Today is Sunday, January 22 and there are only 337 days until Christmas.  If you ask me, now is as good a time as any to start playing Christmas music.  If you ask me.  Today we remember the birthdays of Francis Bacon, Ross Barnett and Steven Adler.  On this day in 1575 English queen Elizabeth I granted Thomas Tallis and William Byrd the music press monopoly, in 1857 the National Association of Baseball Players was founded and in 1971 John and Yoko recorded “Power to the People.”  Today is Ukrainian Day in, of all places, Ukraine and in the US it is National Blonde Brownie Day.

I wondered if bacon was named after one of today’s birthday boys or where the term came from.  My research shows a variety of answers.  All of them are entertaining, but I am not sure which is the actual explanation.  I will share a couple with you and you can decide.  One claim was that it was in fact named after Francis Bacon and another claim states it is named after Nathaniel Bacon; however, there is no supporting information to give as proof.  One claim states that bacon was a Middle English term used to refer to all pork in general.  The term bacon comes from various Germanic and French dialects.  It derives from the French bake, Common Germanic baking and old Teutonic backe, all of which refer to the back.  So there you have it.  We are no further along than we were before, but feel free to look into it and let me know what you find.

I was out on the highway recently and had the opportunity to once again observe the strange driving habits of people.  At the risk of repeating myself, I think most states could solve all their budget issues by enforcing traffic laws.  I would love to have the opportunity to talk to one of the many speeders I see when driving.  I would like to ask them where they are going in such a rush.  I also wonder why they feel the need to go at different levels of speed.  Is it that they just want to go 15 miles over whatever the limit is?  Do they ever consider the danger to themselves and others as they fly along?  Just curious.

I have seen something recently that has me puzzled.  As I drive, I occasionally look in my rear view mirrors.  From what I can tell, not too many others do that, but that is not what I wanted to discuss.  Sometimes when I look in the outside left mirror, I see a car coming up at a decent rate of speed.  Not a problem for me because they are in the outside lane and can pass me easily.  What puzzles me is that just after they pass, they come over into my lane and then slow down to under the speed limit.  Why would they do that?  Did they think they were late for something and then realized they were going to be early, so they had to slow down?   Were they simply not paying attention, singing along with a favorite song or chatting on the phone, when they suddenly realized they were way over the speed limit?  Is it because they just don’t want to be behind my car?  Whatever the reason, I wish they would quit doing it.

I have spent the past week or so trying to get my house undecorated after the holidays.  It has been tough for several reasons.  One is that I do not remember everything that I put out or where I put it.  So I go along thinking that I have everything and then discover that, in fact, I missed some knick knack or other and now have to find the box it goes in and put it away.  Another is that every time I decided to take down the outdoor stuff, it rained.  I finally put on a slicker, took the stuff down and then spread it out in the garage to dry.  Putting the tree away is another issue.  This past Christmas, when I took the tree out for the holiday, I found a couple ornaments that were still on the tree from the previous year.  This year, I took all the ornaments off and then left the tree alone for a day or two.  Then I took a bright flashlight and checked very carefully to be sure I had gotten them all.  We’ll see when I take out the tree this year.

The final problem is putting everything into the storage bins.  I have three plastic bins that all the decorations were stored in.  I took everything out, decorated and the house looked nice.  It would have looked better if I had put out everything I had, but that’s a story for another time.  When it came time to put everything away, the stuff did not fit in the bins it all came out of.
I tried stacking things in a variety of ways, but it took several days and my complete repertoire of profanities before it was finally all packed away.  I know that a couple days after I put the bins in the garage I will find something I missed, but I will deal with that when it happens.  What I may do is take pictures of the bins to assist in putting things away next year.

This week our fact tells us that 54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet.  Let’s just hope that the other 45.8% are not dentists or do not work in the food service industry.

Today is Sunday, January 15 and there are only 91 days until Easter.  What are you waiting for?  Get those decorations up!  Today we remember the birthdays of Philip Livingston, James Marion Sims and Erling Kagge.  On this day in 1535 King Henry VIII declared himself head of the English Church, in 1861 the steam elevator was patented by Elisha Otis and in 1977 the Coneheads debuted on “Saturday Night Live.”  In Guatemala today is Esquipulas, in Venezuela it is Teachers’ Day and in the US it is National Hat Day and National Strawberry Ice Cream Day.  Also in the US tomorrow is Martin Luther King Jr Day.

