Today is Sunday, February 1 and there are only 13 days left until Valentine’s Day.  Why haven’t you gotten your card for your sweetheart, yet?  Are you waiting until closer to the day so that the choices are fewer, making it easier to pick a card?  Today we remember the birthdays of Charles J Sax, Clark Gable, and Laura Dern.  On this day in 1709 British sailor Alexander Selkirk was rescued after being marooned on a desert island for five years; his story becoming the inspiration for Daniel Defoe’s “Robinson Crusoe”, in 1862 Julia Howe published the “Battle Hymn of the Republic” and in 1949 RCA released the first single record ever (45 rpm).  In Malaysia it is Federal Territory Holiday, in Nicaragua it is Air Force Day and in the US it is National Freedom Day.

Time for a cautionary tale entitled – The Big Storm That Couldn’t

It was a time of great despair.  “The snow storm is coming!  The snow storm is coming!”  all the forecasters warned, Chicken Little-like.  They displayed computer models showing how the snow would come in and the temperature would drop and the winds would pick up and we would have a blizzard of massive proportions.  This storm was so bad that it was given a name – Nemo

As an aside, why do we feel it necessary to give storms a name?  Does it make them scarier if they have a name?  Do we really need to be more scared than we normally would be by a blizzard?  Just wondering.

Back to our tale.  Throughout the weekend Nemo was all that anyone could talk about.  We were anticipating up to two feet of snow.  People were rushing to buy generators, snow blowers, ice melt (one guy I saw bought 21 bags of it at our local supermarket), snow shovels and the requisite milk, bread and toilet paper.  We all hunkered down and waited for the “storm of the century” which I thought had come when Sandy came through, but apparently not.  It was coming, it could not be avoided and we were in for a rough one.

The initial snow came on Monday as predicted.  We were to get a couple inches and then the blizzard would hit later in the day.  Blizzard warnings were in effect until midnight, Tuesday.  Throughout Monday, government officials warned of the dangers, announced the closing of offices, roads, mass transit and intoned in serious voices that people should stay home.  We received reverse 911 calls from our town warning us to get our cars off the streets, not to travel unless it is an extreme emergency and to check on the elderly.  With that in mind, I pulled our cars into the driveway, made no plans to go out and the lovely Elaine and I asked each other if we were okay every so often.

As the day progressed, things still seemed to be on track for total snow devastation.  The weather prognosticators, with the latest scientific equipment and experts, continued to issue dire warnings and prepared to give us the on-the-spot updates by having some 8 to 10 reporters out in the field telling us it was dangerous and we should stay indoors.  As another aside, I want to be a weather reporter so that I can go out into storms, impervious to their dangers, to tell everyone else not to do what I am doing. 

 But I digress … After several days of warnings, predictions, storm tracks and naming the storm, all was set.  Snowmegeddon was coming and we just had to be  prepared and hope for the best.

I started to suspect that something was amiss around midnight when I looked outside and could still see the outlines of my sidewalk.  All I could think was that there was going to be one hell of a snowfall in the next few hours to give us the two feet we were supposed to get.  I figured that it was going to come down so hard that we would be able to hear it.  I decided to go to bed so that I would be well rested and ready for the cleanup when I could finally get out of the house.  Imagine my surprise when I woke to find that we had gotten only about four inches.  Oops!

As a result of this blizzard that wasn’t, there were a lot of issues that came up.  For example, our newspaper, which was apparently put together early and without anyone actually looking out the window, had a front page that trumpeted “SHUTDOWN – NJ grinds to halt as powerful winter storm strikes.”  Again, oops!  The article spoke about us preparing to dig out from “what may be one of the largest storms ever to hit the region.”  We were expecting winds blowing at near-hurricane strength.   NJ Transit was going to start shutting down around 10 PM and they could not predict when service would resume.  An additional problem was that all the storm devastation stories for Wednesday did not materialize and now they had to scramble to fill the pages .

