Today is Sunday, October 1.  I know, it’s October already.  It seems like only yesterday it was September.  Oh well.  There are only 85 days until Christmas, stores already have decorations for sale and you should all be starting your baking.  Today we remember the birthdays of James Lawrence, William Edward Boeing and Julie Andrews.  On this day in 331 BC Alexander the Great of Macedon defeated the Persian army at Gaugamela, in 1885 special delivery mail service began in the US and in 1982 EPCOT Center opened in Orlando, Florida.  In Cameroon it is Unification Day, in Nigeria it is Independence Day, in Omaha, Nebraska it is Ak-Sar-Ben Day and in the US it is National Homemade Cookies Day.

Stop your clamoring and get out your Useless Holiday Information folder.  Ak-Sar-Ben Day is in celebration of the Knights of Ak-Sar-Ben, a group that was formed in 1895.  Its initial purpose was to keep the Nebraska State Fair in Omaha.  The name is actually Nebraska spelled backwards.  In their effort to keep the state fair in Omaha, the group went to New Orleans to secure all the floats used that year in the Mardi Gras parade, to develop a more festive atmosphere in Omaha.  They ultimately failed and the fair moved.

Since then, the Knights of Ak-Sar-Ben has become a philanthropic foundation that continues its efforts to serve the mission of “building a more prosperous heartland where communities can flourish and every child can succeed.”  The organization supports financial need based scholarship programs and administers Nebraska’s Pioneer Farm program, Good Neighbor Awards and Ike Friedman Leadership Awards.  I think we have gone as far as we need to on that, so let’s put the folders away for this week.

I have been watching the news lately.  I’m not really sure why I have started doing this.  I guess it is part of a masochistic need to be assaulted with stuff I can usually read about in the paper the next day.  In any event I have noticed that every time there is an incident of some kind, we get a report from someone who is live on the scene.  Usually, the reporter is standing in the dark, with only the camera lights on.  There is no one else around because the story being reported happened hours earlier, but the news doesn’t come on until 11 PM.

“Yes, Jim, it was quite hectic here this afternoon.  Police responded to a report of shots being fired.”  From there we switch to footage shot earlier in the day.  In the background we see a half dozen police cars with lights flashing, crime scene tape all over and police walking around or standing talking to each other.  The reporter is talking to witnesses.  “Yeah, like I was standing in the kitchen and I heard this popping noise.  I didn’t know what it was and I ran outside to see.”  Just as an aside, if I heard popping noises and was not sure what they were, I don’t think I would run outside to find out, but that’s just me.  Another witness, “I don’t know what it was all about.  There was some shooting and screaming and these guys running.”  One final witness, “I don’t know who it was, but this happens a lot around here.”

After those extremely informative interviews we cut back to the reporter.  “That’s what we know at this point.  The police have not released any new information, but we will stay on top of this developing story.  This is (insert your favorite reporter name here) live at the scene of today’s shooting.”  What I have a problem with is why the reporter had to come to us live when nothing was going on.  Sometimes they will be standing across the street from a building they claim is a hospital where an injured victim is being treated.  I would think it would be simpler, safer and less expensive if they just had the reporter do the story in the studio.  

While I have been watching the news and other shows, I have become increasingly bothered by commercials for cars.  The companies are very proud of the safety features they have built into their products.  Some of these features are very helpful.  The blind spot warnings are a great innovation, as are the lane departure alerts.  There are other features that I think are great, too.  The rear view camera in my car is a fantastic thing.  I am sure I could name others, but then I would be digressing from the point I want to make.  I am not a fan of the emergency braking systems they have been touting.  

One commercial shows a car driving on a city street and a guy using his phone starts to cross the street.  The car “sees” him and stops before he is run over.  Where was the driver looking that it became necessary for the car to stop on its own?  Another commercial has a car driving along a road when it comes up on an RV.  As it closes in, the car “senses” the RV and stops before the car tries to enter the back of the RV.  If you are a driver and cannot see an RV in the road in front of you, then you should not be driving.  I can see how someone crossing the street might escape notice, but an RV?  I think we would be doing everyone a big favor if we actually required the driver to pay attention.  Just a thought.

This week our fact is one that will make you say, “Huh?”  I am sure you will be as puzzled by it as I was.  I am going to give it to you and then leave you to figure it out.  If you do, let me know.  Here you go - It is Texas law that when two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.