Martin Luther King Jr Day is an American federal holiday marking the birthday of Martin Luther King Jr.  King was the chief spokesperson for nonviolent activism in the Civil Rights Movement.  The campaign for a federal holiday in his honor began soon after his assassination in 1968.  A bill to make King’s birthday a national holiday was introduced by US Representative John Conyers and US Senator Edward Brooke.  The bill first came to a vote in the House in 1979.  However, it fell five votes short of the number needed for passage.  Two of the main arguments were that a paid holiday for federal employees would be too expensive , and that a holiday to honor a private citizen would be contrary to a longstanding tradition.  Only two other figures have national holidays in the US honoring them: George Washington and Christopher Columbus.

On November 2, 1983, President Ronald Reagan signed a bill, proposed by Representative Katie Hall, to create a federal holiday honoring King.  The bill passed the house by a vote of 338 to 90.  The holiday was observed for the first time on January 20, 1986.  At first, some states resisted observing the holiday.  It was officially observed in all 50 states for the first time in 2000.

As I am sure many of you know, we are now in the throes of the professional football playoffs.  While watching the games, a thought occurred to me (no it wasn’t that I should get more snacks).  I watched the antics that players went through when they did something like catch a pass or make a tackle.  Some of the things they do is amazingly choreographed.  It struck me as interesting that they do all of this for doing their job.  Yes, you caught a pass and scored a touchdown.  You should be proud of yourself, but that is what you are being paid for.  You don’t need to dance and scream and shout.

I used to work in the call center of a credit union with nine other representatives.  Can you imagine what it would have like there if, each time we solved a problem and hung up the phone, we got up and went through a special routine that included whooping and hollering?  Imagine what schools would sound like if teachers did a whole dance routine each time they finished a lesson.  Picture a secretary pulling a copy of the letter she just finished out of the printer and throwing it on the floor, screaming “Yeah!”  Come on, guys.  You do your job and you get paid for that.  Settle down and go do it again.  If a receiver got fined each time he didn’t catch a ball, I could see him being excited when he does, but unless it was the catch that won the game …

I was at the supermarket the other day and was amazed by the audacity of a person in the checkout line.  The store has self-checkout lanes and three of them are designated as 20 items or less.  Now there are times when interpretation of the word “items” comes into question.  Let’s say a person is buying cat food.  They are purchasing 10 cans of it.  Some people feel that this is ten items.  The person buying it feels that, since it is all the same thing, it is one item.  I am of the opinion that an item is an item, so ten cans is ten items … but I digress.

So, there I am standing there with my four items waiting.  There is a person with a full cart running his order through and because of the size of the load, it is taking some time.  The other people waiting are grumbling about how many items the person has, but not really saying anything.  Just as I was about to, a person ahead of me calls the issue to the attention of the store employee who is supposed to be monitoring the area, but is conveniently studying something on a clipboard.  The employee was forced to go speak to the customer and point out the restriction.

This is where it got good.  The customer felt that he was okay because he was only running 20 items at a time.  He would scan the items, pay for them and then scan the next 20 items.  The employee took some time to explain that the sign referred to the total size of the order, not the number of items on the receipt.  The customer shrugged his shoulders, said “Oh” and went back to running his order.  Finally someone on line told him to just get done and get out of the way.

The customer took exception and appeared to slow down.  At this point, I was at the station next to him taking care of my order.  I leaned over to him and suggested that he stop being an a—hole, speed it up and get out of there before someone hurts him.  He looked at me and I told him the thought had crossed my mind and that I heard others grumbling, too.  I don’t know how it all ended because I got done and got out.  I didn’t hear any sirens as I drove away, so I will just watch the papers to see if anything else developed.

This week our fact tells us that in Lefors, Texas it is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer at any time while standing.  You have to wonder what happened to cause this law to be passed.  I did some research, but was unable to come up with anything.  The only thing I can think is that on the fourth swallow, someone splashed beer on a councilman or woman and annoyed them.  If I find out anything I will let you know.

Now put on your hat and go get some strawberry ice cream.