Some of the stories were pertinent anyway, like the one that talked about the guy in charge of Newark’s snow removal people.  For the most part, the stories just didn’t have the gravity that they would have had if we got what was predicted.  I thought this piece from the National Weather Service was interesting.  They said, “The storm developed about 90 miles east of previous forecasts and departed more quickly.  Forecasters said sinking air, or subsidence(really, subsidence?) – a reaction to steeply rising air in heavy snow bands to the east – effectively halted the heaviest precipitation in its westward march to New Jersey.”  In other words – OOPS!  The worst part is that all those forecasters still have their jobs.  Imagine what would have happened to you where you work if you had made that kind of mistake.

And so, boys and girls, what can we take away from this tale?  We learned that predicting weather is a crap shoot.  We can look at all the computer generated models and watch the radar screen and talk to all the experts, but ultimately the weather is going to do what it wants.  Bottom line is that Grandma’s bunions are as effective as anything else when it comes to predicting the weather.

This week our fact tells us that humans and dolphins are the only animals known to have sex for pleasure.  What other reason is there?  I always thought children were our punishment for enjoying sex.

Today is Sunday, January 25 and there are only 70 days until Easter.  Time to get the decorations up and the eggs dyed.  It is the birthday of Benedict Arnold, Virginia Wolfe and Etta James.  On this day in 1775 Americans dragged cannon up a hill to fight the British at Gun Hill Road, Bronx, in 1890 Nellie Bly beat Phileas Fogg’s time around the world by eight days and in 1985 “We Are the World” was recorded.  It is 2^nd Republic Day in Uganda.  This is the only holiday today, so if you are looking for a day to create a holiday, this would be the one.

The other day, the lovely Elaine and I jumped firmly into the 20^th century by cooking our first dinner using a crock pot.  We have talked about it in the past, but never got around to purchasing one.  I think part of the reason is that she did not like the idea of having something cooking all day while we were not home.  She finally gave in to the idea and we got one; although I am sure she will only use it when one of us is going to be home the whole time it is cooking.

We bought the crock pot last week and it has been sitting in the kitchen taunting me since then.  I finally found a pulled pork recipe on, of all places, Pinterest (no Smiley, I am not planning a wedding), that sounded good and decided to give it a try.  I put the whole thing together, plugged it in, set it for the time I wanted and then just walked away.  I have to admit that I was a bit apprehensive doing a 4.5 pound piece of pork.  I wondered what I would do if, after all that time cooking, it was still pink inside.  The cooking time ended, I took out the meat and it was cooked through.  The pork was delicious.  I made my favorite barbecue sauce and some sweet and sour slaw and we had a delicious dinner.  There was even enough meat left over for margarita night sometime.

Last week we attended a birthday party for our neighbor.  This was one of those parties where you feel you should go because she is our neighbor, our sons started school together and there was free food, but you also know that you will spend the evening sitting at a table with people you don’t know, wondering when the cake will be served so you can leave.  We were seated at the Island of Misfit Toys – the table with people who have no connection to each other or to any of the other groups, either.  It actually turned out to be a very nice evening.

The other couples were very nice and we started to talk about things.  The lovely Elaine and I told them about our trips to New Orleans and Myrtle Beach.  One of the other couples talked about various cruises they had been on and that they were going to New Orleans to take a cruise in the next week or so.  We suggested some things for them to do in the couple days they had before the cruise left.  Another person, a musician, said he has always wanted to go to New Orleans and we encouraged him to go.  We all shared stories of our various trips and talked about a number of different things.

One of the items that came up was funerals.  We all agreed that we disliked wakes.  It was generally felt that they were created to bring a group of people together in a room where they could look at a dead person and feel uncomfortable.  We felt that the key part of the wake was finding a way to leave before the priest arrived, without it looking like that was what we were doing.  One of the people mentioned that they did not like the way a relative had been made up.  I agreed and said that, when my mother was laid out, she looked like a harlot.  I told them that I wanted to go around to the various funeral homes now and have them make me up so I could see who did the best job.  The last thing I want is to look like a harlot.