Today is Sunday, September 24 and there are only 143 days until Valentine’s Day.  The candy should be out in the next month or so, once the Christmas stuff has gone on sale.  Today we remember the birthdays of Girolamo Cardano, Georges Claude and Anthony Newley.  On this day in 1493 Christopher Columbus began his second expedition to the New World, in 1852 a new invention, the dirigible, was demonstrated and in 1988 Barbara Harris of Massachusetts was elected the first woman Episcopal bishop.  Today the Pennsylvania Dutch celebrate Schwenkfelder Thanksgiving Day and in the US it is Gold Star Mother’s Day and National Cherries Jubilee Day.

The Schwenkfelders, who now live in Pennsylvania Dutch country, are the descendants of a small Protestant sect that sprang up in Germany around the time of the Reformation. They were followers of Caspar Schwenkfeld, a Silesian Reformation theologian who founded the movement called "Reformation by the Middle Way." He and his followers separated themselves from orthodox Protestant circles and formed the small societies and brotherhoods that still survive in the United States as the Schwenkfelder Church, or "Confessors of the Glory of Christ."

In 1733, a handful of Schwenkfelder's followers arrived in Philadelphia, and a second group emigrated from Germany on September 22, 1734. The next day they swore their allegiance to the British king, then they spent the following day, September 24, expressing their gratitude to God for having delivered them from persecution. In the Pennsylvania Dutch counties where Schwenkfelders still live, this day is observed as a special Thanksgiving Day.  I know you were all wondering what this day was, so now you can add it to your Useless Holiday Information folder.

I want to take a moment to discuss Gold Star Mother’s Day.  When an active-duty service member dies, his or her mother automatically becomes a Gold Star Mother.  It’s a distinction that no mother wants, but it’s one they wear proudly.  The tradition of the Gold Star began during World War II.  During the early days of the war, a blue star was used on service flags and hung in homes and businesses to represent each living active-duty member.  As men were killed in combat, the gold star was superimposed on the blue star to honor the person for his ultimate sacrifice to the country.  Eventually, the mothers of those fallen service members became known as Gold Star Mothers, and their families Gold Star Families.  Take a moment to remember the sacrifice of these families today.  Thank you.

I have noticed, recently, that I am suffering from old person hearing syndrome.  This is a problem caused by the slow decline of your hearing as you get older.  My decline started sooner, as a result of being a jet engine mechanic in the Air Force.  It manifested itself initially with what are referred to as Mondagreens, the misunderstanding of song lyrics like, “There’s a bathroom on the right” instead of “There’s a bad moon on the rise.”  I have heard things like “You’re my nubtown lubba”  when the words were actually “You’re my uptown lover.”  

It can be very entertaining at times, but also somewhat confusing.  For example I recently heard a commercial for freeze dried trainers.  When they showed the product at the end it turns out they were selling Free Stride trainers.  Another commercial was touting the benefits of natural sindore.  I wondered what a natural sindore was and what it was used for.  As it turns out it is a cat food called Naturals Indoor.  If you want to be entertained by commercials, just sort of pay attention and block one ear so you don’t hear too well.  It can be very interesting.

Speaking of commercials, I recently saw a commercial for a product that talked about how effective it was in cleaning you.  It is so great it makes you want to go commando.  I have never understood the interest in going commando.  I tried it once, out of curiosity, and found that my jeans rubbed areas that were not meant to be rubbed by denim.  But here was a commercial encouraging people to go commando.  What made it funny was that a couple commercials later they talked about people who pee when they laugh or sneeze or cough or whatever.  They have special pads and underwear for those folks.  So what happens if you get yourself very clean and decide to go commando?  You are out with friends and you start to laugh and pee.  Do you quick whip out your special underwear and slip it on, hoping no one will see you?  Or, do you sneak off to the bathroom, hoping no one will notice that you laughed too hard?  I think the smart thing to do would be to wear underwear.  Unless you announce that you are going commando, who will notice or care?

I was watching the news recently and they were discussing the hurricane damage in Puerto Rico.  The talking head said that all power on the island was knocked out and pointed out that officials were telling people to cancel any trips that they had scheduled.  Really!!?  If you have been following the news and watching the coverage of the devastation, it should have occurred to you that you don’t want to go there right now.  People who have to be told that are the reason they have to put directions on shampoo.

This week our fact tells us that in Rochester, Michigan, anyone bathing in public must have his or her bathing suit inspected by a police officer.  You have to wonder what they are looking for.  A question that comes to mind is what kind of training does a police officer get so that he or she can do a proper inspection?  Is the bather issued a sticker of some kind to show that the bathing suit has been inspected?  If not, a person could spend the entire day being checked by any cop in the area and never actually get into the water.

Go have some cherries jubilee and have a good week.

