Where does the time go?  Last week we had 93 days until Christmas.  Now here we are, Sunday, September 30 and there are only 86 days left.  I haven’t even started my fruit cakes yet.  Today is the birthday of Angie Dickinson, Elie Wiesel and Jim Sasser.  On this day, in 1452, the first book – Johann Guttenberg’s Bible – was published, Gershwin’s “Porgy and Bess” premiered in Boston in 1935 and, in 1960, on Howdy Doody’s last show Clarabelle finally talks saying, “Goodbye kids.”  Today is also Botswana Day in, of all places, Botswana and it is Gold Star Mother’s Day here in the US.

Have you ever noticed that people don’t always say what they really mean?  A person is walking down the street and bumps into someone.  They apologize for not watching where they were going and the bumpee says, “Oh that’s okay.”  What he or she is probably thinking is “Great!  I just spilled half of my $6 cup of coffee down the front of my jacket, so I should look great at my interview.  I don’t suppose it ever occurred to you to actually watch where you were going.”  

You ask a friend how they are feeling, they say great and then a week later you find out that they are going in for a hip replacement.  You ask your co-worker, Bob, how things are going, he says things are fine and then you read the flyer announcing the fund raiser to help replace what Bob and Lois lost when their house burned down.  Why can’t we just be honest?  Is it because we don’t really want to discuss our personal lives?  Do we feel that our private life is none of their business?

If that is the case, when someone asks how you are, just say, “I guess I’m okay, but I could use a long vacation where nobody knows who I am or a winning lottery ticket.”  Or you can say, “Terrible.  My allergies are driving me nuts, my car needs $1200 in repairs, my back porch fell off my house and I think I have malaria.  How are you?”  That should keep them from bothering you in the future.

I like to watch the cooking shows on the Food Network and Cooking Channel and I am always amazed at how everything is delicious, fabulous, perfect or fantastic.  Just once wouldn’t you like to see the host taste something, make a face and say, “Ooh.  That didn’t come out the way I thought it would.”  Or have them taste something, spit it out and (like my one grandson used to do when he ate something he didn’t like) wipe their tongue with a napkin and ask, “What the hell happened there?  Apparently, those ingredients should not be combined.”

So let’s all try being more open and honest.  You don’t need to tell me how it went.  I’m sure that over time you will get to know a whole new group of people who like honesty.  In the meantime, just relax and sing to Bess to let her know that she is your woman now.

It is Sunday, September 23 and there are 93 days until Christmas.  Today is the birthday of Mickey Rooney, Julio Iglesias and Imry Nemeth.  On this day in 1642, Harvard College, Cambridge, Mass. had its first commencement; Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation was published in Northern newspapers in 1862 and, in 1962, ABC aired its first color TV series – The Jetsons.  Today is also Frontier Day in Wyoming, Good Neighbor Day in the US and Autumnal Equinox Day in Japan.

 

So, here is my pet peeve.  As I said earlier, there are 93 days until Christmas.  Last Sunday, my wife and I were in a department store and they had a Christmas section set up, complete with decorated trees and decorations for the house.  Are you kidding (this should be read with incredulity and outrage)? 

 

I mean, come on (more incredulity).  I saw Halloween stuff out in stores in August and now Christmas stuff in September.  In the next month  we will probably be prepping for New Year’s Eve and I’m guessing the Valentine’s Day candy and the Easter peeps are being boxed up for shipment as you read this. 

Everything is ahead of itself.  For example, the winter clothing is out.  The problem is that if you buy it now, it probably won’t fit your kids by the time it is cold enough to wear it.  It’s also difficult to think about buying bathing suits when there’s still snow on the ground.  But if you don’t buy them when they are out in February, you won’t be able to find them when summer comes. 

 

It seems that we start seeing seasonal things earlier each year.  The only benefit is that, at this rate, it will set itself right, sort of, in the future.  In a few years, things will come out right around the time they should, but they will be a year early.   As an example, in the year 2019, in the middle of December, New Year’s Eve stuff will come out, but it will be for 2021.

By the way, what is a peeve and why would we want one as a pet?  What do they eat, can they be housebroken, do they need a cage or litter box?  Or is it more like  a Chia Pet?  Can you just have a peeve, or does it always have to be a pet peeve.   Just wondering.

Now, go put on your cowboy hat, get on your horse, ride over and say a big “Howdy” to the people next door.   Happy Fall!

It's September 15!  There are only 101 days until Christmas and the Swiss Colony Gift baskets have already been in the warehouses since July.  You see, advances in medicine are not what is keeping us alive, it's all the preservatives in holiday gift basket items.  On this day in 1620, 102 pilgrims left Plymouth England on the Mayflower; in 1830, in England, William Huskisson is the first person to be run-over by a train and in 1965, "Lost in Space" premiers on TV..  It is the birthday of William Howard Taft, Agatha Christie and Danny Nucci.  Also, be sure to wish all your Mexican friends a Happy Independence Day and remember that In Japan it is Respect for the Aged Day.

About 6 months ago, I was unceremoniously let go from my job.  I won't go into the reasoning because it was mostly BS anyway.  My reason for mentioning it was simply to use it as an excuse for some of my behavior since then.  We had our grandsons up for a sleepover and my wife, the lovely Elaine, thought maybe we could take them to Friendly's.  I thought that was a good idea and told her I would call to see if they were a BYOB restaurant.  She gave me that look that I have come to know so well over the past 6 months - the one that says "I need to get him a job or into therapy or both."

I always like to do things differently.  For example, I was filling out a pre-admission form for a hospital.  Yes, everything went well, thank you for asking.  Anyway, I thought it would be interesting to change things a little.  I wanted to put my height at 4 feet 21 inches.  I wanted to give my weight in ounces and my age in months.  I thought it would be amusing and that the hospital people would enjoy the challenge.  My wife gave me that look, again.

Last month was the anniversary of my mother's passing and it got me thinking.  She was not one to wear a great deal of makeup.  When she was laid out she had on a rather fancy dress and, for her, a lot of makeup.  I told my wife that when I died, I wanted to have on one of my Hawaiian shirts and jeans.  I also thought that maybe I will go around to some of the local funeral homes and have them make me up, now, so I can see how I will look and who will do the best job.  I don't want to go into eternity looking like a harlot.  Yes, I got the look.

Well, that's all for now.  I have to get to the store to buy preservatives so I can start my Christmas baking.  Thank you for the look.