Let’s first take a moment to recognize the birthdays of Dr. Jonas Salk, Bowie Kuhn and Veronica Gamba on this Sunday the 28^th of October.  With only 58 days until Christmas, you will want to get shopping before all the Swiss Colony Beef Logs are gone.  On this day in 1492, Columbus, still futilely searching for the Indies, discovers Cuba (oooh, so close).  In 1961 ground is broken for Municipal (Shea) Stadium in New York and in 1965 the Gateway Arch in St Louis is completed.    It is Foundation of the Republic Day in Czechoslovakia, tomorrow is Labour Day in New Zealand and also Veterans Day in some states.  I guess they want to get a jump on the holiday sales.

Last weekend was an interesting weekend for us.  We spent a good deal of it in the ER at our local hospital.  I was originally going to talk about Halloween here.  I wanted to discuss my costume ideas, such as wearing roller skates and going as a pull-toy or wrapping myself in plastic wrap and going as a sausage … but I digress.  My father-in-law has been going through some difficult times with his health and we had to take him to the ER last Saturday.  Sitting there waiting for test results and doctors, I had a chance to observe the “action” in this facility.

One of the things that struck me was how, when a doctor went into one of the cubicles, the first question was, “So how are we feeling today?”  The person is in a bed in a hospital ER.  If you had to guess how they were feeling, wouldn’t you naturally assume not well?  Or do some people come in just to waste five or six hours in a gown that opens in the back, lying on a plastic covered mattress. 

This was not our first trip to an ER and there are certain things you can always count on.  One is the requisite drunk person who lies there rambling to him or herself and anyone else in the area and getting up to wander around aimlessly.  I am not positive, but I think the drunk person is a state requirement to maintain your certification as an ER.  Another is that some people bring lunch or dinner because they know they are going to be there a while, so you end up smelling pizza, burgers, etc..  There is also the person who spends the entire time you are there vomiting loudly enough to be heard in the next town.  My father-in-law was admitted and we were able to get out of there after only six hours.

We went home thinking that we were glad to be out of there and would not have to go through that again for some time.  Not so!  The next morning, my wife and I were on our way back because of an problem I was having.  During triage, the nurse, in the course of the intake, asked me if I am sexually active.  I chuckled and told her that I am almost 63 and lucky to any kind of active.  Anyway …

The short version is that I had a urinary tract infection.  At one point, there were no cubicles available, so I was on a bed in the hallway.  A nurse came by and said they would have a space for me soon.  I said, “Fine.  As long as it is in time for the Giants game at 1 PM.”  But there I was, lying on a bed in the hall and this nice looking woman comes up to me and introduces herself as the doctor.

We discussed my problem and she began a cursory examination, checking my breathing, listening to my heart, pressing my belly to see if I had pain, etc.  Then, because of the issue that brought me there, she starts to grope my “equipment” and two things occur to me.  One, she does not seem to be enjoying what she is doing and two, neither do I.  I will attribute her lack of enjoyment to having done this so many times.  My problem is that I had no response.  Let’s face it, activity there is activity there, regardless of the reason. Yet, there was no response.  Just another issue of getting older, I guess.  Finally, they moved me to a cubicle and I was in time to see the first part of the game.  They ultimately confirmed the infection, gave me prescriptions and sent me on my merry, but  unresponsive, way. 

The following evening, I was back in the ER with more problems in the same area.  This time I was given a far more extensive examination.  More blood was taken, more checking of breathing and heart beat. No groping this time, but I was probed in a place where, if I was in prison, I would have gotten cigarettes when it was done.  My long-suffering wife, the lovely Elaine and I were there for 10 hours.  The result was that I was diagnosed with Hemorrhagic Cystitis, or in layman’s terms, a urinary tract infection, or in hospital parlance a UTI.  Just in case you were wondering, 10 hours is a LONG time to be in the ER, or anywhere, if drinks and snacks are not being served.

So that was our 3-day ER saga.  Not a way to spend a weekend if you have the choice, but, hey, life goes on.  Now go out and enjoy the day and stay out of the ER.