Today is Sunday, January 8 and there are only 37 days until Valentines Day.  Shop for a gift now while the sales are still going on.  Today we remember the birthdays of Samuel Freiherr von Pufendorf, Johannesburg Kneppelhout and Shirley Bassey.  On this day in 1675 the first American commercial corporation, New York Fishing Co., was chartered, in 1806 Lewis and Clark found the skeleton of a 105’ blue whale in Oregon and in 1992 President George Bush got ill and vomited on the Japanese prime minister’s lap.  In Louisiana it is Old Hickory Day/ Jackson Day, in Switzerland it is Meitlisunntig Festival-Woman in Villmergen War and in the US it is National Argyle Day, National Bubble Bath Day and National English Toffee Day.

Let me start out by saying that I still hate glitter.  I am still finding it everywhere.  I spot it in the grout on the kitchen floor, it is on my computer keyboard, on paperwork that I need to file, on my iPad, everywhere.  The other day I was doing laundry and found it on my underwear!  I have found it in every room in the house, in the garage and in my car.  I think that whoever invented this stuff should be made to go to houses and clean the glitter up.  There is nothing more disconcerting than to look in the mirror and see glitter on your ear and have to wonder where it came from and how it got there.  Two names have been eliminated from my card list because they sent cards with glitter.  It’s too bad because they were nice people.  Oh well (sigh).

But enough about that.  We have just completed the first week of January and the Valentines Day candy is out on the shelves.  I have also seen Easter candy in some stores.  One has to wonder if this is left over from last year and brought out to get ahead of the game or if it is new (made in November) and being put out to get moving on the next seasons.  After all, Christmas and New Year’s Day are long gone.  Unplug the lights and get into the next season.  Don’t take the lights down, just unplug them.  They will be going back up in a couple months as we move into the Christmas season again.

I made a trip to the mall recently for some coffee and people watching and noticed that stores are starting to show spring and summer clothing.  Give me a break!  It is January and we haven’t even had our first decent snowfall yet!  The last thing we should be thinking about is buying shorts.  Of course, if we don’t get them now, we won’t be able to find them when we need them.  Stores are rushing the seasons more and more and then they wonder why they have to close locations.  There was an article recently that said that one retail giant was closing 68 stores.  Has it occurred to any of the people running these stores that if they had items available when people actually needed them, they might do better?  People would not have to shop on-line to get things if they were actually available in the stores.  I cannot believe that I am the only one that this has ever thought of this.  Of course I am just a retired person with nothing to do but drink coffee and watch people run around the mall without actually buying anything.

On my most recent trip, I made a point of noticing several sets of people and paying attention to them.  The place I like to sit is near an entrance.  I figured that if I watched long enough, I would see the same people coming out that I saw coming in.  I thought it would be interesting to see how many bags they were carrying on the way out.  This was, after all, when sales were still going on.  I selected a group of three women I judged to be in their 30’s, a man and a woman I assumed were married based on the look of excitement he had on his face because he was shopping in  the middle of the day and not home taking a nap, a man who came in with the attitude that he knew where he was going and what he wanted and a gaggle of young girls who were talking about the gift cards they had to use.

The first person to come back on the way out was the man with the attitude.  He was empty handed and his attitude had changed.  He was clearly unhappy.  I guess he was looking for something seasonal.  If that was the case, he should have been here back in September.  It took a while, but the next group was the three women.  One was carrying a bag and the other two were not.  They had that look that said they were disappointed.  All these stores, all the sales and they found nothing to buy.  The young girls drifted by complaining about the junk the stores had on sale.  The married couple were apparently still wandering the mall when I decided to leave.  I hope the husband at least got a new shirt out of the deal.

This week our fact tells us that the moon weighs 81 billion tons!  Prove it!  I have decided that this will be my response to these types of statements from now on.  The moon weighs 81 billion tons.  Show me proof.  How did you come to that conclusion?  What if the moon is hollow?  What if it is made of a substance like styrofoam and covered with a layer of dirt and rocks?  They claim that fingerprints are all different.  Prove it!  Has every single person on earth been printed and their prints compared to everyone else?  No.  So how do we know that someone in Addis a baba doesn’t have prints matching the guy living across the street from me?  We don’t.  So from now on, when someone tells me no two snowflakes are alike, I will simply say prove it!

