It is Sunday, March 29 and there are only 7 days until Easter.  Get those eggs dyed and get set for the egg hunt.  I am never sure what weapon to use for an egg hunt.  Any suggestions?  Let’s take a moment to remember the birthdays of Johann Spangenberg, Cy Young and Eric Idle.  On this day in 1638 the first white settlement in Delaware was established by Swedish Lutherans, in 1867 Congress approved the Lincoln Memorial and in 1971 1^st Lt. William Calley, Jr. was found guilty in the My Lai massacre.  Today is Delaware Swedish Colony Day in Delaware (who’d a thought), Commemoration Day/Memorial Day in Madagascar and tomorrow is Seward’s Day in Alaska.

For those of you who may be wondering what Seward’s Day is, I am pleased to be able to give you a short explanation.  Seward’s Day commemorates the signing of the Alaska Purchase treaty on March 30, 1867.  It is named after then-Secretary of State William H Seward who negotiated the purchase from Russia.  With this purchase the US added 586,412 square miles of new territory.  The US paid Russia $7.2 million for Alaska.  So now you know.  I am sure you will all rest easier having been able to add this nugget to your list of generally useless information.

I have mentioned in the past my problems with inanimate objects.  I sometimes feel that they are not as inanimate as we would believe.  For example, the other evening I was collecting the trash upstairs in our house.  I had a bag to empty it into and was in our bedroom getting ready to dump the can.  I had the bag in place, it was open and ready, and just as I started to dump it, the edge of the bag folded over closing the bag up and causing the trash to spill all over the floor.  As far as I could tell, there was no reason for the bag to close.  There was no breeze, I did not move it, I did not hit it with the trash can.  If it had closed a second sooner, I would have been able to stop, reopen the bag and dump the trash.

But N-O-O-O-O-o-o-o!  It closed at just the right time so that all the stuff went on the floor.  I then had to spend the next several minutes picking the stuff up and throwing it into the bag.  The chore was made just a little more difficult by the fact that the lovely Elaine feels that you have to rip paper into small pieces before throwing it away.  The only benefit was that the experience gave me the opportunity to work on my swearing and my muttering under my breath.  I could almost hear the bag laughing at me.

I also had a run-in with another inanimate object that continues to make me crazy – plastic wrap.   I cannot figure out the story with this stuff.  I was trying to wrap up some brownies I was taking to a party and I pulled out a piece of plastic wrap.  As soon as I tore it off, it stuck to itself and I spent some time getting it spread out so I could use it.  Every time I moved it, it would fold over and stick to itself again.  After some more practice swearing and several attempts to get it to a point where it was usable, I was able to get it draped over the brownies.  Now, when I wanted it to stick to itself so that the brownies were covered properly, it would not!  It’s almost like there are only so many times plastic wrap will stick to itself and I used them all up trying to get it to lay flat.  I ended up having to use tape to hold it in place.

As I mentioned earlier, I was wrapping the brownies for a party.  The party we were going to was for a group of people that I used to work with.  These were great people and I have missed seeing them every day.  I got over it in time, but they were good people and they were fun to work with.  One of the weird things about this is that I have only seen the one woman twice since I left the credit union and both times she has been pregnant.  Fortunately, she is far enough along that they could not blame it directly on me.  I congratulated her, but did point out that they know what causes that now.  She gave me the look.  Either the lovely Elaine gives classes on “the look” or it is just an innate skill that women develop over time.

It was a great evening.  We sat around and swapped old stories and laughed.  We filled each other in on what has been happening since I left the credit union.  Some of the others have also left because our department was closed down and moved to North Carolina.  It’s really too bad that they let these people get away.  They were good individuals who knew their job and knew how to do it right.  I will say this – after listening to the stories some of the ones who still work there told, I am glad I am not there anymore.  I am confident that I would have spoken my mind about some of the stuff that has been done and ended up being let go anyway.  I don’t tolerate stupid too well.

Our fact this week tells us that in Kentucky, 50% of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers.  These are the same people who will later ask, ”If we get divorced, are you still my uncle?”