Another week has passed and here we are on Sunday, October 21.  Today is the birthday of Dizzy Gillespie, Ursula LeGuinn and Manfred Mann.  On this day in 1520, Magellan entered the strait that now bears his name.  In 1915, the first transatlantic radiotelephone message was sent from Arlington, VA to Paris and in 1976 Saul Bellow received the Nobel Prize for Literature.  It is Trafalgar Day in England, the Full Moon Holiday in Laos and the Kite Flying Festival is taking place in Hong Kong.  There are only 65 days left until Christmas, so I hope you are getting ready to put up your decorations. 

 

For some time now, when people asked me how I was doing, I replied by saying, “Anybody I can and the easy ones twice.”  I usually got one of two responses – they would chuckle or they would just look at me with an expression that told me they did not get it.  I have been thinking about it and have decided that that response is somewhat lame and I have been trying to come up with another option.  Some of the ideas I am considering – use the royal response of “We are doing quite well, thank you.”  Or, look around furtively and say, “Why, what have you heard?”  Or mumble to myself and then say, “The voices tell me that it is none of your business.”  I’ll let you know what I decide.

I have always liked giving what some people refer to as “smart ass” responses to comments and questions.  I always felt that my answers showed thought, a quick wit and were amusing.  Apparently this is a minority opinion.  But which response is better when someone says, for example, that they got a haircut?  “That’s nice.” or, “Really?  Which one?”  When someone recently mentioned six pack abs I said that I had those.  “I just keep them in this foam cooler” I said, patting my belly.

Here is a problem that people experience as they get older.  I had a direction in mind when I started out with the previous paragraphs.  I had to stop and take care of some other things and now do not remember where I was going.  I am pretty sure it was entertaining and am sorry that I could not complete it for you.  This type of thing is a regular occurrence.  I will be watching TV, will get up and stride purposefully into the kitchen.  When I get there, I do not recall what I was going for.  I end up getting a drink of water so I don’t waste the trip.  I always figure that I will remember what I wanted and get it later.  Of course, all that water results in additional trips to the bathroom, but that is a topic for another time.

That is just one of the problems that afflicts us as we get older.  Another problem, for men, is hair.  It stops growing on our heads and starts growing out of our noses and ears.  Is this because it forgets where it is supposed to go and ends up in the wrong place?  Or, is it because it just gets too tired to go all the way up to the top of the head and just grows where it can?  

There are some benefits to getting older.  There are a number of businesses that give a senior discount.  Unfortunately, you have to ask for it.  They do not advertise it, so you don’t always know who has one and who doesn’t.  I guess they figure that even if you know about it this time, if they don't advertise it, you will forget by the next time you go there.  We are not talking huge sums of money here, but a discount is a discount.   

OMG!  I am starting to sound like an old person.

I will write again next week … if I remember.

I hope this finds all of you well on this Sunday, October 14.  There are only 72 days until Christmas.    Today is the birthday of Arthur Miller, Rita Hayworth and Dave Cutler.  On this day, in 1781, Cornwallis was defeated at Yorktown (USA! USA!) and RCA was created in 1919.  In 1961, the New York Museum of Modern Art hung Henri Matisse’s “Le Bateau” upside down.  OMG!  But it gets better – it wasn’t corrected until December 3^rd!  Today is also Alaska Day (if I have to tell you where, you have issues that require more help than I can give) and Mothers Day in Malawi.

I just want to take a moment to clear the air regarding the posting of this blog.  When I post it, it is in fact Sunday, here where I am.  But it is apparently still Saturday where Blogspot is.  So don’t be misled by the line telling you it was posted on Saturday because it was done on Sunday.  I hope that makes it clearer.

I need to vent a little.  Am I the only one who watches Iron Chef America and does not believe that the participants have no prior knowledge of the “secret” ingredient?  Let’s look at it.  First a challenger comes in and supposedly selects his competitor, except that the Iron Chef chosen is the only one there.  You don’t see the other ones walking off looking disappointed that they weren’t chosen or angry because they showed up for no reason.