Today is Sunday, January 1 and there are only 358 days until Christmas.  It’s never too early to start planning.  Happy New Year!  I hope the new year is a good one for all of us.  Today we remember the birthdays of Caspar Cruciger, Elizabeth Griscom Ross and Don Novello.  On this day in 0001 it was the origin of the Christian Era, in 1673 regular mail delivery began between New York and Boston and in 1956 Elvis Presley recorded “Heartbreak Hotel” for RCA in Nashville.  In Camaroon and Western Samoa it is Independence Day, in Taiwan it is Foundation of the Republic Day, worldwide it is New Years Day and in the US it is National Hangover Day and National Bloody Mary Day.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas.  I did our traditional Christmas Eve dinner and since no one got sick, I guess it was a success.  Everyone said it was great, but you can never be sure if they meant it or were just being polite.  When I got home from church, I took one look at the kitchen and turned off the light.  I decided not to worry about it.  I knew it would get cleaned up, I just wasn’t sure when.

Christmas morning I had breakfast with the kids and watched my grandsons open their gifts.  I was impressed by the fact that they took time to see who each gift was from, look at it and then move on.  When I was a kid, I knew that some gifts were from my parents and some were from Santa, so I really didn’t worry about reading the tags.  If it was clothing, I tossed it aside and moved on to the next package.  I knew there were toys in there somewhere.

On Monday, Boxing Day, I chose to stay home.  I knew stores were already having their after Christmas sales and the stores would be filled with people returning the gifts they “loved” the day before, but changed their minds about later on.  There are people who actually start their shopping for the following year on that day.  I would never do that.  First of all, I might not want to buy a present for some people by the time the next Christmas arrives.  There is also the problem with sizes.  People gain or lose weight and something that will fit them on December 26 might not fit them by the following December 25.  The final problem is that I will probably forget where I put the presents and who I bought them for by next year.

As always, during the week leading up to the new year, we have endured the various reviews of the past year.  The newspaper had a list of The Year In Gossip, The Biggest Celeb Stories of 2016.  I will be honest, I did not read that article.  I had a difficult time caring as the various events were happening, so I certainly did not want to revisit such important things as Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris breaking up or the troubles Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne were having.  Why do we feel the need to rehash everything as the year draws to a close?  Can’t once be enough?  At least, so far, we have not been subjected to the Best Commercials of 2016 show.
It amazes me that someone thinks that we should watch a show filled with commercials.  If I want to spend the evening going to the bathroom and getting snacks I can do that without having the TV on.  I don’t need a show about past commercials to do it with.

I was talking with my dear Barbara, recently, and I was discussing why I don’t want to be in Times Square for New Year’s Eve.  One of the reasons is that you would need to be there early in the day to get close enough to see what was going on.  With security the way it is, once you are in, you stay in.  This makes it difficult if you need to use the bathroom.  Forget getting something to eat or drink.  I am sure there will be vendors, but I am not sure I want a second mortgage on my house just so I can have a pretzel and a bottle of water.  Weather also plays a factor.  I always felt that I would rather be with family or friends, inside and warm, watching the ball drop, then to be outside with a huge group of people I don’t know, freezing my tookus off, watching the same thing.  More importantly, once it is done, it is a lot simpler to get home from a friend’s house than from NYC at that time of night.

New Year’s Eve is a time to get together and have fun with friends, eat, drink and be merry.  It is not a night to go out and pretend that you are having the time of your life in a room full of strangers, drinking $10 watered down cocktails and eating reheated snacks.  It is not a night to make the annual resolutions that everyone makes, either.  You know, the ones where you swear that you are going to lose weight this coming year, made while you eat a plate of cake and cannoli.  I have always felt that you should make resolutions that you can keep.  My resolution this year is to not get involved in Donald Trump’s advisory circle

I only have one other issue and then I will leave you alone for a week.  Why did they move the Tournament of Roses parade to Monday, the 2nd?  I have always enjoyed that parade and looked forward to watching it on New Year’s Day.  Now they have decided to hold it a day later.  It is not a problem for me to watch it, I am retired and have nothing else to do.  It is just that for all these years it has been on the first and now it is not.  For anyone who knows me, they will realize how disconcerting this is for me.  But, life goes on.  I will deal with it.

This week our fact tells us that Little Miss Muffet was a girl from the 16th century whose name was really Patience.  One can only assume that they changed her name because Little Mis Patience sat on a … ?

I hope the new year is filled with happiness, love and joy for all of you.  Thank you for reading and I hope you will continue to join me weekly.