One other quick thing and then I will let you go.  I continue to see that people from other countries occasionally read my ramblings.  If you are one of those people, I would really like to know how you came across my blog.  Please leave a comment to let me know.  And to the rest of you, feel free to tell  others about the blog.  I am sure they will find it mildly amusing, too.  Thanks!

It is Sunday, March 22 and there are only 278 days until Christmas.  Time to roll out the Swiss Colony Beef Logs.  Today we remember the birthdays of Kaiser Wilhelm I, Chico Marx and Matthew Modine.  On this day in 1457 the Gutenberg Bible became the first printed book, in 1790 Thomas Jefferson became the first US Secretary of State and in 1972 Congress approved the Equal Rights Amendment.  In Jordan and Lebanon it is Arab League Day and in Puerto Rico it is Emancipation Day.

I just want to point something out regarding the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) mentioned above.  This amendment was first introduced in Congress in 1923.  It finally passed both houses of Congress in 1972 and went to the state legislatures for ratification.  To date, the amendment has been ratified by 35 of the 38 states needed to make it a part of the constitution.  It is 2015!  Why have we been unable to get this done?  If you live in a state where this has not been ratified, get your state legislature moving and get this done.  I am not surprised by much, but I am by this total lack of regard for women.  As I have said before – if it were not for women, none of us would be here.  Contact the states who have not ratified this amendment and express your outrage!

While I was researching information on the ERA, I came across some weird laws that exist throughout the US.  I would like to share some of the interesting ones with you.  I could not list them all because it would take days to include them.  I will just let you read them and you will see why some important things can’t get done.  Politicians are too busy with these issues.  They are presented in no particular order.

In Alaska, moose may not be viewed from an airplane.  How do you prove that someone did and how do you avoid doing it in the first place?  As if that was not enough, the people in Juneau should know that owners of flamingos may not let their pet into barber shops.  Pet owners also have a problem in Michigan where it is illegal to chain an alligator to a fire hydrant.  And, in Hartford, CT it is illegal to educate a dog.

In my home state of NJ, as if we didn’t have enough problems dealing with our gadabout governor, we find out that it is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.  More importantly, it is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder.  Why?  How did this even become an issue?

In Rhode Island any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or a lunatic is null and void.  Based on what I have overheard wives saying, that would void almost every marriage in the state.  Men are lucky this is not a law everywhere.

There are laws to solve problems that I never knew existed.  In Idaho a citizen is forbidden by law from giving another citizen a box of candy weighing more than 50 pounds.  I would think the bigger problem would be to find one that big in the first place.  In Minnesota it is illegal to cross state lines with a duck on your head.  Does that happen often enough that it was necessary to pass a law prohibiting it?  What is the big deal if someone did?  In Iowa a man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.  There is also a law there that says a one-armed piano player must perform for free.  I have to believe that this is a violation of the Americans With Disabilities Act.

Lehigh, Nebraska has made it against the law to sell donut holes.  Do they mean things like the dough that comes out of the middle when a donut is cut, or is someone actually selling the space in the middle?  It is illegal to ride public transportation for at least 30 minutes after eating garlic, in Indiana.  Cleveland, Ohio states that it is illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.  Be careful if you go to Alabama.  It is illegal, there, to play dominoes on Sunday.  In Breton, AL there is a law on the books against riding down the street in a motorboat.  

In one of our favorite places to visit, Rehoboth Beach, alcohol may not be served in nightclubs if dancing is occurring on the premises at the same time.  I am not sure if this means you cannot serve alcohol while people are dancing, but you can when they stop, or you can’t at all if there is going to be dancing.  Also in Rehoboth beach, six-year-old girls may not run around without being fully clothed.  We have been there many times and I have to admit I never saw that as a problem.  My question is this – what is there about six-year-old girls that offends them?  I would think that the law should apply to all girls.  Another question is – does that mean they cannot run around in bathing suits?

And you wonder why states cannot ratify the ERA?

On another front, my younger grandson told us, recently, that there would be three big events this past Friday.  There would be a solar eclipse, a super moon and it was the spring equinox.  He then lamented that we would not see the solar eclipse unless we were in Europe, we would not be able to view the super moon because it would be cloudy and it was supposed to snow on the first day of spring.  Talk about disappointment!  On the plus side, I am impressed that my nine-year-old grandson knew about these things and knew what they meant.  When I was his age I still thought the moon was made of cheese and didn’t really care about the spring equinox, unless it meant a day off from school.