 Today is Sunday, September 17and there are only 90 days until National Chocolate-covered Anything Day so make sure you have your chocolate fountain reserved.  Today we remember the birthdays of King Wenceslas II, Thomas Andrew Hendricks and David Souter.  On this day in 1630 the city of Boston was formed, in 1873 19 students attended the opening class of Ohio State University and in 1978 Begin, Sadat and Carter signed the Camp David accord.  Today in Burundi the Victory of Uprona is being celebrated, in the US it is Citizenship Day and National Apple Dumpling Day.

Recently, I drove to the airport to pick Barbara up after her trip back to South Carolina.  I got there a bit early and had the chance to drive around the airport several times.  I was amazed at the number of people who have no idea what they are doing when they drive around a place like that.  The airport is not all that complicated if you pay attention to what you are doing and read the signs.  The signs are big, relatively clear and numerous.  In addition, the information is repeated several times.  If you are looking for the exit from the airport, simply follow the large signs that say “Airport Exit” with arrows pointing in the direction you should go.

Having watched people driving around, I think it should be a requirement that they be able to read and understand English before they can get a driver’s license.  Not that that would solve all the problems, but it would help.  They should also have to pass a test for common sense.  THAT would eliminate a good number of the cars on the road … but I digress.  I am not sure what they think the arrows represent, but there were some people who obviously did not think they indicated the direction you should go for something.  

One person I saw was driving along and then pushed to the left, cutting off several cars in the process.  We drove for a minute or two and suddenly he swerved back to the right.  He apparently wanted to exit.  I have no idea why he went left when he did.  We had just passed a sign which indicated that the exit was the right two lanes, with arrows!  By the time he got back over, he had missed the turnoff.  The normal person would have gone ahead and found the next spot for an exit.  This mental midget decided to stop, put on his emergency flashers and back up – in the travel lane – to get where he wanted to go.

I saw another person who was driving about 10 miles an hour trying to figure out where he was going.  He had pulled out from the same terminal I had been at and I assumed he was going to do a go-around, like I was, waiting for the person he had come to pick up.  When we got to a critical point in the circuit, instead of following the signs for Terminal A, which was where we were heading, he followed the signs for Terminal A Budget Parking.  I saw him again later, but he still was obviously unsure of what he was doing and where to go to do it.  I wonder if he had to pay to go through the parking lot.

One thing that puzzles me at the airport is the Cell Phone Lot.  I have been to this airport on a number of occasions.  Because I am never sure of what traffic will be like, I always allow ample time to get there.  I have always thought that the Cell Phone Lot would be good, because then I could just pull in, park and wait for a text saying “I have my luggage, come and get me.”  The problem is that I can never find it.  

When you first get onto the airport property, there are signs for car rental drop-offs, parking, terminals and the Cell Phone Lot.  As you go along, those various signs send you in the proper direction for what you want to do.  At each juncture, there is a sign for the Cell Phone Lot.  That is until you come to a section where you have three different choices for where to go.  There is a sign indicating which way to go for the terminals, but nothing that tells you where to go for anything else.  The first couple times I went looking for the lot, I reached that point and figured I had missed the sign telling me where to go.  I went toward the terminal and made the circuit again, trying to be more alert so that I would not miss the sign.  I have never seen one.  I have had other people in the car with me who have never seen it and I have no idea where the lot is or how to get to it.  I am not even convinced that there actually is such a lot.  If I ever find it, I will let you know.

Here is an issue that I have seen a number of times, people who wait until they are driving to put their seat belt on.  I watched a person the other day at the grocery store (yes I do go there a lot).  She was driving out of the parking lot and trying to put her seat belt on without stopping the car.  I watched as she struggled to get the belt on, swerving to the left as she grabbed the belt and then swerving right as she got it on and tried to buckle it.  She had two kids in the car with her, but I couldn’t see if they were buckled.  I hope they were based on the way she was going.

This week our fact tells us that legislation passed during WWI making it illegal to say “gesundheit” when someone sneezed was never repealed.  I would like to know what the penalty is and who do I report it to.  There have been a few occasions when I would have liked to have the chance to have that law enforced.  Here’s a scene – you sneeze and the guy behind you, wanting to show off his eruditeness, smiles and says “gesundheit.”  A minute later, two guys come up to him, flash their FBI creds and tell him he is under arrest.  He claims he wants a lawyer and they tell him to forget it, using that word makes him a supporter of a foreign power.  He is considered a terrorist and is on his way to Gitmo.  They drag him off and he is never seen again.  Do yourself a favor.  When someone sneezes, say “God bless you.”  At least until someone decides you are forcing religion on them and a law is passed prohibiting the use of the word “God.”