Today is Sunday, December 18 and there are only seven days until Christmas.  Seven days!  Based on the way things are going, in seven days I will only have two more days worth of things to do to be ready.  I hope you are all doing better than I am.  Today we remember the birthdays of Philipp Dulichius, Wiktor Kazynski and Saburo Takata.  On this day in 1719 Thomas Fleet published “Mother Goose’s Melodies For Children,” in 1839 the first celestial photograph (the moon) was made in the US by John Draper and in 1976 “Wonder Woman” debuted on ABC.  In New Jersey today is Ratification Day, in Niger it is Republic Day and in the US it is National Roast Suckling Pig Day.

As you may recall, I recently went on a rant regarding glitter.  The stuff makes me crazy.  Well, I am sure you will get a kick out of this.  The cards that I bought to send out have glitter on them.  I was tempted to throw them away and go out the next day to get different ones.  I didn’t because I did not have the time to wait to get the cards done.  Needless to say, by the time I was done doing the cards, there was glitter all over.  It was on the table, on me, on my shirt and jeans, I am talking everywhere.  I even had it on my tongue from licking the envelopes!  I truly do not like glitter.  I am considering eliminating the people who sent cards with glitter from my card list next year.

Okay, I have vented yet again regarding glitter.  Now it is time to revisit another rant.  I recently despaired over the ignorance of people during this time of the year.  The other day I had an opportunity to run at least six different people down in a parking lot.  They are lucky that I anticipated their carelessness.  These people came out of stores and just started walking across the parking lot.  They did not even bother to look and see if drivers noticed them, they just walked.  Yes, I know that they are supposed to have the right of way, but common sense should tell them that it wouldn’t hurt to look.  In one instance, I was lucky to have seen a woman walking out of a store.  I stopped abruptly and missed hitting her by about a foot.  She turned and gave me a look.  She is just one more person who should be glad I am not armed.

I understand that when you are driving in a parking lot you should be going slowly, watching out for pedestrians and other cars.  I also understand that oihgoergwkn, sorry I was wiping glitter off the keyboard… but I digress.  As I was saying, I also understand that pedestrians and drivers alike are trying to get a great deal done in time for the holiday, but carelessly walking in front of a car and risking a trip to the ER is not going to make it easier to accomplish everything you need to do.  “So Miss Jones what brings you to the hospital today?”  “I was hit by a car in a parking lot.  I was heading to my car and he just ran into me.  I had the right of way.”  “Well Miss Jones you now also have a broken leg and a broken arm.”

I don’t know about anyone else, but I would appreciate a modicum of caution when walking in parking lots.  People are driving around looking for a spot to park in, they are running their list of chores through their head and they are not always paying attention.  Give everyone a break and watch out when in a parking lot, walking or driving.  Everyone will have a better holiday.

A few days ago I saw an interesting sight that I thought I would share with you.  I live in a relatively rural area and it is not unusual to see dead deer on the side of the road.  However, I saw something that I thought was rather amusing.  I was driving along and up ahead on the side of the road I saw a cluster of turkey vultures.  They were all standing around a carcass, feeding themselves.  Yes, nature in action.  What made it amusing was that there was a secondary cluster of birds off to the side, standing around like they were waiting for the buffet line to move.  The birds by the carcass were just standing there eating, you know, like people at the shrimp table at a wedding reception.  I could almost hear the other birds as they stood there waiting.

“Could they just put some stuff on their plate and move along?”  “I don’t understand why they have to stand there to eat everything.  Why can’t they just go back to their tree and eat?”  “Some birds just have no consideration for those of us who are waiting in line.”  And so on.  I suppose in the strictest sense of things, watching birds eat a carcass is not particularly amusing.  You had to be there, and even then, you might not have been as entertained as I was.

This week our fact tells us that, in general, women are 37% more likely to go to a psychiatrist than men.  Of course!  Men are the ones that send them!  Whenever you are out in public, you can always hear a woman telling her husband that he is driving her crazy.  All you ever get from men is a shoulder shrug and “Whatever.”

Between getting everything ready for Christmas Eve dinner and then going to church, I have decided that I will probably not publish next week.  Having said that, let me take this opportunity to wish everyone a very merry Christmas.  Whether you celebrate the holiday or not, I hope the day brings you joy, peace and love.  I hope you have a day of good food and great family.  And, I hope the season takes you into the new year with a sense of renewal and anticipation of great things.

My very best wishes go out to all of you who take the time to read this blog.  I enjoy writing it and I hope it brings a smile to your face as you realize you are not the only ones who see just how crazy people can be.