This week our fact tells us that in a lifetime, the average human produces enough quarts of spit to fill two swimming pools.  I continue to wonder why someone took the time to figure this out and what benefit there is to us knowing it.

It has been good chatting with you.  Check the water before you go swimming.  Y’all come back now, hear!

It is Sunday, March 15 and there are only 31 days left to file your taxes.  Just think of it as letting the government take more of your money than they already have.  Afterall, the senators haven’t had a raise in a while.  Today we remember the birthdays of Hadrian, Liberty Hyde Bailey and Mike Love.  On this day in 1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first new world voyage, in 1820 Maine was admitted as the 23^rd state and in 1954 the “CBS Morning Show” premiered with Walter Cronkite and Jack Paar.  In Honduras it is Thanksgiving Day, in Hungary it is National Day and in Maine it is Admission Day.

I do not have a lot to talk about this week.  People have been the same as usual, so even though they are nuts, there is nothing new.  We had gone out the other day and I was surprised at the number of guys I saw wearing shorts.  The temperature had gone up into the low 60’s for a couple days, so I guess that meant it was time to wear shorts.  I thought they looked a little ridiculous wearing shorts, gloves, and a hooded sweatshirt, but that’s just me.

Our house hunt continues.  We went to one house recently that looked great in the photos they had on-line.  The place even looked great when we pulled up in front of it.  When we walked in – disappointment!  It is amazing how misled you can be by photos depending on the angle used to take the picture.  The amount of work that needed to be done just made it a loser for us.

We did see a nice place in a 55+ community.  I am having a tough time adjusting to the idea of a 55+ house.  It makes me feel like we have gone to a retirement village and everyone there is old.  I know that I am old, but it just seems different, somehow.   We saw one place where the woman was very into Elvis, and I mean VERY!  She had pictures, statues and stamps depicting him.  I wonder if she has his albums.  I was tempted to look, but figured it was really none of my business.  I suppose she would probably think I was a little crazy if she saw how many watches I own, so I guess I should not be so quick to judge.  Everybody has their “thing.”

One of my concerns is that if we decide to jump on this first place that looks good, we eliminate any of the others that may come on the market in a month or so.  Of course there is always the possibility that we will wait for a better house and then this one will disappear and we will have nothing.  This is just so much fun.  The lovely Elaine is anxious because she is afraid we will not find anything.  I am anxious because I am concerned that we will “settle” rather than find our “ideal” house.  Oh well, the search goes on, so stay tuned.

I will go into one other thing that I constantly rail about and that is drivers.  The adventurous part of driving is being on the highway going 65 mph and wondering what the person in front of you is actually doing.  Is it their intention to change lanes, are they drifting because they have dozed, are they not paying attention because they are texting?  Who knows?  I have taken to looking at them when I drive by to see if they look as stupid as they drive.  What?  You’ve never been tempted to look and see if they are having a stroke or something?  

Anyway, as I said there isn’t much to talk about this week.  I will make it a point to get out more next week so that I can regale you with new and exciting things.

This week our fact tells us that if you feed a seagull Alka-Seltzer, its stomach will explode.  The only thing you can hope is that when it happens, the bird is not flying over your head.  As a side note, we were on the beach with friends one day and a bird dropped a small load on my leg.  One of the people said that it was supposed to be good luck.  Sure enough, a few minutes later, another bird dropped a load on my other leg.  If that is good luck, I do not want to see what bad luck would have been like.

Don’t forget to wish your friends in Honduras a Happy Thanksgiving!  See you next week.

It is Sunday, March 8 and there are only 28 days until Easter.  I hope the snow melts in time to hide the eggs in the yard.  We may have to do the hunt in the house this year.  Today is the birthday of Oliver Wendell Holmes, Ivor Keys and Cheryl “Salt” James.  On this day in 1838 the US mint in New Orleans began operation, producing dimes, in 1913 the Internal Revenue Service began to levy and collect taxes and in 1983 President Reagan called the USSR an “Evil Empire.”  World-wide today is International Women’s Day and on Tuesday the 5-day Cotton Carnival starts in Memphis TN.