Someone else said they wanted one of those jazz funerals.  I said that I did, too.  I told them that there is a group in New Jersey that does those and that you can find them on the web.  I also explained my ideas for my wake.  I have told the lovely Elaine that I want a smirk on my face.  When most people are laid out, their mouth sags and they look like they have gas.  I do not want that.  She has agreed to my wardrobe request and will have me wearing one of my Hawaiian shirts.  Where she has drawn the line is that she will not have a whoopee cushion under the pad on the kneeling bench by the casket.  I won’t go into all the details of my plans, but will mention that I want there to be a party.  Come to the funeral home to satisfy yourself that I have, in fact, passed and then go down the block to the bar for the party.  I want my obit to say, “In lieu of flowers, please donate to the cost of the party.”

When I said that, someone wondered what a funeral home would do if we requested to have a bar set up in the room, during the wake.  We all agreed that it would be great to have a small combo playing quietly in one corner, maybe small tables with snacks and the bar.  That would be the one time I would not balk at going to a wake, nor would anyone care about leaving before the priest arrived.  “Hey father, belly up to the coffin, say a couple prayers and have a drink.” 

By this time, coffee and cake were being served.  We were all surprised at how quickly the evening passed.  I doubt that we will see any of those people again, but we enjoyed their company that night.

This week our fact tells us that Gorgias of Epirus was born during his mother’s funeral.  He was born in his dead mother’s coffin and the pallbearers heard him crying out as they carried her to the grave.  They stopped to figure out the sound coming out of the coffin and they discovered little Gorgias.  Were they sure she was dead?

Today is Sunday, January 18 and there are only 27 days until Valentine’s Day.  If you have not already gotten a card and a gift and other treats for your special someone you had better get moving.  Warning to guys – DO NOT buy some type of appliance or kitchen utensil for your wife or girlfriend.  Unless, of course, you are hoping to spend the balance of the day alone.  Today we remember the birthdays of Alfonso Ferabosco, Jacques Gregoir and Yehezkiel Braun.  On this day in 1535 Francisco Pizarro founded Lima, Peru, in 1777 San Jose, CA was founded and in 1943 presliced bread sale was banned to reduce bakery demand for metal parts.  In Tunisia it is Revolution Day, in Virginia tomorrow is Lee-Jackson Day and in the US tomorrow is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.

The lovely Elaine and I have become quite the gadabouts lately.  I mentioned last week that we had just returned from a trip to New Orleans.  Well, a couple days ago we returned from a short trip to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.  Our friend Pat’s daughter Kate got us fantastically low airfare and the four of us took off on an adventure to the south.  We discovered a number of things while we were down there.  One was that our hotel was a haven for senior citizens from up north who go down to avoid the snow and cold weather for a couple months.  There was a fairly sizable group staying at our hotel and it was like being at our local senior citizen center, only with an ocean outside and free breakfast inside.

Another thing we found was that “–ish” was implied for many things.  Signs announced how many miles to something, except that they were not always accurate.  It was more like “Outlet Center 2-ish miles.”  Stores were casual about their opening times, opening at 10-ish.  We also discovered that Myrtle Beach is loaded with mini-golf opportunities, with over 30 courses across the Grand Strand.  Unfortunately they were all closed at this time of year.  I also realized that if all the Waffle Houses and pancake places there closed at the same time, unemployment levels would increase drastically.  It seemed like there were at least two pancake restaurants in each three block stretch, everywhere we went.

I was surprised by the size of the beach down there.  I guess we are spoiled by our beaches here at home.  Considering the number of hotels in the area, I do not think the beach could adequately accommodate everyone there during the summer.  If all the people in all the hotels went to the beach at the same time, they would not have room to lie down, especially if the tide was in.  They would have to stand or, maybe, sit if they got there early in the day and staked out a space.  We stopped at one section of beach in a town south of Myrtle Beach to see if the size of the beach was the same.  It was actually smaller.  What made this location more interesting was that there was a drainage ditch running out onto the beach.  As we approached the walkway to the beach, we saw a sign that read, “Attention!  This water contains an unusually high bacteria count.  No swimming within 200 feet on either side of this stream.”   I can let you know the name of the town if you need it so you can check on rental availability.