Merry Christmas!

Today is Sunday, December 11 and there are only 14 days until Christmas. Yes, in two weeks it will be Christmas and all the packages will be unwrapped, dinners will be prepared and eaten, everyone will have spent time with family members that they never really liked and won’t have to see again until the next free meal and we will start binging on baked goods so that they are gone before Easter.  Today we remember the birthdays of Manuel Cardoso, Sir David Brewster and Big Mama Thornton.  On this day in 1620 103 Mayflower pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock, in 1790 there was the first recorded display of the Aurora Borealis in the US and in 1975 the cost of first class postage rose from .10 to .13.  In Geneva, Switzerland it is Scaling Day, in Upper Volta it is Republic Day and in the US it is National Noodle Ring Day.

I know that many of you are thinking that if you don’t ask maybe I won’t go into National Noodle Ring Day.  Wrong!  Bear with me, this won’t take that long. National Noodle Ring Day celebrates the pasta dish which is formed in an 8 or 9 inch ring mold or bundt pan.  It is usually made from noodles, flour, bread crumbs, cheese, eggs and other seasonings.  When baked, the noodle ring is removed from the mold and served on a platter.  You can find a number of recipes on cooks.com.  There, now, that wasn’t that painful was it?

Recently I have noticed a number of ads and commercials from stores touting their BOGO sales.  However, when you read the ad or listen to the commercial, they are not offering a buy one, get one deal.  They are offering a buy one get one half off deal.  So it is not really a BOGO.  I thought about why they would do that and decided that the only reason would be that they would have to call it a BOGOHO.  That could be misleading and cause people to think they were buying into some kind of strange ménage a trois.  Exciting and interesting for some, upsetting for others.

We have just come through a very tough election.  Politicians were making all kinds of outrageous claims and promises.  Each candidate assured us that he or she was the best and they would do wonderful things for us and the country.  We all knew they were lying and probably would not or could not do many of the things they were claiming.  But, we voted for them anyway, I guess in the hope that they will at least do something.  At this point you are probably wondering where I am going with this.  Well, here you go.  I promise that, if elected, I will outlaw glitter on holiday cards and gifts.

Yes, you read that right.  I will outlaw glitter on holiday cards an gifts.  Why?  Because it is extremely annoying.  The minute you open a card or gift with glitter on it, the glitter starts to come off.  It is almost like it is designed to separate from the card or package as soon as it is opened.  Now the stuff is all over the place.  There is glitter on the table, on anything that was on the table and on any surface that you put the item on.  The next morning you get up, go into the bathroom and as you look at yourself in the mirror, you notice specks of red glitter on the side of your nose and on one ear lobe.

I think glitter on cards is a way for the people at card companies to have fun at our expense.  They know that the glitter will come off and be everywhere and they find it amusing.  They probably talk about it and laugh during the office Christmas party.  You watch!  Next July, you will go into your living room to dust and you will find glitter on the duster. Or, you will be in the dining room moving something and there will be glitter on the buffet.  You will wonder where it came from, but it will probably not occur to you that it was from Christmas and has been lurking for months just to make you crazy.  Go ahead, mock, but when the glitter comes back to haunt you in seven months, remember that I warned you.

This weekend I am preparing to decorate the house for Christmas.  I plan to put lights up outside to add to the wreaths and trees that we had last year.  I will also be putting up the tree later today.  My son has said that my grandsons would like to help.  I don’t know if they are aware that they want to help, but it will be nice to not have to do it alone.  I am pretty sure that I will change the location of some of the ornaments because there are some that I feel need to be in a certain place on the tree, but generally, I am sure they will do a great job until their electronic devices lure them away.  It will be interesting to see how they feel the tree should look.

The other day I read this little piece of advice and I think it is good – Don’t break anybody’s heart, they have only one.  Break their bones, they have 206!

This week our fact tells us that beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts and worms like fried bacon.  This brings up several questions.  Why was somebody tasting beetles, wasps and worms?  Is there a need for these flavors because the actual items are not available?  What, exactly, are we supposed to do with this information?  And finally do we want to see beetles and wasps in our salads and does anybody really want to eat a WLT sandwich?

Frankly, I would rather have a noodle ring.

