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day in the US.

I was watching TV the other night and was reminded once again why I dislike seasonal advertising.  A commercial came on for a tax advisory company that I found to be most annoying.  What made it worse was that it showed each time there was a commercial break.  You know the one I mean.  The one where they show everyone dancing because they are so happy to get money back.  The problems are that the people are not good dancers, the dancing is done in slow motion which makes it even less attractive and it is only January, so we will get to see these lousy commercials for the next few months.

What I fail to get is how people dancing poorly is expected to convince me to avail myself of their services.  What if I don’t want to dance when they finish my return?  Is it a requirement that I dance like a fool if they get me money?  That alone would keep me from going to them.

There are a number of commercials that make me wonder what the people in charge were thinking when they approved the spot.  Like the one where a little cartoon military guy with a penguin sidekick tries to sell me auto insurance by playing baseball.  I have a number of questions about this.  One is why a penguin for a sidekick?  The other is what does playing baseball have to do with car insurance?  I have listened to the voice over, but cannot see any connection.  They have another one showing the cartoon guy playing soccer.  Suddenly, they have a young lady jumping and waving and then they go back to soccer.  I figure whoever was doing that commercial scored some big points when he got his girl friend on TV.

Then there is the insurance company that uses a talking lizard, with an Australian accent, to convince me that their insurance is good.  This company has a number of different commercial series that just don’t work for me.  I understand what they are trying to do, but having Eddie Money do the one commercial was … well, let’s just say it was not good.  The whole series with the two guys standing on a little stage saying how happy people are is, in my opinion, dumb.  I’m glad they stopped the caveman one.  Too bad they didn’t end it sooner.  

And be honest, am I the only person who has had more than enough of Flo?

Then there is the flooring company that will install carpeting the next day and if you buy one room you can get the carpeting for two others for free.  If you ever get the chance, and are good at speed reading, you can see that the small print says that it is only for some types of carpeting, the stuff they are trying to get rid of.  You have to pay for installation and you have to pay to have furniture moved so that the carpeting can be put down.  As my grandfather used to say, “The large print gives it to you and the small print takes it away.”

But I digress …

What I started to talk about was seasonal advertising.  It is only January and we are seeing the tax people already.  There have also been the Valentine’s Day ads and the ones pushing Easter stuff should be showing up soon.  I know I have railed about this in the past, but it does make me crazy.  I have enough trouble remembering what day it is, without the commercials confusing me as to the time of year.  I know that I cannot change the way this stuff is done, but it makes me feel just a little better to bring it up and hope that other people will be annoyed, too.  Misery does love company.

Well, all you Bulgarians give your grandmothers a hug.  In fact, hug your grandmother even if you are not Bulgarian.  Have a good week and keep dancing.  You might get money back on your tax return.

It is Sunday, January 13.  There are only 274 days until my birthday so you might want to start shopping.  I like watches, Starbucks coffee, Barnes and Noble or I-Tunes gift cards or cash.  By the way, Christmas is only 44 days later.  Today is the birthday of Salmon P. Chase, Sophie Tucker and Julia Louis-Dreyfus.  On this day in 1794 Congress changed the flag to 15 stars and 15 stripes, in 1898 Emile Zola published his open letter (J’accuse) in defense of Captain Alfred Dreyfus in Paris and in 1967 the Rolling Stones appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show.  It is Redemption Day in Ghana, Liberation Day in Togo and Stephen Foster Memorial Day here in the US.

So, the lovely Elaine and I were out and about this weekend and we were on Route 80, going to PA.  I noticed two things that made me curious.  One of those was the signs that warned me that the bridge may freeze before the roadway.  What I want to know is, how soon before the roadway?  Do I have an hour, a day, a week, or how long?  The other thing is how do I know if the bridge has frozen?  Does it change color or do something that would indicate that it is frozen?  Aside from that, what am I supposed to do about it?  If I slow down each time I come to a bridge, on the off chance that it has already frozen, it will take me far too long to get anywhere.  It will also incur a fair amount of road rage from my fellow travelers.  I am not fond of having everyone show me the “social” (middle) finger.  I knew someone who said it must be the social finger, because we are always giving it to people.  Besides then I feel it would be impolite to not salute them back, thus causing even more trouble.

The other thing I wonder about is the signs telling me about a lane shift.  Are there people who actually need to be told about a lane shift?  They can’t tell by seeing the lines in the road?  If the driver is even mildly alert, they should notice which way the lane is going and not need to be told that there is a shift.  If they do not notice the shift, perhaps they should not be driving, or perhaps they should hang up the phone and watch the road.

Another thing I noticed were the protest signs that say, “End Road Work.”  While I agree with that because it makes a mess of traffic, it is needed to keep the roads … Never mind.  I have been told that the signs are there to let you know you have left the work zone so you can now increase your speed to 20 miles over the limit to make up the time you lost.