 Today is Sunday, September 10 and there are only 112 days until the end of the year.  Time to go find your funny 2018 glasses that you can’t really see through and get to the city to stake out your spot.  Just a suggestion – try to be near a sewer, if you know what I mean.  Today we remember the birthdays of Carter Braxton, Roger Maris and Margaret Trudeau.  On this day in 1608 John Smith was elected president of the Jamestown colony council, in 1846 Elias Howe patented the sewing machine and in 1953 Swanson sold the first TV dinner.  In Belize it is St George’s Caye Day and in the US it is National Grandparents Day, National Swap Ideas Day and National TV Dinner Day.

I have been watching the various reports regarding Hurricane Irma and the impending land fall that is being predicted.  I do not want to minimize the danger of this storm and I hope that those affected are safe.  I do; however, want to talk about something that I noticed during many of the announcements that have been made.  I have seen these people before, but never really paid too much attention to them until now.  I am talking about the people who sign what is being said by whoever is talking.

I have watched a number of officials talking about the dangers of the storm and encouraging people to evacuate and get to safety.  While they are talking I have started watching the signers and wonder if they are really giving the message that is being said.  I watch what they are doing and I watch their facial expressions and it seems like they are at odds with what I am hearing.  Here is an example:

Official:  “This is going to be a very dangerous storm and everyone is encouraged to pack their essentials and leave as quickly as possible.  We are anticipating very strong winds, heavy rain, flooding and extensive property damage.  Because of the extreme conditions it will be difficult or impossible for first responders to make rescues.”  He goes on, but this is enough for my purposes.

As he is speaking, the signer is making gestures that do not seem to connect to the words.  At one point he put his hands together and flapped them like a bird.  I guess that was the part where people were being encouraged to flee.  There were hand gestures that I am sure I misunderstood.  His facial expressions included frowns, smiles and, at one point he stuck his tongue out.  I guessed that was referring to the inability to make rescues.  My interpretation of the signing was “This does not look good.  You people need to take off.  If you stay you are screwed.  We will not be able to help you. (raspberry sounds here).”  I suppose this is more to the point, but I am also not sure that is what was being signed.  In the future, if you get an opportunity, watch the signer when there is a speech or an announcement being made.  It will be far more entertaining than what is actually being said.

I have come to the conclusion that people in TV dramas are stupid.  Or the writers of the scripts would have us believe that they are.  Here is an example – two people are walking across a street.  Suddenly a car comes screeching around the corner, runs into one of them and drives away.  A bunch of people all run over to the person lying in the street, bleeding, and stand there looking at him.  Finally, after a few seconds of dramatic pause, the companion yells, “Somebody call 911!  Call 911!”  At that point, you see five or six people all go to their phones.  There are 50 or 60 people standing there looking and it never occurs to anyone to call for help?

Now, let’s look at this same scenario from a real life perspective.  The same two guys are crossing the street.  As the car comes screeching around the corner, at least 10 people start recording the whole thing on their phones.  The same crowd gathers around, but most of them are trying to get a good camera angle.  You can hear people talking, “Damn! Did you see how hard that guy got hit?  That had to hurt.”  “I hope this doesn’t mess up traffic later when I’m on my way home.”  “Did you see that car?  I’ll bet it going to cost a lot to get that fender fixed.”  “Dude, I got the whole thing on my phone.  I can’t wait to post it.”  “This is boring.  Let’s go get a latte.”  Finally his companion yells, “Somebody call 911!  Call 911!”  I stand corrected.  It isn’t just in TV dramas.

This week our fact tells us that it is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.  The questions that immediately come to mind are what is their definition of a monster, how would they go about making Godzilla leave and was this really a law?

It is and here is an excerpt from the law, passed in 1872:

Circuses, menageries, caravans, hippodromes, side-shows and concerts, minstrel or musical entertainments given under a canvas, exhibitions of freaks of nature or monsters, and all exhibitions that may be given in the open air or under a canvas, not herein specifically mentioned, shall be known as entertainments of the third class.

Sec. 2. No person or persons shall give any entertainment mentioned in this chapter, within the corporate limits of the city, for gain, without a license therefore, first had and obtained from the City Clerk, under the corporate seal, under a penalty of not less than ten dollars nor more than
two hundred dollars for each offense.

So there you have it!  If you are ever in the Urbana area and Mothra decides to come after you, just cross into the corporate limits of Urbana and you will be safe, assuming the monster had not gotten a license first.