Next we have the revelation of the “secret” ingredient.  The two chefs grab what they need and get to work.  Suddenly, they have created 5 or 6 dishes in the few minutes it took to grab the ingredient and get back to their area.  The sous chefs have already started cutting, sautéing, chopping, wrapping, etc. before the chef has even brought the ingredient back to his area.  How did they know what to start before their leader even told them?  How do the chefs come up with all these dishes so quickly?  I have stared at a piece of chicken for 10 minutes trying to decide how to cook it for one dish and they have created all these spectacular recipes in no time.

Now the event is under way.  Alton Brown is nattering away with the play by play (again am I the only one who would rather turn the sound off and play music?).  And let’s be realistic – how lucky are they that the pantry just happens to have the numerous unusual ingredients that were needed for the dishes they are creating.  Things like grated yak hoof and sliced duck tongue.  Not to mention the unusual plates they sometimes use for the special presentations.  Frankly, the whole thing is a little too farfetched to be believed.   And I don’t.  But you guessed that, didn’t you?

I appreciate the opportunity to sound off like this.  I do it when the show comes on, repeatedly, and I get “the look” from the lovely Elaine.  She was tolerant the first time, but has become much less so after about 15 times.

The secret ingredient is iguana, so grab your lizard and get cooking. 

 
Happy Mothers Day to all our Malawian friends. 

Good day!  It is Sunday, October 7 and there are only 79 days until Christmas.  Have you finished shopping yet?  Today is the birthday of Caesar Rodney, John Cougar Mellencamp and Yo-Yo Ma.  In 1780, on this day, the British were defeated by the American militia near Kings Mountain, SC, “American Bandstand” premiered in 1957 and, in 1985, Lynette Woodward was chosen as the first woman on the Harlem Globetrotters.  Today is Grandparents Day in Massachusetts.  Tomorrow is Missouri Day (guess where) and Child Health Day, Universal Children’s Day.

Grandparents Day, Juneteenth Day and Admission Day are just some of the holidays that are celebrated in the different states throughout the year.  It is interesting to note that not all holidays fall on a specific date.  Some states celebrate their own Arbor Day in various months.  Some holidays are based on a time of month like the third Thursday or the second Sunday or the fourth Friday.  I have always wondered about that.  If you are celebrating a particular historic moment, why not use the actual date?  Generally, the event happened on March 10, not on the second Monday in March.  History books do not say that Washington crossed the Delaware on the fourth Tuesday of December.  It was done on the night of December 25-26.

I understand the national holidays.  They are not celebrated on the actual day because then we would not be able to have three day weekends.  Let’s face it – it is not important to remember George Washington or Abraham Lincoln, because their birthdays do not always fall on a Friday or Monday.  It is easier to just have President’s Day on a Monday and have the day off.  Interesting to note that, except for government offices, most businesses don’t take that day off.  I think each state should have its own holiday, preferably in August, because there are no holidays in that month.  We could have “Hey!  It’s New Jersey Day.”  The slogan could be “We’re off and we’re down the shore.  Don’t bother us.”

Why don’t we go completely crazy and move other holidays.  How about, instead of the 4^th of July, we have Independence Day on the first Monday in July?  We could move Christmas to the last Monday in December and call it the Holiday Celebration (especially since saying Merry Christmas has become offensive).  New Year’s Day presents a problem, but I am sure we can figure something out.  Maybe we could move it to the first Monday in January and call it New Beginning Day (please note the sarcastic tone in this paragraph)!

Speaking of holidays, on October 8 we celebrate a real man’s holiday.  We celebrate Columbus Day!  This is a day celebrating a man who sailed off and did not land in the place where he was originally going and then came back without the stuff he went out for.  How many husbands does that sound like?  If you were to ask my wife, she would tell you that Queen Isabella should have given him a list and made sure he had some idea of where he was headed before he left.  What makes it even better is that he went to the wrong place a second time.  But this time when he returned without the goods, he was thrown in prison.  How many wives agree with that?

So men, there is hope.  Some day, a couple hundred years from now, there may be a holiday named for you because you went out to the grocery store for milk and eggs, but ended up at Home Depot and came back with a cordless drill, two boxes of screws and electrical tape.  It could be on the second Monday in August.  Or not.