I am not a seafood eater myself, but the lovely Elaine, Pat and Kate thought they had died and gone to heaven.  We went to an area called Murrell’s Inlet which is known as the Seafood Capital of South Carolina.  We found a couple restaurants that had great seafood dishes and the ladies were able to satisfy their aquatic culinary desires quite nicely.  We also had a great meal at a local BBQ place. 

On our first day there, we had the opportunity to go to a great sculpture garden.  The place was quite big, but everywhere we went there were sculptures, displays and fountains.  It was quiet, pleasant and interesting.   It rained on our second day so we went to the outlet center.  Fortunately, we were restricted by luggage room and weight, or that day could have been far more expensive.  On our third day, we had no particular plan and just drove around to see what there was of interest.  We drove to North Myrtle Beach and back, making sure that we sampled one of the ice cream stores along the way.  We were diligent in our efforts to sample the various ice cream offerings each day we were there.

On our final day, we drove around looking for things to do to fill the time until we had to be at the airport for our flight home.  We went to a city called Conway and walked around a little.  We went to an art museum and saw some interesting exhibits.  Then the lovely Elaine suggested that we go to Pawleys Island.  She had read about it in several books and thought it would be interesting to see.  Generally, it was not.  On our way back, we saw the place where the original Pawleys Island hammocks were made.

We decided that we should stop there to see the hammocks.  We walked through a store and saw a number of interesting things.  Again, the weight and space restrictions of our luggage prevented us from purchasing anything.  I would have bought a hammock and had it shipped if I had a good place to put it at home.  Unfortunately, I do not.  There was a building that was where the hammocks were made and we could go in and watch them work.  That was very interesting.  While there we met a man named Marvin, who was making a hammock.  The process was very interesting and I could have just stayed there and watched him work.  

Marvin stopped working on the hammock to chat with us.  He decided to make a souvenir for the lovely Elaine and Pat.  He also warned Kate that she should pay attention because he was going to have her make her own when he was done.  He then proceeded to take a length of rope and make a ring.  He then took 9 pieces of rope and wove them into an intricate design that could be used to create any number of decorative pieces.  The interesting thing was that while he wove the nine pieces, he was looking at and talking to us.  He was explaining what he was doing, but he was not looking at the piece.  It was amazing!  Even more amazing was that Kate was able to duplicate the piece with very little assistance from him.  Pawleys Island turned out to be better than we thought it would be. 

 

Our fact this week tells us that the glue on postage stamps contains from 2 to 8 calories.  With all the cards we send out that would explain my weight gain around the holidays.  Now I have to work hard to lose all that stamp weight.

It is Sunday, January 11 and there are only 320 days until Black Friday.  Remember it's never too early to stake out a good spot to be ready for when the doors open.  Today we recognize the birthdays of Francesco Parmigianino, Clarence Clemens and Mary J Blige.  On this day in 1693 Mt. Etna erupted in Sicily, in 1813 the first pineapples were planted in Hawaii and in 1989 140 nations agreed to ban chemical weapons. In Albania it is Republic Day, in Chad it is Independence Day and in Switzerland it is the Meitli-Sonntag Festival-Women in Villmergen War.

The lovely Elaine and I have just returned from a short trip to New Orleans. It was fantastic!  We walked the French Quarter for several days, enjoying the sights, the shops and the music.  We had beignets our first day, as a snack, and two other days for breakfast.  They were fantastic.  What are they you ask?  They are a treat made from a deep-fried choux pastry dough.  This is a light dough used for such treats as eclairs and French crullers. A single serving consisted of three beignets and were covered in what seemed like three pounds of powdered sugar.  What better way to start the day than to go toCafe Du Monde and have fried pastries, covered in sugar and a cup of coffee with chicory. OMG!!

My brother and two of his friends were there for the ceremonies surrounding the 200th anniversary of the Battle of New Orleans.  We explored the French Quarter together and had a great time.  We had the opportunity to hear music throughout the day from small street groups that just set up and played wherever they felt like being.  Some of them were quite good.  In fact, one was good enough that we bought their CD.  We ate Po' Boys, Muffalettas, gumbo, pralines and other tasty treats. We sampled the pralines in a number of stores, just to be sure we got the best ones.