I would like to take some time to discuss International Women’s Day (IWD).  This is a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future.  In some countries like China, Russia and Vietnam it is a national holiday.

In 1908 great unrest was occurring among women.  Oppression and inequality were spurring women to become more vocal and active in campaigning for change.  That year, 15,000 women marched through New York City demanding shorter hours, better pay and voting rights.

In 1910 the second International Conference of Working Women was held in Copenhagen.  A woman named Clara Zetkin proposed that every year in every country there should be a celebration, on the same day, to press for the demands of women.  The first IWD was held on March 19, 1911.  More than one million women and men attended rallies campaigning for women’s rights to work, vote, be trained, to hold public office and end discrimination.  In 1913 the official day was moved to March 8.

The new millennium has witnessed a significant change and attitude shift in society’s thoughts about women’s equality and emancipation.  The unfortunate fact is that women are still not paid equally to that of their male counterparts, women are not present in equal numbers in business or politics and globally women’s education, health and the violence against them is worse than that of men.

Improvements are being made, but more are needed.  So make a difference, think globally and act locally.  And, men, before you decide to discriminate against women or think you are superior to them, remember – without them you would not exist.

Let me take a breath here now that I have climbed down off my soap box.  And now, for something completely different, let me talk about security systems in stores.  Recently, I was sitting in the mall outside a large chain store watching the parade of people.  I saw two ladies (I assume) coming out of the store carrying bags.  As they walked through the sensors, the alarm sounded.  The women continued to walk, as if nothing had happened.  Even more interesting, no one from the store came after them to check their packages.

If that were me, I would have gone back into the store and had them check my purchase.  What if one of those large plastic theft deterrent devices was still attached?  How would you go about removing it when you got home and decided to use the item you purchased?  I would think it would become annoying if it set off alarms every time you went into or out of a store.  I have seen that happen and the person never did do anything about it other than get annoyed because it kept happening.  Is it because we don’t care about doing the right thing or are we just too lazy to go back into the store and have the issue corrected?  Who knows?  Maybe someday I will ask someone about it when it happens to them.  I’ll let you know what I find out.

The other day I was sitting in the car waiting for the lovely Elaine to come out of a store.  From my vantage point I had a good view of the front of the store and the parking lot.  I had the opportunity to watch people come out of the store.  What made this interesting was that every person that came out pushing a cart, had a hard time getting out the door.  They generally had to make two or three attempts to get out.  I saw one of the carts as the woman came by and there was nothing in it that would have gotten caught and created a problem.  I even walked over to stand by the door and watched two different people try to come out and get hung up.  I could see no reason for the difficulty.  I never did figure out why everyone was having a problem.

Once they were finally able to free themselves, they wandered around the parking lot, having no idea where their car was.  You need to understand that this was not a huge parking lot, nor was it full of cars.  They just did not seem to have any idea of where they had left their car.  I had that problem once, in a large mall parking lot that was packed with cars.  I took out the fob for my car and pressed the alarm button and was able to locate my car right away.  I don’t understand why they didn’t do this.  They just chose to wander around searching.  I mean, I do understand, but my wife says we don’t use the “r” word anymore.

On another topic, we discovered recently that we were using a couple words incorrectly and I suspect that we are not the only ones.  I always thought that when something was fantastic beyond belief, it was referred to as the penultimate.  “That gelato was amazing.  It was the penultimate gelato!”  Well, no it was not both.  It was either amazing meaning it was great or incredible or it was penultimate which actually means second to last.  So never tell someone who knows words that their food was the penultimate meal.  They may not ever invite you to dinner again.

Another word we discovered we had been using incorrectly was lugubrious.  My father always talked about having a lugubrious meal.  I always assumed that it meant the meal was good, satisfying.  I thought he meant it as a compliment.  Recently, the lovely Elaine used it and my younger grandson asked what the word meant.  She looked it up and found that it meant mournful, gloomy, sad, dour, dismal and so on.  So now the question is did my father believe, as we did, that lugubrious was complimentary or did he not enjoy my mother’s cooking?

This week our fact tells us that if you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you will have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.  Frankly, it would be quicker and easier on the throat to just use the microwave.  I still wonder why someone felt they needed to figure that out.