Here is one other thing I am curious about.  Why is it that work is done on more than one section at a time, thereby jamming up the road repeatedly.  For example, the Parkway, where sections are being worked on for the whole length of the road.  This manages to screw up traffic repeatedly as you drive along.  What makes it worse is that it seems to take forever for the job to be finished.  I think it would make much more sense to get everybody together, with all their equipment, complete one section and then move along to the next area.  This would allow the job to be completed more quickly and would only mess up traffic in one area at a time.

Of course, that is just my opinion and you know what I always say about opinions – they are like butts.  Everybody has one and they are all different.

Well, in memory of Stephen Foster, belt out a chorus of “Swanee River” or “De Camptown Races”, get your Easter shopping list set and have a good week.

Today is Sunday, January 6, 2013.  If I were going to drag on the number of days to Christmas thing, I would tell you that there are 353, but I think I will give that a rest for now.  There are; however, only 73 days until the first day of spring, so start watching for the summer clothing close-out sales.  Today is the birthday of Claude Favre baron de Perouges seigneur de Vaugelas, Franz Xaver Scharwenka and Geert Brusselers.  On this day in 1639 Virginia was the first colony to order surplus crops (tobacco) destroyed, in 1838 Samuel Morse made the first public demonstration of the telegraph and in 1975 “Wheel of Fortune” debuted on NBC-TV.  Today, New Mexico celebrates Admission Day (1912) and it is Children’s Day in Uruguay.  Tomorrow will be Handsel Monday in Scotland.

I recently went for a sleep study to help me in the never-ending battle against sleep apnea.  For those of you who don’t know what sleep apnea is, it is a sleeping disorder characterized by abnormal pauses in breathing during sleep.  Common symptoms are loud snoring, restless sleep and sleepiness during the day.  If you are not sure if the person sharing your bed has apnea, ask the lovely Elaine what to look for.  She is an expert on the subject.  She claims that on our wedding night, she realized that she would probably never get a good night’s sleep again.

She claimed that I snored, LOUDLY, and complained about it all the time.  I responded, once, that I stayed awake all night and never heard a thing.  I got “the look.”  Ultimately (read years later) I went for a sleep study and found that I did, indeed, have apnea.  In fact, the study showed that I was not breathing 40 minutes out of every hour.  I got a c-pap machine and the problem was solved.  Although, for some time it was too quiet and Elaine had trouble getting to sleep, but she got over that rather quickly.

Some months ago, I went for another study because it was felt that I might need the pressure increased.  I did and things were good, again.  Recently, new issues arose and resulted in my going for the aforementioned sleep study.  For this study, my doctor sent me to a different location than the one I went to in the past.  Let me just say that one would think that a sleep study is a sleep study and they should be the same wherever you go.  Not so!

Prior to going, I received a packet of instructions.  Among other things, I was told not to have caffeine after noon.  Now, anyone who knows me realizes that I was ready to cancel when I read that.  Then I was told to be sure and shower and wash my hair prior to going.  Do they really get that many dirty people going for sleep studies?  What made it worse was I was told that it would be better if I did not have any weaves or extensions.  I’m glad that I decided to hold off on those until later in the month.  The thing that really got me was the line that said no nudity.  What do they have against naked, overweight old men?  

So, I got there for the study and was directed to my room.  I was told to be there for 8:30.  I wondered why so early?  I don’t usually go to bed until around 1, so I knew there was no way I would be ready to sleep that early.  I was told to change into my pajamas so that the tech could get started setting me up.  What followed was amazing.  

First my head was measured to determine where the initial leads would be placed.  Next measurements were made from those to get the rest of the leads placed.  Each placement was preceded by the application of a substance that would enable the lead to stay in place.  I had at least a dozen leads on my head and some behind my ears and some on my face.  Each one of these was also accompanied by that stuff to help it hold.  I think either they thought I looked particularly greasy or they get paid by the gallon to use the goop.  I also had leads that were run down and taped to my legs.  By the time this was all done, I had more wires coming off of me than you see coming off the rockets fired from the space center.  All these wires were connected to a panel that I had to carry with me when I went to the bathroom.

To make a long story short, the study went as planned and the results will be available soon.  After all the leads were removed, I went into the bathroom to get dressed.  I looked in the mirror and could not believe what I saw.  With all that goop in my hair, it looked like a blind person had put hair gel on my head and then I slept on it.  Fortunately, I only ran into one person on my way out and based on the way her hair looked, she had no room to make any comments.  At least mine was not intentional.

So that is how I started the new year.  It looks like the fun will just keep happening.  By the way, Happy New Year to you all.