For those of you who are wondering, I will give a quick explanation of the aforementioned foods. The Po' Boy sandwich was created in 1929, when two brothers, former streetcar conductors who opened a sandwich shop, developed it to feed members of the Carmen's Union who were on strike. Union members were given the sandwiches for free.  The name came from a comment made by the brothers when they saw one of the striking men coming.  A brother said, "Here comes another poorboy."  The sandwich is made with French bread and filled with shrimp, oyster, crab, beef or ham.  I had one that was beef done debris-style, meaning the meat was shredded.  Yum!

A muffaletta sandwich is one that originated among Italian immigrants in New Orleans.  The bread is a round, flat loaf, somewhat similar to focaccia.  The traditional style sandwich has layers of marinated olive salad, mortadella, salami, mozzarella, ham and provolone. Gumbo is a dish that originated from Louisiana Creole people during the 18th century.  It typically consists of a strongly flavored stock, okra, meat and/or shellfish and seasoning vegetables, which can include celery, bell peppers and onions.

Pralines are a sugar candy made from nuts and syrup.  They are a combination of pecans and caramelized sugar.  American pralines can also contain milk or cream and are softer, resembling fudge.  We wanted to be sure that we got the best pralines possible, so we went into as many stores as we saw (and there are a number of them) and sampled as many as we could.  We finally settled on what we thought were the best.  I won't tell you the name of the store. This way you can have the fun of finding your favorite.

I did get to do one of the things that was high on my New Orleans to-do list.  It is legal in New Orleans to take out alcoholic beverages and drink them on the street.  One day, after we finished lunch, we got cocktails to go and walked along with our drinks.  Can you imagine the mayhem if this was allowed in, for instance, New York City? Of course, if they did allow it, they would spoil the whole thing by finding a way to tax or surcharge it.

We also took the opportunity to drive to the town of Houma,to visit relatives that we had not seen in 50 years (we don?t get to Louisiana often).  It was a great experience.  Our cousin took us on a tour to see things that most tourists never see.  We went to his house for dinner and met a whole bunch of cousins and had a great time.  We ate chicken and sausage gumbo and bread pudding with whiskey sauce, talked, laughed and just enjoyed being together.  I was touched by the way they treated cousins they hadn't seen in so many years. That is what family is about.

I did, of course, have the opportunity to do some people watching while I was there.  One person in particular was interesting.  When we landed in New Orleans, I needed to use the restroom.  I went in and was standing at the urinal.  I happened to glance over and the man at the urinal next to me was texting with both hands!  Yes, I said he was using a urinal and texting.  One thought that came to me was that, if he dropped his phone, I would not want to have the rice served at his house.  For the balance of our trip,whenever one of us needed the men's room, we said that we had to go text.

Our fact this week tells us that for every 230 cars that are made, one will be stolen. The problem that I see is how do you know where in the count your car comes.  To further confuse the issue, what if you buy a pre-owned (or as we used to say, used) car.  How do you know where it came in the count,was the one car in its group already stolen?  This is too much to deal with.  I may just have to go eat a praline.

Happy New Year!  Special holiday greetings to our friends Shawn and Pat!  Today is Sunday, January 4 and there are only 41 days until Valentine’s Day.  Stores already had cards and candy out, even before New Year’s Eve.  Get that candy now so you can watch it get stale in the comfort of your living room.  Today we remember the birthdays of Willem Teellinck, Wilhelm Beer and Deb Sonnenberg.  On this day in 1493 Columbus left the new world on his return from his first voyage, in 1780 a snowstorm hit Washington’s army in Morristown, NJ and in 1971 Ohio agreed to pay $675,000 to relatives of Kent State victims.  It is Independence Day in Burma, Admission Day in Utah and tomorrow is Handsel Monday in Scotland.