Today is Sunday, December 4 and there are only 21 days until Christmas. I have completed my shopping, but now have to start wrapping the gifts, I have to get my cards ready to go, I have to decide what I am baking and plan that schedule, I have to start getting the various components for Christmas Eve dinner, I have to …  Sorry, I was starting to spiral out of control there.  Anyway, with only three weeks left, you need to get ready.  Today we celebrate the birthdays of John Cotton, Emil Aarestrup and Max Baer, Jr.  On this day in 1680, a hen in Rome laid an egg imprinted with a comet that was not actually seen until December 16, in 1783 General Washington bid his officers farewell at Fraunce’s Tavern in New York City and in 1978 Dianne Feinstein was named San Francisco’s first female mayor.In Mexico today is the Day of the Artisans, in Tonga it is Proclamation Day and in the US it is National Sock Day and National Cookie Day.

Well, I finally did it. I was pulling into the parking lot at the grocery store and this guy pulls in in front of me.  He should have waited, because he also cut off another car, but he was in a bigger hurry than we were, apparently.  He then proceeds to drive very slowly down the aisle, weaving back and forth as he drove.  I wondered if he was practicing to pull a float in a parade. He finally found a space and pulled in, allowing the six cars queued up behind him to go. I got a spot and caught up to him as we walked to the store. When I got next to him, I turned and asked him if he was okay.  He looked at like I was nuts and said, “Yeah.  Why?”  I replied, “Because you were driving like you were having a stroke!”  I figured I could get away with it. He was old and I was pretty sure I could take him.  His reply was garbled, but I am positive it was not something I would share here.

Speaking of parking, have you noticed that, the closer we get to Christmas, the more people’s parking skills diminish?  Normally, they are not great, but as we get to within three weeks of Christmas, they get worse.  I thought that maybe since it was getting darker earlier that maybe they were just having a problem seeing lines.  I suppose that is possible in the evening, but not at two in the afternoon.  What makes it worse is that their inability to put their car between two white lines makes it tougher for other people to park.  I do not Ike to squeeze into some spaces because I might not be able to get out of my car. Worse, the way some people fling their doors open, I would end up with dings all over my car door.

Another move that makes me crazy is when a driver pulls through one space to the next one so that the car is facing out and ready for a quick getaway.  I understand why they want to do that, I suppose. I just think that you would want to be able to have easier access to your trunk so that you … but I digress.  The problem is that they have no sense of where they are in the space and usually stop so that the car is hanging into the space behind it.  And God forbid that you look to be sure you are in the space properly.  I saw a woman pull into a space and the back of her car was taking up a good portion of the space next to her.  She got out and looked at how she had parked, saw that she had done poorly, shrugged her shoulders and walked off.  Now you know why episodes of violence increase during the holidays.

Another thing I have noticed is that as the holidays approach, people become stupider (more stupid?) and more ignorant.  They walk around as if they are the only people in the mall, stop in the middle of walkways to decide where they want to go next and then get annoyed when people try to push past them.  I was in a store recently and watched as a man was trying to get information about an item he was interested in.  I watched the way people look at a car accident when they go by.  You know it won’t be pretty, but you can’t stop looking.  The man came in with his wife and their young son.  The man found the item he was interested in and got a salesperson to help him.  He asked a technical question and as the salesperson started to answer, the guy turned to holler at his son for touching something.  He turned back, apologized for the distraction and asked the question again.  As he started to get the answer, again, he thought of something that he had to tell his wife.  He did not apologize this time.

He asked another question and played with his phone while the answer was given.  I know I should have walked away, but I couldn’t.  The salesperson was getting, well, beyond annoyed, but not quite to angry, yet.  The question and answer thing went on a little longer and it was not getting better.  Finally the buyer summarized what he had heard to assure that he knew what he needed to know.  As he talked, the salesperson looked at him as if to say, “What are you talking about?  I never said any of that.”  He wisely nodded his head and then asked if they were ready to make the purchase.  The guy said yes he was.  At this point the salesperson happened to look up and see me laughing and shaking my head.  I could see on his face that this was not the first time this had happened and his realization that it would not be the last.  Just one more reason I am glad I am retired.

This week our fact tells us that last year Americans ate more than 8.5 million pounds of tortilla chips on Super Bowl Sunday.  Don’t tell me that, because there is no way to know it.  You can tell me that they bought that many, but you can’t be sure that they ate them all.  So how much salsa did they consume in the process?

Go get some cookies and have some socks.