Before going on, I want to comment on a couple things from the opening paragraph.  The first item regards the erstwhile explorer Christopher Columbus.  As we all know, he left to find spices and treasures in the Indies.  He got lost and ended up in North America.  My question is if he was lost and did not end up where he was going, how did he know how to get back?  His trip was based on charts sending him to the Indies.  If he followed those charts back, how could he be sure they would get him back to Spain?  Just wondering.

The other item I wanted to discuss is Handsel Monday.  I know that when you read that you wondered, as I did, what it was.  Fear not!  I am pleased to elucidate.  Handsel Monday is the first Monday of the year and is a Scottish tradition.  The word “handsel” originates from an old Saxon word which means “to deliver into the hand”.  It refers to small tips and gifts of money given as a token of good luck.

An 1825 glossary marks Handsel Monday as an occasion “when it is customary to make children and servants a present.”  On this day, tips or small gifts were expected by servants, as well as by the postman, paperboy and all persons “who wait upon the house.”  If the handsel was a physical object rather than money, tradition said that the object could not be sharp, or it would “cut” the relationship between the giver and the recipient.  It is said that money received during Handsel Monday is supposed to insure monetary luck for the rest of the year.

So there you have it.  Just another piece of information you can place in your Virtually Useless Knowledge book.

Well, we are now into another year.  I remember when I was a youngster that the turn of the century was a long time off.  My friends and I were convinced that we would be dead long before the year 2000 arrived.  Here we are in 2015 and I am not dead yet.  Either I have been very lucky or we were rather dumb when we were kids.  As much as I hate to admit it, I have to go with the latter.  I was watching parts of New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest and several things came to my mind.  One is that I cannot help but wonder where Ryan Seacrest came from and who thought he was the perfect person to take over for an icon like Dick Clark.  No offense, Ryan, but you are lucky that there are cue cards.

The other thing that I wondered about was what made all those people think that standing out in the freezing cold for a number of hours with no food or bathroom facilities was a great idea?  The lovely Elaine and I were with friends, having a good time.  We were inside, warm, well-fed, with easily accessible bathroom facilities and we had a much better view of the entertainment (?) than people in Times Square did.  Plus, we did not have to go through a security check point to get in.  There are a number of people who always talk about wanting to go there once in their life, including the lovely Elaine and our friend Dave.  I have always said, “Go ahead.  I will watch for you on TV.”  They have not gone yet.

If I were to go to Times Square for New Year’s Eve, there would have to be a lot of preparation before I went.  First, I would need to be catheterized, because there is no way I could be out in the cold that long without being able to go.  Next I would need a couple layers of long underwear to help keep me warm, along with a good winter coat, thermal gloves and a wool cap.  I would also need to take along a cooler with drinks and sandwiches.  The cooler would also give me something to sit on rather than standing out there for a long time.  And I mean a long time.  I read an article that said people were showing up as early as noon to get a good spot.  Frankly, if I am going to be out there, freezing, for that long there better be entertainment of a higher quality than Taylor Swift.  The short story is you do not have to look for me on TV on New Year’s Eve.

On another topic, I wanted to mention something that I have become aware of during my forays into people watching at the various malls.  I have noticed that men and women carry beverages differently, specifically coffee.  Men carry their cup with their arm, bent at the elbow, at a 90 degree angle across their chest.  I do that so that it is easier to just lift the cup to drink.  Women are different (in so many ways).  They carry their coffee with their arm out to the side, as if they were handing out water to marathon runners.  The only reason I can come up with for this is that women are afraid to get bumped and end up spilling hot liquid on themselves and their clothes.  Men, on the other hand, are not worried about that and are more concerned with having the coffee close and not wanting to take the chance that someone might bump it and cause it to fall and spill and then they would have to go stand in line and get another cup and that costs money and time and … well, you get the picture.

This week our fact tells us that every year four people in the UK die putting their trousers on.  How?  Are they so unsteady that they fall over when they lift one leg?  This makes me concerned when I think about the phrase “he puts his pants on one leg at a time just like you do.”   That may be, but at least here in the US we don’t risk death while we do it.